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Heejung flopped onto her bed and stared up at the ceiling. Her heart pounded hard; she couldn’t hear anything else but her heartbeat. Squeezing her eyes shut, she sighed,
“That stupid cat…”
Why was he so confusing? He changed constantly like the stormy waters, warm one moment and furious the next.
Before their confrontation, he lately came in close, one hand on her chin and the other on his hip, his eyes teasing. Sometimes he’d run a few strands of her hair through his fingers.
“Foodgiver,” He spoke lowly, a slow grin crossing his features. “Your face is so red.”
She stared at him, mouth agape, and her cheeks burned fiercely. He chuckled and stepped back to walk away, calling out behind him,
“I’ll be back by dinner!”
Or at least, that’s how it was. Now they weren’t talking except for the occasional greeting, although that was more on her end-- she had done her best to not be around him the past couple of days. It was noticeable too; the household atmosphere was not as bright as it used to be.
Heejung groaned and buried her face into her pillow. Speaking of dinner, she didn’t even start preparing yet.
“Why?”
The soft thumps of rabbit feet in the hall outside Heejung’s room paused, as the small spotted rabbit looked at the girl on her bed with her face covered. In a quick transformation Jiwoo turned back into himself and looked down at her.
“Hey, what on earth are you doing in here? Dinner is supposed to be on a schedule, and with the amount of time it takes for you to make it for all of us, there’s no way you’ll be done in time.”
Crossing his arms and glaring down, Jiwoo waited for a quick response.
Heejung’s gaze moved to see a pair of sharp, green eyes staring daggers into her. A flash of annoyance churned deeply inside of her before it was engulfed by defeat; he had a point, after all. Jihae could cook dinner, but that was guaranteed to cause some problems for the cats later on. She blew some air slowly into a sigh and sat up.
“I know.”
Thinking about it all made her head hurt.
“Fixing a salad for you and the other rabbits should be easy…” she muttered and looked away.
But that still doesn’t solve the food for the cats--
And her mind circled right back to Jisoo again with his chuckling and cocky smirk.
STOP.
“A-Ah, um, sorry, Jiwoo...” Heejung got up in what felt like a daze, her mind jumbled.
Jiwoo cocked an eyebrow at the girl. She didn’t meet his gaze, and she seemed almost uninterested in the conversation.
“Sorry? Sorry isn’t going to help make the food. If you want to make up for doing something wrong you should do it with actions.”
He sighed and waved a hand in front of her face, trying to get her attention.
“What’s wrong with you? If you end up burning dinner it’ll be your own fault for not paying attention.”
Heejung flinched. Each word was cold and true, straight to the point. It felt all too familiar, how each word cut through her defenses straight to her core.
“Something...something happened. It’s…” She shook her head. “It’s nothing.”
Dinner. Right.
Heejung stepped around Jiwoo and left her room, striding to the kitchen with urgency. Dinner had to be right. It had to be perfect. It had to make everyone happy. She opened the refrigerator door with shaking hands. There was some fish that she bought the day before from the store, but would they be tired of that?
She swallowed hard.
“Nothing…?”
Jiwoo stared at where Heejung had been, an almost incredulous look on his face. If she had something wrong with her, he would have to find out. Stomping out her room and trailing her to the kitchen, he watched her from the doorway, peeking his head into the kitchen. His ears flicked as if trying to pick up on anything she might be saying, but all he could pick up was the whoosh of the refrigerator fan.
Damnit.
Stepping into the room, Jiwoo took a seat at the table and clasped his hands together while staring intently at Heejung, trying to will her to speak to him.
Heejung opened the package and proceeded to clean the fish. Her shaking hands didn’t help any matters; the fish was slimy and it was difficult for her to get a solid grip on it. She held in her breath and turned off the faucet, then placed the fish down.
First to pat the fish dry.
She turned to get some of the paper towel and flinched once again.
Jiwoo’s green eyes bore into her.
Just don’t look, don’t look.
Heejung pat the fish dry thoroughly. She could feel her shoulders stiffen. Another glance.
He was still there.
“...Jiwoo?” Her voice carried across the room hesitant and nervous. Her stomach tightened.
