Work Text:
He was cold, he shouldn’t be cold一why was he cold? Grian was right there with his arm lazily thrown over his chest, his head tucked in Scars neck. Warm, Grian was warm, but why didn’t he feel it? Why?
He tightened his grip on the avian, it did nothing, he couldn’t feel him. What was happening? Why isn’t everything the way it’s supposed to be? Why was everything so wrong? Scar squeezed his eyes tight, afraid that he’d see something that terrified him if he opened them. He wanted to stay there一to have everything be right. But his heart refused to let him bask in ignorance. It pushed at him, telling him to open his eyes一 face reality, face the truth. But Scar was stubborn, he always was. Grian had told him that was one of the reasons he loved him, he found it endearing, and sometimes entertaining. When Scar was being exceptionally stubborn, his husband would wear that dopey smile that he loved so much, his lovers laugh would carry through the wind like a melody一one that Scar welcomed at any time. His world would feel hollow without Grian right there next to him. A void would overtake the spot he held in the vex’s life.
Scar gave in to the demands of his heart, and opened his eyes. The fear washed away the moment he saw that smile, the one that glowed so bright that the sun paled in comparison. Everything was right. He was home, he was right where he wanted to be.
Why did it still feel so wrong?
The warmth from Grian had started to fade, Scar didn’t know when, or why he was becoming colder. Maybe it was the room, it was starting to become fall, maybe the window wasn’t closed fully, and a breeze had found its way inside. That had to be it一nothing else, nothing else could cause Grian to become colder. At least nothing that Scar could think of. Maybe there was something that could, but his mind was refusing to let him entertain that thought. Maybe.
A buzzing sound caught Scars attention, it was faint, but it sounded like an alarm. He had set an alarm the night before hadn’t he? But his phone was on the bedside table, why was it so quiet? He hadn’t decreased the volume of his alarm because if he did, he knew he’d miss it and continue sleeping. Grian had lectured him about that once after they had been late to one of their bi-weekly meetups with their friends. Scar remembered him ranting to him about the importance of time and time management, and that being late was a reflection of poor self-management. But of course, Grian couldn’t stay mad at him forever一especially after Scar gave him his signature puppy-dog eyes that worked nearly every time.
The sound of the alarm grew louder, as if it was moving. Or maybe it wasn’t, was this a dream? No, it couldn’t be. Why would he be dreaming about cuddling with his husband, he does that in reality every night, shouldn’t he be dreaming about exciting adventures or that castle in the sand that weasels its way into his dreams every once and a while?
He was cold again, and his eyes were shut. Hadn’t he opened them? The alarm was loud now, his “moving phone” had probably reached its destination of his bedside table and was now blaring in his ears. He groaned, the remnants of sleep seeping into his bones. He turned over to cuddle his husband, but was met with the cold feeling of bedsheets. His eyes snapped open, the opposite side of the bed was empty, where was Grian? Scar shot up in bed, his eyes darting around the room, Grian was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was in the bathroom, or the kitchen making breakfast. Yeah, that was it一that’s where he is. Scar got up out of bed, his feet touching the cold wood floor, sending a shiver up his spine. He grabbed a hoodie, quickly throwing it on before going to check the bathroom.
Upon arriving at the bathroom, he saw that the door was open and the light was off. Okay, so he wasn’t in the bathroom, so he must be in the kitchen. Scar turned away from the bathroom and moved to go to the kitchen. As he walked, a dark feeling creeped into his heart, he had no idea why, it had no reason to be there一so he simply ignored it.
He reached the kitchen, entering the area and seeing…nothing. Grian wasn’t here either. He wasn’t in their room, he wasn’t in the bathroom getting ready for the day, and he wasn’t in the kitchen. ‘No need to panic,’ Scars thoughts were running rampant, so he tried to calm them down. ‘He probably went out, maybe to get some food from that place down the road, so there’s probably a note on the counter.’
There was no note. Grian was nowhere to be found, and now Scar was panicking. He ran around the house one more time, maybe he had just missed him and Grian was keeping quiet because he found it amusing. He went back to check the living room just one more time, expecting to see Grian on the couch with that amused grin on his face. Except just like the rest of the house, it was empty, but something did make him pause. There was a bag on the coffee table. Scar walked around the couch and picked up the bag, looking inside to see its contents. Inside was a deep, rich brown dress shirt, but it was covered in blood. Scar dropped the shirt and fell onto the couch.
Right, that’s why Grian wasn’t here, that’s why he had been cold一 because Grian was gone, the heroes had killed him, and Scar hadn’t even gotten a chance to say goodbye. That’s why everything was so wrong, because his life had been changed forever.
A dark, consuming void had overtaken the spot that Grian held in his life一the spot that made him warm, was now cold and empty. He became aware of all the little untouched things in the house一things he refused to touch. The book Grian had been reading sat on the little table next to his favourite spot on the couch, his reading glasses sitting on top of it. His signature red sweater, draped over the chair of his desk where he’d spend hours grading his students assignments, afraid that if he stopped he’d forget to do it and disappoint them. His favourite mug that sat next to the coffee pot, always there when he had needed it. Voicemails that sat in Scars inbox that he refused to delete, afraid that if he deleted them, he’d forget what Grians voice sounded like一 but he never listened to them, as it gave him a stabbing pain in the heart whenever he tried to.
Scar was far too aware of all of it, and it was crushing him. He wanted to feel something, to feel him, but he couldn’t bring himself to touch the places his lover had once occupied. Everything terrified him, like one wrong move could erase Grian from his memories forever. He stood up from the couch and dragged himself back to their once shared room and collapsed onto his side of the bed, staring at the empty side next to him. Only then did he allow himself to finally let everything overcome him一 every emotion, every bit of grief that had slowly been crawling into his heart, and he let himself cry for the first time in weeks. The heroes had forever made a dent in his life, and he swore that he’d one day make them pay for this. But for now, all he could do was mourn the lover he would have given the world to.