Archive of Our Own

“Okay, Pond, what’s going on?”

“Huh?” Pond looked up from his plate of food, dropping the fork he had just been absentmindedly stabbing his lunch with.

“You’re fiddly, dude,” another friend chimed in, raising her eyebrow.

“Yea– and all smiley, what’s up?”

Now, the whole group was looking at him curiously, elevating Pond’s nervosity by another level. He couldn’t believe they caught him that fast, was convinced he could hide the butterflies in his stomach from his friends for a little longer than just four minutes.

“Nothing, nothing–” Pond tried to brush it off, but the obvious heat in his ears and the smile he couldn’t hold back snitched on him right away. He sighed. “Okay, maybe I’ve met… someone–”

By now at the latest, having lunch was secondary, seven pairs of eyes staring at him in anticipation – Pond couldn’t shy away even if he tried. Suddenly, everybody had questions. And Pond was obligated to answer all of them.

“She’s—” Just thinking about her made his cheeks flush even more, slightly lowering his head to hide the redness from his friends. “She’s incredibly funny and kind– super talented as well!”

“At what?”

“At—” Pond interrupted himself, contemplating what to say without lying to his friends. “At tailoring…!” Technically also the truth.

Despite all of them being Fashion majors, Pond had never told them he was into cosplaying – not only consuming other’s art but also turning himself into a variety of characters. For some reason he just never felt comfortable enough to open up, fearing they would look down or laugh at him for dressing up as a grown ass adult.

It had started out as just a simple hobby, then turned into him getting more and more interested in crafting and sewing himself to the point of choosing his studies based on his secret. His career as the faceless and mysterious cosplayer had already been going well, increasingly more people started following his social media, becoming fans of his works. But only recently he had hit his peak and it was all due to a silly coincidence – of course the internet had spun a whole conspiracy theory around it and eaten their own made up narration up until no crumbs were left.

“And is she– hot?”

Pond chuckled, turned away from the friend who asked, getting shy about the unfiltered question.

“Oh my goodness, she is so hot, look at his ears!”

Pond wouldn’t word it like they did. But he would have lied if he claimed he hadn’t stared at her newest post for a minute or two too long.

They had known each other for quite some time now – back then Pond couldn’t believe it when a super popular cosplayer suddenly followed his much smaller account, even started commenting adorable things on his photos. It had taken Pond way too much courage to finally contact her privately, but when he did, a wonderful friendship sparked between two strangers that had never even seen each other’s faces. Pond’s was always hidden behind some sort of mask while she skillfully played with angles and lighting to keep hers a mystery. Just her sharp jawline or – in total contrast to that – her soft lips sometimes peaked through, made people crazy for more.

Not Pond, though.

Not at first.

Because somewhere along the way, Pond realized he may or may not have already fallen for his online friend longer than he would want to admit. The reason why he kept checking his phone so often, the reason why he stupidly smiled at his texting app, the reason why he woke up feeling energized and happy. All while he had never even heard her voice yet, let alone know her name. Cosphu was displayed on top of his screen every time he messaged her. But her personality, her love for the craft – and the pure skill behind her works had drawn him in so much, the moment she uploaded her Power Rangers cosplay Pond had finally been pushed over the edge. A detailed, skin tight bodysuit tailored to perfection – but of course she had to add her own little fun twist to it, a poofy skirt hanging from her waist, layers of ruffles sewn into the costume to elevate it to another level, standing out from any other cosplayer straight away.

Pond had always loved the way Cosphu had incorporated dress and skirt elements into her costumes despite the original characters not always displaying those – but for the first time, Pond also noticed how incredibly good she looked in those. How the shapes perfectly hugged her sporty figure. How they made her even prettier than usual. And how her waist seemed impossibly slimmer than it already was.

But what really stole his breath away was the little coincidence that made their mutual fans go crazy.

About a week ago Pond had innocently uploaded his newest work – may or may not have been inspired by the yellow Power Ranger in his contacts – Pond in a tight, full body Spiderman suit. No skirt, but instead a completely functioning costume, with shoes attached to the feet, a slightly sticky texture sewn into his fingertips, thick but stretchy fabric around his limbs and a mask that let him see through a fine layer of mesh.

With his limited resources – he didn’t have fancy equipment or an entire photo studio like Cosphu – he tried to recreate the most iconic poses with his phone duck taped to the wall and a flashlight illuminating his bedroom.

Pond had always thought Spiderman was his favourite superhero. Had been loving him ever since he was a little child, always pretending to be him – hence why posing for his social media as him kind of felt natural to Pond.

But merely seven minutes later his brain was completely rewired as Sailor Venus popped into his feed.

The orange collar framing her beautiful neck, the sleeves toning her broader shoulders, the way the white corset hugged her waist and the skirt – shorter than usual – revealing long and slender legs so breathtaking, Pond couldn’t help but stare. From different angles, Pond was able to make out defined muscles straining against the fabric, the lack of natural curves hidden behind a poofy bow and a perfectly sewn skirt, so flowy and simple it didn’t quite match her usual style – fancy ruffles, bouncy, more layers. Different, but stunning nonetheless. And Pond would have lied if he said those photos didn’t make him rethink his choice for his favourite superhero.

The way her body moved in those pictures, it was the very first time Pond didn’t pay as much attention to the fine details, the embroidery that took a whole lot of skill to be stitched so perfectly onto such slippery and thin fabric – but rather on the person underneath the costume, wondering about the face behind the magic wand neatly angled in a way it hid her identity completely. Only the last slide allowed her cheeky smirk to peak out – and that completely brought Pond to his knees.

Yea, there was no way he could possibly deny his undying crush anymore. On a person he had never even properly met, didn't even know what she looked like or how she was like in person. All he knew was her mesmerizing intelligence, her undisputed kindness whenever he asked her for tips and help for his own projects, her fun teasing here and there – and her stunning looks elevated by every single costume she wore.

