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Several months after Captain Narumi Gen had bravely endured and recovered from the World's Worst Cold, a lame old park in suburban Tokyo had been transformed into a winter wonderland for Japan Anti-Kaiju Defence Force's annual Christmas Family Week. Fake snow drifted from overhead machines, trees glittered with lights and Christmas ornaments, and the scent of gingerbread and roasted chestnuts filled the air. Children ran everywhere, laughing and chasing each other with plastic swords.
And in the middle of it all, perched on a grand golden throne that definitely did not meet safety regulations, was Santa Claus himself. Or rather, Captain Narumi himself, crammed into a bright red Santa suit two sizes too small for his ego. The white beard hung slightly crooked, his signature white bangs poked out wildly from under the fluffy red hat, and the coat strained across his chest like it was one dramatic pose away from surrendering. A sack of plushies and candy sat beside him, labeled "For Worthy Brats Only."
"Ho ho ho!" Narumi boomed, though it came out more smug than jolly. "Come forth, tiny elves and future soldiers! Test your luck against Santa Narumi! Rock, paper, scissors - the ultimate Christmas trial! But be warned, it is not easy to beat the World's Strongest Santa"
A circle of children had already formed, eyes wide with excitement. Hoshina Soshiro leaned against a nearby candy-cane-striped pillar, dressed as an elf in a crisp green tunic, pointed hat with a jingling bell, and red leggings that he was clearly pretending didn't exist. The swords at his hip ruined the aesthetic slightly, but no one dared comment. He sipped hot cocoa, watching the chaos unfold with growing amusement.
Narumi gestured grandly at the first challenger - a girl in a puffy jacket. "Begin, little girl! But know this: I, Santa Narumi, see all."
"Rock, paper, scissors... SHOOT!"
Narumi's hand flashed paper. The girl's rock crumbled in defeat.
"Hah!" Narumi scoffed, stroking his fake beard. "Better luck next year, child! Santa's intuition is never wrong. Next!"
The girl stomped her foot and left.
Hoshina's eyebrow twitched. That glassy, distant look in Narumi's eyes was unmistakable. The captain was absolutely using his foresight for a children's game. Again.
The next several rounds went exactly the same way. Scissors cut paper. Paper covered rock. Rock smashed scissors. Each time with pinpoint, supernatural precision. The pile of defeated children grew. Grumbles turned into rebellion. Word had spread fast: Santa was undefeated and kind of a jerk about it.
"He's using powers!"
"Santa's not supposed to cheat!"
One boy with spiky hair pointed accusingly. "You stared into the future! I saw your eyes go all weird!"
Narumi clutched his chest in mock horror, the bell on his Santa hat jingling wildly. "Such slander on this holy night! I am the pinnacle of Christmas spirit! Accept your losses with grace, or no presents for any of you!"
The children booed in unison. A small chorus of "Narumi the Cheat" broke out.
Hoshina finally pushed off the pillar, bell on his hat tinkling with every step. He looked ridiculous and somehow still intimidating. "Havin' fun, Santa?"
"Immensely, Elf," Narumi replied without breaking eye contact with his latest victim. "These brats are receiving the greatest gift of all: humility in the face of overwhelming superiority. Rock, paper, scissors -- SHOOT!"
Another flawless win. The kid looked ready to cry.
Hoshina sighed, a long-suffering sound. In one smooth motion, he stepped behind Narumi's throne, grabbed its arms, and spun it and the Captain sitting in it 180 degrees. Now Santa faced the elf -- and had his back completely to the circle of waiting children.
"Now play," Hoshina said, voice calm, eyes sparkling with mischief.
Narumi's eyebrows shot straight past his hat. "Hoshina, you traitor--!"
A brave six-year-old behind him yelled immediately, "Rock, paper, scissors... SHOOT!"
Narumi, startled and unable to see the child, threw rock on pure instinct. The kid slapped down paper with the confidence of someone who had just toppled a legend.
Paper covered rock. Dead silence for half a second. Then the circle of children erupted in pure pandemonium. The children jumped, cheered, and pointed like they'd just witnessed the fall of a kaiju. One girl started a victory dance. Another boy ran in circles screaming "I knew it!" even though he hadn't been the winner.
Narumi froze, staring at his own fist in absolute betrayal. Then he screeched -- a loud, piercing, utterly undignified sound that made the fake snow machines stutter.
"WHAT IS THIS TREACHERY?! I DEMAND A RECOUNT! A REMATCH! HOSHINA, YOU MENACE, I'LL HAVE YOUR HAT FOR THIS!"
