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The sound of the clock ticking in the empty apartment filled her ears.
It was a slow day, no doubt. Everything was still and quiet. It seemed there wasn’t much else to do aside from waiting for Franziska to return. It was only late-afternoon, and Franziska typically came home from work later in the evening. With Adrian having finished her own work for the day already, and nothing else to occupy her mind, time slowly marched on. She kept glancing at the front door, wishing Franziska would come through the entrance any moment now.
As Adrian idled on the brown leather sofa and did nothing but watch the patterns of sunlight on the wall by the window, one thing kept tugging at her mind.
What Adrian had not thought about before she was with Franziska was the surprisingly variety of beautiful and elegant clothes she owned in her wardrobe. She had many intricate ruffly and lacey dresses, some even seeming like a completely different side to her. Adrian was rather accustomed to seeing Franziska in her normal daily work clothes again and again. There were certain expectations of her at work, Franziska had said about herself, in regards to this matter. She only wore the other outfits in her free time, which was rather rare. Franziska’s taste in clothing was rather ornate but without being gaudy or too flashy. Although for a bit, Adrian was proud of her own selection in clothes that she curated for herself over time, she couldn’t help but feel her own style lacked flair in comparison..
Suddenly she found herself passing through the hallway and standing in front of that familiar door. It was as if for a moment, her legs were not her own, and they had brought her there. Behind that door of course, was what she was so fixated on.
She placed her hand on the brass door lever, a cold, foreign feeling in her hand, and turned, only for it to be met with a hitch. Ah, so it’s like this, she mused. It’s a sign I shouldn’t have done this after all, she thought. Absent-mindedly, she jiggled the handle one last time and to her surprise, the door gave way at last. It turned out the handle was merely sticky. How unusual. It was unlike Franziska to leave a flaw like this alone and not get to having it fixed right away. Then again, she was a very busy woman, Franziska was sometimes not even home much during intense periods at work..
No matter. Her hand went to flip on the switch, illuminating the inside of the closet, and was suddenly reminded of how her own closet, an ordinary portable two-door wardrobe inside her room, seemed so measly in comparison to this. The light was pleasantly neither too warm nor too cold in hue. She finally saw the interior of the closet in full view, of which she only previously stole quick side glances of during the times Franziska had used the closet in front of her. Perhaps it looked more suspicious that Adrian always tried to make it less apparent she was looking. She wondered if Franziska ever noticed. No, perhaps not. She was suddenly thankful that despite usually being rather astute in many other ways, Franziska could be a bit too self-absorbed for her own good at times; Adrian found relief in that for now.
She could recall once when Franziska mentioned how she converted the spare storage room to a small walk-in closet. “I had the floor inside redone too. The linoleum was unsightly, I don’t know what tasteless idiot was responsible for that. It simply wouldn’t do,” she explained, and there was a hint of pride in her voice for that closet. Adrian could see why, upon examining the closet further. The style and furnishing that Adrian could only recognize and describe as vaguely baroque, had Franziska’s name written all over it, not too much unlike the rest of her belongings. Where the ornate rug did not cover, Adrian could see satin walnut flooring along with maple drawers and clothes lined up on racks rather orderly. The space was utilized rather efficiently, after all, one had to do so in a room of this size. There was a soft, powdery scent in the air that resembled cosmetics. At the end of the room stood a full length mirror propped up, subtly tilted at an angle that would make the subject look taller than they were in reality. Adrian found this amusing, as no doubt, it was a deliberate choice on Franziska’s part. Though, she knew Franziska likely would not admit it if asked about it.
She would only be in here for a brief moment, she thought to herself. It should not take long. There were really only one or two designs she would dare try, after all. Franziska’s style tended to be slightly visually louder than Adrian’s, or rather, too regal and expensive for what Adrian was used to. The rest of Franziska’s clothes were colors of deep navy and velvety teals or stark whites that would look out of place on Adrian.