And their fans’ delusional comments on their posts didn’t help him either. The second the first person pointed out how two of the most beloved creators in the scene were posting their superhero cosplays just minutes from one another, the mutual following, the supporting comments under each other's photos – fans started fantasizing about them secretly being together, spreading the rumor and flooding the internet with begs for a collaboration. Spiderman x Sailor Venus trending on multiple platforms – and their follower count steadily rising to this day. Their accidental promotional stunt had raised both their popularities by miles.

Cosphu and Pond had been laughing about it through text, had joked around and even felt pity for those who thought that the whole situation could be more than just a coincidence.

But deep down, Pond wished for the collaboration, too, yearning for the proximity he never got to know and finally meeting the person who had managed to enchant him through a screen. Not even to make a move or anything, no, just feeling her presence would have been enough for him – their friendship way too important for Pond to risk it all for the slight chance Sailor Venus could like Spiderman back. Was totally content with staying a secret admirer forever. Was that pathetic? Maybe. But—

“So what’s your next step, tiger?”

His friend's tease shook him out of his trance, bringing him back to his faculty's cafeteria where his lunch was getting cold in front of him while he was busy daydreaming about Cosphu.

“I uhh–” he started before instantly being interrupted.

“Here we go again.”

“The uni's heart-throb has no courage whatsoever.”

Pond's lips turned into a pout. “I've told you, I'm not a heart-throb, I just–”

“Okay, handsome, then explain why everybody on campus is staring at you.”

Pond had never even noticed. How could he possibly when his eyes were constantly glued to his screen?

“Not true, what about yous?” Pond tried to avert her fact-drop, distract from how flustered he got just hearing that, didn't want to believe it was actually true, lowering his gaze – just in case. He didn’t want anybody to look at him that way – only Cosphu. But she couldn’t look at him at all.

“True, we would do anything to avoid having to see that face.”

“Yea, sadly, you're our friend,” she let out a dramatic sigh before throwing her arm around his shoulder. “And now tell us, Naravit, what's your next move?”

“Don’t tell us you really don’t plan to do anything!”

“I thought maybe– I'll ask her to… hang…?”

He didn’t quite know how to admit that he had never even seen Cosphu in person before – and his desperate way to hide it didn’t work as well as he had hoped. But it was true. The reason for his nervous fidgeting and the butterflies in his stomach was him actually planning to ask her for a meet up. A comic convention in Bangkok was nearing and he happened to receive a short notice request to attend as cospp.layer – yes, the username wasn’t very creative, but he had chosen it back when he hadn’t planned to go viral like that.

He would have instantly accepted the deal – not for the money he was offered, but for the chance to see Cosphu there as well. Surely, she had also received an invitation, right? She was one of Thailand's most popular cosplayers after all while he himself was just the lucky rookie!

But how should he even ask her? Should he just blatantly throw it into the chat? Or should he carefully try and get more info first – maybe she wasn’t even invited, maybe she couldn’t attend due to living too far away or not having the time to go? And maybe she had no interest in seeing him?

Would he impose on her too much if he asked for a meet up? Would he scare her? He was a stranger afterall, a man on top of that. And he definitely didn’t want her to feel pressured in any way, would completely understand a rejection despite having been friends with her for quite some time now.

“Really, Pond?”

His whole friend group collectively groaned, throwing their hands into their faces or giving him the biggest side eye possible.

“Listen— it's more complicated than you think–!” Pond tried to defend himself, but was only met with more sighs.

“You’re a lost cause.”

Damn.

Maybe his friends were right, maybe he needed some advice. And it probably helped a lot that almost his entire friend group at uni consisted of purely women, surely they could help him properly ask Cosphu to meet up without scaring her.

But—

“Where did Phuwin go?” Pond asked as he noticed the only other guy at the table missing, slightly worried.

Phuwin was on the shyer side, yes, but usually he wasn’t as quiet as he was today, would have definitely joined in on teasing Pond the second he got the chance to. But for some reason he had stayed silent the entire time. So silent, no one even noticed his sudden absence up until now.

Was he not doing well? Was he sick?

Pond couldn’t lie, he definitely had a soft spot for Phuwin. Loved his humor, loved his passion for tailoring and design – and if his heart hadn’t already been occupied by Cosphu a long time ago, he probably would have fallen for Phuwin instead. His cute laughs, the way his eyes squinted when he did, his silky brown hair falling perfectly into his face, complimenting his beautiful features even more. Both pretty and handsome – exactly Pond’s type. And apparently a lot of other students’ type as well, having a bunch of admirers everywhere he went — Pond had always seen their stares on his friend. If anyone was the campus’ heart-throb it would be Phuwin, not Pond.

Pond wanted to go look for him right away, already reaching for his phone to shoot him a text, but he was immediately blocked by his other friends.

“Okay, don’t try to distract.”

“Yea, we're not done here!”

Alright. But Pond would attend to Phuwin directly after this.

It took him the entire lunch period – and even longer – before Pond stopped beating around the bush and told his friends half of the truth about Cosphu – had left out the whole cosplaying part – in order for his friends to help him handcraft the perfect message. In hindsight, he would have typed something similar on his own anyway and his nosy group just wanted some extra tea, but he was happy either way – at least they had given him reassurance.

While Spiderman nervously sent the message excitedly asking his friend if she, too, was invited to the convention, Sailor Venus on the receiving end was busy crying her eyes out, wetting her pillow with her tears, and only temporarily stopping her sobs when she heard her phone buzzing.

With a tiny spark of hope she tapped on her screen, wishing to see a notification from the person whose attention she so desperately craved for – but ultimately her prayers hadn’t been heard. Just a text message from her friend Spiderman that she would leave on delivered for now.

