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Phil zipped up his coat tightly and made sure his gloves were fitted snugly against his fingers. Grabbing his backpack and swinging it around to rest on his back, he pushed open the side door to the warehouse. It was the last Saturday they were open before Christmas day, and families were coming over to the tree farm for their discounted tree sales. It was pretty cold out, not too bad for the middle of December, but after a few years of working here, Phil had quickly learned that working outside for a few hours every weekend got cold after a while. The door shut behind him and he pulled the keys to the truck out of his pocket. The warehouse was close to the farm, but the family who owns the farm had purchased over fifty acres of land to grow the trees.
“Lester, you heading out to the trees?” Phil turned around to see another one of the workers, Samuel. He was setting up the stations where they wrap up the trees before tying them to the roof of the customers’ cars. Phil’s worked there occasionally, but it involved much more social interaction than he liked. He preferred being surrounded by the various different kinds of trees. There was something about plants that just made him feel at peace.
“Yeah, I’m up there until closing time today actually. Busy day, means lots of work.” He smiled at Sam, who rolled his eyes.
“Don’t remind me. I’m going to be wrapping trees for hours.” Phil chuckled and then started walking to his car.
“Better hurry up, we open in twenty” Phil yelled over his shoulder as he stepped into the seat of the truck. He laughed again when he caught sight of Samuel flipping him off.
Phil was walking around the first few rows of trees and making sure there weren’t any pieces of garbage leftover from people who walk past the area. He had a pretty simple job, he just had to make sure people weren’t hurting the trees and help out if they needed it. After a while, he heard the tractor rumble, usually meaning the first group of people were coming. They had a tractor with and rather large flat bed attached, and people were able to ride down to pick out their trees. This kept the road clear and everyone’s cars out of the way. Phil liked this, it kept the area quiet from the sounds of cars and engines. The few noises were sounds of families talking to each other and the occasional sound of the tractor every half hour.
About ten people got off the tractor, and there was one family of five, two couples, and one young man. Phil greeted them all, smiling at the little baby from the family. The baby babbled at him and he felt his heart ache in his chest. Phil was almost thirty, and had always dreamed of having a family. The sight of the baby made him feel warm and fuzzy inside, but also was a drop of reality in his serene life. He hadn’t had a real relationship in years, and the idea of having a kid was years away. He shook his head, reminding himself that he was able to get away from all his problems.
He glanced around at the few acres of trees he could see from where he stood and smiled at the people moving from tree to tree and examining each one. His gaze fell to the one person who had come alone. The man was wearing a fluffy black hat that looked to be keeping him pretty warm and was staring at one tree very intensely. Phil watched as he shook his head and stepped over to the next one and smiled to himself, this guy seemed to be taking his tree shopping very seriously. The man must have been noticing Phil looking at him, because his gaze met Phil’s. Phil smiled softly and waved at him, and watched as his face flushed. Phil turned away to continue walking through the trees. He glanced back to look at Fluffy Hat, but noticed he had moved on to the next tree in the line.
A few hours later, families had come and gone and the sun was starting to set. Phil had counted the handsaws and noticed there was still about five checked out. He checked his phone and noticed the farm closed in about an hour, so the people that were in the farm now were the last of the day. He ventured towards the back of the acres of trees and spotted a few people out in the field. One group of people was starting to cut down the tree they had chosen and Phil smiled at the excited expressions they all wore on their face.
He walked around a row of trees and froze in place when he saw Fluffy Hat from earlier. What was he still doing here?
“Um, excuse me?” Phil spoke softly, not wanting to scare him. Unfortunately that didn’t work because the man jumped and nearly fell to the ground before Phil placed a hand on his shoulder to steady him. Fluffy Hat’s face was bright red, and Phil assumed he was just as cold as Phil was. This guy has been outside almost as long as Phil has been.
“Sorry,” He spoke so quietly Phil thought he imagined it. He turned to walk away but Phil kept his hand on his shoulder, making him stop before he got more than two steps away. He turned around to face Phil, but his gaze was fixed on his feet.
