Chapter Text
The first criminal Naruto accidentally rehabilitated was a missing-nin who tried to rob him.
Nobody thought much of it at the time.
The man had cornered Naruto in an alley during a mission stop.
Three hours later, he was crying into a bowl of ramen while discussing his childhood dreams.
Naruto had paid for dinner.
The man had turned himself in the next morning.
It should have ended there.
Instead, it became a pattern.
A deeply concerning pattern.
⸻
“Absolutely not.”
Tsunade slammed a stack of paperwork onto her desk.
The pile was thick enough to qualify as a blunt weapon.
Across from her, Kakashi stared at the reports.
Then at the reports.
Then at the reports again.
“…I don’t actually know what I’m looking at.”
“Neither do I.”
“That seems bad.”
“It is bad.”
Kakashi picked up the first file.
The criminal in the photo was a former A-rank missing-nin.
Wanted in four countries.
Suspected of thirty-seven murders.
Currently employed as a baker.
There was even a picture attached.
The man looked happy.
Offensively happy.
The sort of happy that made people question their life choices.
“What happened to him?”
Tsunade rubbed her temples.
“He met Naruto.”
Kakashi immediately put the file down.
“Of course he did.”
⸻
The second file was worse.
Former assassin.
Now operated an orphanage.
The third file belonged to a smuggler.
Current occupation: elementary school teacher.
The fourth had apparently opened a flower shop.
The fifth owned a cat rescue.
The sixth had become a therapist.
Kakashi stopped reading.
“I don’t want to know.”
“Neither do I.”
“The therapist concerns me the most.”
“The therapist concerns everyone.”
⸻
A knock interrupted them.
“Enter.”
The door opened.
Naruto walked in carrying lunch.
Sasuke followed behind him.
As usual.
Nobody remembered when that had started.
At some point Sasuke had simply become Naruto’s permanent shadow.
Not that anyone was brave enough to comment.
Naruto smiled.
“Hey, Granny Tsunade!”
Tsunade looked at the pile of paperwork.
Then at Naruto.
Then back at the paperwork.
Naruto immediately grew suspicious.
“…why are you looking at me like that?”
“Sit down.”
“That’s never a good sign.”
“Sit.”
Naruto sat.
Sasuke sat beside him.
Close enough that nobody missed the implication.
Not that anyone was surprised.
⸻
Tsunade pushed the files forward.
Naruto blinked.
“What are these?”
“That’s what I’d like to know.”
Naruto opened the first folder.
“Oh.”
Another folder.
“Oh!”
Another.
“Oh, I remember him.”
Tsunade felt a migraine forming.
“You remember him?”
“Yeah.”
Naruto pointed at the photograph.
“He wanted to rob me.”
“And?”
“We got ramen.”
Silence.
Naruto frowned.
“What?”
⸻
The room somehow became quieter.
Kakashi had the expression of a man watching a natural disaster approach.
Slowly.
Inevitably.
Hopelessly.
Tsunade inhaled.
“Naruto.”
“Yeah?”
“Did you know he surrendered the next day?”
“Oh.”
Naruto looked pleased.
“Good for him.”
“Good for him?”
“He seemed stressed.”
⸻
Sasuke made a suspicious choking noise.
Naruto turned.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You laughed.”
“I didn’t.”
“You absolutely laughed.”
“I breathed.”
⸻
Tsunade ignored them.
Barely.
“What about this one?”
Naruto glanced at the orphanage owner.
Recognition lit his face.
“Oh! He sends me postcards.”
Kakashi dropped his book.
“He WHAT?”
Naruto dug through his jacket.
To everyone’s horror, he actually produced a postcard.
“There.”
The postcard featured smiling children.
At the bottom was written:
Thank you for convincing me life was worth living.
The kids say hi.
Tsunade closed her eyes.
⸻
Somewhere in the distance, a criminal organization was probably collapsing.
Again.
And somehow, Naruto remained completely unaware that he was responsible.
Or perhaps that was the truly terrifying part.
Because Sasuke inspired fear.
Naruto inspired personal growth.
The shinobi world had discovered that only one of those things was permanent.