Lips pursed and still staring, he was almost surprised when she did actually respond to his gaze.
“Yes, owner?”
Heejung’s nerves effectively killed her speech. His gaze was steady, unflinching, and definitely wasn’t going to go away anytime soon. She looked away quickly and gazed down at the fish. She couldn’t lose focus, not when she was about to start cooking it. Her hands became a blur as she grabbed the salt and pepper. The fish was seasoned quickly and evenly from years of practice.
Next came the oil. The fish’s smell stayed stuck in her nose, much to her dismay. She inhaled with her mouth before coughing. The oil started to cook in the cast-iron skillet, evenly coating the bottom.
Heejung cleared her throat and turned around. She flinched in surprise.
“C-Can you please sto--”
Jiwoo leaned back in his chair folding his arms and putting his nose up, face wrinkling at the smell of the cooking food, but he wouldn’t let it bother him. Not now.
“If you try to do work with too much on your mind, you won’t do it right. It’s important to think clearly so you can do your best work. Do what you need to do. Just think how much those stupid cats will whine if you make dinner poorly.”
Heejung bowed her head low. She closed her eyes and stayed quiet. The oil in the pan sizzled as it continued to cook, signaling her to turn off the stove. Sighing heavily, she finally spoke up,
“I-I’m really confused a-and...I don’t know what’s happening.” Heejung opened her eyes and stepped away from the stove, then turned toward Jiwoo’s direction again.
“Have you noticed it too?”
Jiwoo lowered his head and his almost scowl softened to a frown. Standing up, he strode to her in a few quick steps and stopped in front of her. Tapping his foot under her gaze, he assumed, he gave her a light tap on the top of her head.
“Now look up here you dumbo. Anyone could notice that you’ve got a problem right now. If you’d like to talk about what it is in particular, I suppose I could listen. If only because it’ll make you stop worrying so much. It’s not good for your health.”
Heejung looked from Jiwoo’s tapping foot, to looking up into his eyes, and then toward the door, nervously. Should she dare...dare try to talk about him? Dare to talk about the changes going on inside? How she constantly felt tangled, embarrassed and ashamed, in pain and hurting inside, all because she knew that it was never going to happen?
“The thing is that...I am confused on it myself. It’s something really brand new to me, but it’s just so…” Heejung let out a shaky sigh and clasped her hands in front of her, trying to keep her hands still. “...I’m scared of this. I’m scared of trying only to fail...he wouldn’t like me.” Her voice cracked, beginning to become a little raw.
“I can’t…”
Jiwoo’s eyes widened. A man?! They definitely needed to talk about this now. Placing a hand gently on her shoulder, Jiwoo gave her a reassuring squeeze. His eyes softened, his expression becoming more relaxed as he realized her heavy emotions.
“Hey. I know that things like romance and dating can be quite difficult for someone as inexperienced as you to understand. But I’ve read quite enough on the subject to be considered an expert.”
Jiwoo almost seemed to puff up at this statement, his ego knowing no bounds, as a smile came across his face.
“So if you’re really worried, I can try to help you and explain it simply enough to understand.”
“...Okay.” Heejung fiddled with her thumbs and looked away from Jiwoo toward the sofa. “U-Um…” She paused to take a deep breath, her gaze not moving. “I don’t know where to start.”
That was barely into the truth.
“I just...I started to like him, I think. ...I’m scared of it.” Heejung started to walk slowly toward the sofa, using her steady steps to calm herself down. “I don’t know.”
With the long legs that Jisoo had, he quickly made it to the couch before her. Eyes bright and interested in her story, the rabbit coincidentally seemed like he was about to hop out of his own skin.
“Well liking someone isn’t something you need to be afraid of. It’s a rather foreign feeling at first, but it’s not a bad one. The passion and drive to know who they are and to claim them as yours, and your alone, can be quite thrilling.”
Maybe in a movie or novel-- this is real life!
Heejung stared at him in disbelief. How was this thrilling?! It wasn’t; it was like she was on a rollercoaster that was about to go off the rails at any given moment, without a clue where she was going to go.