“You’ve been out here almost all day, are you ok?” Phil arched an eyebrow, and tilted his head a bit, trying to get a glimpse of Fluffy Hat’s face. Hopefully he’d find out Fluffy Hat’s name soon because calling him that in his mind was starting to confuse Phil.
“I’m just looking for a tree.” He shrugged and finally looked up at Phil, and Phil felt his breath catch in his throat. This man’s deep brown eyes were stunning and Phil couldn’t tear his gaze away. Phil mentally shook his head, reminding himself of where he was. He slid his hand off of the man’s shoulder.
“Of course you’re looking for a tree, but you’ve been here since opening time and we’re about to close in…” He glanced at his watch, “thirty minutes.” Phil watched as Brown Eyes, a much better nickname in his opinion, shrugged and looked down again. Phil frowned, something seemed wrong and he missed seeing those lovely eyes.
“I can’t find it.” Brown Eyes whispered, and Phil could barely hear him. The man sniffled and Phil’s heart nearly lunged out of his chest. Was he crying? Phil froze in place, unsure of whether to comfort the man or not.
“You can’t find something? Do you need help looking?” Phil offered, hoping he had only lost his phone so Phil could just call it and also get this guy’s phone number.
Brown Eyes shook his head, “No, I --” His words got cut off as he started sobbing openly in front of Phil, his hands coming up to cover his face. Phil immediately pulled the man into a hug. Any doubts he had about comforting Brown Eyes changed as soon as Phil realized he clearly needed a hug. Phil felt gloved hands digging into the sides of his jacket as sobs wracked this stranger’s body. Phil himself almost started crying just from the thought of someone being this hurt by something. Phil gently rubbed Brown Eyes’ back as his sobs quieted down. His hands wiped at his face and he slid out of Phil’s grip.
Phil kept his arms around Brown Eyes and chewed on his lip in thought. “How about you come and sit in my truck and warm up while I finish closing up?” Brown Eyes seemed hesitant, but Phil watched as he shivered and then nodded.
About twenty minutes later, Phil had locked up the handsaws and saw that everyone returned back to the warehouse. He scanned the various rows of trees for any forgotten sweaters or gloves but couldn’t find any. He hoped Brown Eyes hadn’t lost anything important. Walking back to the truck, Phil saw that the man had taken his hat off and revealed a headful of flattened down wavy brown hair that seemed to be made to compliment his eyes. Phil sighed inwardly, this poor guy couldn’t much older than twenty, and he was clearly distraught about something. Ignoring his increasing heart rate, Phil slid into the driver’s seat and turned to face the brown haired person in his passenger seat. The heat felt amazing on his numb cheeks, and Phil pulled his own hat and gloves off so he could warm himself up.
“I’m Dan,” He said suddenly, “just figured you’d want to know the name of the kid that sobbed on your shoulder.” He sounded almost bitter, as though he was angry at himself. Phil tilted his head and looked at Dan. His eyes were still slightly puffy from crying but he looked stunning.
“Phil.” He said, assuming Dan would want his name too, “And you were clearly upset about something, and I’m not the type to just ignore other people’s pain.” Phil said simply, and Dan turned his head to meet Phil’s gaze.
“My pain is dumb, this whole trip was a mistake.” He sounded like he was holding back more tears, and Phil cautiously reached over to hold one of Dan’s hands. His fingers were long and soft, and Phil revelled at the way they felt in his own hand. He gently rubbed his thumb over Dan’s knuckles, trying to comfort him.
“No pain is dumb if it upsets you.” Phil stated, causing Dan to sigh.
“I guess you’re right, I don’t know, it’s just…” He trailed off and groaned, throwing his head back against the headrest. “I wanted to find the perfect Christmas tree.” He finally said, and Phil furrowed his brow.
“This is a fifty acre tree farm, Dan, I’m sure you could’ve found a good one.” He didn’t want to hurt Dan’s feelings, but come on, this is a tree farm how could he not find a tree.
