Work Text:
I never knew you’d get so reckless.
You leapt onto those train tracks at the station,
And then you went.
I still remember when I came to you,
All lonely and cold.
I took you by my side,
And you clung onto me, like you couldn’t live without me.
I asked myself,
“If things were different, between you and me…
Would you be more than just my friend?”
I still remember how the cicadas buzzed about that night.
I still think about your return.
You’ll come back someday.
You always do that.
You were always so stubborn like that.
I still have the keychain you bought me.
It feels useless now, without the matching piece you have.
That January, when you left me.
I still wait patiently,
And still, I bring myself to tears just thinking about you.
By February, they’ve already placed a glass vase on your desk in remembrance.
I sit next to it, staring endlessly at the lilies slowly wilting during class.
I wondered if I should’ve known sooner.
I wondered if I should’ve given you the help you needed.
I wondered if I were to blame for what you’ve done to yourself.
I wondered if I caused this to happen to you.
That I did this.
Each night, I dream about you.
My lips grazing yours.
Mine and your shirts already undone.
Your limbs intertwined with mine.
I wanted one last moment with you,
Before you faded away.
I cried that day I lost you.
I screamed your name at the same station like it could bring you back,
Echoing into the black void.
I hear your voice sometimes.
“You were always my friend.”
I want to reply back,
But my voice is strained
And I choke out with a sob.
It’s now June.
And I’m still waiting for you.
I asked myself,
”If things were different between you and me…
Could we have become lovers instead in this sick world?”
I ran to that station and tears stain my cheeks.
The cicadas sung beautifully tonight,
Even if it was in the summer rain.
My uniform was damp and yet,
I kept on.
I wanted you to come back to me,
You promised me.
You promised you’ll always stay by my side, no matter what.
You promised.
And yet, nothing has happened.
The keychain is still hanging on my bag,
Hoping to be connected by yours again.
That January, when you left me.
I still recall it clearly.
How much I wept that day.
How long I thought about you.
How many times I believed you weren’t gone.
That boy that I wanted back.
Hair of light silver and fair skin,
Eyes blue as the sky,
And hands that once held mine.
I want to be complete again.
I want you to possess me,
So we can be together once more.
I cried pathetically at the station until I saw you on the tracks.
You were ghastly white.
Transparent, even.
Your uniform was crumpled.
Your hair was unkempt.
And then…
You smiled.
And waved at me.