She scanned the room and spotted her outfit of choice, her hand making its way to its corresponding hanger on the rack to pull it out. The article of clothing in question was a white, frilly doll-like dress adorned with black bows and ribbons and a black vest attached. The black lace trim skirt was flowy and not very long. Adrian found the monochrome color scheme of this particular dress to be at least somewhat balanced and less extravagant than some of the other choices of attire. She remembered the only time she even saw this outfit was one weekend when Franziska had spent a while deliberating on what to wear, taking it out, only to put it back at the end.
She froze for a moment as she took in the sight of the dress, holding it out by the hanger. The feeling that she was unworthy of such clothing intensified as she ran her fingers along the sleeve, feeling the fabric, which was exquisite and robust, no doubt well constructed. Surely this dress was easily worth at least one month of Adrian’s paychecks. She could not help but put the fabric against her face, only to feel sick when she caught the sight of herself doing so in the mirror. She suddenly felt like the type of lowly commoner that would be mocked for seeming overly naive and unrefined for gawking and fawning over something so fancy. Adrian still couldn’t shake off her habit of living her life through the eyes of others, and even in private like this she couldn’t stop acting as though there were spectators judging her every movement.
To be frank with herself, there was no reasonable justification for this in her mind. This wasn’t something she could simply explain away with a desire to feel closer to Franziska. At least, it made less sense. For goodness’ sake, she now lived with Franziska after all, and so this must be rather greedy on her part. It wasn’t the same at all the way it was with Celeste, who was more difficult to get close to at times. Adrian had never even gotten close to stepping in such a personal space as Celeste’s closet. It seemed more logical to have that kind of secretive desire for someone who didn’t reciprocate. Many would have likely asked just why she had to go behind Franziska’s back for this. Simply citing embarrassment didn’t seem sufficient.. In that moment, she suddenly felt she must be rather depraved for this. But there was a dull ache in her heart as she looked at that dress which could not be satiated otherwise…
She stripped herself of her clothes anyway, and slipped on the dress over her own figure. The result she saw in the reflection of the mirror left her with a faint frown. Even with the mirror angled in a way that was meant to be flattering, there was something unsatisfying about this image.
It did not look as she imagined in her head, perhaps some things truly were better off remaining as a fantasy, and this was one of those matters. It should have just remained in her mind without ever having met the disappointment she felt now. Though Adrian was only negligibly taller than Franziska and otherwise seemed to be of similar physical petite stature, it seemed she had neglected other variations in her frame and proportions. The waist and bust seemed to be more snug than she liked, and perhaps her own torso was a bit longer. It was slightly loose in all the wrong places. She knew undoubtedly that Franziska had many of her clothes personally tailored, but likely, that was not enough to account for how ungraceful she seemed in comparison.
Did she always look this underwhelming? She felt the dress only served to emphasize even more how plain her features were. Was it a lack of accessories? No, Franziska never needed to wear much jewelry aside from her usual earrings. On Adrian, the dress felt like a costume; on Franziska, it was harmonious and impeccable. Of course, she thought, only Franziska’s features could withstand the weight of this elegant dress. This was not merely a question of measurements..
Perhaps, she bargained, she would feel more comforted with matching shoes. After all, her current house slippers did nothing for the cohesiveness of the ensemble. In the corner of the room she spotted a pair of black leather platform heels. There was a polished yet vintage charm in its round-toe design. But she was once again met with disappointment again when she attempted to wear them and realized they were too narrow and small for her feet. Clearly, Franziska’s feet were notably smaller than hers, how did she never notice? She placed the shoes back. It was all she could do.