“That’s just it! I need a perfect one, not a good one, not a decent one, it had to be perfect! It had to be just like I imagined in my mind when I pictured the perfect Christmas, it had to be perfect. This Christmas had to be perfect for once in my goddamn life.” He had moved his hand from Phil’s to shove both his hands into his hair. Phil was surprised by Dan’s outburst, but it also answered a few questions. Phil sat quietly while Dan held his face in his hands.
Gently, Phil spoke up, “Dan, you don’t have to answer me, but what happened that made this Christmas different than the past ones?”
Dan took in a shaky breath and Phil watched as he shook his head.
Phil nodded, “I understand, that’s alright.”
They drove back to the warehouse and Phil insisted on walking Dan back to his car. He pulled a piece of paper out of a pocket in his backpack and a pen.
“This is technically the information for the tree farm if you plan on coming back, but since we’re not open until next year, I’m adding my phone number. I want you to text me or call me when you get home so I know you’re okay. Also I think you’re a nice guy and I want to get to know you more, is that ok?” Phil rambled, and he knew he was rambling, and handed Dan the paper he had written on. Dan smiled and promised to text Phil when he got home. Phil breathed a sigh of relief and smiled back as he got into the car and turned it on. He stood there and watched as the car pulled out of the parking lot and drove down the road.
Turning around, Phil nearly ran into Samuel and Kate, who were standing behind him. Sam had his arms crossed and a knowing smile on his face, whereas Kate had a huge toothy smirk on hers.
“Shut up, both of you.” Phil pushed past them, his cheeks heating up.
Dan had, as promised, texted Phil as soon as he got home. Unfortunately, that was at the same time Phil was driving to his apartment.
hey, this is dan, from earlier. just letting you know i’m home safely and no longer an emotional wreck :)
Phil’s phone beeped but it was in his bag on the ground. Ten minutes later, when he was walking through his door he got another text. He kicked his boots off at the front door and smiled as he pulled his phone out of his bag.
i really hope this is phil otherwise this is really awkward…
This is Phil, no worries, I was just driving back to my house :D also I’m happy you’re feeling better, you deserve to be happy.
Phil tossed his phone on the coffee table and walked into the bathroom to take a quick shower. As soon as he was done and had his warm pajamas on, a t-shirt and candy cane sweatpants, he plopped down on the couch and started to watch some mindless TV. Grabbing his phone, he saw Dan had texted back.
i guess. but thanks for being nice to me.
Phil furrowed his brow at the text, Dan seemed to be a decent guy, surely he knew he deserved to be happy.
Seriously Dan, you deserve to be happy. I’m not just saying that to be nice.
He hoped that would get the message across. Anyone who was as emotionally distraught about finding the perfect tree as Dan was clearly wasn’t a bad person. He didn’t get a text back right away, so Phil grabbed his phone and headed to the kitchen to make himself some food. There was only about two days until he left for his parents’ house, so he didn’t have much food left in his fridge. He settled on some leftover spaghetti and was soon snuggled under a blanket on his couch with his plate of spaghetti and a coffee.
His phone dinged a few hours later, as Phil was getting ready to head into bed. He saw that it was Dan and couldn’t stop the smile that grew on his face.
ok im going to be real with you right now because i cant see your face and that gives me a false sense of confidence. i needed that tree because i’ve never had a christmas before that i wasn’t miserable during. I might come off as a whiny child, but my life never really presented any opportunity to be happy around my family. Sorry to bum you out, and its ok if you dont want to reply to me anymore. I’d totally get it. I should probably head to bed soon anyway, so goodnight. or goodbye, idk.
Phil sat on the edge of his bed in disbelief. He had only met Dan this morning, and truly didn’t know a thing about him, but he had the overwhelming urge to go find and hug Dan. Without even realizing he had done it, he grabbed his keys and walked out of his apartment.
I promise you can trust me, but what’s your address? I’m coming over.
After some protest from Dan’s end, mostly about the fact that he was fine and Phil didn’t need to bother with him, Phil found himself outside the door to Dan’s apartment. Dan had already buzzed him up, so he knew Phil was there, but Phil felt like he had been too forward. He couldn’t work up the nerve to knock on the door, suddenly feeling very self conscious about the fact that he was at a stranger’s home. Albeit an attractive, lovely stranger, but a stranger nonetheless.
