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It has been two months since Bella took her first breath in this world.
Since then, she has spent most of her time sleeping. The times she wasn’t sleeping, she found herself with lots of needs but very limited vocabulary to convey it. So, she generally resorts to using her voice for attention. After around a month, during one of such endeavour, she discovered that her eyes water during such situations and those little droplets that roll down her chubby cheeks, called tears, can get her anything.
Another thing she noticed during these two months was that there are two people who are always around her.
At the beginning, people was a strange concept to Bella. She always blinked her eyes wide and looked around the world, that seemed so big for her, and wondered what it was. Sometimes she felt like she was resting on a smooth soft surface. Then sometimes she was being passed around. There were faces, all of them smiling at her, and Bella being a newborn forgot everyone in a flash.
Plus, she hated seeing so many faces. Using her voice, she made sure that everyone knows that information.
Bella hates people.
Bella also hates being passed around.
But there were two people who Bella liked.
She didn’t know who they were at the beginning. They were among the faces that Bella didn’t think were important to register.
What caught her attention was not the faces but other things.
One of them was loud.
His voice was what Bella heard first, even before she spotted him. By now, she knows that voice and know where to look before he’s reached her. His hair is also nice. It’s curly and it sometimes bounces when he makes funny faces at her. Sometimes he sings to her, very badly. When he sang for the first time, Bella had wailed out her lungs begging someone to get her out of this misery. But now, after hundreds of bad songs, she has started to like it. Sometimes she even falls asleep to his voice.
His voice is so soft that Bella sometimes smiles when she hears it.
The voice meant he’s nearby.
And Bella liked when he was nearby.
He said that he’s papa.
Bella registered the word because he said it around a thousand times pointing at himself. She even attempted to say it, but being two months old, the only sounds that came out of her were aaaa or goo or even a agooo. He seemed to be okay with it, or Bella believes so. Because his face always brings out that smile when she makes those noises.
His laugh is also great to hear. Bella likes his laugh more than his songs. And she noticed that he laughs when she squeals. Squealing was a new skill Bella acquired recently. It had come out of her naturally when papa one day buried his face in her tummy and tickled her. Since that day, papa does it often to get that noise out of her.
She loved that smile.
She loved that laugh.
So, she made those noises again and again.
And then there was dada.
Bella knew the word because papa pointed to him and said it a thousand times.
But Bella knew dada even before she knew dada.
Before she knew that his eyes were green and his smile was so pretty and his hair was soft when clutched between her little fingers, Bella knew her dada.
She didn’t need to hear his voice or see his face to know who he is.
Bella knew dada by his heartbeat.
It always sounds the same. When dada holds her close to his chest, she could hear it. It always felt so warm – his chest – and the sound of his heart beating always calmed her down. That was Bella’s music. Papa might disagree because he considers his singing skills to be top notch, but Bella would rather listen to this heart beating than anything.
It was how Bella knows the day had ended. She didn’t know what mornings, evenings and nights were. The concept of day was foreign to her. But she knew that when dada holds her like that against his chest, kisses her head like that, engulfs her with that warmth, it means she is going to sleep for a long time and wake up only when she is hungry.
Some days when he held her close, she did not hear the music.
She always cries to make that point known to him.
Where is the music?
And whenever she had cried over that, within a few minutes, she feels the same warmth and hears the same music.
Her favourite kind of sleep was when she had both papa and dada. Usually, papa holds and then dada takes her. Or vice versa.
But sometimes she has both.
Sometimes when dada cradles her to sleep, she hears papa’s soft voice singing to her. His bad singing along with dada’s heartbeat often made a good lullaby which made her fall asleep pretty fast.
She liked hearing papa when she sleeps on dada’s chest.
It once made her wonder what dada’s voice was. How does dada sound like?
When dada gets excited, does his voice get high pitched like papa’s? Does dada also make funny noises while tickling Bella?
He usually doesn’t.
May be not everyone has a voice.
Papa has a loud one.
Dada doesn’t.
Maybe dada’s voice is inside him.
Like the music she fell asleep to every night.
Her favourite lullaby.