Chapter Text
“I still haven’t figured out how to sit across from you, and not be madly in love with everything you do.”
Willian C.Hannan
˗ˋˏ♡ˎˊ˗
Nico was always happy when performing. Euijoo had been by his side for the last 6 years, and the moments when Nicholas was on stage in front of their fans were his favorite with his best friend. Only losing to Nicholas' face when he had just woken up, his hair unstyled and his typical annoyed “I don't want to be up” face, but Euijoo wasn’t about to admit it to Nico, or anyone for that matter.
They were in the middle of the Taipei concert, and every time Euijoo looked in Nicholas’ direction, he had the biggest smile he had ever seen; his eyes were sparkling under the stage lights, looking everywhere in awe. He looked so happy and…pretty, Euijoo couldn’t help but look as much as he could; he didn’t want to lose a single second of his happiness. He wanted to save that memory and look back at the smile he loved the most. Euijoo tried to speak as much Mandarin as he could throughout the concert. He wanted to make Nico proud, and it also wouldn’t hurt to be on the receiving end of that gorgeous smile.
When they hugged at the end of the concert, Euijoo felt a single tear falling onto his shoulders. He squeezed Nicholas tighter, knowing his friend would feel what he meant; they didn’t need words most of the time after all. They understood each other with a look, a single touch. Sometimes Euijoo felt like they could even read each other’s thoughts, but he was glad they couldn’t because his not-so-platonic thoughts would be discovered in a heartbeat if that were the case.
˗ˋˏ♡ˎˊ˗
That night, they were going to drop Nicholas off at his family's home so he could spend some time with them the following day. Nicholas spent the ride home talking excitedly about the concert and about having his family at the venue to watch him and the boys. Everyone listened intently, feeling happy Nicholas could once more live his dream in his hometown.
They parked in front of Nicholas' home, and Euijoo couldn't help but feel a little sad that they wouldn't spend the night together. They were roommates this time, and Euijoo loved it when they had a little time to talk alone and dive into their deepest thoughts about their careers, their lives, and everything they desired to talk about. He knew it was selfish of him to think like that, after all it had been a long time since Nico had proper family time and he was happy for him, he really was, but as the years went by he often thought that anytime by Nico’s side would never be enough, he would always want more, he would never get tired of the light Nico shone on him.
“Jju…Hey, earth to Juju!” Oh. Nicholas was talking to him.
“Yes…see you tomorrow, Nico.”
“No…I mean, I was asking you if you want to spend the night here. I was talking to my family earlier, and I said you were gonna lose your roommate, and they wanted me to invite you to stay, if you want, of course. You must be tired, and my family might be a lot right now and-”
“I want to!” Euijoo interrupted him, on the verge of shouting.
Harua, Maki, and K, who were with them in the car, were looking at them, clearly trying to hold their laughs.
“Oh…come on then, and all of you don’t be jealous, ok? You’re all welcome at my house too.”
“We know…Euijoo hyung is just extra welcome.” Maki said, a mischievous smile creeping out.
Nicholas glared at him.
“Hey,” Maki raised his hands, “Did I lie?”
“Maki, shut up, it’s already past your bedtime. Let’s go!” Harua said, slapping his head lightly.
“I knew I could always count on you, Harua,”
“Anytime, hyung.”
“Ok, kids, good night…let the lovebirds be.”
“Hyung!” Euijoo was getting out of the car, his cheeks the color of an apple.
“Bye! Have fun!” K winked as he closed the car door.
“They’re crazy,” Euijoo said while laughing.
“Yeah, they are, but we love them.”
“Unfortunately.”
“Says Mr. Euijoo, “I cry because I love my members so much”
“When did I ever-” Nicholas glared at him jokingly.
“Okay, I do shed some tears sometimes.”
When they got to Nico’s family apartment, the door opened without them even doing anything.
“Jie jie!”
“Hi, baby bro! Hi Euijoo, oh my god, you came!” She said while hugging Euijoo.
“Your sister had already opened that door 5 times; she was driving me crazy,” His mother said in an exasperated tone.
“Can I not be excited to see my little brother?”