She wasn’t ready to talk to anyone in her current state – except for that one person in her life who just earlier had mercilessly ripped out her heart and stomped it into the ground. She wasn’t mad at him, of course not. Had kept her crush on him a secret to protect their friendship. So how would he know? How would Pond know that by talking about his newfound love, he would stab Sailor Venus’ heart a million times? Because Sailor Venus wasn’t a she at all. Sailor Venus was Phuwin who had quietly vanished from the lunch table after realising he would never have a chance with his undying crush – now glaring at the orange dress still proudly displayed on the mannequin in his room, ready to tear it apart.

Of course, Pond liked women, of course he did. They were beautiful, funny, smart – and the Fashion faculty was overflowing with them. But of course Phuwin’s heart chose the one guy in his class to helplessly beat for. The one guy that also happened to be his friend – or maybe even because he was his friend. The closeness to each other, the time they had spent together, all that made him helplessly fall in love with his charm, his kindness – and the passion he had for his craft, constantly challenging Phuwin for his number one spot as the top student in their year. The fact that Pond was additionally also unbelievably handsome and swooned over by the entire campus was just the cherry on top. His black hair framing his sharp face perfectly, a jawline some could only wish for, eyes that shimmered with passion and warmth – and the little mole underneath one of them only adding to his beauty, eagerly bobbing every time his adorable laugh escaped his full lips. Lips Phuwin would never be allowed to taste.

Frustration took over as Phuwin tore his costume from its proud display and threw it into the farthest corner of his room, the mannequin falling to the ground with a loud thud from the sudden pull.

His crossdressing cosplays were the closest he would ever get to being a woman. Because despite loving the craft, making himself look as feminine as possible, it was all just for the fun of it, taking photos for his social media before returning to being the usual shy man in class, getting flustered by his friend just sitting next to him, accidental finger brushes tinting his cheeks red as they helped each other with their school projects.

Phuwin was confident in his gender and sexuality, he really was. Had been content with being queer from a young age, had seen liking both men and women more as a pro than a con – double the choice, how cool was that?

Until he was hit with reality when his first ever boy crush happened to be his friend from class who couldn’t even spare him a second of attention while speaking about his girl crush.

And all of the sudden, Phuwin wished he could transform into Sailor Venus to fight for his love. But Sailor Venus wasn’t real – and he wasn’t a woman. And even if he was, Pond already liked someone else. Like— really liked. Phuwin could tell just by looking at him.

His absentminded smile the entire time, the way his cheeks flushed and his ears glowed after mentioning her, how softly he spoke about her,  praising her for being smart and talented and funny – it was all too much for Phuwin, he couldn’t bear the conversation any longer, tears already blurring his sight even before he managed to flee from the situation, his heart screaming in pain as he ran off campus.

He had never hoped for anything after realizing he had fallen for Pond. Had prioritized their friendship rather than risking it all for the slight chance Pond would like him back. Was okay with just being close to Pond, enjoy his presence while he could, secretly admiring him. But now knowing Pond's feelings for someone else – someone society would accept as his partner instantly – it broke something inside of Phuwin. His heart hadn’t stopped aching since, tears rolling down his face with no end in sight.

Maybe it was time to move on. To swallow his heartbreak and slowly let his feelings for Pond fade into nothingness.

And maybe some distraction would help.

Hesitantly, Phuwin unlocked his phone and tapped on the notification he had received an hour ago. Or maybe two. Phuwin didn’t remember how long he had been kneeling on top of all his selfmade dresses he had torn from their racks while crying about his helplessly unrecruited love, cursing the gender he was born with.

Phuwin sighed. Ever since his account blew up over night he had been offered to attend this and that event for free – some even paying him a large sum of money just so he would promote it. And for this weekend’s comic convention he had received a business request months ago, as always. But Phuwin was forced to decline every single time. Not that he wasn’t a fan of those events – but because he was scared. No one knew that hidden behind dainty dresses and long wigs, Cosphu was just a man, a Fashion student with a special interest. And he feared that if his secret would ever see the light of day, the whole world would laugh at him – or worse, shame him for his passion.

Phuwin thought about the next message he had already typed into the text box more than he should have, hesitating to send it. Instead, he clicked on his friend's profile. He had known Phi PP – what Phuwin loved to call him as an inside joke – for a while now, had one day popped up in his discovery feed while mindlessly scrolling through social media for new inspiration, procrastinating his school project.

Phi PP's account was truly a hidden gem. Sure, the photos weren’t as professionally made as Phuwin’s but he could see the exceptional talent behind each and every costume, the attention to detail, the great knowledge needed to handcraft such a piece, using complicated fabrics and special techniques to make it work, just amazing. And Phuwin would lie if he said he hadn’t already fantasized about what his friend might look like beneath his masks and sunglasses and hats and whatever he used to hide his face, if he claimed he hadn’t already stared at that one cosplay Phi PP had shared a while ago for a smidge too long. 

Gojo Satoru. The first post Phuwin caught himself focusing on the person beneath the fabric instead of the clothes themselves. But how could he not? A tight black t-shirt hugging his lean torso, revealing trained arms, strong hands, and hinting on neatly carved abs hidden away from the public eye. Wide, white pants hanging perfectly from his hips, held up by a black belt tied into a pretty bow, suggesting his knowledge in fashion and style even while cosplaying – and the teasing sunglasses and black mask covering his sharp facial features, making fans swoon over him, wishing for more.

And if Phuwin was being completely honest, his online friend could have completely swept him off his feet as well. Not because of his looks, of course – how could he when he had never even seen him before? No, mainly because of his kindness, his warmth, the way he had always cared. His jokes being so bad but still somehow managing to make Phuwin laugh. And of course their shared passion for cosplaying, had admired his talents in conceptualizing and creating art by using his obvious skills in tailoring clothes from the first moment his account popped up on his phone screen.

But Phuwin's heart was already wholly captured by Pond, making him feel somewhat guilty for even looking at another man. Another man whose compassion and charm scarily resembled Pond's to an uncanny point. 

So maybe talking to Phi PP could actually distract him from the pain in his heart that Pond had left. And maybe his hugs felt as comforting as Pond's…

Fuck it.

