Chapter Text
I am so sorry I didn't want you to find out this way. Go!
Mouth hanging open slightly she stares after the yellow blur in shock. She watches as he runs round and round the the tidal wave heading for the city. He told her to go, but she's frozen in place watching him.
Because holy shit Barry is The Flash. Barry Allen her best friend is The Flash. And she just can't quite wrap her mind around that. It had been Barry all along.
She can still feel his lips on hers, his hands on her face. And her heart is still racing and she knows she needs to move. So finally after counting to ten she turns her back to him and she runs too.
She doesn't get far.
At first she planned on going home and waiting there, but then she realized that Barry was trying to save the day and Mardon still had her father. No, there was no way in hell she was going to wait at home for them to come back safely.
When she reaches what she deems a safe distance away she waits. And waits and waits. She blocks out the screaming and the panic surrounding her. Her fingers clasp around her mother's wedding band hanging around her neck. It reminds her of Barry. Of his Christmas confession and now of his kiss. A kiss she doesn't want to forget. A kiss that she wants to repeat again and again. Because good lord it was amazing.
What about Eddie?
A nagging voice in her head puts a stop to her thoughts. Fuck. Eddie. Her boyfriend who she lives with. She thinks back to earlier that day in the police station when Barry had reassured her that he would bring her dad back. And now she realizes why he said that and how he could promise that. Because he would be the one bringing her dad back safely to her. In that moment it hadn't really mattered to her. But Eddie had been watching them, standing too close to each other with Barry's hands on her face. He must suspect something.
Shaking her head she decides she'll deal with that later when both Barry and her dad are safe. She and Barry will have to talk and she'll have to decide who she wants. Deep down she knows her answer and she thinks she's always known on some level. But until Christmas she never really thought about it, about him like that. And now it's all she can think about and she doesn't want to stop.
She watches as the wave gets smaller and smaller and gradually Barry slows down. Letting out a breath of relief she still waits. Around her people are cheering.
The Flash just saved the city.
No, Barry just saved the city.
Yeah that's going to take some getting used to.
Mardon is being handcuffed and put in the back of a police car just as the paramedics load her dad carefully into the back of an ambulance. They remind her that they are leaving and she quickly gets into the back and sits next to her father holding his hand.
Mardon is being handcuffed and put in the back of a police car just as the paramedics wheel her father on stretcher towards an ambulance. It had taken some time -too much in her opinion- from them to get him from the boat. As they roll past her her a gasp escapes her lips and her hands fly up to cover her mouth.
His face is bloodied and bruised and his right leg is bent at an unnatural angle. If she looks hard enough she thinks she sees bone protruding through his pants.
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.
She feels the bile rise up in her throat and she gags turning her head away. She thinks she might be sick as she bends over slightly trying to take some deep breath.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
A little calmer now she faces the ambulance again and one of the paramedics ask if she's riding with them and all she can do is nod as she climbs into the back of the ambulance with her father.
They've covered his leg now thankfully as she sits next to him and takes his hand in hers.
Just as they are about to leave something red catches her eye. Lifting her head she sees Barry -no, The Flash- standing outside the vehicle and for a moment he unblurs his face and gives her a nod and somehow she manages a weak smile in return as she grips her father's hand tighter.
The doors close and she can't seem him anymore. Her attention turns back to her unconscious father. His hand may not be holding hers back, but it's still warm and in that moment it hits her how close she came to losing him today.
They rush him into surgery once they get to the hospital and she is told to get comfortable in one of the waiting rooms. Logically she knows it's not a big deal. They have to fix his leg, give him some stitches. That's it. He'll be fine. But everything is catching up to her, the emotions of the day. He could've died. She could've died. The tsunami could have wiped out the city and everyone in it.
And then Barry's there and he doesn't say a word and his arms are around her gathering her to his chest. She grips the back of his shirt and holds on with everything she has. Her sobs are muffled against his shirt as she lets them out. There's something about the way he's holding her, almost protectively, that makes her want to just burrow deeper into his chest and never let go.
He kisses her hair and rocks her back and forth and she forgets that they are in the middle of the waiting room and people are moving about around them. It feels like they are the only two people in the world and she doesn't want to leave the safety that his arms provide her with.
