Work Text:
The restaurant was busy that night. Teo and Aurelio were seated in a quieter, secluded corner of the rooftop. It was a warm night. The restaurant was right next to a park, with trees full of birds.
“That one’s a Band-Tailed Pigeon,” Teo said, pointing to a grey bird in the canopy of one of the trees, “You can tell by the little white stripe on its neck.”
“And what are those?” Aurelio asked while pointing to a flock of light grey birds in the next tree.
“White-Tipped Doves.”
What’s the point of doing an ornithology degree if you don’t flex on how many birds you can recognise? The waitress was short, and had a very large smile on her face. “So, what can I get for you guys?” She asked perkily. Aurelio gave his order.
“And for your girlfriend?” The smiley waitress asked him. Teo brain took a second to process that.
“Um…” He started. He suddenly felt awkward, his voice came out weird, too high. He squeaked out his order in mortification. She wrote that down and smiled at him again before leaving.
“I’ll be back,” He told Aurelio because he wanted to be alone…and he also did need to piss.
The men’s bathroom was small, it had one stall and two urinals. He went into the stall and sat down to pee, which just made him feel worse. While washing his hands, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He liked doing that lately. He finally saw a reflection that looked like himself, instead of a twisted alternate version of himself.
Girlfriend…? GIRLFRIEND!?
He clawed at his face, trying to find the femininity the waitress saw. In Teo’s opinion, he passed well. Yes, he was often mistaken as a fifteen-year-old boy instead of the twenty-year-old man he really was, but he passed as male nevertheless. He was wearing a teal short-sleeve button-up shirt and black jeans. Thanks to a binder, his shirt lay nice and flat on his chest. In his opinion he looked perfectly masculine.
Well, there was an obvious answer: the little gold hoops in his ears. His ears had been pierced when he was a baby, but he never liked wearing earrings. Aurelio had gotten his ears pierced a few months ago. They’d gotten matching gold earrings. Teo only wore them when his boyfriend was also wearing them. Was that seriously it? Did some little bit of metal offset all the masculinity he presented. He took the earrings out and stuffed them in his jean pocket.
Was it his voice? Yeah, it wasn’t as deep as Aurelio’s but it was certainly deeper than it was a year ago. He swore he didn’t sound like a woman. He wanted to take his hands to his Adam's apple-less throat and tear out his larynx. But, at that moment, a man came in and started using one of the urinals. Teo decided he had spent too long staring at himself in the mirror and returned to their table.
Aurelio’s long hair was up in his usual man bun, showing off his own gold earrings. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fucking fair.
“Are you okay?” He asked Teo, looking concerned.
“I’m fine,” said Teo’s awkward, squeaky voice. “Just a bit annoyed.”
“About the girlfriend thing? She’s just a stranger, you shouldn’t care about her opinion of you.”
Teo didn’t reply. He didn’t get it. He spent the rest of the dinner kicking himself for ruining the mood. They didn’t even get dessert.
“I don’t like you being so quiet,” Aurelio told him on the way home.
“I know, someone has to talk in this relationship,” Teo replied, attempting to make a joke. Aurelio didn’t laugh. He wasn’t good with jokes, why did Teo say that?
The rest of their walk home was silent. Teo stood in the living room awkwardly. Usually, at this point in date night, they would be making out and tearing each other’s clothes off. Sex usually wasn’t that hard for Teo. Yeah, he always wore a shirt during it, that’s beside the point. He loved sex with Aurelio
“Do you wanna…” Teo started, unsure on how he was going to end the sentence.
“I’m tired, let’s go to bed.” His boyfriend replied. Teo continued kicking himself for ruining the evening.
As he always did, he hung Aurelio’s towel over the mirror. He turned on the shower and pulled off jeans and shirt. He stood there, just in his underthings, staring at the tiled floor while the water heated up. Once it was warm enough he reluctantly peeled off his binder and boxers. He resolutely did not look down at his body. They’d never showered together. It was an odd line to draw, considering Aurelio had seen him completely naked before. He rubbed his washcloth all over himself without looking.
He tried to ignore the bleached spot on the inside of his boxers while putting them on. The fabric of his pyjama shirt was thicker than usual, it draped over his form better. Aurelio slept in only a pair of shorts. Teo would never complain about that, Aurelio had a gorgeous chest, but he did feel jealous.
He laid silently on their bed while Aurelio showered. When he was done, Aurelio laid next to him and wrapped his arms around him. Teo wanted to explain it to him, but he couldn’t even explain it to himself. If he thought about the dysphoria too hard he would unleash a stormy, black ocean of misery.