He clicked send on his pre-typed message.

If anyone was able to comfort him, it would definitely be the kind man on the other side of his screen. It meant a lot that Phuwin was ready to entrust Phi PP with his biggest secret. Hopefully, his friend wouldn’t judge him – or rat him out to the public once he found out Cosphu wasn’t what his skirts suggested him to be.

But Phi PP's brain was currently too occupied to even think about doing such a thing – not that he was ever planning to, of course.

Absentmindedly, Pond stared at the empty seat next to his own. Phuwin had never missed a single lecture before, not even his least favourites after a long night out. So him now missing class rang all of Pond’s alarm bells. And it didn’t help that he hadn’t reacted to their group chat's messages either, friends asking where he was, if he was okay. What if something bad happened? What if he was sick? Or worse – had an accident? Something horrible that prevented him from even looking at his phone?

As soon as class was over, Pond started walking around campus, looking at all the places Phuwin could be in, asking fellow students if they had seen him – sadly, his efforts brought nothing but more worry into his mind, now racing with horrid scenarios Pond couldn’t quite ignore. But his friends had convinced him to stay calm. Phuwin was a grown adult, he could do whatever he wanted to, so maybe he just needed a short break from school for some reason. And tomorrow, he would be back again.

Only after the group had helped Pond scour the entire property one more time would Pond give up. Reluctantly, he walked to his car, wondering why after a whole year of being friends, none of them had ever visited Phuwin at home before. Pond didn’t have his address or else he would have tried his luck there. Instead, he drove to his parent’s house and locked himself in his room to throw himself into the comfort of his bed, hoping it would calm his nerves. Amongst all of his unfinished school projects and dirty laundry hung his newest work. His spiderman suit. The one that had accidentally earned him his biggest chunk of following. And brought him a bit closer to Cosphu. He pulled out his phone, hoping for distraction – maybe Sailor Venus had responded to him. He had totally forgotten while worrying about Phuwin.

Pond’s heart skipped a beat when he read her response, couldn’t believe his luck of her initiating the meet-up – kind of at least. 

It wasn’t long until he got a response.

Pond nodded. He had never thought about that. Sure, hiding a face on photos was easy, but a single slip up in real life – a crazy fan pulling away the protective mask – would reveal his identity. And he didn’t even want to imagine how Cosphu might feel about this. A pretty woman who also happened to be popular? How many creeps would scoot up a little too close to her? How many weirdos would overstep a line and touch her without consent? Thinking they were entitled to her body just because she posted it on the internet? His protectiveness flared up once again, having barely retreated from worrying about Phuwin in the first place.

Fuck— Pond cursed at himself. That’s not what I meant! Quickly, he typed a response before she could overthink his poor choice of words. How did he manage to fumble without even trying to get her?

The three dots appeared, dancing on top of his text box. Then disappeared. Then reappeared again. He held his breath.

Pond sighed in relief. He would see her. He would really see her. The way his heart currently pounded against his ribs almost made him forget about the sorrow he had felt when Phuwin decided to vanish.

But the excitement and happiness blooming in his chest didn’t last for long. Phuwin had never answered the group messages, hadn’t even opened them. The seats next to Pond’s in every lecture stayed completely empty, as if they had never been occupied by Phuwin – some classmates even eying it, wanting to be closer to Pond, but his irritated expression had frightened them off. There were no rules about seating at uni, and still it had become an unspoken law that Phuwin and him would always sit together, every group project would be conquered by them as a pair and even when the professor required a solo-submission, they helped each other all the time. It just made sense. It wasn’t like Pond was particularly closer to Phuwin than to his other friends, but their grades, their taste and even their working style were similar, so it just naturally progressed that way. And now all of the sudden, his second half was… gone? Nowhere to be found. Not today. Not the next day. Not the day after that. Phuwin had just vanished and no one knew where he had gone.

Was it crazy for Pond to have called a few hospitals in the area, just to check if Phuwin was admitted? Maybe. But his disappearance had weighed on Pond so much, not even Cosphu – not even their upcoming meetup tomorrow – was able to cheer Pond up anymore, his mind kept circling back to his missing friend and the worry that came with it. 

Pond’s body immediately went into protection mode, forgetting about his own misery, fully ready to comfort his friend.

As soon as he woke up the next day, Pond was on his way to create a little care packet for his friend. He had bought his favourite inhaler – a brand Phuwin had once recommended him. Had added some chocolates – ones he and Phuwin tended to snack on when they accidentally skipped dinner, too focused on working on their projects. Had chosen a cooling pad, a calming tea, a face mask – everything Phuwin had once brought over to his house when Pond wasn’t feeling well. He had even picked up a cute panda plush when walking past the toy aisle. It had reminded Pond of her somehow. And it also happened to be Phuwin’s spirit animal.

Damn…

Even when Pond tried to do something for his crush, tried to distract himself from being worried sick about Phuwin’s disappearance – somehow he still managed to infiltrate Pond’s mind.

Maybe he was closer to Phuwin than he thought.

And that realization shifted something inside him. He just couldn’t put a finger on exactly what it was yet. Didn’t have the time, either. Had to get ready for the convention later that day. Pond wanted to attend a bit earlier than when they had agreed to meet up. Partly because he wanted to have a little buffer, to get used to the overstimulating atmosphere, calm his nerves, and also forget about Phuwin’s worrying disappearance by focusing on something else – just for today. But mainly because he already wanted to scour the site, look for fun things to do once Cosphu would arrive, hoping to make her stay as enjoyable as possible, making sure there wouldn’t be awkward silences – or worse, any situation that could somehow make her feel pressured by him in any way. Especially when she wasn’t doing well, either. Pond had already failed looking after Phuwin, the least he could do was not let his other friend down as well.