Eventually she lifts her head to look up at him. His hands frame her face much like they did earlier and his thumbs wipe away what's left of her tears. He's looking at her so tenderly she wonders how on earth she missed his feelings for her, how she looked past him for so many years when he had been there all along.
She wants to kiss him. Just wants to lean up and press her lips to his. But she doesn't. Now is not the time or place. And they still have a lot to talk about. So instead with her palms resting flat on his chest she places a chaste kiss to his cheek, lingering a little longer than she normally would.
"Thank you," she tells him quietly.
"Of course," he responds softly. "I told you I would bring him back to you." He pushes some hair back from her face and looks at her seriously. "Iris you have to know that I would do anything for you."
All she can do is nod. Overwhelmed and choked up once again with emotion for how much she feels for this man, how much he means to her, how much she loves him. And she knows it's the same for him. He loves her unconditionally and with everything he has. She realizes it now, everything he has done for her has been because of this and she was just too blind to see it.
Behind them someone clears their throat and they spring apart and she can feel her face burning with embarrassment. Turning around she sees Eddie standing there. His face is completely blank and unreadable and she swallows.
Oh fuck.
She feels Barry's hand on her back for just a second as he excuses himself and she takes reassurance from his touch. But she has to force herself not to watch him walk away, that would be too cruel. She knows they've been caught and it feels like her heart as dropped into her stomach. This is not how she wanted this to happen.
"Eddie-"
"Don't," he interrupts her raising his hand and she thinks she shrinks back a little at his sharp tone. "Just don't." and there's a flicker of hurt in his eyes before it disappears and his face is once again emotionless.
And then he turns and walks away and she's alone again. With a heavy sigh she drops into one of the uncomfortable chairs and holds her head in her hands.
It's only going to get worse before it gets better.
Hours later the doctor comes to tell that shortly she can see her dad and she thanks him. She hasn't seen Barry or Eddie since earlier, but she has a feeling that Barry is around here somewhere she knows he wouldn't leave. Eddie on the other hand is probably long gone.
Taking out her phone she quickly texts Barry that her dad is out of surgery and they can go see him in a few minutes.
And just as she's about to follow the doctor into her dad's room Barry appears and she smiles at him.
"Hey."
"Hey."
She can tell he wants to say a million things but she just shakes her head. "We'll talk later?" Now she's just exhausted and all she wants is to see her dad and for this to be over.
He nods. "Yeah."
And then with a steady hand on her back he guides her into the hospital. Once they're inside he drops his hand and she wishes he would put it back because she can feel the gentle touch of his fingers through the layers of her clothing and it grounds her, reassures her that she's not in this alone. But she knows why. He doesn't want to attract unwanted attention to the change in their relationship. Not that she thinks her dad would pick up on it, but she understands. The last thing she needs is a lecture from her dad when she's not even sure what their relationship is right now.
All of those thought disappear the moment she sees him. Still a little groggy from surgery he grins when he sees the both of them and she runs to his side and carefully bends down to hug him.
"I was so scared, daddy," she cries as she feels his hand on her shoulder, comforting her.
"Me too baby girl. I'm just glad you're okay."
She misses the look he shares with Barry over her head. And later she'll learn he knew this whole time. And this will become even messier. But for now all she cares about is that her dad is okay.
She collapses onto the couch. It's nearing midnight and she's exhausted. Her body feels heavy and every movement drains her even more. She caught a cab on the way home from the hospital. And at first she was about to give the driver Eddie's address but then she realized she couldn't deal with that now. So here she is at home.
Barry enters the room a few seconds later and sits down on the other end of the couch making sure to keep some distance between them. God, when did this get so complicated? Okay she knows the answer to that. When Barry confessed his feelings at Christmas. And now she's thrown her own feelings into the mix.
It shouldn't be this hard.
With a sigh she turns her head still resting it against the couch cushion to face him. "He should be home in a couple of days." He nods and she sees relief cross his face. And then she asks, "is it okay if I crash here tonight?"
He tries his best not to look surprised, but his eyebrows arch up almost imperceptibly. "Yeah of course." But she can see all of the questions he wants to ask. He wants to know what it means that she's here and not with Eddie tonight. Unfortunately she doesn't have the answer to that because she's not quite sure what it means herself.
