Work Text:
The good only you can do
There's a thud on Lena's balcony that she knows, a signal that her night is about to get worse. Supergirl in all of her smug glory must be there with some admonishment, or some holier-than-thou speech about forgiveness and hope in a desperate attempt to get back in Lena's good graces. But Lena isn't in the mood, not after the words the superhero had thrown at her, not after having her name thrown at her, all because she had used kryptonite to help her friend. To help Sam and Ruby.
But when she turns to glare at the balcony she's startled to find Supergirl looking distraught, her hands wringing together over that symbol on her chest which is- which is covered in blood.
She's at the door and opening it before she can think.
"Supergirl, what happened?"
Supergirl's too blue eyes focus on her, a furrow between them. "There was- there was a man."
"Did he hurt you? Did you..." Lena can't finish the sentence, the unintended accusation that she doesn't really mean.
"What?" Supergirl's frown deepens, then she follows Lena's eyes down to her own chest. "I- no, this is- this isn't my blood or-" she shakes her head. "There was a man, in the street. He was- unconscious, but bleeding- there were track marks up and down his arms, and he must have..."
Lena almost sighs then. National City has fewer drug offenses and drug related deaths than the national average, but it's a big city, and there are people who don't get the help they need. She wonders how often Supergirl is exposed to that side of the world, the ugly side of any place with so many people and not enough care for them all.
"Supergirl…" she starts, though she doesn't know what to say.
"I know- I know there are people out there that are suffering in a way I can't stop," Supergirl says as if she can read Lena's mind. She wonders for a moment if she can, but tosses the idea aside; if Supergirl could read her mind, she wouldn't have doubted Lena's motivations when...
Supergirl continues. "There were other people there, on the street, just- just walking past him, like he didn't exist, and I just- I know not everyone can help, and I know people have to look out for their own safety and well-being first, but it just felt... awful, seeing it. Knowing that most of those people are fine people, but they just didn't have the time, or the capacity, or they were just in the habit of ignoring people like him."
Supergirl takes a shuddering breath and Lena doesn't hold back a sigh this time. For her insistence otherwise, Supergirl is taking the plight of one homeless man like someone who had never experienced suffering she couldn't help. Or maybe that's just Lena's own cold streak coming through, just like all those people who passed the man by without a single glance.
"I'm sorry you had to experience that," Lena says, but Supergirl shakes her head.
"I'm not- there's more. He was still alive, so I took him to the hospital- it was faster than an ambulance- I stayed there, listened to what was going on until he was stable. I asked one of the nurses what would happen to him, if he was just going to be kicked back out onto the street when he woke up, and she told me there was a program they were a part of, that they could direct him to support, to help, if he wanted it. She said it was set up by L-Corp, by a Luthor. She said it like she couldn't believe it, but I could, and I..."
"You realized I'm not a monster?" Her voice has a bite to it, she knows, a bite that had cowed plenty of powerful men. She is pleased to see even Supergirl flinch at the sound of it.
"Please, Lena, please know that I never thought that. You- you saved my life, you saved the world. But I never really..."
"You never what?" Lena asks, frustrated with the hero. Frustrated that whatever revelation she had had about Lena, it had come too late to prevent the damage to their relationship.
"Like I said, I know that there's suffering that I can't stop. Suffering that I can't even begin to help with. But you can. You have. I can punch all the big bad guys I want, I can put out fires, I can fly people to the hospital- but I can't fight every evil in the world, because they're not all physical threats. They're things like poverty, and drug use, and- and a lack of opportunity for education, or a job, or a chance to turn your life around. I looked into it, and there are scholarships you've set up- through L-Corp sure, but they only started appearing after you took over as CEO. And that hospital program, the donations to charity. That's- that's the kind of good that I can't do. The kind of good that only you can do."
Lena lets out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. "Thank you," she manages to say with some sincerity. Then she presses her mouth into a line. "I wish you had seen it sooner, but thank you for finally noticing."
Supergirl shook her head, her hair whipping around her face with the force of it. "No I- I never should have doubted you, I never should have let my fear make me think that you were less than you are. Because you're good, Lena, so good, and I believe that. I believe in you, Lena Luthor, and I'll do anything to make you believe me when I say it."
Lena shakes with Supergirl's words. She doesn't want to believe them, not after how antagonistic they had been, the other words that had passed between them, but there's an earnestness she had only ever seen in one other person there. "Why now?" she asks, because she has to know.
"I just... after everything that happened between us, after everything I've done to you, it really hit me that I could lose that. I could lose you. And I really wanted my best friend to know how proud of her I am."
"Your best..." Lena trails off with a frown. Her breath hitches and her mind races. She almost asks the same question again, why now, why tell her now of all times, when she's so angry with Supergirl that she had wanted to kick her off of the balcony when she had first heard her that night.
"If you still want me to be. If you can forgive me. I'm sorry it took me so long."
And suddenly it's Kara looking down at her, Kara with a hesitant smile and sad eyes, Kara, her best friend, the one who had said she always believed in her, who hadn't when she was wearing the blue suit with the red cape she now saw before her.
"I think," Lena says, "I think I need some time."
Kara's face tightens, her shoulders drop, but she nods. "Okay. Let me know if you want to talk any more, if you have any questions. Or if... well, I'll be around."
Lena can't speak so she nods too, then Kara is flying- flying- up, up and away, into the night sky.
Lena takes the time Kara gives her to think. She thinks about Kara lying to her for their entire friendship, every single day, directly to her face. She thinks about her own mother's machinations against Supergirl. She thinks about every threat, human and alien alike, that has appeared against her, against Supergirl, against them both. And she thinks about Kara Danvers, the unending font of positivity and hope, the rock she had clung to as she settled into National City, her person.
