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Benna Edge was the most absurd person Ruko had ever met. During his extensive training at the Tiger Monastery he had been challenged in every way imaginable, and put into countless seemingly impossible situations in order to hone his skills and shape him into the formidable warrior he had now become. He had faced all kinds of foes and come out the other side stronger for it. He had never met someone like Benna.
Contender Kraa’s attendant, she had gone beneath his notice at first. Perks of spending eight years at the Tiger Monastery he supposed; he was so used to looking past or over the heads of the staff that even when they didn’t have the typical Monastery issued mask on, his brain filled in the blank for him and placed one there anyway. All of them became faceless, even Benna, though her excitable demeanour threatened to break through that fog on occasion. But Ruko was strong willed. He had fought against much tougher opponents than a bubbly girl in pigtails.
His focus was the throne and all the things he needed to do to get it. The festival, the trials, all of those were mere stepping stones in his mind, a checklist he needed to tick off to get him where he needed to be. So when Benna threw herself over Contender Kraa in the middle of her fight with Ruko, it was as though she also threw herself into his notice. Who was this young woman who was so stupid (so fearless) as to intervene with the fight, to put herself into his lethal firing line? And to do it all the while shrieking about her apparent meeting with The Bear - who nonsensically turned her hair ribbons red and then, even more bafflingly, gave her a hug…
Yes, she was the strangest person he had ever met. It was surprisingly refreshing.
The fight ended and Contender Kraa was taken to the medic, Benna going along too. She didn’t give anyone a choice; there was no way she was leaving Neema’s side. And Ruko? It felt like the most puzzling win so far. Some distant part of him found the woman’s courage and dedication to her friend… fascinating. Had anyone been like that with him? Well, one person came to mind but that didn’t bear thinking about. He left the platform with a new feeling, just a small one, knocking about his chest.
He hadn’t killed Contender Kraa, and despite being encouraged to by the Emperor and outright ordered to by Abbess Glorren, it didn’t feel like he had failed.
Later, when he heard of Benna’s arrest, he fought with himself back and forth. Some small, stupid part of himself wanted to go and see her, out of curiosity or what he didn’t know. Contender Kraa handed him the perfect reason and that was it. A few bribed guards later and there he was speaking to the excitable young woman herself, though she was understandably more melancholy given the location. And, he realised, because he was there.
“Are you here to kill me?” She had asked, because of course that was what she would think. That’s what she, or anyone else, would expect. And whose fault was that? That was what happened when you made yourself into a monster. You opened up people’s expectations to the worst of the worst. Nothing was off the table for you. Ruko would never turn up for a chat. No. Ruko would only bother to pay someone a visit if it was completely necessary. If he had to maim or torture or kill.
A vision of Benna hunched over the Raven contender, protecting her from him, appeared in his mind unbidden. Had anyone ever protected him like that? Stop it, he snapped at himself. Those were the kind of thoughts he trained out of himself long ago. He was back in the room with a near imperceptible shake of his head. Back to Benna practically trembling on the sparse mattress in front of him.
What had she asked him again? Oh, yes.
“No,” he said. She collapsed with relief.
They spoke about everything that was necessary and Benna, the woman who was surprisingly courageous got even more intriguing the more she talked and the more details she revealed. She was just so… brave. And Ruko wasn’t used to seeing that kind of trait in someone like her. He had been trained to be cold, to push further into that void inside of him until he could no longer see the light or the person he used to be. What was it Shal Worthy had told him? That there was nothing inside of him? Well that was exactly how he was meant to be. Exactly how he was trained to be. And yet here was Benna, the perfect example of someone who felt everything, and on purpose too. The direct opposite of him and yet just as mentally strong. Ruko couldn’t help but feel lied to. He had been told that there was no other choice, that to be the strongest he had to give up everything that made him feel, anything that might taint his decisions or end up as a distraction. And yet here was living proof of another option. Fuck.
They spoke of Yana. Ruko never felt as though he even deserved to think of her. But he did, constantly over the years. He was a glutton for punishment- each thought cut him like a blade- but if there was something he did deserve it was that. At least that.
They spoke, and Ruko tried to hide how much it hurt him to hear Yana talked about by someone who never should’ve met her. By someone who had been touched by his sister’s spirit. So touched that she had come all this way for a plan she had made with her, stolen Ruko’s blade, poisoned the very contender she was meant to be attending. He couldn’t say it was nice talking to her. Ruko didn’t look for or expect ‘nice’. But it was something to speak with someone who knew her. Someone who loved her. Who could express their love for her in a way he never allowed himself to. It was the sort of opportunity Ruko couldn’t imagine getting again.