She nods her thanks and looks away from him. This whole situation is even more confusing the more she thinks about it.
"Iris, about what happened today-"
"Don't," she interrupts a little too harshly. She opens her mouth to continue, but shuts it quickly and tries to calm herself before she speaks again. She doesn't want to bite his head off. "I can't talk about this right now. All I want is to sleep. If we do this now I'll say things I don't mean and I-we'll talk tomorrow?"
She's afraid of what she'll say and afraid of what he'll say if they have this talk now. And really she's drained emotionally right now and sleep sounds so good, a nice distraction from everything. Also, she needs the time to figure out her thoughts. What she wants to tell him. Hell, what she wants to do about it. The problem is this doesn't just involve them, it's Eddie and Linda.
Barry nods. "Yeah of course. Tomorrow."
"I'm gonna head to bed," she says but doesn't move and neither does he. She faces him again and hesitates before speaking. "I-I just need to know. Earlier, it wasn't just because you thought we were going to die right? It wasn't a now or never thing? It was because you wanted to… because I-"
She stops herself before she says too much. The doubt and the fear that he had kissed her because of the situation has been floating around her in head since the hospital. She'd been worried it was nothing more than that. That it had nothing to do with his feelings for her.
"It was real," he responds immediately in a firm tone. She searches his face for any sign he's lying, but she sees none. "It was real, Iris."
The sincerity in his eyes just about kills her and she feels herself nodding because it's all she can do because it feels like her heart is in her throat, she doesn't think she could speak if she tried. And she's held in place by his gaze, unable to move. For a brief second she thinks about just staying here on the couch with him. But then thinks better of it.
Then she's pushing herself up off the couch. And just as she reaches the bottom of the stairs she manages to find her voice again and quietly says, "it was real for me too."
Upstairs she finds her room just how she left it. The walls are bare and there isn't anything that makes it personal. The bed is still in one corner and her dresser against the other wall. Thankfully she left some clothes here just in case she chose to spend the night occasionally along with some extra sheets and blankets for her bed. It's nostalgic really. She's been living with Eddie for about three months now so in reality it's not that long, but it feels like forever.
Crawling into bed she realizes it's smaller than she remembers it. The bed she shares with Eddie is much bigger even with the two of them on it. And that's when it occurs to her how strange it is to be alone in the bed. She's so used to having someone next to her, having that extra warmth and body nearby.
Eddie.
Closing her eyes she sighs. Really she should've texted Eddie told him she wasn't coming home tonight. Though she thinks that after he saw her and Barry he knew she wouldn't be, or maybe he didn't want her to. She wonders if he thinks she's cheating on him. And god, she really doesn't want to be that person. The cheater. She isn't a cheater. But she and Barry kissed while she's with Eddie and while he's with Linda. And she feels horrible about it, even when the kiss felt so right.
Turning onto her side she decides it's time to try and get some sleep, to forget this day and start over in the morning. Only it's not that easy. She can still feel Barry's lips on hers, she can still see that breathtaking smile when she told him she couldn't stop thinking about him. She also can still see him as The Flash. And that's still so hard to come to grips with. He had literally been right in front of her so many times. She had flirted with him for fuck's sake and he flirted right back and she didn't even know. But he kept it from her and that hurts, it hurts more than she thought it would.
She drifts off into a restless sleep in which she dreams about the tsunami and the kiss. Only this time something went wrong. He had kissed her and then he didn't come back to her. Time got reset and he had tried to ask her out again only she rejected him because she didn't feel the same way about him and she was happy and in love with Eddie.
Waking up she panics briefly when she doesn't register where she is. But as she sits up and looks around the room she remembers that she's at the house and in her old bed. The dream wasn't real. Barry didn't reset the timeline. She remembers her kiss with Barry still, really she doesn't think she could ever forget it.
Looking over at the clock she sees that it's four in the morning and she knows there is no way she'll be able to go back to sleep after that and decides that hot chocolate sounds really good and comforting. So she gets out of bed and makes her way downstairs wearing only an old CCPD shirt that -thankfully falls around mid thigh- and her underwear.
As she passes the couch she sees Barry laying flat on his back one arm flung over his face the other dangling off the side almost touching the floor. One leg rests on the back of the couch and the other is over the armrest. He's too long for the couch and yet he looks comfortable. His mouth hangs open ever so slightly and she can't help but pause and watch him sleep for a minute or two.
