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She dreamed the world was ablaze.
Her mind writhed, consuming itself, a wick in the maelstrom, every movement stoking the fire. She danced madly with her head in her hands, choking, choking, everything was going dark, she tried to scream but her rage died on her tongue, there was nothing she could do. She tried to cry out.
The dream shifted.
Diana. No soot could dull her gleam. She reached down, hand extended; she was saying something, but Donna couldn’t make the words out. She was confused, alone; her face contorted in rage at Diana’s insipid pity. Nothing mattered but those despicable, relentless cow eyes, boring into her. There was nothing past the surface to see. Donna was empty, so empty. Her hands flexed around the sword and whipped it at Diana’s hand with a savage roar. The spine of the blade trembled and nearly snapped as the blade flexed, her arm aching with the vibration of the blow. She swung again and again and again, hacking madly, threatening to bury Diana in her rage, trying to force her down, down past the flames, into the cinders, and grind her face into the ash.
The bracelets caught the blow each time.
Diana reached for the lasso, her hand dropping, and Donna leapt at the chance. The sword hurtled towards Diana’s neck and-
She woke up in a cold sweat. She felt sick. Her body was in revolt, struggling wildly against… nothing. The sheets were tangled around her neck; she tore them away, thrashing against their dead weight. It was just a dream.
But she knew the truth. It was a vision of the beginning… and the end. Diana had saved her life, and Donna would repay that kindness with bloodshed. I am going to kill her.
Donna lurched out of her room and towards the floor’s central common area and kitchenette by the stairwell, blindly reaching for a glass. Her fingers shook. The cold water brought her back to herself, and she drank greedily. When she turned, leaning against the cold counter, Raven sat in a chair by the table. Not Raven, she corrected herself. Rachel.
Donna couldn’t meet her eyes… but she didn’t want to leave. She sat in the chair opposite Rachel, back pushed against the wall. She had a hand on the table but she looked to her right, fixing her gaze on some distant point; the long, dark night stretched out in front of her, embroidered with starlight. “It’s happening more often.”
Rachel took Donna’s hand in hers. “You’re going to have to get to the bottom of this, Donna. It’s not fair to the team. The only way to control your emotions is to confront this head on.” Rachel’s thumb swept across Donna’s hand in long, slow, soothing motions. “I’m afraid we’re losing you… we’re losing you to something you won’t share with us. We Titans stick together, it means none of us have to carry our burdens alone.” Rachel’s voice took on a strange quality, one Donna had never quite heard before. Her expression was complicated. “Donna… I want you to prove me wrong.”
Rachel was still for a long time. Donna almost began to pull away- almost.
Donna turned back to the kitchenette, resting her head against the wall. It was cool. She shivered with the chill.
“My earliest memory is the fire,” she began. “The fire and Diana in the middle of it all, reaching out to me. She was my sister, Rachel, my whole life. As long as I can remember. She gave me everything I have… a home, a family, my skills, my powers.” She clenched a fist in her lap. “She gave my life back to me. She gave me a dream. It all seemed so cut and dried on Themyscyra, so clear, so easy. I followed her into the unknown so happily. I asked for my powers, asked to take on the responsibility of bringing the dream of Themyscyra back to Man’s World… everything I’ve ever had has been a gift. All I’ve ever wanted was to give them back, all of them, to show the world a better way, but I’m afraid I’ve lost the path. I’m losing myself, Rachel, one piece at a time. I don’t know if anything I’ve done has even made a difference.” Rachel came before her, sat in front of her while she dried her tears, took her hands into hers.
Rachel’s voice was so soft, full of hidden galaxies and nebulas of feeling Donna could only glimpse into, deep oceans of strength. “Donna Troy, I swear to you- you have made a difference.”
Donna was so close, so close, until their foreheads touched, and there was nothing but the smell of Rachel’s shampoo, a whisper of incense, and her body began to relax, and she began to breathe deeply and evenly.
Soon, Donna stood on the beach, the wind murmuring gently in her ear. She held two glasses in her hands. She turned her gaze up at the sable night. She poured the first libation, dark wine, spilling it on the ground with a whispered prayer; the second, milk and honey, soon followed, saving only the last of it for herself. The ground drank happily, and night wheeled on. The beginning and the end, she thought. All confused. She felt she was caught up in a thousand thousand invisible cords, binding her, dragging her from one scene to another. Is my life really my own?
She went back to the tower.
When the call went out that evening, she left behind her sword and shield, left the armor. She took her bracelets, and her lasso, and when she came to the beach at the foot of the tower her feet left the ground, sand stirring gently in her wake. Ahead of her was the fire of a single bright star, and there was a shadow of midnight blue by her side.
-
She was together with Plasmus, falling into another world. His mind was a tangled web, falling into itself, working itself into knots before tearing itself free, becoming snarled once again in its desperate rage. She pulled the lasso taut, resisting the encroaching tide of his mind, keeping him at length. Under the rage there was fear, but that wasn’t the end. She gazed down, down into the boiling murk, and saw a loneliness so profound her heart seemed to slowly beat in time with his, tied by cords of sympathy. Their minds were entwined by the lasso. She was dimly aware of her body straining against his, the sound of the Titans in battle. She put it out of mind. The true battle was here.
“I’m here with you, brother,” she said, willing him to hear her. “You are not your loneliness, you are not a cry of pain- I command you, remember your face, and find your voice!”
The world narrowed until her mind raced along the lasso like a lightning bolt on a wire, through the writhing abyss, through the sludge, burning it away, and something at the end of the lasso urged her on, invited her, pleaded for her to follow. She let it lead her. It tugged at her mind until their wills were one, falling down, down, and together they cried out in her voice- “Show me the man!”
There was no more of the ooze. All was a clean, pristine black, then it was ringed in an ocean of warm brown, and then white, and she stood face to face with a young man, unsure of himself. “Hello, Otto,” she said. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Donna. Donna Troy.”
His voice was hoarse from disuse, even within his own mind. “The pleasure’s all mine.” He brushed away a tear and marveled at the play of the light dancing through the tear balanced on his finger. “I’m awake, aren’t I? I can feel that thing, feel its body.” He shuddered. “I don’t want to be that thing anymore.” His shoulders sagged. His body began to tremble. No, not his body, she reminded herself. His mind. They were still within the lasso’s power. She took his hand in hers and held his gaze. You do not have to bear this burden alone. Not today.
“Do you want me to help you?” He nodded and closed his eyes. He looked so young.
“Take deep breaths, Otto. You’re not alone anymore.” She reached out, and the lasso was there, her mind playing across that which united their two wills as one. “Find your peace. Rest.”
Before, she had wielded the lasso with crushing strength, her spirit contending against that blind, ruthless hatred. Now, his mind walked in step with hers, dignified, searching for that deep, peaceful sleep, approaching it like an old friend. He had lost sight of it so long ago, couldn’t find it himself. She stopped, and he kept going. He slowed at the precipice. She couldn’t see past it, couldn’t follow him. That last step into the deep was not a part of her journey, and so her mind couldn’t grasp it as their minds began to pull apart.
“I’ll visit you. I promise.” He didn’t turn to face her.
“I’d like that. Thank you, Donna.”
And then he was gone.
She felt her body once more and opened her eyes. The Titans stood around her, silent. Otto lay in her arms, having found his peace; she felt small, and sad, and didn’t know why. She brushed away a tear and watched the light play across it on her finger. This is why I came to Man’s World. I can stand by them where no one else can.
“Let’s take him where he’ll be safe.” Robin’s voice was soft. Donna nodded, and gathered her flight deep within. She wondered if Otto felt her feet leave the ground.