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Summary
I will never know exactly how or when my infatuation with Jared started. My feelings kind of charged at me out of nowhere. I told myself I was resistant; at first, I stayed as far away from him as I could. I had a boyfriend, so I couldn't possibly have feelings for someone else. I no more praised myself for what I got into than I did complain, which is what eventually killed me the most.
My lack of guilt didn't make me feel bad, it made me feel powerful. But who was I to be this new, dominant woman, keeping secrets from my friends, family… everyone? I was ashamed of what I would be called if they knew: the whore, the tramp, the un-grateful bitch.
But then again, maybe that was me.