He must have been standing there for much too long because suddenly door was open and Phil was greeted with the soft scent of pine and sap as Dan’s arms wrapped around him.
“Thank you” Dan mumbled against Phil’s chest, and Phil felt his heart skip a beat. His hands settled at the base of Dan’s back and pulled Dan closer to him.
Dan eventually moved away from Phil, and cleared his throat. He gestured to the inside of his apartment and sidestepped so Phil could walk in.
Phil looked around at the well-decorated home. There were little snowman resting on end tables, lights strung in the living room, and stockings hung over the fireplace. Phil could pretty much feel the Christmas spirit emitting from Dan’s home. Dan had run off to the kitchen, saying he was going to get Phil something to drink. Phil found himself sitting on couch in Dan’s living room. He glanced to the corner of the room and saw a tree skirt and stand set up. The only thing that was missing was a tree in this Christmas-infested house, and Dan clearly had expected to get one earlier today.
“Hey, I hope you like hot chocolate, because that’s all I have right now.” Dan said as he handed Phil a mug. Phil smiled up at Dan as he grabbed the drink from him.
“I love hot chocolate, thank you.” Dan smiled softly back and sat down next to Phil. They sat in a comfortable silence until Dan suddenly gasped.
“What?” Phil startled, putting a hand over his racing heart.
“You’re literally wearing a tshirt and pajama pants, you have to be freezing. Oh my God, I’m the worst.” He placed his mug on the coffee table in front of him and left the room before Phil could even protest. He came back with a large fuzzy blanket and placed it next to Phil. Phil thanked him and watched as Dan sat down on the couch again, this time a bit closer than before. Phil smiled softly to himself.
“I’m sorry, you know, about early.” Dan mumbled, as he reached to turn on the tv. Some family Christmas movie was playing in the background, but Phil turned to look at Dan.
“You don’t need to keep apologizing, Dan,” Phil tried to meet Dan’s gaze, but Dan kept his eyes downward. Dan shrugged and leaned back into the couch, coincidentally pressing his legs into Phil’s.
“I know, I just…” He sighed again and covered his face with his hands and Phil’s fingers itched to pull them away and hold them in his own hands.
“I know we literally just met today, but I promise I won’t judge you. I want to help you, you know.” Suddenly, Phil thought of an amazing idea. He shot up from the couch, accidentally pushing Dan over slightly.
“Get your coat and warm things on, I’m taking you somewhere.” Dan gaped at Phil, and shook his head.
“No, no, no, you don’t need to do anything for me, it’s fine.” Phil crossed his arms and looked at him. Dan groaned and pushed himself off the couch.
“Do you trust me?” Phil asked, looking right into Dan’s deep brown eyes. Dan bit back a smile, making Phil’s stomach flip, and nodded.
After a quick drive back to Phil’s house so he could get his own coat, Phil pulled into the tree farm. Dan’s eyes widened and he turned to face Phil.
“No way, we’re sneaking into the tree farm?” Phil chuckled at his expression.
“It’s not sneaking in if I have the keys, right?” He smirked as he held up a key chain with dozens of keys on it. Dan’s eyes seemed to open even wider, but a smile spread across his face.
“You’re crazy,”
“But you like it,” Phil winked, then opened his door and stepped out. Dan sat there for a minute, cheeks flushed and heart racing. He may have just met Phil, but for some reason he felt like he could do anything when he was with him.
He stepped out of the car and followed Phil to the truck parked next to the warehouse. Phil smiled at him and held open the passenger door. Phil jokingly bowed to Dan and both of them started laughing.
“You dork,” Dan chuckled as he stepped in, cheeks once again a dull pink. He hoped Phil would just assume it was from the cold.
Phil drove down to the rows of trees and parked the truck next to the storage room of handsaws. Reaching across Dan, he popped open the glove compartment and pulled out a large flashlight.
