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“Matt!” Tom yelled from downstairs. He’s started getting impatient by now, having yelled for Matt roughly 5 times already. He groans to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“The hell is taking them so long…”
Matt sat in their bed upstairs. They were shaking and hurt. They couldn’t really process that they were needed, their mind fully empty. They stared at their arm… this is bad. This is really bad. It’s not fatal, but it’s so much deeper than they’d ever done before. They couldn't find it in themself to do anything but just sit there and watch. Watch the blood drip from their arm onto their blanket.
“Matt!!” Tom yelled one final time, stomping up to Matt’s bedroom door. “Are you asleep or something??” He gave a loud knock, centering Matt back to reality. Before they could say anything back, their door was opened. Way to turn a bad situation even worse.
“Ma-” He cut himself off, taking in the scene laid out in front of him.
“...”
Tom was frozen in shock. What was he meant to say? What could Matt do..? They felt embarrassed. They shouldn’t have been doing this. Being caught is almost like a natural consequence. Tom relaxed himself, shutting the door and rushing over to Matt.
“What are you doing, mate?” Matt didn’t respond. They didn’t even look at him. They just want him to go away. Forget about this whole thing, leave them alone. That wasn’t going to happen, not when their bedding was soaked with their own blood. They moved their arm in an attempt to hide it, immediately being ambushed by Tom grabbing their arm and forcing it back out. Neither of them said anything. Nothing needed to be said right now. Instead, Tom quietly helped Matt clean up.
The two sat there on Matt’s bed. They still hadn’t said anything. The air was heavy… and Matt still hadn’t figured out why Tom wouldn’t leave. Why is he still here?
“Tom?” The silence was broken, both of them looking at each other. “Did you need something? You came in here like you did.”
“I did. It’s not important anymore, though.” His voice was soft. A lot softer than it usually is. Odd..
Matt’s eyebrows furrowed, their mouth moving to speak up once more.
“Are you sure?” their voice came out a lot more insecure than they planned, which furthered their embarrassment about the situation.
“I’m sure, Matt. I’ll figure it out some other time.”
…
“Are you alright?” Tom questioned. It was weird.. He wasn’t normally worried about Matt, even in a lot of situations he should’ve been. Why was this any different? Well, he'd never seen Matt be hurt on their own accord before. Maybe that's it. But still, why is that a problem? Is it just unexpected, or was it expected and Tom has been worried about it for awhile? No, that can't be. He would've said something by now if he really thought Matt was hurting themself.
They hugged their stomach, looking away from Tom. “I’m fine… um. Sorry.”
“Sorry?”
“That you- that you had to see that.” Things went silent again. It was awkward. Really awkward. Matt could tell that Tom was thinking. That wasn’t good right now. He’s probably going to ridicule them, yell at them and make them feel like they’re the worst person alive for what they’ve done to themself. Or he's really upset and distressed. His view of Matt is changing... That's a scarier outcome than being scrutinized. Matt put in more energy than they had to keep their image intact, to prevent anybody from knowing them deeply. All this could've been prevented if they'd been paranoid enough to lock the door.
“You don’t have to apologize for that, really. I just don’t…” He sighed, “I don’t get why you’d do that in the first place.” Matt shrugged. They couldn’t say anything back. They didn’t know why they did it either. It’s just always been something that they resorted to. They weren’t really sure where that need to resort to it really came from either. It didn’t seem to matter whether they were happy or sad, or stressed. It just happens.
“You really don’t know? You just cut yourself open for no reason?” Matt gave no response. In reality, there WAS a reason. They would’ve spoken up and said it if they knew.. They were just as stumped as Tom was, and they hadn’t wanted to try and figure it out. That would mean having to face a lot of stuff that they'd sworn to never put back in their head.
“...” Tom gave another sigh. It was pointless in trying to ask any other questions. Matt would never answer. It sucked knowing that. Knowing that he couldn’t help them at all… how is he meant to help them when they don’t even seem like they care. The fact that they don’t seem to care sucks even more.
Matt gives more apologies, all empty and just to fill to silence. They weren’t really sorry. Even if they were, they didn’t know why they would be sorry. It’s not like they hurt Tom. All of their “sorry”’s are dismissed, making the atmosphere even worse. Why? Why is he still here?? There’s no point in staying. No one is going to say anything, the mess is gone, and he isn’t even trying to say or do anything so WHY- …
“What… What are you doing?” Matt stammered, shocked from the sudden feeling of Tom’s arms wrapped firmly around them. He gives no verbal reply, instead tightening his hold. Is he really hugging them? TOM.. hugging MATT? This is so weird. Why is he doing that?? Why are they freaking out over it? Should they hug back?
They hugged back hesitantly. This is the one response that they never would’ve expected… Yet, they can’t find anything in themself to hate it. It feels so much better than the yelling, better than the ridiculing, better than the shame. He was warm, his hoodie was soft, he smelt heavenly. It was almost perfect.
Matt found themself almost melting into the embrace. They aren’t sure when it happened, but they’d started crying at some point. They’d felt so numb and distant barely 30 minutes ago. Now all of a sudden they can hardly keep themself together… all because of him. Every time they thought about it, they tightened their grip. Every time they tightened their grip, Tom did so in return. It wouldn’t help at all with the root of the issue, but it was enough in the moment to bring a temporary comfort that they hadn't even known they'd needed.