He tried to spin back around, but Hoshina's hands stayed firmly on his shoulders, keeping him facing forward.
"Rules are rules, Santa," Hoshina said, barely containing his grin. "No cheatin'. Pure Christmas spirit."
"I was robbed! My vision was obstructed by your meddling elven ways! This is worse than Kaiju No. 9! This is an act of war against the holiday season itself!"
The winning boy puffed out his chest. "You owe me a big present, Santa!"
Narumi clutched his red hat, fake beard askew. "I owe you nothing, you tiny paper-wielding gremlin! This was sabotage! Elf Hoshina turned me into a sitting duck!"
The rest of the kids started chanting. "Cheat-er San-ta! Cheat-er San-ta!"
Narumi stood up from the throne dramatically, the too-tight suit creaking. "Fine! I, the Great Santa Narumi, acknowledge this... singular, clearly anomalous loss! But know this -- it only happened because I was distracted by my Elf! In a fair fight, I am invincible!"
He struck a pose, one hand on his hip, the other pointing skyward. The effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that his Santa coat rode up, showing part of his Defense Force uniform underneath.
Hoshina crossed his arms, looking every bit the smug Christmas Elf. "Do the forfeit, Santa."
"What forfeit? There was no such thing agreed upon!"
The children immediately invented one. "Chicken dance! Chicken dance!"
"No! Absolutely not! Santa does not cluck!"
"Chicken dance or no photos with Santa! We will take photos with the Elf!" a particularly devious girl shouted.
Narumi looked to Hoshina for backup. The vice-captain just smiled. "Ya heard the kids. It's Christmas."
With another betrayed look at Hoshina, Narumi Gen -- captain, ace, self-proclaimed greatest asset -- performed the chicken dance in full Santa regalia. Arms flapping, knees bending, fake beard flapping wildly. The hangar filled with laughter so loud it drowned out the Christmas carols playing over the speakers.
"You're doin' great," Hoshina called, filming shamelessly on his phone.
After three full minutes of clucking torment, Narumi collapsed back onto the throne, panting, the suit threatening to split at the seams. A small girl approached cautiously and offered him a candy cane.
"You're funny when you lose, Santa."
Narumi took the candy cane. "Tomorrow, we run it back. No elves allowed within fifty meters," he called to Hoshina.
The kids cheered again. "Rematch! Rematch!"
Hoshina patted Narumi's shoulder. "I'll be there. Someone has to make sure Santa plays fair."
They bickered all the way to the hot chocolate stand, Narumi still in full Santa gear, Hoshina beside him. A trail of delighted children followed, fully converted into fans of the duo.
The rest of the evening dissolved into more absurdity. Narumi insisted on handing out presents personally, but only after "earning" them through more rock-paper-scissors matches - now strictly monitored by Elf Hoshina. He lost three more times, each defeat louder and more theatrical than the last.
One particularly devastating loss had him draped dramatically over the throne like a fallen king.
"Struck down in my prime... on Christmas... Hoshina, tell my fans I died valiantly..."
"You're bein' a baby," Hoshina said, handing him another mug of cocoa.
"I am a proud Santa! Babies don't have foresight!"
As night deepened, Narumi gathered the children around his throne for a dramatic retelling.
"And then the Evil Elf Hoshina spun me around -- like this!" He demonstrated with wild arm movements. "My powers were sealed! The forces of Christmas conspired against me! But even in defeat, I remain the greatest! Who wants to hear how I single-handedly defeated a kaiju while eating ramen last month?"
The kids screamed approval.
Hoshina watched from the sidelines, arms crossed, green elf hat slightly crooked. Every so often Narumi would shoot him a betrayed glare, only for Hoshina to respond with a tiny wave and jingle.
Later, when most families had left and only a few stragglers remained, Narumi slouched on the throne, Santa hat over his eyes.
"My win streak... 52-0... obliterated. All because of you."
Hoshina sat on the arm of the throne, surprisingly graceful despite the elf costume. "You'll live. The kids loved it."
"They loved watching me lose!"
"Exactly." Hoshina’s voice softened just a fraction. "Sometimes it's good for the 'greatest asset' to remember he's human. Or at least human-adjacent."
Narumi peeked out from under the hat. "I hate you."
"Ya love the attention."
Narumi shot him a half-hearted glare. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, the park quiet except for distant carols and the soft crunch of fake snow under boots.
Then Narumi shot upright. "Rematch. Right now. You and me. Santa versus Elf. Rock, paper, scissors. No foresight, no swords, pure skill."
Hoshina smirked. "You'll lose."
"Never!"
They faced each other. The few remaining children gathered excitedly.
