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And suddenly, Sigma woke up. They weren't in their room, but beside a jester in silver who was staring at them with doe-like eyes. "Ah..?" How did they get there, one may ask? They knocked out the moment Nikolai allowed them on his bed. A flush quickly met their face, then said face met the pillow. Not out of attraction, but rather pure embarrassment.
"Uhh, Sigma—?"
"AGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"??" Nikolai flinched back in both shock and deep concern. The other remained limp in the bed soon after such a mortified scream, feeling a finger prod at their head. "... You're still alive, right?"
The manager groaned, tilting their head to face him again. "Unfortunately." They would stare at the headboard, chin resting on the pillow that was still warmed by their breath after the intense scream. "God, I'm so sorry. We had that whole... thing with admitting our feelings and I just clocked out before we did anything. Great heavens, that must've been so awkward for you..."
"Um, it's fine..! I'm sure emotionally venting after nearly pulling an all-nighter is draining."
"That's a... surprisingly tame response for last night." They perked up. "Did you wring anything else out of half-asleep me?!"
A shocked smile would come from Nikolai's lips at the assumption before immediately dissolving into giggles. "Y-your face when you say that is so serious! No? Why would you think such a foolish thing?"
"Uhhh, no reason. I suppose it really is a foolish thought," Sigma shrunk back while playing with their hair. Though, they knew they had, in fact, once been robbed of their knowledge from such methods before.
It must be really easy. The scientists ask for experiments to use their abilities out of the blue all the time. Convincing someone to use their ability at their most oblivious state must seem so simple.
And they didn't even recall who it was in the end. They just got punished for it.
But of course, Nikolai could never do something so cruel, could he? "Of course..."
Nikolai would be tying his braid, knotting up his long hair with his back facing Sigma as he spoke his next words. "Speaking of last night."
"Don't remund me."
He'd chuckle once more. "Well, I was thinking we could pick up where we left off? You know, talk now that we've finally unpackaged the more difficult parts to express..."
"Oh, yeah, okay..." they paused. "And the whole 'being affectionate only tonight' thing?"
"If you're up for it..?" he finished with a pink scrunchie where the last knot and the tips of his hair met. Such a pristine braid that started to become undone after Nikolai was hugged from behind. His head turned and with it a kiss met the jester's cheek. It followed downwards, to his jaw, then the side of his neck, until it ended on the part just before his shoulder, where his sleeve blocked its path. "Pfft— Sigma! That tickles..!"
The experiment in question rested their forehead on that shoulder before being nudged aside. At first, confusion met their expression. Did they push too far? Was what they'd done beyond the consent offered to them? Had their lack of humanity made them unable to even comprehend proper boundaries? And then, two pale hands took their face and similarly colored lips molded against their own.
For the first time, they didn't question an action or approach. They simply couldn't with how persistently Nikolai leaned into the expressed affection. As though that's all his heart had ever searched for. As though he'd simply be content if Sigma gave him this and nothing more.
Warmth vanished from their mouth as the jester entertained and teased them. "I never knew the oh-so-serious manager could be so playful wirh romance? Did I really have to make the move of an actual kiss?"
"Well, I didn't really know if I'd be good at it." Heterochromic eyes blinked with an amused smile. "The initiation. Felt like I was going to throw off the mood. This is my first kiss, after all."
"Princess, it's mine too. I'm sure you would've been just as sloppy," he grinned. "It didn't ruin anything, see? We're both still very much in love with each other."
A small laugh escaped Sigma's doubt. "I guess that's true." With those words, hands drifted from their cheeks and instead brought their hands up around Nikolai's neck.
"Go ahead now, you try."
"What—?"
"You heard me. Let this one thing free yourself from doubt." Even now, in such a suffocating romance, Nikolai cherished and cared for their freedom of choice.
And so, Sigma's slowly lowered the theatric jester down deeper into a loving embrace by mouth. It wasn't at all smooth. Their noses bumped together until Sigma learned to crane their head to the side, and finding their way to a comfortable angle took a few restarts, but to initiate it truly was as freeing as it was made out to be.
Love had always been a concept out of their reach. Experiments never loved each other. They may have tolerated, or lended a hand, but such kindness could never be described to the intensity of love. Not even by Kouyou, who often stopped herself from getting too involved so she wouldn't feel such intense grief for every loss in the newcomers she raised. Scientists never cared for their test subjects. They were all simply tools at their disposal. One like Sigma, could analyze what they were facing. Another may rip the item to shreds or perhaps turn it into something else all together. The Decay of Angels never loved the prisoners. They planned meticulously to save those who were valuable and quelled any unnecessary chaos no matter whose blood had to be spilled.
No. Love was different than all those things. Love made you abandon what you know just to gain a bit more of its sensation. Love slowly unravels you until you admit to the things you had kept buried for the longest time. Love is not as gentle as made out to be in the ideas Sigma's collected overtime of it. It threatens to shatter any semblance of the person you were before it.
That's what they realized the moment Rimbaud and Verlaine showed them what love truly is. The thing they could've never imagined they would ever grasp.
And now they were here. They'd never imagined who initiated affection would wreck their mental and emotional state so badly, but delivering that passionate feeling yourself, by your own will, was perhaps the most liberating feeling of all.
It ensured in both of them that they both wanted this.
"... Fyodor's gonna want us in the main room in half an hour," Nikolai whined with a dramatic sigh when his eyes diverted to the digital clock, deflating from on top of the other figure.
"Don't remind me."
A snort came from him in response. "You said that about last night too, you know. It's like you fear the past and future all at once. Heck, you even feared this present moment, so nervous earlier about messing things up as they are now."
"Hmn... Sorry I can't help being insecure of existing in the first place." Curious eyes asked for more context on their part. A look that they relented too despite knowing Nikolai wouldn't have pushed if they didn't. That stare was all too familiar. "The way I was born, fusing two sets of extracted DNA with some code to create something like me. It feels like my own existence was something that should've never happened. If there is a god out there, they must despise a creation like me who can't be associated as something under their birth."
"Sure you can," the response came immediately. "I mean, that means your 'parents', even if they never knew each other and created you the same way as 'normal parents' are supposed to, were human. Humans reproduce more humans, that's just basic science. So, yeah, you are still something that holds god's blood and flesh as any other does."
The other remained silent. As much as they wanted to hold onto that and trust it, they weren't able to believe in their humanity. Sure, maybe the DNA held true to its roots, but they never confirmed their 'parents' were fully taken in humans. What if they were like them, born of such an unnatural scenario. How many times does that root have to be tampered with before it loses its authenticity. So, with all that said and done, they still couldn't completely say they were human.
"Well, as whatever you see yourself being right now, shouldn't you let yourself relax and just indulge in this meaningless nonsense called love for just a moment longer..? It won't affect your future, so don't worry about the future for now. You'll never let yourself rest otherwise, will you?"
They shook their head. "No, I wouldn't be able to."
"So?"
They'd laugh once more, seeing a hint of light buried deep in their worries. "Alright, I'll let you entertain me for a bit longer, jester."