Even when Benna admitted to framing him for Gaida’s murder, he could barely summon anger. Just an accusation, half-baked, that she immediately brushed off.
“I would’ve given you an alibi,” she said, like it was nothing. And then she took his hands in hers while she swore she wanted to help him, while she reassured him that his sister had still loved him, despite everything.
She held his hands like it wasn’t the most groundbreaking experience he had had all week. All month. That casual affection threw him off balance more than anything she had revealed to him. It wasn’t a calculated move, he knew, and yet…
When was the last time he had been held in any kind of way?
When he bribed the guards to let her go he told himself it was a tactical move. How this would help him in his efforts to win the throne, well, he hadn’t figured out a lie to tell himself yet.
Later, when he faced the Dragon Proxy, faced his death, his mother arrived just in time to taunt him. She didn’t even need to do anything- her presence was distracting (and eye-opening) enough by itself. She had ordered this, hadn’t she? His death. How satisfying and soul crushing it was to piece those clues together and finally have them make sense. Yes, he would die here by this man’s hand and his mother’s will. Considering all he’d done, Ruko supposed it was more than he even deserved to have his mother present during his last moments. Yana hadn’t even had that.
Her cheering for his executioner was a bit much though.
The first round was hell. Ruko dodged and deflected some deadly hits but some got through, leaving him aching, his mouth tasting of blood. Usually he could sink into a place free from distraction but not today. Not with his mother sitting directly in his eyeline. By the time the bell rang he was a sweaty mess, battered and bruised all over. He needed a plan, but what?
Rivenna tried to speak to him but he brushed her off, running through everything in his head. And when he tried to push the Dragon Proxy for answers- wanting to hear it from someone other than his personal suspicions- he was met with silence. But of course, the Dragonscale. What else could the Dragons want? He was going to die over some bleeding vials.
The weapons round was about to start. Ruko looked to the stalls, to his statuesque mother. Not one ounce of sorrow crossed her face considering she was about to watch her son die. Ah, but he hadn’t been her son for a long time had he? No. Now he was only a monster. And who doesn’t rejoice in a monster being cut down?
A vendor offered snacks to the Dragons, only to get pushed away- something he wouldn’t have noticed had he not been already looking. But now he had seen, it was impossible not to realise who it was. To everyone else around she was just another faceless servant. Ruko smiled, stunned at the feeling that blossomed in his chest. Benna.
He had freed her and what had she done with that freedom? Risked it to be here, to put on a disguise and stand in the stalls exactly where he would see her. She waved and mouthed a ‘thank you’, all the while being terribly excited, practically vibrating on the spot and pretending to throw punches in a crude imitation of him.
It struck Ruko that both his mother and Benna had purposely put themselves in his line of sight- one to act as a threat, to distract him and remind him he was nothing and had no one. The other, a girl he had known not even a week, just to see him and… compliment him? Benna mouthed ‘amazing’ giving him a thumbs up and, he couldn’t help it, he laughed. What an absurd turn of events. Here he was facing death in the face. He should be focused, honing eight years of training for this moment. Instead he felt insane. There was nothing he could do but laugh.
It had been so long since he had laughed.
“Team Ruko!” Benna shouted from the stands before running off, vanishing into the crowd.
And that feeling- the small one that had emerged the last time he had spoken to her- filled his chest. Maybe all was not lost. Life could not all be dim and grey, not when there were flickers of light in the darkness.
The next day, at the Hound trial, Ruko felt closer to himself. He was focused. No matter what was thrown at him, he could win. The contenders were to run the length of the perimeter wall twice, the person with the quickest time getting the most points. Easy. Ruko’s stamina, his speed and impeccable balance would come in handy. The only problem was the storm.
The heat had been building and building and finally- seemingly at some point of the duration of the trial- it was about to break. Dark, angry clouds gathered nearby, promising an intense downpour. But any concerns expressed, even by Ruko himself, were quickly brushed off. You would run the trial or forfeit the points. That was not an option.
The run itself was not bad, even given the deadly drop ready to embrace you if you put a foot wrong and toppled off the ledge. But when the storm hit, it was hell. Sheets of rain pelted the contenders as they ran, flowing off the ledge like a waterfall and making it even more treacherous than before. Ruko slowed his pace slightly to compensate, not wanting to get washed off the wall. Barefoot, he had a better grip than most. But still, no need to be foolish. Even slowing down, he came upon Tala, the Ox Contender, paused on the ledge by one of the watchtowers. He would have to pass her if he didn’t want to squander his time, which would’ve been fairly easy, even with the rain. However, she had stopped near a particularly tricky section that he remembered from his first lap, where the mortar had worn away between the stones, making them uneven and unsteady.