“But how can I--” Heejung sat down and stared down at her hands. “He doesn’t like me that way anyway.” she finished quietly. “There’s no way.”
“Doesn’t like you?”
Jiwoo scoffed at her, rolling his eyes.
“Well of course he doesn’t like you right now. You’re only just starting the first chapter of the romance. Everyone knows it takes at least till the fourth before he starts to have mutual feelings for you.”
Jiwoo dashed out of the room, returning in a few moments with one of his harlequin novels in hand.
“Now the thing you have to know is at first you may feel an interest in him which is fine, but you can’t just hope things will work from there. You need to work at it. Find some way to get his attention. I’m sure you must have some talent at something to get his affections.”
“W-Wh…”
The idea of it was baffling. To get someone like Jisoo’s attention…
Well, she needed a lot of confidence, didn’t she? Be strong and bold like him, two things that she definitely was not.
Heejung’s shoulders sagged. The task was looking more impossible by the moment. Why couldn’t it be easier, like when he was her pet? All she had to do was give him food and then she was done with it all.
She looked down at the cover. Come to think of it, it was very familiar.
“All right, but...you...do realize that this is not a very well written book, right?” Heejung finally replied weakly.
Jiwoo looked at the cover, an apple held in a pair of hands. He pursed his lips in thought before shaking his head.
“If it wasn’t such a good example it wouldn’t have been as popular as it was. Regardless, the point is we need to find out what makes you desirable to him. Perhaps it’s your looks?”
Jiwoo looked her over, hmming to himself slightly.
“No that can’t be it at all. Maybe something else.”
Heejung’s shoulders stiffened, and she turned so that she faced away from Jiwoo, glancing toward the kitchen again. “I don’t understand why he would...” She paused for a brief moment before a sudden thought struck her,
Wait, does Jiwoo know who I am talking about? Does he really know?
Her eyes widened, and she took a deep breath.
“Well I mean look at yourself. You have no confidence in yourself. Men like it when a woman is assured in herself. Of course you don’t want him to think you’re better than him after all. Then he’ll be frightened away.”
Jiwoo mused for a moment.
“Well, you have the drawings that you do. And you cook better than average. You’re apparently smart. So if it’s not your looks or your personality, maybe he could like you for a talent? You could make a point to draw him, or offer to make his favorite meals. It’s about appealing to what a man wants.”
Her drawing…
Heejung closed her eyes and recalled when she would take Jisoo as a cat to the university. She often placed him on the stool next to hers, and he always sat there attentively, his head cocked to the side in interest. Sometimes he pawed at a drawing, expecting it to be real. Other times, he walked all across her sketchpad leaving little pawprints behind. One time, there was a message written there on a blank page for her to find, although she had no idea who wrote it at the time:
Don’t give up.
She opened her eyes and looked up at the ceiling. She didn’t want to be graded on her drawings, however...especially not by Jisoo himself.
Then there was the matter of food.
Heejung crossed her arms. He always ate everything, never leaving a single crumb or morsel on the ground. She made all types of meat dishes for him and Jiyeon all the time, so wasn’t she doing that already?!
Her head pounded, and she reached to rub her temples.
“I...I guess.” She mumbled softly. “He’s hard to figure out sometimes.”
Jiwoo chuckled to himself.
“Well maybe he likes cabbage for example. Or maybe you could talk to him about your favorite moments in a show, like the best twist in a tv drama? There’s all sorts of things you can figure out by asking or observing if you’re not courageous enough. But you need to work on that confidence so you can speak to him plainly.”
“Jiwoo,” Heejung placed her hand on her face and groaned inwardly. She didn’t know where to begin. She opened her mouth, then closed it before speaking up weakly,
“That’s not really the problem. I-I mean, that’s part of it, but…”
Heejung turned and looked back at Jiwoo while trying to find the right words. It was difficult, like sifting through a fog. What could she even say in order to summarize this mess?
A glint in his eye, Jiwoo snapped his fingers and stood up abruptly.
“I’ve got the perfect idea. We can do a practice run.”
Striking a dramatic pose, Jiwoo looked out confidently towards the ceiling, a smile on his face.