“I can’t believe I’m at a tree farm at midnight with some guy I just met.” Dan mumbled, half to himself. Phil laughed a little and nudged Dan’s side. “Perfect time to murder you, huh?” Dan shuddered a bit.
“Don’t make me start to even think about that, I’m trusting you.” He playfully glared at Phil, who mocked an evil laugh and he grabbed his backpack from the seat behind him and hopped out of the truck. Dan stepped out and started walking behind Phil.
He walked like that for about thirty seconds before his brain started to imagine things in the dark. Phil had the flashlight shining in front of him, so Dan’s brilliant imagination started to conquer up thoughts of things grabbing him from behind. Quickening his pace, he caught up with Phil and kept himself closer to his side.
This didn’t go unnoticed by Phil, who smirked and turned to look at him. “Are you afraid of the dark, Daniel?” Dan scoffed and rolled his eyes.
“No, I’m afraid of things using the dark to their advantage so they can murder me, a much more reasonable thing to be afraid of.” Phil chuckled softly and reached his gloved hand out to hold Dan’s.
Dan’s heart pounded in his ears, but he gripped Phil’s hand as he got a handsaw and started towards the first row of trees.
After about an hour of walking around, Dan and Phil were talking and joking around. Dan was no longer looking at every single tree, because he felt like every moment he looked away from Phil he was missing out on something. Eventually Phil suggested they take a break, and pulled a thick blanket out of his backpack. He laid it on the ground in front of a tree and plopped himself down on it, rubbing his hands together in an attempt to warm them up.
In a moment of confidence, Dan placed one of his hands over Phil’s, and Phil’s head turned quickly to face Dan’s. Dan smiled softly as Phil’s fingers weaved their way through his. They sat there quietly, watching as a few snowflakes gently fell down onto the ground around them. Dan’s legs felt a bit numb from the cold, and he reached the hand that wasn’t intertwined with Phil’s down to gentle rub them, hoping to help out the circulation. Phil gently released Dan’s hand to wrap his arm around his waist and pull him closer to him. Dan involuntarily gasped, then sighed as Phil pulled half of the blanket over the both of them. Dan could already feel the blanket warming up his cold legs and he sighed again in relief. He hadn’t even noticed he had gotten cold, but perhaps it had been because he was so distracted from talking to Phil. Phil reached down again to hold Dan’s hand, placing their joined hands on top of the blanket. Dan’s chest felt like it was going to burst. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this happy.
Phil looked down at the curly hair that was now resting gently on his shoulder. He hadn’t felt so at peace since he was a little kid. Talking with Dan had come so easily, he was surprised that the conversation hadn’t died down at all while they were out here. Truth be told, he hadn’t even really been helping Dan find a tree because he didn’t want the night to end.
“Hey Phil,” Dan spoke up suddenly, his voice quiet. Phil rubbed his thumb softly over Dan’s knuckles and hummed in response to Dan. He felt Dan’s grip tighten a bit and heard Dan take in a shaky breath.
“My parents kicked me out of the house about this time last year,” He said, barely speaking above a whisper. “I had a job, I had some money saved, but I wasn’t ready. I was only twenty and I was forced to live on my own. I couldn’t afford to go to uni anymore and…” His voice broke and he stopped talking. Phil gently let go of his hand and pulled Dan into his chest, holding him tightly.
“It’s ok Dan, I understand.” Dan shook his head.
“No, I was a mess Phil, I moved in with a friend from uni, but they didn’t want me staying there. I finally found my apartment, but by the time I moved in, my friend pretty much didn’t want anything to do with me because they had…” He choked out a sob, and Phil rubbed a hand down his back. Dan took another breath in and laughed a little.
“I sound insane right now, talking to some guy I met today in the middle of a tree farm about how my life was ruined from one stupid mistake.” He rubbed his eyes, and Phil’s brow furrowed.
“Surely whatever you did couldn’t have been that bad Dan, I may not know too much about you, but you seem like an amazing person.”
Dan laughed again, sitting up to look at Phil. His eyes were slightly red and Phil couldn’t help himself when he reached out and wiped the tears from his cheeks. Dan’s cheeks turned red and he closed his eyes as Phil’s hand rested on the side of his face.