"Rock... paper... scissors... SHOOT!"
Narumi threw scissors.
Hoshina threw rock.
The children cheered wildly as Narumi roared again, throwing his Santa hat to the ground.
"IMPOSSIBLE! YOU TELEGRAPHED NOTHING! HOW?!"
Hoshina adjusted his elf hat with a smug grin. "Years of dealin' with your nonsense, Captain. I've learned not to broadcast my moves."
Narumi flopped back dramatically. "Christmas is cancelled. I'm retiring to my gaming setup. Tell the kids Santa died of elf betrayal."
Hoshina laughed, bright and genuine, and ruffled the captain's messy hair. "Come on, Santa. There's still leftover gingerbread and one more present I saved for ya."
Narumi perked up instantly. "A new game?"
"Better. Limited edition controller. But only if you admit ya had fun today."
"Never."
"Then no controller."
"...Fine. Today was marginally acceptable despite your sabotage. Happy now, Evil Elf?"
"Ecstatic."
As they walked toward the staff corner together -- Santa suit rumpled, elf hat jingling -- the children waved goodbye, already planning tomorrow's tournament.
"Next year," Narumi muttered, "I'm dressing you as the reindeer."
Hoshina just smiled in response.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The day was finally over. Plastic stools were scattered like fallen soldiers. Discarded candy wrappers and half-deflated kaiju balloons completed the festive apocalypse. Narumi yawned hugely, stretching both arms high above his head. The red coat rode up dramatically, exposing the waistband of his uniform pants. His hair was even messier than usual after hours under the Santa hat. The fake beard had been ditched long ago. Fake snow lay scattered across the ground, and now real snow was starting to drift from the skies.
"Oi! Rookies!" Narumi called out, spotting the cluster of exhausted first-years lingering near the refreshment tables. "Cleanup duty. All of it. Throne back to my quarters. Sack too. Sweep every speck of glitter. I want this place looking brand new by oh-six-hundred. Santa's orders. Don't slack off."
The rookies muttered bitterly as they grabbed brooms and trash bags.
"Fucking diva..."
"Cheated all day and now we're his maids..."
"Lazy bum.”
They kept their voices low enough that the words blurred into indistinct grumbling. Narumi, already strolling toward the exit with lazy confidence, didn't catch any of it. He stretched again, rolling his shoulders and cracking his neck loudly as he walked. Hoshina remained near the rock-paper-scissors circle, green elf tunic slightly rumpled, pointed hat sitting crooked on his head. His arms were loosely crossed, swords still at his hip. He watched Narumi's retreating back - the broad shoulders straining the red fabric, the confident swagger, the way the captain ran a hand through his messy white hair while yawning again.
A quiet, private smirk tugged at Hoshina's lips. It was impossible for him to deny it after today. He'd enjoyed it all the chaos too much, and his resistance was tapering.
Without thinking, he jogged lightly until he caught up to Narumi. Narumi glanced back at him, and kept walking ahead. Then, Hoshina started humming.
Soft at first, warm and smooth, the unmistakable melody of Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas Is You filled the quiet space between them, over the Christmas carols still audible from a distance.
Mmm~ I don't want a lot for Christmas... there is just one thing I need...
Hoshina kept staring at Narumi's back, humming a little louder as the captain moved further away.
I don't care about the presents... underneath the Christmas tree...
Narumi paused mid-stride, one arm still raised in a stretch. He tilted his head, listening. Then he turned halfway, raising an eyebrow.
"Hah? What's that stupid jingle?" Narumi asked, scratching his ear. "Sounds like the opening theme from that one trashy rom-com anime I dropped after three episodes. You humming anime songs now, Elf? Pathetic."
Hoshina didn't stop humming. His gaze stayed locked on Narumi, steady and amused, the smirk deepening just a fraction. The melody continued, rich and teasing even in humming form.
Mmm~ I just want ya for my own... more than ya could ever know...
Narumi snorted, completely missing the undertone. "Whatever. Keep your weird brainworms to yourself. I'm heading back for a shower and ranked matches. Don't stay up too late practicing your idol debut, bowl-cut."
Later, in the nearly empty parking lot, snow drifting lazily around them, Hoshina slid into the passenger seat without being invited. He clicked the seatbelt and continued, voice low and warm now instead of just teasing:
Make my wish come true... all I want for Christmas... is you...
Narumi snorted, turning the key. "You really need better taste, bowl-cut."
Hoshina leaned back, gazing at Narumi's profile lit by the dashboard lights.
"Yeah," he said softly, almost to himself. "But what can I do about it now?"