“It seems like I lost my little brother post, damn.” Nicholas had the youngest bratty behavior around his family. Something he rarely showed to most people. Euijoo felt lucky he got to witness it.
“Come here, you idiot!” She said while pulling him into a bone-crushing hug.
“You’re crushing me! Mom! Your daughter is a demon!”
“Hey, you two! Let’s behave ourselves, we have a special guest today…hey sweetheart, sorry for my children’s behavior. Welcome to our home. I prepared a meal with some things Yixiang said you like. It’s not my specialty, but I tried my very best. Come join us!” She had the kindest smile on her face. Nicholas looked a lot like her when he smiled. It was cute.
“He’s so handsome, isn't he, lǎo gōng?” Nichola’s mother said, directing the question at her husband.
“More than me, bǎobèi?” Nico’s father raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, waiting for her answer.
“Oh, you old man, you’re lucky I love you.” She said while kissing his cheeks.
“Hey, you didn’t answer…,” He said, obviously loving to joke around with his wife, “You’re definitely more handsome than me, but don’t tell her I said that,” He whispered to Euijoo, trying to hold his laugh.
“Ba…Ma, stop embarrassing him, please, oh my god,”
“No, Nico, it’s ok…” He smiled and did a thumbs up to him, “You’re too kind, pó po and gōng gong, thank you for welcoming me at your home.”
Everyone suddenly went silent.
“Did I say something wrong?” Euijoo panicked.
“No, no…you just-” There was a mix of shock and happiness on Nicholas’ face.
“You just called mom and dad, mother-in-law, and father-in-law.” Euijoo’s sister intervened, speaking very kindly to him.
“Oh my god! I’m so sorry, I’ve been studying Mandarin a little bit, and I got everything mixed up. I hope I didn’t offend you, and I won’t-”
“It’s ok Euijoo, you’re already family to us, the term used really doesn't matter. How about I call you son? Is that ok? You’re our ér zi from now on, right baobei?” Nichola’s mom elbowed her husband.
“Yeah, of course, you have a new set of parents.”
Euijoo looked at Nicholas to see his reaction to that conversation and caught him blushing, looking everywhere but him.
God, he was so embarrassed. Nico would surely want any other person to be the one to call his parents like that. Not his best friend.
“Thank you, and I’m sorry again.”
“Hey, what did I say? And call me mā, I would like that very much.” She smiled brightly at him.
“Alright, mā.” Euijoo smiled shyly, trying to get used to the new term. Nicholas' family made him feel so comfortable. No wonder Nico was the way he was. He was definitely very well raised.
“Alright, kids, let’s eat!”
They sat around the table and had a wonderful dinner. Nicholas’ mom was a great cook, and the korean dishes she made especially for Euijoo tasted delicious.
After dinner, they talked for some time about the concert. Nico’s parents talked about their favorite songs, and his sister never missed the opportunity to mock Nico when she could. He caught himself wishing his family could be here too, in his most hidden fantasies, their families spent time together, eventually becoming one big family. That was just a silly dream, of course, but it made him happy to daydream about it sometimes.
“Euijoo, my dear, we’re going to bed, but feel free to keep the conversation going. I’ve already prepared Yixiang’s bedroom for you both. His bed is very big; it can fit you both nicely. Our guest room is full of stuff from this one right here,” she said, pointing to her husband, “I hope you don’t mind.”
“No, of course not. Nico and I have slept together plenty of- I mean, in the same bed, not-” He blushed so hard his head was about to explode.
“Right, right, I understood, dear,” she said, while putting one hand in front of her mouth to hide her laugh, “Good night, kids. See you tomorrow. Your sister must be really tired too, right darling?” She looked in her direction, gesturing for her to get up.
“Mā, I’m not ti-” Mom raised her eyebrow and didn’t say a word, “Right, yeah, we have so much to do tomorrow, I need to recover my energy after that concert.
She got up, and before going to her room, she stopped in front of Nico and looked at him, smiling.
“I’m proud of you, baby bro, you know that, right? I might fucking annoy you all the time, but I really am. Follow your heart, ok, dì di?”