So under the relentless afternoon sun, Pond walked around the convention in a hoodie and a cheap spiderman mask he had picked up from a costume store to prevent people he knew from accidentally spotting him at an event they wouldn’t expect him at, for some reason still feeling ashamed of his interest. And the long sleeved clothing would hide his body from crazy fans who might be able to recognize him just by his build alone. Maybe a bit far fetched considering he wasn’t even that popular. But he had seen enough movies about hidden identities, enough superheroes who unrealistically became unidentifiable just by wearing a pair of glasses or changing into normal civilian clothes. It was ridiculous to imagine how people in those films stayed oblivious to such an obvious thing when in the real world everybody would immediately catch on and clock them the second they showed up. So Pond went with the safe route, the small chance of someone actually knowing him might endanger Cosphu, could make those who were unaware at first recognize her, too, by adding two and two together.

Pond wanted to make her experience as perfect as it could possibly be. So he arrived at their chosen meet-up spot overly early, patiently waiting in front of the empty stage – an area that was pretty quiet unless a show was playing. Pond would have suggested a more visible spot with more traction, had expected his friend to want that extra security when meeting up with a man she only knew through photos and messages. But Cosphu had willingly chosen a place that wasn’t extremely overcrowded, being too introverted to be around a bunch of people. And Pond respected that, was ready to shield her from strangers and do all the talking at booths if needed.

But the longer he stood there, the more his confidence faltered while nervosity claimed him whole. What if she didn't like him? It wasn’t like he pretended to be someone else on the internet, but it sure was easier to talk about his secret hobby through text than in person where there was no screen to hide behind. What if he accidentally scared her? He was pretty tall, so maybe that would make her feel uncomfortable – depending on her own height. What if everything went differently than he had planned? He had already prepared everything, had practiced what to say to her when they would stand face to face for the first time ever. But what if it wouldn’t go that way? What if there was one scenario he didn’t expect? What if something unbelievable happened that he wasn’t ready for? Something so far out of reach, his mind couldn’t even think of even if it tried? Like for example a familiar figure stepping towards him at the exact same time Cosphu was supposed to show up, coincidentally wearing a cheap Sailor Venus costume – no wig, just a simple dress and a funny looking mask. And the craziest part was: Pond recognized that walk. The way each stride looked as light as a feather, like carefully dancing on clouds, impossibly elegant – yet cheerful and bouncy. The way the arms moved rhythmically mirroring the legs with one hand clinging to the strap of the bag loosely hanging around the shoulder. And the way the brown hair peaked out from the side of the mask, fluttering slightly every time a step was taken.

No, that can’t be.

Pond blinked a few times trying to get rid of his hallucination.

Surely, this was his overworked and incredibly worried brain playing tricks on him. Because why in the world would Phuwin be here?

But no matter how many times he blinked, the figure stayed, slowly getting closer to him.

Confusion and frustration overtook Pond’s mind.

With quick fingers he pulled off his mask, getting rid of the fabric that impaired his vision to have another look. He squinted his eyes. And swallowed.

“Phuwin…?”

As if someone had flipped a switch, Phuwin’s body froze.

The low rumble of a way too familiar voice, the sweet scent that he had missed so much – and that damn beautiful face he had tried to forget these past few days.

Why the fuck was Pond here? How did he find him? When Phuwin had done everything possible to avoid him?

Not only to ease the pain in his heart but also attempting to save their friendship, trying to get over his one sided love – and not wanting to stand between Pond and his lucky person. Phuwin would have stayed with his friends and made sure Pond would definitely win his crush’s heart over, made sure at least Pond would get his happy ending. But it simply wasn’t possible, the misery too much for Phuwin to bear, would have never thought looking into truth’s eyes would bring him to his knees that easily. But there he was, breaking at the mere image of Pond smiling at someone else with admiration and love. Something Phuwin could only ever wish for.

So he left, created a much needed distance in the hopes it would get better somehow, had looked forward to a fun day with his cosplay friend, which would distract him for a while.

But instead, Pond was there.

Phuwin couldn’t believe his eyes at first, his mind wiped completely – he just stared, waiting for this hallucination to go away. But it never did. Instead, Pond spoke, then started walking towards him.

As soon as Phuwin’s brain registered the movement, his whole being went into panic mode, his legs stumbling backwards for a bit before scurrying around and running away, escaping from the situation as fast as his dainty dress allowed him to – a bit too tight around his shoulders and limbs, forcing him to be careful or else he might accidentally rip the only clothes he had brought, not needing the extra humiliation right now.

Pond stopped in his tracks as soon as Phuwin started fleeing – unsure what to do. Phuwin showed obvious signs that he didn’t want Pond to go after him, but his protective instincts and the worry that had built up over these past few days – not even knowing if Phuwin was still alive or not – had claimed his mind completely, convincing him to follow his friend. For a second Pond looked back at the empty stage, at the spot he was supposed to wait for his crush. Spiderman finally meeting his Sailor Venus after having silently admired her from afar for quite a while now. She would for sure hate him if she arrived but Pond was nowhere to be found. He would definitely lose his friend. And the chance of ever becoming anything more than just a contact in her phone. Just another username in her follower list. Pond swallowed, squeezed his eyes shut. Just thinking about that made his heart break in two.

But nothing could be more important than Phuwin right now. So he chose him.

Sorry, Sailor Venus, I’ll be late— 

Phuwin’s pulse raced, his body temperature increased, his sight blurry from tears, his vision darkening at the edges. He hadn’t slept this past week, not really. Because every time he closed his eyes, his surroundings quieting down, the world leaving him alone with just his thoughts – the sobbing continued, the ache resurfaced, stabbing his heart with knives so dull Phuwin couldn’t even comprehend how much it hurt when they broke through his flesh, tearing him apart instead of cleanly cutting him. And the lack of support almost killed Phuwin, was forced to fight this battle alone. Who could he possibly tell about this? Pond? Their mutual friends? Too embarrassing, too humiliating – and way too risky. He didn’t want to lose them, just needed some time and distance to collect himself. And Phi PP? He had barely responded to his messages ever since Phuwin suggested a meet-up. As if his friend didn’t actually want to see him, had lost interest in their connection as soon as it became too real.