Against her will her lips tug upwards in a smile at the sight of his sleeping form and she wants to touch him. Wants to just reach out and trail her fingers down his face or run them through his hair, really just something. But she also doesn't want to wake him and if she did she would have to explain what she was doing and she really, really doesn't want to have to do that. Because that would just be mortifying. Suddenly a thought enters her head. One about waking up next to Barry in the morning wrapped in his long limbs, snuggled against his chest and it sounds so fucking perfect.
Shaking her head she tries to banish the thought. She can't have that. At least not right now and she shouldn't be thinking about it either. Realizing that watching him sleep isn't helping she continues her trek to the kitchen making sure she treads quietly and avoids all the squeaky floorboards.
Once in the kitchen she continues to try and be quiet as possible as she makes herself hot chocolate, making sure she stops the microwave before it beeps. She shouldn't be all that worried, Barry can sleep like the dead and after the day they had she doesn't think he'll wake too easily.
As she sips her hot chocolate she scrolls through the picture on her phone. And she finds herself lingering on the ones of her and Barry. Ones before the particle accelerator explosion back when things were simple. She looks at how happy they were. It dawns on her just how much they look like a couple in some of the pictures and she feels her heart constrict in her chest.
She pauses on one that she doesn't remember being taken and she thinks someone must of sent it to her because it's clear neither of them we aware someone was taking a picture of them. They must have been at a party because there are people around him and he's sitting in a chair and she's sitting sideways in his lap so that her side is pressed against him and he has an arm around her and they are just looking at each other and grinning like idiots. Like they are lost in their own little world. Just looking at the picture she can remember this night, she had dragged Barry to the party and she had been a little tipsy on wine and decided to share a chair with him. She remembers the way he held on a little too tight to her and they way she didn't notice. She also remembers the next day when she had been too hungover to function that he took care of her.
That's when she comes to the conclusion that she's an idiot. Looking at these pictures it's obvious he was in love with her then. And she wishes they could go back to before the particle accelerator, before Eddie, before everything that has made their lives so complicated to the time when it was simple. And she wishes she would have realized it on her own and maybe they could have been together and happy.
Before she can dwell too much on the past she flicks to the next picture. Once she reaches one's of her and Eddie she realizes she doesn't feel that same longing. She can remember them, but not always in great detail.
"Hey."
She jumps, startled she fumbles with her phone trying to lock it before he can see what she's looking at it and then for good measure she places it face down on the table. He's standing in the entryway leaning against the wall one eyebrow arched at her and her odd behavior. She doesn't pay it any mind because she's too distracted by him. His hair is sticking up in every direction and he rubs his hands over his eyes and his clothes are rumpled and yet he still looks really good. Blushing furiously she looks down at the table not wanting to get caught staring at him like that.
"Hey," she greets back faintly. And she knows she waited just a little too long to respond.
"What are you doing?" his voice is thick with sleep and she doesn't think she's ever heard anything sexier.
Dammit. She came down here to clear her head not for him to distract her like this. And not to turn her into a bumbling idiot.
"I-I couldn't sleep," she stutters slightly before regaining control of her words. "I didn't wake you did I?"
"No," he reassures her with a half-smile. "But I saw the light on in here."
She nods. And he crosses his arms over his chest leaning more fully against the wall and he watches her. They sit in silence as she finishes her drink and looks anywhere but him and when she gets up to put her mug in the sink she notices the way he appreciatively takes in her appearance, lingering on her bare legs. And she freezes in place, because damn she really likes the way he's looking at her right now and she also kind of wants to tug her shirt down a little self-consciously.
With her back to him she rinses her mug and tries to calm herself before she faces him again. When she does he's still standing in the same spot, but his eyes are on her, burning right through her. Before she really knows what she's doing her legs are moving her towards him like she's being pulled in his direction by some imaginary force and she's powerless to stop it or maybe she's just done fighting that pull that has been there all along.