Though she takes time away from her, she is inescapable. Lena had long appreciated Kara's writing, and she kept reading her articles, even from a distance. There is- she tried not to think about it ironically- an honesty in the tone of her writing. The very first article she had read, about her- Jesus about the alien detection device she had made and presented to Supergirl- hadn't been a hatchet job, and while it may have been her boss who had made her rewrite it, she knew that Kara could be open minded, could take the time to think through a problem and see more than one side to it.
Just as she herself had, about the very same device.
Supergirl is even less escapable. She's on the news, she's visible flying around the sky, waving to the people below when she's not actively stopping some crime or other. She's half of the conversations around her, as natural and common a topic as the weather. And it makes Lena reconsider Kara's words the night she had revealed her identity, the perspective she held.
And when she's done thinking about Kara and Supergirl and their history with her, when she's done considering the many possibilities around the sudden confession, she finally sends Kara a message, telling her she's ready to talk.
Kara lands on her balcony in the evening again, a full month after the last time she had and perfectly on time. The sliding door is already open, and she walks in without Supergirl's usual confidence. She gives Lena a timid smile, a smile that's so Kara that Lena can't help a smile of her own, and she waves her over to join her on the couch.
"You said," she starts, "that I'm your best friend. I want to believe it, but I... I want to know why."
Kara licks her lips and frowns. "Why is pretty broad," she says. "Why are you my best friend?"
"Why did you call me your best friend when you've kept this from me for so long," Lena corrects her. She sees Kara wince and she almost apologizes, but she needs the answer. She needs to know that Kara isn't what she fears her to be.
"I- I'm serious when I say you're my best friend. But you're also- Rao, you're someone I envy. Like a role model, someone I want to be."
"I- what, me?" Lena asks while she tries to blink away her confusion.
"Of course you," Kara says. "You're so smart, and talented, and you're stronger than me in so many ways, and by the time I saw it, by the time I knew you were so important to me, I felt like my opportunity to tell you about this had passed. By the time I thought to tell you, I was already afraid that you would hate me for keeping it from you, and I let that fear control me, let it make me keep this from you even longer."
"Why would you think I would hate you?" Lena asks quietly.
"I know how it must look, a Super getting close to a Luthor, and I know there's history there, between your brother and Cl- Kal-El, Superman." Kara straightens and throws her hands up pleadingly in front of her. "It was never like that though, I swear to you, I didn't- I wasn't using you, or keeping an eye on you or anything like that."
"Then what were you doing?" Lena asks.
Kara stutters then, tripping over her own tongue. "Like I said, I just... saw so much good in you that I couldn't stay away. I saw someone trying to make a name for herself, outside of her family's shadow. I meant it when I said I got that."
Lena nods. She can't imagine trying to live up to the example Superman has set. She's also sure that Kara has more than done so.
"And I know you don't think so, but you're so easy to be around. Especially for me. You saw Kara Danvers, assistant to Cat Grant, and you saw more. I applied to be a reporter because of you, and then you went and helped rebuild a hospital, you saved my life, and you... you wanted to be friends with me too. I couldn't stay away if I wanted to."
And that's enough for Lena. She never really stood a chance of holding on to her hurt feelings, not against Kara's sincerity. Not against everything that Kara stands for, all that she is.
"You know, you said there's a good only I can do, but that's not really true," Lena starts. "There are many wealthy people in the world, many wealthier than I am, and a few of them at least want to help, like I do. And even if they don't, most regular people do. There would still be scholarships and programs and people helping people without individual wealthy people being involved at all.
"In fact, did you know that National City has the highest per capita rate of donations in the country, at least? I looked it up, after our last conversation. National City has the most giving and community focused population in the country. And I know exactly why that is. It's because my best friend flies around with this symbol on her chest, doing good and spreading hope. It's because I can't walk a single block without seeing someone wearing Supergirl merch. It's because every little girl I see wants to be just like her when they grow up, to help people and stop injustices.
"If giving away money is a good only I can do, then inspiring an entire city, an entire country, is a good only you can do."
"Lena," her name falls from Kara's mouth like a prayer, quiet and reverent, and she reaches out for Kara's hands.
"That's what I want to believe in too," Lena says. "I wanted you to tell me what was going through your head today, when you were hiding this from me, but a part of me already knew it wouldn't matter. Because you're you, and you wouldn't have done it if you didn't think you had a good reason."
Kara shakes her head. "I shouldn't have done it at all, I should have told you so much sooner, I-"
"It's okay, Kara." And Lena means it, because it is Kara after all. "I forgive you."
Then she's in Kara's arms, wrapped up in a bone crushing hug and her own arms slide up Kara's back and grab, clinging to the strength the other woman provides. She's warm and solid under Lena's hands, as she always is, and now she knows why. Now she knows why she feels safe around Kara, and it's not just because of the power she wields. It's because of the person she is, the kind, caring, thoughtful person who always wants what's best for Lena.
She knows there's more they have to talk about, and she knows they will. ("I don't know if all I feel for you is friendship," she'll say one night, after some liquid courage. "Good, I was starting to worry I was the only one," Kara will say back.) There are more questions she has, and there are questions she hasn't thought of. ("You went to spin class with me, did that even do anything for you?" she'll ask, and Kara will answer, "well, it made me realize how good you look in spandex.") There are more threats they will have to face. (Her escaped brother, her family again trying to ruin her life, then, somehow, the possible end of not just their world, but every world.) But in that moment she doesn't know what the future holds for her.
She only knows Kara's arms around her. She only knows that whatever may come, they'll face it together, with no more secrets between them. She only knows that the two of them are stronger together.
And in that moment, that's enough.