Him saying Phuwin shouldn’t be seen with him had broken him.

Phuwin had stared at the message, then carelessly dropped his phone onto his chest, letting another rejection slowly sink into his blood where it settled and started spreading its disease.

Was he that unlikable? Not even his friend wanting to see him? And even worse – it reminded Phuwin once again that he was just a random man afterall. Why would people who could have anyone – romantically and platonically – choose him when there were so many other options? Less riskier ones as well. Maybe Phi PP didn’t even see him as a friend. Maybe he just saw him as an acquaintance, a colleague. Someone he could potentially collaborate with for more traction. Especially after their accidental stunt a week ago, Sailor Venus and Spiderman flooding the internet with rumors and a new ship.

And even after Phi PP had corrected himself, Phuwin’s mind still couldn’t fully be convinced. Especially when yet another message followed a few days later that made him overthink. His friend almost cancelling their plans. Phuwin felt bad for reflecting it onto himself instead of trusting Phi PP that he had told the truth, that he really didn’t feel well. But instead, it made Phuwin spiral. The only person Phuwin could possibly hold on to during this crisis – and he wouldn’t let him. Shook him off even before Phuwin’s hands could ever reach his anchor.

In that moment, he had laid in bed, all alone. Shaking. Scared he wouldn’t make it. His last hope of having someone who would care enough to comfort him, gone. Phuwin was too weak to withstand the pain all by himself any longer. He had neglected his body and his mind – and because of what? A stupid crush on his friend. Damn. Phuwin felt pathetic.

But despite all that, his insecurities taking over his mind, the uncertainty of the whole situation – not knowing if Phi PP actually wanted to see him or not – Phuwin still managed to gather enough courage and energy to dress up and attend the convention. And the closer he got, the more his self-consciousness was overtaken by excitement. Phuwin was an introvert, yes, but after having spent this whole week locked inside his apartment, living off cup noodles and random ingredients he had found in his pantry to not have to leave the house – it actually felt nice to be surrounded by other people again. Even better that they had similar interests, had already seen a few amazing cosplays on his way, had wondered what his talented friend had decided to wear.

Phuwin himself had chosen a random Sailor Venus costume he had seen on the internet – as a joke, contrasting his extravagant, handmade cosplay. And no one else would understand besides him and Spiderman. Something about that made him feel warm inside – like they were good friends afterall, despite only knowing each other through texts. Slowly, Phuwin was convinced that his spirals were unjust, were a product of his sleep deprivation and his heart bleeding out from being hurt by his unrequited love.

Everything seemed like it was getting better until life decided to play a sick game with him. Had decided to send Pond straight to the spot Phuwin was supposed to meet up with Phi PP. And for some reason Pond recognized him immediately despite his unusual outfit and a mask hiding his entire face.

Lost in thoughts – and panic – Phuwin didn’t realize how his legs were slowly giving up. Exhaustion and the relentless afternoon sun catching up on him, bringing him to his knees. Literally. Only a few steps away from where his car was parked he stumbled, tripped, fell to the ground. The hot asphalt burning him immediately, not to mention the ugly scratches that tore through his tender skin. But before his brain could even register the pain, two strong arms wrapped around his body, a familiar scent encasing him.

“Phuwin…!”

Upon falling, Phuwin’s mask flew off from the harsh impact, he even heard fabric rip, his shoulders suddenly not feeling as restricted anymore.

“Where have you been—? Are you okay? What— oh no—”

Seeing his friend trip and hurt himself probably pained Pond more than it did Phuwin. But as soon as he noticed the soft fabric slowly gliding off of Phuwin’s torso, revealing bare skin underneath it, Pond swallowed all of his questions, all of his sorrow – and didn’t hesitate even a second before taking off his own hoodie to wrap his friend in it. Pond felt the UV rays burn through his skin immediately, his undershirt barely covering his shoulders, his arms. But at least Phuwin would have something to wear.

“How— did you find me?” Phuwin croaked, holding back his tears – his body and mind too overwhelmed by the situation, not knowing how to react, what to do.

“I— I wasn’t looking for you– no, I was looking for you. For a whole week I’ve been looking for you…” Pond interrupted himself, didn’t mean for his words to come across so harshly, so– disappointed and hurt, even though that was exactly how he felt. For an entire week he had to live with not knowing what had happened to his friend, going as far as to fear he might… have left this world for good. And all of the sudden, when Pond finally thought he could get some distraction, Phuwin showed up. Like nothing had ever happened. Like he hadn’t vanished for days without a trace, without leaving a single sign of life. “But– today I was waiting for a friend…”

“A– friend…? Your— crush…?”

Pond’s breath hitched. “How’d you know…?”

Quickly, Phuwin turned away, lowered his gaze, hiding the tears that had started forming instantly. With trembling fingers he pointed at the little pink bag he had spotted in Pond’s hand, cute little gifts and treats inside it. Exactly how he expected Pond to act with someone he liked. Gentle, caring, impossibly attentive, the perfect boyfriend. Just not his boyfriend. Never his boyfriend.

“G–go back, don’t let her wait–” Phuwin shook off the hoodie draped around his shoulders while standing up.

“But what about you—?”

“I said go—!” Phuwin’s cry was more like a shout, frustration and desperation tinting his voice before it broke off.

He would never be her…

“Please go and be happy,” he quietly added.

… ever.

Stunned and confused Pond watched his friend push him away and leave. His eyes stung, his heart ached – and his instincts begged him to run after Phuwin. He didn’t understand why Phuwin acted this way out of nowhere. Had Pond done something wrong without noticing? Had he accidentally hurt his friend? To the point where Phuwin was skipping classes, risking his spot as the top student just to avoid him?

For a good while he just stood there, stared at Phuwin vanishing behind his tinted car windows, then looked down on his hands, the pink paper bag still entangled between his fingers, suddenly weighing much more than before. Like Phuwin had put his heavy heart inside, forcing Pond to carry it without even understanding why.

