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Look at my life, bet you can't tell, but it's kind of a bad time. A new spiral every night, bawling my eyes out, no, but I'm so fine.
My nightmare actualized.
"Leave, I'm okay. Stop worrying so much."
“‘Stop worrying so much’? Si, you scraped up your knee really badly.” Ryland was sitting on the ground beside where Simon was lying. He’d thought the step was further away on the front porch and accidentally missed it, tumbling down the stairs onto the pebble-lined beach. His eyes were open, clear as day, but Ryland knew they were useless. Simon hadn’t been able to see for a few months now, even though they’d left the Hail Mary months ago. But science was slow, especially new science, and that was all they were to the Eridians. Now, they were both sitting on the beach, Simon’s knee was bleeding and Ryland’s eyebrow had the same crease in it that used to be there all the time when Col-
“Colt, don’t do that, you could get hurt!” Ryland went running toward his brother as his twin launched himself off the top of the ladder into the pool, cannonballing into the deep end. Meanwhile, Ryland was standing on the hot floor beside the public pool, arms mid-reach for his little brother. His little brother who’d been running after risk his whole life.
“I’m fine, Ry. Stop being such a mom.”
“I’m going to worry about you, Simon, because you can’t take care of yourself, I have to be better at being there for you, I have to be…” Ryland wrapped gauze around Simon’s knee and shook his head, tears were starting to build up in his eyes and he was fighting to not cry.
“Ryland, are you okay?” Simon pried his eyes open like he’d be able to see if there was something wrong with Ryland, and selfishly, Ryland was grateful that Si couldn’t see the tears on his irises. “You don’t sound-”
“I’m fine.” Ryland snapped, trying to control his wavering voice. He’d promised he’d be a new person after he woke up and realized he had been sent thousands of miles away from everything he’d ever known and loved. He’d promised to be a new person when he realized he’d never be able to make up with Colt.
“Ry, I can’t see, so that means that I can’t tell what your body looks like, and while that’s disappointing for numerous reasons, it also means I can’t tell when you’re lying. So, I may never know if you’re really fine, or if you’re just pretending. I just… I wish I could see, so you can lie and feel safe when you’re talking to me. But we won’t be able to live here, just you and me, for years if I can’t tell when you need me.” He was right. Of course he was right, and now Ryland felt like a dick.
“You’re right, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, just tell me the truth, please.” Simon’s arm reached out and Ryland took it, holding onto his friend’s hand as he took a deep breath and pressed the gauze against Simon’s knee with his free fingers. Simon’s face twitched, but he stayed zeroed in, facing where Ryland's voice was coming from.
“I used to have a twin brother named Colt. He was an adrenaline junky, he loved to take risks, which meant he got hurt way too often. I would clean him up every time. I guess I’m just… I guess I just get extra upset when people get hurt.” Ryland wanted to whisper, he wanted to murmur the words as they spilled out of him, but Simon couldn’t read his lips if he missed a word or two. It was… it was hard… Simon being blind.
“Ryland… I don’t know what to say. They sent you up here when you had family back there?”
“Everyone had family, and Colt and I haven’t been brothers in a long time anyway.”
“I don’t think that’s true, I think when two people are fighting, whether they’re a pair of brothers, married, dating, or just friends, that when they’re in a disagreement, they remain whatever it was they were. The real separation doesn’t come until later, even death does not break them apart. Not even being sent to save the stars could break a pair apart. I think you’re still his brother, Ryland, and I think he’s still yours.”
They sat in silence for a moment before Simon whispered again.
“You’re still brothers, and we’re… we’re still friends.”
“Simon, I think we’re way more than that.”
And a thousand miles away, a man with dark blond hair smiled up at the sky as he married the love of his life, and he whispered, “I wish you were here.”
There's no medicine I'd spit out if it promises slowing down voices. Don’t want to hear a sound.
Maybe if I smile enough, I'll get away with giving up.