“I’ll pretend to be the dashing man you have affections for. You talk to me and speak what you feel about me-er I mean him, and I’ll respond. So you can have a feel for how things should go.”
Heejung stared at Jiwoo flabbergasted. “B-B...But... you don’t even know who it is!”
Jiwoo looked back at Heejung, rolling his eyes.
“That’s not the point. Look just pretend I’m him. If this man is any good, he’ll say the right things. Which of course I know all about. So don’t worry.”
Resuming his gaze upwards, Jiwoo waved a hand at her.
“Just get on with it.”
“I...erm, okay.”
Heejung looked down at her lap and took a deep breath, trying to gather the right words to say. Finally, she began, her voice shaky,
“W-Welcome home! You made it just in time. Uh...how was the park?”
She stopped speaking and looked at Jiwoo hesitantly. Either this was going to be really, really good, or absolutely horrible.
The park? That was a place where people slept on benches and took animals while drinking coffee. Was she interested in a man on a bench? Shaking the thoughts from his head, Jiwoo resumed his pose.
“Oh, it was a grand time uh...dear? How was your day, today? I’m sure it’s better now that I’m here.”
Heejung bit her bottom lip, but she couldn’t help but smile slightly in amusement. This was definitely not like Jisoo. How far off the mark he was!
Shaking her head, she smiled.
“The same as always…”
Heejung trailed off and furrowed her brow, gazing out of the window. “Just classes and the art club. Nothing else.” There was a brief pause, and she opened her mouth again with more hesitancy than before.
“I need to talk to you, but...well, if you need to be alone--”
Arching an eyebrow, Jiwoo sighed and let go of his pose.
“No no no. We talked about confidence woman! You need to be strong, confident, firm.”
With each of those words, Jiwoo seemed to prop himself up, back straight, feet grounded, and shoulders set.
“You need to be assured. Unless you’re playing the coy angle, which God knows you can’t, you’ll need to stand up.”
The rabbit took Heejung by the hand, standing her up and shuffled her into position. He moved her feet apart with his, pressed the small of her back forward so her chest was raised, and tipped up her chin so she had her nose up. Taking a step back to admire his handiwork, the rabbit laughed and stood back across from her.
“Now you look confident. Now tell me what you want to say.”
Jiwoo folded his arms, eyes narrowed and a smirk on his face. He was ready for her now.
Heejung raised a brow before moving her hands to her sides. “U-Uh, well…” Slowly, she curled her hands into her sides, her fingers clutching onto the edges of her sweater’s sleeves.
“I need to talk to you...about something important.” She stopped again, swallowing hard. This was the difficult part, getting out the actual issue at hand.
...I’m just glad this isn’t real right now-- I don’t think I’d be able to do this otherwise!
Jiwoo deadpanned staring at her.
“Con. Fi. Dent. My God I can barely hear you. You’ve got to be assertive with this. If you don’t speak what’s on your mind, he’ll never listen. If you’re passionate about how you feel about something, you’ve got to back it up. If he ignores you then you just have to say it to his face. Now speak up, and tell him what’s wrong”
Resuming his pose, he cleared his throat and locked eyes with her.
“What do you need to say to me?”
Heejung shook her head quickly and sighed, feeling her shoulders sag. All she could really do was go on with this exercise and hope for the best. Looking up at Jiwoo, she clenched her hands tighter.
“...Why?” She started, her voice somewhat louder than before. The question floated between the two of them, feeling almost like an actual, tangible thing, like a bubble she could pop. Taking another deep breath, she continued,
“Why don’t you believe me?” Tears stung in the back of her eyes, and by force they seeped forward. “I-I told you, there isn’t anyone!” Voice raised, she took a step forward.
“So why can’t you believe that?!”
Jiwoo’s eyes widened, taken aback slightly. He leaned back, but resumed his pose. His face softened though still surprised by her tears.
“I-I would never suspect you of having an affair. I mean, you never gave me a reason to. You’re a faithful girl…”
For a moment, Jiwoo’s act broke.
“What did he do to you?”
Heejung started to answer in a mumble, and she had to clear her throat in order to get the words out.