Seeing him, Tala tried to continue. However, when she put weight on the cracked stones they suddenly gave way, leaving a three foot gap that would have to be jumped. She seemed to contemplate the distance and then leapt, making it easily. But before Ruko could follow, a bolt of lighting hit the tower and then it was crumbling, crashing over the edge and into the abyss, taking everyone inside with it. Plus Tala. The ledge beneath her crumbled and she was gone, scrabbling at the slick wall until finally her hand caught something and she jolted, suspended there.
The path was clear. Ruko jumped the gap, considered moving on. He could. There was nothing that said he had to help a fellow competitor in the trials. In fact, that kind of behaviour was frowned upon. And why should he possibly give up first place to help someone who meant nothing to him? That was what a fool would do.
That was what Benna would do.
The thought came to him without permission. A weakness slipping through the gaps in his facade that had been slowly cracking throughout the week, just like the rain in the cobbles. Any more of that and the whole thing would come down. No, he couldn’t do it. He had seen what had happened to that watchtower and he wasn’t keen to take its place.
But as he began to run off, Tala’s screams for help breaking through the din of the pouring rain, he couldn’t get Benna’s face from his mind. Benna would help Tala, and she’d probably do it while singing a little song too.
Fuck.
Like it was meant, a coil of thick rope caught his eye, hanging over the edge of the walkway. And with that he knew he couldn’t walk away. He grabbed it, heavy and swollen with the rain and, before he could change his mind, he went back to Tala and chucked it over the edge. Ruko braced himself against the soaked wall as she climbed, all the while hoping it was worth it.
Later, he thought back on the incident and recalled Tala’s relief- the way she had flung her arms around him and chanted her thanks. He hadn’t beaten Neema’s time but he found that he didn’t feel defeated. In fact he felt… something else. Before, he would’ve been furious at himself, more akin to how Abbess Glorren was when she’d heard what he had done. But he couldn’t be. Not when he had done something that had healed his soul, even the tiniest amount.
Ruko’s moments of weakness. That was what Rivenna had lectured him on. Seeing his competitors as friends- even the idea embarrassed him, let alone hearing it from the woman who had shaped him over the past eight years. And him helping Tala, well, she had taken that the wrong way, threatening to kill her since he was so apparently fond of her. Ruko had taken care not to laugh at that. If she only knew what interactions he had had with Benna. What would she threaten then? Actually, Rivenna probably wouldn’t even bother with a threat at all. Who would notice if a servant suddenly disappeared?
But Ruko would notice. Now he had seen her he knew she wouldn’t fade into the background again. That was, if he ever even saw her again. Ruko hoped that she had managed to find a way off the island, that she was on the way to somewhere better, safer than here.
“You have lost your edge, Tiger warrior.” That was what Rivenna Glorren had said. And she couldn’t have been more right. Ruko hadn’t seen Benna Edge since that day on the platform.
Run, he told her in his head, run and never look back. To his knowledge, she had. Despite a tiny, selfish part of him that wished she was still around, he was glad.
Ruko contemplated these moments of weakness as he sat slumped in the hold, a heavy metal mask on his face and a weariness in his heart. Eight, they had been worth it. Despite everything that had happened, he didn’t regret those deviations from his usual focus. He regretted a lot, but never that.
His father had placed a cage in the hold with him, covered with an embroidered cloth. It slid around with the movement of the vessel, forcing him to pay attention to it. And why shouldn’t he? There was nothing else for him to do while he was sitting there, thinking relentlessly and trying to prod at the part of his soul that was missing, like a lost tooth.
He pulled the golden cloth off to reveal that ridiculous chameleon with an equally ridiculous name. Of course. Who else would he be given as a companion? But the real surprise came when the chameleon moved out of the cage, disrupting the branches on the bottom and revealing a scarlet ribbon.
Ruko had been in a bit of a daze since his father used the spell on him, but it was no comparison to laying eyes on that scrap of material. His blood roared in his ears, drowning out everything else. He reached for it, desperate to see if it was real. Until he had it in his grasp he couldn’t be sure.
When he had it in his hands it got better. On the back were the words Team Ruko! written in bold letters. He laughed. What else could he do but that?
How Benna had managed this he had no idea. But he was grateful. So, so unbelievably grateful. He wound it around his fist, smiling to himself in his iron mask. Take that, Rivenna, Ruko thought bitterly. His so-called weaknesses had brought him courage after all.
Maybe he would never see Benna again. But this… this could be enough.