Work Text:
The basement was pitch black, it always was when they were practising but today it felt off, almost oppressive, at least to Josh.
With them finally gaining popularity everything was harder now, there were so many eyes on them, picking them apart, picking what they have apart, it was driving him insane to the point he could barely even think about playing properly all he wanted was the bond that they shared to remain theirs, the complexities of what they were.
They're not just best friends but they're not lovers either or maybe they were in a way? They loved each other in way that couldn't be vocalised by the human mind.
By the time Josh finally snapped back to reality he realised Tyler was staring at him, slightly worried, he manged to decode that Tyler was asking him if he was okay, he assured Tyler that he was alright just tired. He didn't believe him, of course he didn't Josh was clearly fighting tears but prying wouldn't do any good, he would just have to pray that Josh talked to him.
As much as he tried to focus, he was fighting a losing battle.
“I think we should take a break, yeah?” He barely registered Tylers words but nodded anyway, deciding to check Instagram to see how their new post was doing but he immediately regretted it when he opened the comments just to see thousands of their fans asking if they're dating just because of how they were posed in a promotional photo, he turned his phone off throwing it onto a nearby table, not really caring if it gets damaged because at least that means he wouldn't have to see the prying eyes tearing him apart.
Tyler walked back into the room with two glasses of water for them both, handing one to Josh.
“What’s wrong? Seriously, you're never like this” As much as Tyler tried to sound caring and supportive to Josh it felt like a dig at him
“I said I’m fine I just had a late-night last night” The words sounded hollow and fake, he knew that but he couldn't vocalise it, the words got lost in his throat.
Tyler frowned, what wasn't he telling him?
Josh tried to pick up his sticks and play again but just stared at his drums feeling his eyes well up, he took a deep breath and just tried, he finally started playing but it was less him as himself and more autopilot, he had played this song maybe a hundred times at this point.
He swung his stick down again, hitting the side of the drum but he didn't stop, in that moment he broke, swinging the stick down harder and harder each time on to the metal knife that surrounded the batter head until it splintered and broke, sending the other half through the air.
Josh felt warm tears start to leave tracks down his sweat stained face, he could barely catch his breath like his lungs had shrunk to that of a small animal, he tried to stand but just collapsed to the floor, Tyler ran to catch him but watched him fall and sank to his knees.
“Josh, hey, hey, hey, I'm here” He grabbed him by the shoulders to stop him fully falling into himself.
Josh was just a heap on the floor, he wrapped his arms around Tylers middle feeling his warmth radiate through his hoodie, he leaned into his neck slowly feeling a cold wet patch draw itself into Tyler’s black hoodie.
“I’m so scared” It was muffled by the fabric but still intelligible.
“I’m sorry, I just wanted today to feel normal” He lifted his head up to meet Tyler’s eyes.
“Don’t be sorry, I know it's scary but it’s less scary because I have you” He stroked Josh’s hair out of his face.
“Our lives might never feel “normal” again but we have each other and nothing can change that”
Josh nodded apprehensively.
“But they're saying so much and I hate it, I don’t want them to know what we have”
Tyler bit his lip, he knew what Josh was feeling hell he felt it too.
“I don’t care what they say, it won’t change us, I still love you”
“I love you too” It was weak and scared but Josh meant it and most importantly Tyler knew that and he meant it too. They loved each other and no amount fear or whispers could change that.
Tyler pulled away slightly grabbing Josh’s hand.
“I’m going to trace your fingers and what I want you to do is breathe in as I trace up and breathe out as I trace down, think you can do that?” It was a rhetorical question, Tyler knew that, he knew Josh could.
“...I think...I think I can do..that” Josh nodded, still unable to catch his breath.
Tyler started tracing up the side of his thumb, he heard Josh take a shaky deep breath, holding for a second as Tyler reached the tip and slowly breathing out when his finger stared gliding down the other side letting the cycle repeat until Tyler had finished.
He was calmer now but he was exhausted still letting out hiccupped sobs, he let Tyler slowly wrap his arms around his waist pulling him closer.
“’m tired” Josh mumbled into Tyler’s hoodie.
“Wanna go take a nap? It’s still pretty early”
Josh got out a small “mhm” before he was lifted up by Tyler, Josh was impressed that Tyler could lift him even with Tyler being taller Josh was still heavier due to having more muscle mass then Tyler, stronger than he looks I suppose Josh thought to himself.
The last thing he remembers is Tyler placing him onto the bed, getting on the other side and pulling Josh closer to him, Josh let himself melt into Tyler as the other man's hand found its way into his hair, slowly combing through it until he started hearing Josh’s breathing become more controlled and small snores started to fill the room, he dropped his hand back down to Josh’s clothed ribs and let himself also slip into the warm embrace of sleep.