“He grabbed me...a-and I don’t understand why! You don’t do that to anyone-- I don’t care where he is from; you don’t. Do. That.”
Jiwoo’s eyes narrowed in annoyance, and he took a step closer to her. He reached out a hand to her, but thinking on what she said, left his hands at his sides.
“You’re right. You don’t do that to people. Especially not a woman. If he’s harmed you in any way, he doesn’t deserve your affection. Do you hear me? The bastard should keep his hands to himself and you can find someone better, someone who won’t hurt you.”
Jiwoo felt the hair on his rabbit ears prickling with anger, but he let out a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his fists.
“But...I understand...affection is a difficult thing to understand. Maybe he has hurt you, and yet you still have feelings for him. That’s normal, from what I’ve read. Just understand though that he’s not the only man in the world for you. If you’re set on him though…”
Jiwoo let his ears droop as he realized the situation at hand. She wasn’t set on him, she wasn’t going to choose him, she wasn’t going to get him his wish. He knew the consequences of this game. With another deep breath, Jiwoo raised a hand and placed it on top of Heejung’s head.
“If he’s what you want. Then he needs to know what he did wrong. You need to tell him, and then he needs to prove it to you. Like I said before, don’t just apologize. Do something about it. He needs to do something to show you it’ll never happen again.”
Jiwoo felt his insides twist a little, the pangs of reality hitting him still. But he knew that even if he would lose this game, lose his memories, maybe even lose himself. He would be damned if he let this girl be with someone who treated her wrongly and did nothing about it. The world didn’t need more relationships like his parents.
“Strong. Confident. Firm. Stand up and speak up.”
Heejung wiped her eyes and took a deep breath, then turned to face Jiwoo. She tried to straighten her back more, but she couldn’t help but shake. Still, she pressed on.
“I’m not mad at you for thinking what you did. I’m not mad at you for even taking my wrist. ...Even though that’s not a good thing to do. N-No...what hurt is that you don’t trust me, believe me.”
She looked down at her lap and closed her eyes.
“I didn’t want to talk to you today. And...if you do this again, I definitely won’t for sure. The...t-the only reason I’m telling you this is because you mean so much to me...Jisoo.”
Jiwoo’s ears drooped all the way and he slumped down on the sofa, leaning his head against the back of it. He was silent for a moment, before he let out a soft chuckle.
“Really? The stupid cat? You really are a dumbo.”
Groaning and looking back up to Heejung, he shook his head.
“I can’t dissuade you I’m sure, since you do have feelings for him after all. Anyway, my point still stands.”
Jiwoo patted at the seat next to him for Heejung to join him.
“Now we both know that cat thinks with his stomach more than anything, so he’s probably not bright enough to realize he’s done something wrong.
“Jiwoo--”
Heejung sighed heavily and moved to sit down next to Jiwoo. She stared down at her feet glumly.
“It’s like I told you-- I don’t think he likes me that way. So...why try?”
She closed her eyes. “He said I wasn’t his type, and...if he liked me, he wouldn’t do this to me. People who care don’t do this! A-And...why would he even like me if I’m...well...” She looked up at Jiwoo and gestured to her ears, giving him a weak smile.
“Wouldn’t he...or, well, I guess any of you five, really...prefer someone more like you?”
Heejung bit her lip and looked away. “I don’t mean that in such a...you know, but not many people or animals go after what is different. All of us... we take comfort in familiarity, don’t we?”
Leaning back with a groan, Jiwoo shook his head.
“It’s the principle of the thing really. Trying new things is scary, you may mess up and fail horribly, but do you just quit? Think about that art you do. Your first pictures wouldn’t hang in a museum, but with practice, maybe the ones in the future you make will. So that’s what this is like. You try because it’s with it to do better in future. If he’s not the man for you, at least now you know what to look out for in him, what to do better for yourself.”
Jiwoo leaned forward a bit and opened his mouth to say something else but closed it again. She didn’t know about the game. She couldn’t know about the game, and how they were essentially forced to do woo her.
