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"Hey, I'm back…"
It was still early evening when Yumehisa entered their shared apartment after a rather long walk. The sun had already set. The hallway was illuminated only by a tall lamp, standing in a corner next to the bookshelf, titles removed and scattered about the house. It gave the apartment a rather cosy atmosphere, a little warm bubble in the ongoing cold autumn days.
"Ah, Mamiya-kun! Welcome home~" Natsume tilted his head back upside down over the headrest of his favourite armchair, looking at Yumehisa with a sleepy smile, "I was just about to watch a TV show, would you like to join?"
Yumehisa caught his gaze, but looked away quickly, focusing on untying and taking off his shoes to avoid it. He still saw him in the corner of his vision, though.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure…" he mumbled in response, still lost in his thoughts, his mind going back to a conversation he had during the walk.
Neither of them knew when it happened, but this sort of arrangement became a weekend routine of sorts. If they didn't have any other plans on that particular evening, they'd get cosy together on Natsume's ridiculously large armchair (which Yumehisa jokingly called his grandpa chair, much to the blonde's pouty dismay) with some snacks, pull a blanket over themselves and watch a few episodes of a TV show or a movie, until either of them felt too sleepy to continue. Usually it was Natsume, and Yumehisa couldn't count anymore how many times he had to practically drag him off the chair so he would go sleep in the bed proper.
And so, Yumehisa put away his jacket on the coat hanger, made sure the door was locked, and made his way over to the armchair, where Natsume had already scooted over to make room for him. It wasn't that big, really, could barely seat the both of them, but the closeness stopped bothering them a long while ago.
Damn it, Yumehisa thought, feeling the warmth of Natsume's body cuddling up to him so casually, making his cheeks warm in turn, When did this become so commonplace…?
Once they were both comfortable, Natsume reached to grab his favourite blanket (a birthday gift from Minato several years ago), enveloping them both in the pleasant softness of the material.
"So," Yumehisa hummed, "what'd you pick out today?"
He stared at the unfamiliar landscape on the TV screen, with no title visible. It looked rather dated, judging by the camera quality and the square-ish aspect ratio.
"Twin Peaks," Natsume responded. "It's somewhat of a cult classic. I've heard a lot of good things about it, but I've never seen the actual show before, so I got curious."
He sounded so optimistic, his voice sweet like honey and so close to Yumehisa's ears. The instant he stepped into the warmth of their shared apartment, everything he’d been wondering about just minutes before in the cold air had vanished. The only thing of importance became just here and now. With Natsume's warmth, the scent of his favourite vanilla and sandalwood incense, and the melodious sound of his voice.
"Mm, sure," Yumehisa mumbled, pulling the blanket over half his face. "Sounds interesting. Go for it."
Without further ado, Natsume clicked the un-pause button, put the remote away and cuddled up closer to his roommate.
Yumehisa knew the man before him was not the best material for a romantic partner— nor any kind of partner, really. He knew better than anyone how selfish and stubborn Natsume could be, how toxic and possessive his behaviours could get. But he also knew better than anyone that he was already damned, fully enchanted by this egotistical man and his many flaws.
And behind those flaws, Natsume was an unbelievably loving and loyal person. Someone sweet, caring and attentive. It felt like a paradox, really. But one that had fully captured Yumehisa's heart and mind. He mused that Natsume was a textbook example of a human as god intended, so full of contradictions yet still striving to be good.
The show, as it turned out, was about a detective investigating the murder of a high school girl, her body mysteriously washed ashore a river of a small, remote town. Though admittedly, Yumehisa couldn't fully focus on it, his thoughts still going back to the conversation he had with his brother's boyfriend just a few hours ago.
Natsume can be… a bit of a handful. I damn well know that. But if there's anybody out there who could really handle him in full, hell, I bet that would be you.
They've known each other since they were kids, after all. And now, they've been living together for a few years. Morichika was right: if there really was anybody out there who truly understood Natsume and could take the full extent of his whims, it was probably only Yumehisa. Maybe a confession wasn't that stupid of an idea.
"Hey, Mamiya-kun…" a quiet voice brought him back to reality, a pair of red eyes gleaming in the dim light of their living room. Yumehisa didn't even notice when their position changed, Natsume now practically nestled in front of him, tilting his head back to look at him the same way he did when he greeted him after his return.
The tone of his voice was all too familiar, and didn’t inspire much confidence. Yumehisa prepared for the question that he already knew was coming. Years of being near Natsume have taught him to somewhat follow his thought process.
"Yeah?" he stared back at the blonde man cuddled up in his arms, wondering once again when did they even get so comfortable with being this close physically.
"If I suddenly acted weird one evening… and then, the next morning my body was found, washed up on the shore like this… or maybe found somewhere deep in the woods…"
His words were almost eerily calm, and had Yumehisa not been used to it, he would probably be creeped out by his ghost of a smile.
"…what would you do? Would you find out who did it?" Natsume blinked at him, long lashes fluttering innocently as if he didn't just ask a question that would leave most people confused, wondering if he was serious, and struggling for a proper answer.
Yumehisa, however, didn't really have to think long.
"Idiot," he huffed, flicking Natsume's forehead and earning a small kyah! from him, "You always act weird. How the hell would I know?"
He took some amusement in the way Natsume pouted, offended, rubbing his forehead as if the flick was the most painful thing that happened to him in the last century. Yumehisa's expression softened then, and he gave him a small resigned smile.
"…It wouldn't happen, because I wouldn't let you go. I would not let you just disappear into the night on your own."
Yumehisa smiled further at the quiet, surprised gasp that left Natsume's lips. Judging by his reaction, he probably passed whatever imaginary test the blonde gave him, yet the red eyes still seemed to pierce his very soul, digging further. As if looking for a confirmation, a sign.
Somewhere in his heart, Yumehisa was secretly hoping they were looking for the same one.
He readjusted himself a little in the armchair, with the mental excuse of making sure they were both sitting comfortably again after what seemed like two hours of shuffling around. Yet somehow, it felt like they were so much closer, now. Yumehisa could feel Natsume's heartbeat faintly.
"Well, if you did disappear…" he continued, watching the man in his arms perk up at his voice, "I'd spend as long as it takes to find you, anyway. I wouldn't give up."
In mere seconds Natsume turned away from him, but Yumehisa still managed to catch a faint glimpse of what seemed like a slight tint of a blush on his cheeks, if his imagination wasn't playing tricks on him.
"Haha… I'm… I'm glad to hear that."
The corner of Natsume's lips twisted into a smile again, and he relaxed further into the armchair. It must have really been the answer he was looking for. At least Yumehisa really hoped it was.
Sometimes, Natsume seemed like he couldn't really find himself, in the desert of daily life and personal struggles, and it felt like he didn't quite comprehend that he wasn't ever alone in that. It was a human experience. And Yumehisa swore in his own heart that he'd always find him.
"Yeah. Now, could you please go back like twenty minutes?" Yumehisa sighed, pinching Natsume's cheek playfully and earning another surprisingly cute squeak of protest. "I couldn't understand a damn thing that happened because of your weekly doomsday scenario."
His head felt much clearer now than before, charged with renewed determination. He will remain here, by the side of this enigmatic yet simple man, until perhaps one day Natsume will understand that there is indeed love for him out there.
Much closer than he might've thought.