“Ok, Jiě. I promise.” Nico’s voice came out shaky.
She kissed his cheek very sweetly, winked and smiled at them, and went to sleep.
That interaction was charged with so much more than Euijoo could understand, but even so, he could feel it was important to Nico.
˗ˋˏ♡ˎˊ˗
The night before, at the Wang family home.
“Have you seen Jjuju’s new hair color? I think orange is definitely his color. The other day, we went shopping, and he put on an orange shirt, and it lit up his face. The stylist definitely needs to get on that…I would be happy to do it, and I could add something from my collection too. What do you think? Wouldn’t it be amazing?” He felt himself smiling just thinking about it.
“I think you’re in love with him, my dude.” His sister said in her most deadpan voice, like she was talking about the weather or what she had for breakfast.
“What?!” He spat his iced americano right onto the floor.
“You know that, right? I mean, when you sent me that pic from a boy you barely knew and said he was the cute 02 liner and you and he had such a stark contrast, I had a hunch…he’s 100% your type, little bro.”
Nichola's mouth was agape. He knew he had made some questionable comments about Euijoo to his sister over the years, but he didn’t know he was that obvious.
“I never told you.”
“You didn’t have to. I know you like the back of my hand.”
“Yeah, you do…” He looked down.
“Hey, look at me,” She lifted his chin, “There’s nothing to be ashamed about. He’s your best friend. You love him. That’s just a different way of loving him.”
“Do you think bà and mā know?”
“Oh, they definitely do. You are as clear as water, but they would never ask directly; they know you need space when it comes to serious stuff. I just have a sister pass to make you mad at me for the greater good.”
“I’m not mad at you, Jiě…I’m just not used to talking about it out loud. It’s been so long since I’ve been quietly loving him. And it’s not painful, I’m happy to be by his side in whatever capacity, I just catch myself wishing more sometimes, and I bury it as much as I can, but when I start talking about Jju I just get lost in it. If he were a subject at school, he’d be my favorite,” Nico laughed at his own silliness, “God, it really is that bad.”
“Yep, baby bro. You have a severe case of loverboy disease.”
“Shut up! Oh my god!” He said, covering his face with both hands.
His sister stopped to think for a bit, and he knew that when she got like that, she was about to spit - what she thought was - the greatest idea she ever had.
“Invite him to come tomorrow, after the concert. And not in “I’m bringing my bros to my house” like the other time, just him, you, and us, and maybe you will feel more comfortable sharing your feelings. You don't have to do or say anything, I just think…It’d be nice if he came into your world and saw you. I mean, my baby bro has his attributes, I gotta give it to you. No comparison to my beauty and charm, but you're alright too.”
“Oh my god, you’re insufferable.”
“At your service, Weno.”
“I’m not…opposed to the idea. I’ve always dreamed of him spending some time here.”
“Just go for it then, silly!”
“What if he doesn’t love me back?” Nicholas whispered, voice shaking in fear of even saying those words out loud.
“Well, he’s going to lose the greatest catch in the whole of Taiwan, and I’m gonna take you out to drown your sorrows, deal?” His sister said, nudging his chest with her index finger.
“Deal.”
He knew his sister would pick up the pieces - like she always did - if everything went wrong.
Feeling this unconfident was an alien feeling for someone as sure of himself as Nicholas, but this was about Euijoo, his best friend, his Juju. The stakes were way too high.
˗ˋˏ♡ˎˊ˗
And that’s how Euijoo ended up there—a very perceptive sister, a long-time enormous crush, and a little bit of courage.
“Are you tired?” Nicholas asked him.
“Yeah, a little bit. I’m not that young anymore.”
Nicholas glared at him.
“Juju, you’re 23.”
“So? I have an old soul.”
“Let’s go to bed then, old man.”
“Hey, respect your elders, young man.”
“I’m the hyung here, so I can do whatever I want.”
“You will never let me live down those 2 months, right?”
“No!” Nicholas said, showing him his tongue.
He was so adorable. It was completely unfair and very bad for his heart.