“I didn’t do anything wrong, I think. I told them I was bisexual. And they kicked me out. Then my friend found out, and he practically kicked me out. This year I needed to have the best Christmas so I could shove it in their face that I don’t need their approval to be happy.” He still had yet to open his eyes, afraid of what might be on Phil’s face. He didn’t know if he could handle it if Phil looked at him any differently.
“Oh Dan…” Phil spoke gently, brushing his thumb along Dan’s jaw line. “You are worth so much more than they made you feel. You are valid, and you deserve to be happy.” Dan’s eyes watered and he opened his eyes to look at Phil. Phil was looking at him with a loving gaze in his eyes and a soft smile on his face.
He burst into tears, he was so overwhelmed with happiness.
“That’s the first time anyone has ever reacted positively to me coming out,” He spoke through his tears, a huge smile on his face.
Phil’s heart felt like it was going to burst with love. He leaned in, caught up in the moment, and placed a kiss onto Dan’s nose. Dan’s laughter cut short, and he drew a breath in, eyes wide and transfixed on Phil’s.
Dan gently sniffled and smiled brightly at Phil, before placing his hand over the one that was still resting on his cheek. Their faces were inches apart, and somehow neither of them could feel the cold air surrounding them. Dan leaned in and quickly closed the gap between them, his lips eagerly pressed against Phil’s. Phil’s hands dropped down to Dan’s shoulders and held him tightly against him and their lips joined over and over. Dan’s hand found themselves in Phil’s hair and their kisses turned into giggles as they couldn’t stop smiling long enough to keep kissing. Phil rested his head against Dan’s and sighed softly, kissing his nose again.
Dan fingers played with the ends of Phil’s hair and he laughed again.
“What?” Phil asked, smiling again at the gleeful look in Dan’s eyes.
“I think I found my perfect tree.” Phil looked confused, and went to turn around to look in the same direction as Dan before he realized that he had ended up practically leaning against one tree during their kisses. He let out a laugh too, reaching over by his backpack to pick up the handsaw.
“Well, let’s get to it before the sun rises!” Dan giggled again as they stood up and started working on the tree.
A week later, Dan was leaning over a ham in the oven and checking its temperature when suddenly he felt a gentle slap on his butt.
“Oi! Don’t assault me while I’m literally almost inside the oven, he straightened his body and turned to face the culprit.
Phil smiled smugly and shrugged, grabbing a bowl of potatoes from the counter and turning around to place them on the table. Dan rolled his eyes and shut the oven. He tossed the oven mitts he had been wearing onto the counter and turned around only to bump into Phil.
Phil wrapped his arms around Dan and peppered kisses all over Dan’s face while Dan protested and tried not to laugh. Phil finally gave in, but dropped one last kiss onto Dan’s nose before pulling back a bit.
Dan’s hands rested on Phil’s shoulders as he placed a kiss gently onto his lips. “The ham’s got about ten minutes.”
Phil nodded and dropped his arms from around Dan’s waist.
“Well, come on, we can quickly turn the tree lights on in the lounge so we can have even more Christmas spirit!” Phil exclaimed, grabbing Dan’s hand and practically dragging him out of the kitchen.
Dan giggled at Phil’s eagerness, and let himself get dragged to the tree. He smiled softly as Phil plugged the strand of lights in and their tree lit up. The tree was a bit lopsided, and the branches at the bottom were practically dead, but the tree was perfect to Dan. He glanced at Phil, who was smiling brightly at him and gesturing to the tree like he was Vanna White. Dan laughed at him and Phil turned and ran towards him, causing Dan to immediately squeal but before he could run away from Phil, he felt two arms wrap around him and push him onto the couch. His breath caught in his throat as Phil’s face hovered above his.
“Are you enjoying your Christmas?” Phil whispered, his gaze not leaving Dan’s. Dan’s heart pounded as he smiled brightly at Phil.
“It’s perfect,” He said softly, and Phil felt his eyes water and chest flutter with happiness. His lips landed softly over Dan’s.
“You deserve it.”