She stops in front of him her toes bumping against his. That's the only part of them touching, but the air seems to crackle around them and the tension is heavy in the air. All she can do is stare at him, paralyzed. Flicking her eyes over his, observing the way his green eyes get a shade darker, and she looks at the freckles on his neck and she wants to reach out and touch or better yet kiss them. Okay getting ahead of yourself a little bit there aren't ya, Iris? She watches the way his eyes dart quickly down to her lips and then back up to her eyes. And unconsciously she licks hers and notices the way he swallows, the way his adam's apple bobs in his throat.
He makes the first move. Reaching his hand out he touches his fingertips to her cheek skimming them against her skin until they reach her neck and his thumb lightly grazes against her jaw before rubbing along her bottom lip, gently pulling it from between her teeth and she didn't even realize she had been biting it. She leans into his touch and steps a little closer to him so that one of her legs is between his. His thumb on her lip sends jolts of electricity through her and she finds herself holding her breath in anticipation of what he's going to do next.
He stands up a little straighter so he's no longer leaning against the wall and his fingers slide to the back of her neck and she can feel his warm breath fanning across her face. His nose almost playfully bumps against hers and she tilts her face upwards toward him. And then he stops suddenly right before his lips touch hers and she realizes he's asking for her permission. She gives him the slightest nod and sees the corner of his lip quirk up and her heart is pounding wildly in her chest and in her ears and she wonders if he can hear it just as loudly as she can.
"Barry," begs in a whisper just as his lips brush against hers.
And it's the softest touch of his lips against hers, feather light like it's not even there, but there's faint pressure that assures her that it's real, that he's kissing her. And she thanks god for that otherwise she might think she's dreaming again.
For a few moments it's just their lips pressed together, nothing more and then his fingers curl in her hair and his other hand lands on her waist drawing her closer. That's when her eyes fall shut and she hooks her arms around his neck pulling herself even closer to him and he responds by sighing into her mouth. And then his tongue traces the seam of her lips and she grants him access, parting her lips under his and a low sound emits from the back of her throat.
The kiss quickly changes from chaste to something much more intense. Their lips move frantically, fervently together, almost to a desperate degree. Her tongue twists and tangles with his and she tastes him as she sucks and licks his lips, biting down ever so gently and he moans right into her mouth and she decides that she wants to hear that again, over and over. Her hands move down his chest where she grips his shirt and his have slipped under her shirt touching her back as she arches into him.
Somehow, she's not really sure how, she starts moving backwards and his hands drift over the curve of her ass down to the back of her thighs and then he's lifting her up with ease like she weighs nothing and she has to wrap her legs around him to hold on. Their mouths separate and she buries her face in his neck pressing light teasing kisses to his freckles as he carries her over to the counter and placing her on it and she doesn't even notice how cold it us under her because he's making her feel warm all over.
Now that they are level she raises her head to meet his darkened eyes and this time their lips crash together as they resume right where they left off.
She kisses his him deeply, thoroughly and he's just as fierce in his kisses and it's like they are making up for lost time. Her hands are on his neck as she angles her head to the side allowing for the kiss to be even deeper and she thinks she's drowning in this kiss, in his mouth on hers, his hands on her skin. In the back of her mind she's aware that his hands aren't wandering, they are staying safely on her sides or her back, never going too high. Meanwhile hers are playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. And somehow the kiss slows down in intensity. Now it's more about exploring and taking their time.
And then he's pulling away, not before lightly sucking on her bottom lip and then he drags his mouth from hers. Chest heaving as she tries to get air back in her lungs she drops her head to his shoulder and his hands rub her back trying to calm her down. That's when it hits her, what they had been doing, the fact that she's only wearing a shirt and her underwear and here she is on the counter. She knows it wasn't going to go any further, but still.
Once her breathing is under control she feels him kiss her temple and it's such a sweet gesture that she can't help the small smile tugging at her lips. And she knows she could have this with Barry. It all feels so natural, nothing strange about making out with her best friend in the kitchen at four in the morning.
She lifts her head and as if he knows where this is headed he takes a step away from her.
"We," she starts, but stops quickly not knowing how she wants to word it, or even if she knows what she wants to say, because really her mind is still a little jumbled from that kiss.
"I know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."
"It was both of us."
"Yeah."
He helps her down from the counter even though she really doesn't need it. And then he goes back to the couch and she goes back to her bed even though they both know they won't be getting anymore sleep tonight.