He reached for his phone. No notifications.

He had failed two of his friends. Despite trying his best to attend to them both. Cosphu hadn’t asked where he was nor why he wasn’t at their meeting spot on time. Just silence. She was probably very upset and angry right now for Pond ditching her. Or maybe – she hadn't shown up either…? Maybe–

Buzz-buzz

And just moments later Pond heard Phuwin’s car engine howl to life, turned around to witness him slowly driving away, towards the exit.

Pond’s breath caught.

See, the funny thing about foreshadowing was that those who were affected by it would never notice until the actual event happened. Until the big moment was finally revealed. And all the victim could do was look back at the obvious hints, asking themselves how they weren’t able to figure it out way earlier. Like Pond right now.

The only difference was that foreshadowing was normally a tool used for fiction – meticulously planned and placed at the right moments to create anticipation and excitement, or just to amaze the consumer when they rewinded and realized the clues had always been there.

But Pond, he had accidentally created one for himself. In the real world. Like his mind knew all along and tried to play a joke on him. 

He looked at his hoodie on the ground, the one Phuwin just a minute ago shook off of his body – the one Pond had specifically picked out earlier this day because he was afraid people would be smart enough to add two and two together and recognize him and his friend. Yet, here he was, not even being able to add two and two together when the answer was already right in front of him. Why else would Phuwin show up in a Sailor Venus costume at the exact right time, at the exact right place – if he wasn’t the faceless cosplayer Pond had been waiting for? The one that had slowly but surely stolen his heart, enchanted his body and claimed his mind.

All this time Pond had felt bad about it, had wondered why out of all people he had to choose a friend to fall for, one he had never even seen before. Only to find out that it was Phuwin – which somehow made it all worse. Because hiding his incredibly obvious heart eyes and his glowing red ears from his online friend was easy – but how in the world would he be able to attend classes now and pretend he didn’t have the biggest crush on the student sitting next to him? And even though keeping his feelings a secret was close to impossible, revealing them would 100 % kill their friendship. Pond was so incredibly fucked.

Or it was already dead. Because Pond had done something so bad, Phuwin refused to even look him in the eyes, let alone talk to him. Had avoided him this entire week, had pushed him away.

It had hurt Pond before, of course it had. They had spent too many nights together laughing, finishing up projects last minute before falling asleep on the faculty workshop's floor for their bond to suddenly break off like that. But now knowing Phuwin was the one he had loved all along – it made the pain almost unbearable. How had he never noticed before? He didn’t even fall for Cosphu's looks at first, he fell for her– his personality. Low and behold, Phuwin had the exact same personality, the exact same talents and the exact same humor – everything Pond had always adored about his online friend. Phuwin was exactly his type, and in addition to that pure eye candy as well, beautiful beyond belief – Pond's heart had just thought it had already been occupied by someone else which is why it never let him develop feelings for Phuwin. Except it had developed feelings for Phuwin. He had fallen head over heels for his fellow student without even knowing. Without even realizing his crush had been right there all along. Well– not anymore, because Pond had managed to let Phuwin slip through his fingers. And didn’t even know how.

He couldn't stand there any longer. He had to try and save what was left of their friendship after whatever mistake he had made that sent Phuwin running away.

Hastily, he picked up the Sailor Venus mask and his hoodie, and ran towards the exit, leaving his car behind. He wouldn’t be able to catch up through Bangkok's jammed afternoon traffic with that. Instead, he waved at the first motorbike he saw patiently standing near the convention waiting for a customer.

“Please follow that car, sir!”

For the entire drive home Phuwin had blasted his favourite songs through his speakers in the hopes it would drown out his pain. It didn’t. It only made it worse, more obvious – his sobs louder than the music, louder than the playlist he had once created with Pond for working on their group projects.

Phuwin had been sad before, had mourned a romance he wasn't allowed to have – their friendship more important to him than anything else. The mere fantasy of Pond and him making every other student gag from their nauseating sweetness, from holding hands in the school hallway and stealing soft pecks during lunch breaks – doing what they both loved: fashion design – it had destroyed Phuwin, knowing he could never have what his heart so desperately wished for when it secretly beat the fastest around Pond.

But now, Phuwin was even more devastated, his heart shattered into a million pieces, grieving a life that wasn’t meant for him. A life in which he could go to fun conventions in silly – or maybe fancy – costumes with his boyfriend who happened to have the same odd interest. But fate hadn’t granted Phuwin that gift. Instead, it was given to the lucky woman Pond was waiting for when Phuwin arrived.

And it hurt.

That realization hurt.

And his body's reaction to seeing Pond showed him that he was not ready to go back to how it used to be. To just walk onto campus on Monday and sit close to Pond, pretending his heart wasn’t bleeding out from being in love with his friend – his soon probably taken friend. So maybe it was supposed to end here. All the nights they had skipped sleep to finish up a project together, all the days they had spent glued to each other during lectures and even food breaks – Phuwin had to give all that up. Because his feelings couldn’t get a grip. Couldn’t fade away – not even a little bit – after an entire week of distance. And he had probably lost their mutuals as well. Who would want to still be friends with him after vanishing without an explanation, not a single word?

Phuwin had almost crashed his car multiple times while driving home, his tears obstructing his vision, his mind too busy with trying to keep him together than paying attention to the overstimulating traffic. Finally entering his apartment building's parking garage felt like a small escape from hell he was currently trapped in.

“Thank you, sir—!” 

As quickly as Pond could, he handed the Grab driver a purple bill – way too much, but he didn’t have time for the change – before running after Phuwin’s car into the garage. Immediately, the security guard jumped up from his seat to follow Pond, caught up to him before he could reach Phuwin, harshly pulling him aside.

“You’re not allowed to be here, sir.”

