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“Great!” Hirose smiles. “You weren’t saying anything, so I panicked.” He doesn’t seem annoyed by Nakamura’s passionate response.
“S-sorry,” Nakamura replies, still shocked and breathless at his own words, his surge of confidence. “But I really do like it.”
Nakamura’s heart thrums in his chest as he dangles the octopus keychain Hirose gave him, staring at it in wonder. He’s still a little out of breath from his confession, but god, he meant every word. He loves the gift, he’ll treasure it.
After all — this is the first thing Hirose has given him. Nakamura feels so overwhelmed at the thought, and the fact that Hirose’s warm, kind, beautiful face occupies his entire vision only makes him feel stronger. He barely processes Hirose’s shy, “it’s fine,” as he turns away and rubs at his cheek bashfully.
Because Hirose took that step. He ran after him when Nakamura worked up the courage to tell Hirose he can confide in him — he asked to meet, he sees him as a friend, he gifted him an octopus keychain, because he took the time to learn what Nakamura likes.
He thought he had to give up on his feelings. He thought he had to pretend like he doesn’t like Hirose way more than he knows and that it didn’t hurt to see him share affection with someone else, because if Hirose is happy, then Nakamura must be too.
Because Nakamura thought he couldn’t make Hirose happy himself.
Nakamura gazes at Hirose intensely, his feelings becoming too much to contain as they rise and swell in a fuzzy wave in his chest. Because who was he fooling?! There’s no way Nakamura can give up on these feelings! He won’t… he refuses to!
Has Hirose not seemed to enjoy their time together today? Did he not say he wouldn’t watch that sort of movie — a romance movie — with anyone else, yet with Nakamura, the idea had seemed fun? Nakamura can make Hirose happy, he needs to, how can he just stop here!!
Because Nakamura loves this person, and that’s never going to change. Classmates, friends, acquaintances, it’s not enough, never enough! Even if they dated, Nakamura would never stop wanting to know more of Hirose. He wants— everything! Isn’t that what he said! Everything about Hirose is so charming, so kind, so lovely, and Nakamura wants it all, to commit every detail about him to memory, to show Hirose just how wonderful he thinks he is!
And he can’t just not let Hirose know.
As Nakamura stares at him open-mouthed, Hirose glances away, feeling prickly under the gaze and a wave of sudden shyness. He turns to grab his cap and run off, the attention too much. “I heard there’s an observation deck near here…” he mutters.
But Nakamura feels almost as if he’s in a trance, having held his feelings close to his heart so long, he feels giddy and light with relief at how much of his true feelings he has revealed already, and now that he’s crossed that line, he can’t go back. Especially seeing now how much Hirose has done for him too, how can he not resolve to give it his all? To go for it, one more time?!
Faced with the sight of Hirose’s retreating figure, Nakamura abandons the last of his reservations and chases after him. “Hirose!!” He shouts, and he grabs his sleeve, not letting go.
Hirose glances back in surprise. He’d had his head tilted downwards, covering himself with his cap, but now Nakamura can see what he what he was hiding — Hirose’s entire face is red, the blush even covering the back of his neck. His mouth is slightly open with embarrassment and shock, like he doesn’t know what to say now that he’s been caught.
But he’s never looked so pretty.
It makes Nakamura’s heart stutter more in his chest and he has to swallow around a nervous lump in his throat. The feeling is so distinct and unmistakable, yet the perfect words are so hard to find no matter how many times he has imagined this.
Yet the fear of messing up isn’t enough to tamp down his excitement.
“Hirose,” he repeats, grounding himself. “I don’t just love the keychain. I love… you as well!” He exclaims, and he has to close his eyes as his voice breaks. “Everything about you, you’re- perfect,” he breathes. Everything, everything, everything! He clings to his sleeve with his other hand, but doesn’t dare touch Hirose’s skin. “I like how you’re so thoughtful and kind… how you can talk so easily with everyone, even me… how you have a mischievous side, when you prank your friends.”
Nakamura chances a glance at his face — he’s scared of course, about what he’ll find there, but a part of him yearns to tell Hirose anyway. He’s glowing, with the first rays of gold in the sky behind him, and though Nakamura can’t quite read his expression, it seems less like disgust or discomfort, and more like curiosity, even interest.
He feels compelled to continue, give Hirose his everything. “You make me feel so seen Hirose, like I’m not abnormal.” For his interests, the things he likes. “I love you… and I want to make you happy.” He squeezes out these final words, laying his soul bare.
Because he does, more than anything. He wants to be a part of Hirose’s happiness. It doesn’t even matter what Hirose says now. If he’s not interested, not ready, needs time, doesn’t know his feelings yet, wants to try, already reciprocates. Because Nakamura knows himself and his feelings wholeheartedly, and they aren’t going to change. It doesn’t matter how many times he has to go for it: he will do it again, and again, and again, willingly; however many times he needs to take that step to make a place for himself by Hirose’s side.
His name is Nakamura Otoko. He’s fifteen years old, and he’s shy, gay, and in love with Hirose Aiki. And there’s nothing in the world that will make him embarrassed about it. He wants everything with Hirose, and he isn’t scared any longer to proclaim it. He’s proud of who he is, and who he’s making an effort to be. He only feels relief at finally living as his true, honest, unfiltered self.
Well. Scratch that. When Hirose smiles widely at Nakamura with unfiltered adoration and, slowly, considering, slides his grip down his sleeve to link both their hands together, the feeling is probably closer to elation.