They went to Nicholas’ bedroom and started undressing for bed. Something they had done countless times over the years, but it felt charged this time. They were both silent when they would usually be talking, exchanging glances here and there, faintly smiling.
Euijoo was taking his shirt off when he suddenly stopped.
“What’s wrong?” Nicholas asked.
“I have no clothes to change into.”
“That’s no problem, you can use my clothes. Take whatever you want from my wardrobe.”
“Thank you, Nico. I’m going to shower then.”
“Go ahead. I’m going right after you, I mean…not with you,” Nicholas blushed profusely, not being able to look Euijjo in the eye, “Alone…to shower.”
Euijoo burst out laughing. Not managing to control himself.
Nicholas finally looked at him, doing his typical eyebrow raise.
“Are you laughing at me, Euijoo-si?”
“No-” He kept laughing, putting both of his hands on his mouth, trying to control himself, and enjoying Nicholas’ adorable, annoyed, blushy face. “You’re adorable, Nichol.”
“Oh, am I?” He smirked, changing his posture to a more flirty one.
“Shut up, I’m going to shower, bye!” He almost ran, without looking back, and lost the look of pure love on Nico’s face.
˗ˋˏ♡ˎˊ˗
Everything smelt of Nicholas. The sheets, the pillows, the clothes he was wearing. He was everywhere and not close enough.
He should sleep; they were going to do so much tomorrow. Sleep was the best idea, but his body didn’t seem to agree. He felt every motion of Nicholas’ body, when Nico’s arm barely brushed his, making instant goosebumps, when his breathing changed pace, and his heart settled. It used to scare him, how attuned he was to Nicholas at all times, how he could know it’s him with eyes closed. He couldn’t help it; it was like second nature to pay attention to everything about Nico.
The night was silent. The world around them was asleep, unaware of the turmoil happening in their hearts.
Euijoo wanted to say something or just have the courage to move his hand a little further and take the hand he knew was very close to his.
Nicholas was waiting for the courage to kick in. In his heart, he knew it was now or never.
Eyes closed, but they both felt the other was awake.
“Nichol.”
“Juju.”
They both said at the same time.
“You speak first,” Euijoo said.
“No, no…you can go.”
“Nico…” Euijoo whispered. A desperation in his voice that suddenly worried Nicholas.
“Okay…can you look at me, Juju?”
“Yeah,” His voice barely audible.
They locked eyes, and there was something there. Something they had not yet allowed themselves to see. A different spark they only showed to each other.
Euijoo felt a light touch on his hands, Nicholas’s hands caressing his, feeling every line, every detail.
“Your hands are cold.”
“Yeah,” His voice broke. Oh, where did his breath go?
“Juju, I have something to tell you, and right now might not be the best moment in our lives to do this, but if not now, when? 6 years ago, I sent a picture of you to my sister. I thought you looked cute and scared like a baby deer, and wondered if you would even give me the time of day, given the way I looked. You did the exact opposite of what I imagined, even when I scared you with that whole chocolate story,” Nicholas smiled, clearly reminiscing about those memories, “you still came to me with an open heart, because you noticed how alone I was when no one did, you noticed how homesick I was and tried to make me feel better even though you weren’t quite prepared to deal with those feelings. You never took a step back and always walked by my side without asking or anything in return, and honestly, at first, I fought so hard not to feel all of this, to not notice you in ways I wasn’t allowed to. I tried to hide it, and I don’t want to do it anymore, not because I think you owe me anything, but because I want to let myself feel it. And if I think about it deeply, I’m only saying all of this to you today because you cared for me, you made me feel safe enough to be brave. I want to think of you every night before I go to sleep and when I open my eyes in the morning without feeling guilty. I don’t want to fear this, ok Juju? I would gladly break my heart to keep loving you without shame.”
“Oh…Nichol,” Tears were flowing like a river, slowly and surely. “You were so happy today, and I just wanted to keep looking at you, and I kept thinking that I wanted that smile to myself too, I wanted to be selfish for once, and let myself look at you. I’ve wanted-” Euijoo choked on his tears.
“Oh, bǎobèi, please, you could never be selfish. The selfless, Juju? Never. You always do so much for everyone…for me. You make life better in ways you don't even imagine, and I'm gonna make sure to tell you all about it every day, ok?”