“I'm– I'm visiting a friend– Phuwin!” Pond stammered, then shouted through the halls as soon as he saw him exit his car in the distance. But all that did was make Phuwin flinch and lower his gaze, walk faster towards the elevators that connected the garage to the apartments.

“It doesn’t look like your friend wants to be visited. Please leave the property or I'm calling the police.”

Pond yanked himself free for another second, running towards the elevators.

“Phuwin please! Please talk to me—!” 

Upon hearing Pond’s shaky voice, Phuwin couldn’t help but falter, looked up only to see Pond being dragged away by the guard.

“He's with me…!” he managed to squeeze out, not wanting Pond to get in trouble. He was barely audible but it still was enough for the security guy to let go of him.

Phuwin took a deep breath, briefly shut his eyes, trying to collect himself, prepare himself for the inevitable.

“You forgot something–”

Pond handed Phuwin his mask as soon as the distance between them closed. And there it was. The sharp jawline, the pink, soft lips, the natural curl on its edges that elevated every smile by a mile – the same face he had seen all day, every day for the past year. And the same face he had fallen for over a screen. Pond’s pupils dilated, his knees weakened, his heart eagerly pumped hot heat into his ears. Oh, he was so in love. How did he never realise? And how in the world could he ever manage to hide that?

But maybe he didn’t have to. Because Phuwin’s words would forcefully pull him out of his daydream, rip his heart out to tear it apart and push him into a nightmare he wasn’t ready to face.

“We can't be friends anymore.”

“Wh–what—?” Pond froze, his breathing stopped, his heart skipped multiple beats – if that was even possible without passing away right then and there.

“I can’t– we can't– I'm sorry, it's just– not possible.”

Phuwin’s tears brought Pond back from hell temporarily, just to stab his heart one last time before pushing him back down.

“What– did I do—?” Pond cried, helpless sobs interrupting his speech, making him look desperate – which he was. Didn’t want this friendship to end, didn't want to say his final goodbye. “Please, I will– make it up to you, whatever it is– please just tell me and I will–”

“Please leave.”

The words echoed in between the two halves of Pond's broken heart, settling deep inside his soul where they suffocated him. It really was over. And he would never find out why.

“O–okay—” Pond agreed, helplessly swallowing down the lump in his throat obstructing his airway. Because what else could he do than grant Phuwin his last wish? 

“But–” Pond hesitated for a second. Their friendship was apparently broken beyond repair anyway, right? So then…

Fuck it, he thought. He would do one final nice gesture before leaving. For good. As Phuwin had asked him to.

“But at least accept this–” Pond held out the pink bag for Phuwin to take. “Please…”

“N–no—!” Immediately, Phuwin stepped backwards, almost crashing into the elevator by doing so. Just seeing the present meant for Pond’s crush sent him into panic mode, his mind starting to spiral again. “Wh–y would you— give me someone else's—”

Pond reached into the bag with trembling hands to fish out a little handwritten note and show it to Phuwin.

And then it hit Phuwin. Like an entire truck of emotions, adding on top of the already existing chaos inside his entire being.

Pond was Phi PP.

Pond was waiting for Cosphu to arrive.

Pond was waiting for him.

Pond's crush was Cosphu.

Pond’s crush was… him.

“It's yours, Phuwin— a last gift from me… please take it–” Pond's voice was a mere shell of its former self, tiny, and crumbling apart towards the end. “I'm sorry for– falling for you…”

Phuwin stared at the paper bag, then up at Pond’s face, reeking of confusion and pain – and so much love and devotion he accepted Phuwin’s wish right away despite it tearing Pond apart.

Pond didn’t seem– appalled by his crush's real gender… Pond still— liked him. A lot. 

Phuwin’s senses blurred. Everything felt distant and numb.

The only thing registering inside his brain was Pond staring back at him.

His lips were plump, beautiful– and right there. Right. There.

Phuwin’s pupils were blown wide, his cheeks flushed red and his brain wiped empty.

Glassy eyes locked onto Pond’s mouth as desire finally overtook his movements.

He leaned in.

And connected their lips.

Soft like feathers, like clouds, like delicate butterfly wings – but impactful enough to melt Phuwin straight away.

For one moment the earth stopped spinning. Then realisation hit.

Fuck—

But before Phuwin was able to pull away again, he heard the paper bag rustlingly hit the ground and felt two warm hands encasing his face to deepen the kiss, to taste him, inhale him.

Their lips moved desperately against each other, fueled by frustration, temptation – and helpless longing.

Pond didn’t even realize how much he needed this, how strong his desire was for his love to finally kiss him back – until Phuwin hit the elevator door behind him, Pond having accidentally pushed him against it in the heat of the moment.

Pond scrambled away immediately.

“Fuck– I'm so sorry…!” He mumbled nervously, already shying away from Phuwin, embarrassed by the situation. “Since when–”

“I don’t know… probably since our first finals group project…” Phuwin swallowed. “And you—? When–”

“Probably… when the yellow Power Ranger came to life… during last semester's finals—”

Pond laughed through his tears. They had been dancing around each other for six whole months, falling for a different version of the other without even knowing.

And now they could finally…

“Are we dating now…?” Pond asked carefully as if he didn’t want to wake himself up from a dream too good to be true.

“I've wanted to call you my boyfriend for so long—” Phuwin mumbled, noddingly agreeing, shying away from Pond’s gaze.

… now they could finally dance together.

Their bodies moved on their own as they connected their lips for a second kiss. This time less desperate, but reeking of nauseatingly sweet love. Everything they could have ever wished for.

Almost.

“Phuwin–” Pond broke off their connection to gasp for air. “One day I will kiss my Sailor Venus like Peter Parker kissed his Mary Jane.”

“Upside down?”

“Yea—”

Pond grinned before leaning in for a third round, arms around Phuwin’s waist, pressing him closer to his own body.

Phuwin giggled. Pond's obsession with spiderman was truly adorable.

But no matter which costume he wore – behind the mask he would from now on be his boyfriend.