“It’s...complicated I guess. Sure we may all have our type, but I mean, look at one of my other favorites. The Slave Girl and the King. Sometimes we just like to be with someone who’s not like us. We can find a connection in them one way or another. If you have everything in common with someone, you’re bound to get on their nerves. So someone who’s different may be good change.”
“But I meant--”
Heejung wrung her hands. “I understand, I do. I just...I don’t know. Not being a cat...you are saying it wouldn’t bother him?”
She looked up at the ceiling and muttered to herself,
“Like...Prince Eric for instance. From The Little Mermaid. He still went after Ariel in the film’s climax despite seeing her being a mermaid. We know from the beginning of the film he wanted someone different, which is why we as an audience root for them. We, knowing that information, are okay with it.
“But with Jisoo...I don’t know. That’s why...” Heejung trailed off at a loss.
Jiwoo stared at her in confusion for a moment.
“What the hell is a mermaid?”
Shaking his head Jiwoo laughed a little.
“I don’t think we have the same fairy tales. But what I assume you mean is that the pair weren’t the same species. I guess that is a real concern. And from the science I’ve read I’m not sure about reproduction...but anyway. Romance seems to be able to transcend all of these issues. People from different worlds, whether it’s socially or physically, can still fall in love.”
Jiwoo held up the book again and had a smug look on his face.
“Perfect example. They’re not the same species but they still fall for each other. She tries, and if you’re dedicated to the dumb cat, then you should try too.”
Heejung nodded slowly and drew her knees up to her chin. She looked over at her friend thoughtfully, allowing the words to drift into her mind to sort them out. Smiling slightly, she gave a nod.
“I’ll...I’ll try. At least when it comes to setting boundaries, anyway. That’s more important right now, I think. ...Please don’t consider this to be cold feet, but until he understands that he can’t do anything like that to me anymore, I can’t go further. I...I don’t want to be seen like that by anyone, be it a friend or something more.”
Jiwoo nodded solemnly, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder lightly.
“That’s the first step yes. No point in trying if he won’t treat you right. Remember, when you talk to him, what do you have to be?
“Forward. Honest, look forward, and keep going...because the truth needs to be said.” Heejung smiled softly. “Confident that things will be okay.”
Jiwoo flicked her ear and snickered.
“Strong. Confident. Firm. Do you listen to anything I say? But yes, I suppose you do get the gist of things.”
Jiwoo leaned back into the couch and stared back up at the ceiling sighing softly.
“Thank you, by the way.”
“Thank...you?” Heejung raised her brows. “But I didn’t do anything...this was all you!”
Jiwoo turned his head to Heejung and smiled softly.
“Thank you, for choosing to listen to me, and to talk to me. You could’ve just run into this blindly and gotten yourself really hurt.”
He looked back up at the ceiling, his ears flicking lightly.
“Maybe you’re not such a dumbo after all.”
Heejung smiled and bowed her head. “I respect you...very much so. And I am very honored to see that you’ve grown so much since coming here, talking to me, appreciate my company and, well…”
She shrugged a shoulder.
“How can I not do the same?” Her smile grew into a small grin. “I’m proud of you, Jiwoo.”
Jiwoo looked back and rolled his eyes, but smiled all the same.
“Of course you should be. I’m me after all.”
Jiwoo hopped up to his feet, smoothing out his clothes and held out a hand to Heejung.
“Now, can you please get to making dinner since this crisis is averted and we don’t all have to starve?”
Her eyes widened, and she gasped.
“Ah!”
She jumped up to her feet as well, dress flying about her.
“You’re right! Thank you, Jiwoo-- I’ll get going!”
Heejung dashed off in a blur to the kitchen.
Jiwoo shook his head and folded his arms as he heard the clatter of pans and cooking utensils soon enough. There was a sort of lump in his stomach still. Knowing he’d be losing this game made things rather difficult inside. But maybe he wouldn’t really be losing himself if she could remember him. He wasn’t sure what the wizard was capable of making them forget. Perhaps a precaution was needed? He always was a planner. Walking off to Heejung’s room, he scoured the shelves for an empty notebook. A journal. To record his past, today, and what would be the romance of the ages perhaps between a dumb owner and her stupid cat.