“Yixiang…” Nicholas placed a hand on his face. Euijoo closed his eyes and sighed happily for a moment before speaking, “I never told you this before, but you were the first person I talked to my older sister about, at that time too. I remember saying to her that there was another boy from 2002, and I thought he looked intimidatingly handsome, and when I got to actually meet you and become friends with you, I kept noticing how beautiful you were in so many other ways, and God, I did not want to stop looking, and you looked back with that smile of yours, and I melted every single time. Sometimes I didn’t dare to hold on to those moments, but I wanted to. You have made me want to keep making memories with you in all of them. I don’t want you to break your heart, I want it whole, ok? Safe and sound for me. I want you to think of me when you go to sleep and when you wake up. I want to see your grumpy face every morning,” Euijoo laughed, “I want to kiss that face…” Euijoo smiled, blushing just thinking about it.
“So do it, Jju…kiss me,” Nico whispered with desperation in his voice, getting close to his face and looking at Euijoo's with so much want that it made Euijoo shiver in anticipation. Euijoo could feel his breathing and listen to his heart beating fast, just like his was. Beating at the same rhythm, synced like their bodies naturally knew what to do.
Euijoo closed the gap, and their lips touched for the first time. Nicholas felt the urge to touch Euijoo’s hair, and he did, bringing him even closer, delighting himself in the softness of his mouth and the hair he wanted to touch all the time. Euijoo sighed in the kiss when he felt Nico’s hand at the nape of his neck, opening his mouth to deepen the kiss. To feel the softness of his tongue and taste him like he wanted to for a long time. Their mouths moved like they already knew the path to bliss.
“I’ve wanted this for so long, Nichol…Ah,” Euijoo said, not wasting time and coming back to kiss Nicholas. This time, he was the one to go for the hair, touching it and pulling a little bit. He knew he was being bold, but Nico seemed to like if judging by the instant groan that came out of his mouth.
“Oh…you like that, Nico?” Euijoo whispered in his ear.
“I like it because you are the one doing it”
“Only I am allowed to touch it?” Euijoo’s voice went hoarse while he asked.
“Only you, Jju. Only you.”
Euijoo pulled it again, harder this time, exposing Nichola’s neck. He was so beautiful.
“You’re so beautiful.” He was allowed to say that now, he didn’t need to hide how mesmerized he was by Nico’s beauty.
He started to kiss his neck, taking his time savoring the taste of the skin, the sounds Nicholas was making.
“Come back.” Nicholas pulled him up, bringing him back to his mouth and kissing him with his mouth wide open, messy and not caring about it. Exploring Euijoo’s mouth with his tongue, licking and sucking and biting his lips very lightly. He would definitely never get tired of kissing Euijoo, and he didn’t know how he would control himself every waking moment now that he had finally tasted him.
“I love you, Juju,” He stopped the kiss to peck his lips several times while talking, “I love you, I love every bit of you, I love your lips,” He caressed Euijoo’s lips, “I’ve dreamed of this so many times and now you’re here, wearing my clothes, in my bed…kissing me and driving me absolutely crazy and I couldn’t be happier. I really couldn't, bǎobèi.” Nicholas caressed his cheeks and brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes to really look at him and admire the man he had loved for most of his adult life.
“I love that you called me that,” Euijoo said, shyly.
“Bǎobèi,” Nicholas said, even more sweetly, kissing his cheeks and his forehead, lingering there for a few seconds, letting his lips show the amount of love he put into that word.
“And I love you too, Nichol, I have for a really long time.” A tear slipped from Nichola’s eyes upon hearing those words. That blinding smile Euijoo loved so much, making an appearance and once again lighting up his world.
He really couldn’t believe that the boy he thought was handsome on the first day they met loved him back. His Nico loved him. He was unbelievably happy.
“Fuck, I need to kiss the fuck out of you,” Nicholas smashed his mouth onto his, making him laugh. They laughed and kissed. And finally allowed themselves to live what has always been theirs.
˗ˋˏ♡ˎˊ˗