Suddenly, she became all too aware of the clammy sensation in her hands. Dread painted her face as she realized that she had begun to sweat. It wasn’t quite that warm in the closet, surely, so this was likely a result of an unexplained nervousness she felt this whole time. She was now mortified that perhaps her perspiration had gotten on the dress, and now Franziska might be able to detect that this dress had been worn, smell her stench on the fabric, the next time she took it out. The mental image filled her with a deeply unpleasant feeling, and suddenly she felt immensely as if she was perverted for even imagining such an undignified thing. How laughable, for someone as homely as her to desire wearing something so beautiful…
That’s enough, it’s time to end this whole ordeal and stop playing dress-up like a pathetic child, she decided. Her hands fidgeted in a rush to take the dress, so that she could cease having to confront her own pathetic pretense, only to run into another obstacle. As the dress was halfway off her body, there was an audible pop, which stopped Adrian right in her tracks. It was just what she feared. A button detached and came loose, dropping to the floor somewhere. No, no, this was not how it was supposed to go. Instantly, Adrian dropped to her knees and searched for the missing button, with her shoulders partially exposed and dress still on. What was she going to do now? She couldn’t sew, and even if she did, Franziska likely would spot an amateur attempt at re-attaching the button on such an expensive piece. Everything inside the closet began to feel suffocating and claustrophobic, and her thoughts began to circle in her head like spinning air, and no matter what, she could not dismiss the growing sense of terror from consuming her entire body.
Then there was a shuffle behind her.
“Adrian Andrews.” a certain voice said, beckoning Adrian to turn her head.
There stood Franziska at the entrance of the closet. It was rather difficult for Adrian to discern what Franziska was thinking through the expression on her face. She felt deeply frightened and ashamed. Had that much time already passed as she fooled around in her closet? She desperately wanted to put on that calm, cool mask of hers in that moment and act as though there was nothing at all unnatural about this very situation she was in. It wasn’t as though Franziska wouldn’t be able to see right through her charade anyhow. Still frozen on the floor, she tried to open her mouth and speak, but her throat could produce no sound. Adrian wanted to turn to dust and just die right there. It was enough to make her almost faint. She must have looked unseemly with the way she was on all fours, much of her skin exposed from the dress that was partially taken off. Franziska would never do something so ridiculous and unbecoming like this, she thought, in this very outfit, crawling around uselessly on the floor in this way.
Adrian proceeded to abruptly burst into tears.
Franziska furrowed a brow and crossed her arms. Adrian could see the fabric wrinkle and bunch up around her gloved fingers where she was gripping her own arm, a habit of Franziska’s that she noticed. She heard a long sigh from Franziska as she stepped away. Was she going to say anything? Would she even return? Was something of this sort grounds to end a relationship over? That moment she stepped away was torture. Franziska must have already felt irritated enough all those previous times Adrian kept asking out of fear if they were going to break up.
Her spiraling thoughts were interrupted this time by Franziska returning with a handkerchief in hand for her tears. In the midst of her confusion, Adrian accepted the handkerchief from her with a trembling hand. She dabbed her own face with it gingerly.
“I was merely going to tell you that I’m home. I was wondering where you were. You weren’t anywhere in the living room or your bedroom.” Franziska sighed in a low voice.
Adrian could only manage to weakly stammer out some question about Franziska being home so soon.
“Perhaps I should have called to tell you.. There was some sort of power outage at the office. They said they couldn’t fix it quickly enough so they sent everyone home early. I don’t know how such a moronic thing could happen, but it didn’t matter very much. I was already done with much of my work by then, you see, because a von Karma is just efficient that way.” Franziska explained, her voice sounding almost bored. “I even had time to stop by that French cafe you like on the way home to get us dinner, as I know that asking you to decide on what to eat for dinner is like pulling teeth.” she added.
Adrian did not know what to say to that. She stared vacantly at a floorboard, unable to look directly at Franziska in all her shame. Franziska was acting strangely normal and unaffected.
“Now. Tell me, what is the meaning of all this?” Franziska said, a hand on her hip.
“Ah, erm…….” Adrian started, her voice sounding hoarse already from the brief crying. “I’m, um.. Really, really, sorry…” She could only say, putting her face in her palms in embarrassment. She could not look Franziska in the eyes, even now.
“Just what exactly are you sniffling about..?” Franziska asked. Her eyes darted around the closet then back to Adrian. “Oh.” Her voice softened. “Why didn’t you just say so?”
Adrian pushed her foggy glasses up. “W…What?” She sniffed, uncertain whether she heard Franziska correctly.
“You just wanted to see my clothes, didn’t you? Am I right? You only had to ask! Hmph. I would have been more than willing to show it all to you anytime.” Franziska said, with a lilt in her tone, and the corner of her mouth rising slightly.
Speechless, Adrian rubbed her eyes, her mind going blank. Such a perplexing turn this conversation had taken. Franziska’s reaction, or rather, a lack thereof perhaps, was both puzzling and startling in its own way. Above that, while Franziska showed no anger–in fact, far from it–Adrian felt just somewhat discontent at not having finished explaining herself yet.
“There’s one I like a bit more than the piece you’ve got on,” Franziska continued, flipping through the clothes on the rack, and pulling out a similar attire with a more straight and angular silhouette. “It’s a tad more comfortable, if you care for that. You’re welcome to feel it and all,” she said, holding the dress in front of Adrian, caressing a sleeve. “If you hold the stitching up to the light you can see how exceptional it is, look at how dense the thread is and how straight the lines are,” she went on. “Hm. Let me show you one of my favorites,” she murmured as her hand reached for another hanger on the rack. She pulled out a black and deep muted blue top that seemed almost military-esque, quite von Karma-like in style no doubt. “This was a gift from Miles. I quite like it. But if he heard me say that now, I may never hear the end of it,” she said.
Adrian did not answer yet. Truthfully, she found it difficult to absorb all of whatever it was Franziska was saying, it felt absolutely absurd to her, and as much she would have normally been interested, she did not particularly care to discuss perfect stitching or cuts and fabrics at this particular moment just yet.
“You.. you aren’t upset?” Adrian asked incredulously.
“Upset? For what? Of course not. I myself used to steal my stupid little brother’s clothes and wear them all the time back in the day! And it looked better on me.” Franziska exclaimed proudly. Adrian could not see how that scenario was comparable to the present situation at hand but made no mention of it.
“I do not understand, Adrian. Why, you act as if you’ve committed an actual crime! Do not waste your tears on such a trivial matter such as this, it is unnecessary. There is no shame in wanting to look at or wear lovely clothes. Of course you would have wanted to. A von Karma’s taste in clothes is nothing less than perfection.” she stated matter-of-factly. Perhaps this was one of those moments once again where a bit of self-absorption on Franziska’s part saved Adrian. But she dismissed that thought from her mind immediately as her attention went back to the missing button from earlier.
“I.. but, I broke the button on this one…” Adrian looked downward, fidgeting with her hands. “I didn’t mean to. I-I’m sorry.. It must have been expensive.”
There was a brief but torturous pause. Franziska blinked. “....Is that all?” she said, a soft impatience coloring her voice. “It is no issue. A mere button is a simple fix. Money is not a problem. You have worked yourself up all for no reason.” she tutted, shaking her head.
“But these kinds of clothes… can someone like me really wear something like them? Aren’t I.. not beautiful enough for this sort of thing..” Adrian mumbled sadly, looking away.
She lowered herself closer to the floor next to where Adrian still was. “Nonsense. There is nothing wrong with you, Adrian. I will not allow you to talk about yourself in such a manner.” Franziska disagreed firmly. “Hm. How come I didn’t think of this sooner.. I will take you to the tailor’s tomorrow and we can buy some clothes made-to-measure just for you, if you would like, as long as you do not cry so unnecessarily again. As I have said before, money is no concern. Perhaps you will feel better then. Well?” she said, looking directly into Adrian’s eyes.
Adrian almost wanted to laugh at herself for how ridiculous this ordeal had turned out to be. But she could only nod, staring wide-eyed at Franziska.
“Then, I believe it’s time to get up. I can’t imagine the floor is very comfortable. Come, dinner is on the table. Hurry before it gets cold.” Franziska beckoned.