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I Saw Him At His Worst, Still, I Designed Him

Summary:

Remus knew Sirius had problems, even before thay started dating. Remus had noticed how Sirius would isolate himself from everybody from time to time, how his hands always shook slightly and how Sirius would stay awake for days claiming he just 'wasn't tired' even through he had dark sircals under his eyes.

And still Remus feelings didn't change, not even in the slightest.(Pluse who was Remus to judge, he had even bigger problems)

Or: Remus Lupin really loves Sirius Black

Notes:

Hey, English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there are errors or anything.
The Title from 'under the mat' by sombr (i just changed the pronouns)
Enjoy

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Remus lupin had Loved Sirius Black since he met the older boy. Since the first time Remus saw Sirius he knew that Sirius black was something special. 

As they years passed Remus fell hard for Sirius, and after four years of yearning and watching Sirius kissing other people. Sirius was the one to confess to him, and after a few dates they became a couple.

Remus knew Sirius had problems, even before thay started dating. Remus had noticed how Sirius would isolate himself from everybody from time to time, how his hands always shook slightly and how Sirius would stay awake for days claiming he just 'wasn't tired' even through he had dark sircals under his eyes.

And still Remus feelings didn't change, not even in the slightest.(Pluse who was Remus to judge, he had even bigger problems)

When they started dating, Sirius had told Remus about his childhood in The House of Black, and how badly his parents treated him. And Remus didn't know what to do or say, he could only hold tightly the taller teen and kiss his head as he cried into his chest.

Now, they are twenty two, no longer at Hogwarts, and living together. And sirius was getting better better. Sure his hands were shaking more then usual, and he slept less, but thay didnt mean anything.  Right? 

Wrong Remus was so wrong, Remus has been keeping a close eye on his boyfriend for the past week and he only now realize who wrong he was thinking everything was okay. Sirius was spireling for hours after he got back from work as a curse braker, just staring into space while his eyes looked lost, he had dark circles under his eyes and after a very worried call to James Remus found out that Sirius was burly talking at work and burly even doing any work.

With how good Remus know his husband, Sirius is even better at hiding his feelings. Remus know what will happen if he won't do something, it had happened before, Sirius would just go into a depressive episode and would stay in bed for at least a few weeks without moving or speaking to anyone. So Remus needed to do something,  and do it quickly.

Remus is sitting in the living room thinking of what is the best way to approach the man without causing him to break down when he hears the front door open and close.

"Sirius? is that you?" Remus say, grabbing his cane and making his way to they door when he doesn't get an answer. Sirius was never quite when he got home, he always called out to Remus or whistle some song .

"Padfoot?" He say as he reach the door, Sirius is just standing there looking straight past Remus still with his shoes and coat on. "Sirius, love" He get closer to the tall man, Sirius flinch as Remus takes his shaking hand in his own, "lune" Sirius finally say, snapping out of his thoughts, he sounded breathless. "Are you okay love?" Remus ask as Sirius start to take off his shoes.

"Mhmm" Sirius humm in response, but Remus doesn't buy it and frowning at the man, Sirius notice after a veat and take Remus face in his big hand "m'okay moony don't worry" Sirius kiss him. Now that Remus could look at Sirius face up close, he can see how sad and tired his silver eyes were "Okay?" Sirius whisper on his lips before kissing him again, Remus just nodd giving Sirius a soft smile.

 

"Siri love" Remus say later that evening, while thay were cuddling on the couch, Sirius just kept spireling and zooming out while they talked and Remus was getting too worried.

Sirius hummed after a moment "what is it ma lune?" Sirius looked up from where his head is laying on Remus chest "are you sure your okay? You keep zooming out and you look like you haven't slept in a week" he can see Sirius thinking about what to say for a cuple of moments too long " Chérie I told you im okay" Remus can't explain it but there was that fain look of guilt in Sirius eyes.

"Love please don't lie to me I know something is going on" Remus whispare softly, trying not to make Sirius shut off completely. Sirius blink up at him and put his head back down on Remus "I don't know Rem" Sirius whisper so quiet that Remus almost missed it "baby I know its hard for you to talk about but please try i want to help you."

He can feel Sirius heart beating faster "I don't know lune im just do tired and-" Sirius choke out Remus know how hard this is for him so he just kept runing his hands in the black waves, letting Sirius to take all the time he needed "I'm just so tired of everything, and I can't even sleep, lune I just I- don't even know why moony i just feel so helpless I can't do anything."

Remus heart breaks as he listens to Sirius speak, his voice is just so tired and broken that it physically hurts Remus. "oh cariad," Remus say, he can feel Sirus silent tears wetting his jumper "I'm so sorry that you feel like that my love." Remus rubs Sirius back " my love please look at me" he fund himself saying, Sirius obey and look back up at him eyes already red and tear trucks forming on his cheek "oh seren, anwy" Remus whips the tears with his thumb, while pulling Sirius face to give him a quick kiss. 

"How about we stay at home for the rest of the week?" Remus say "Maybe we'll go to visit Lily and Harry too,hmm what do you think?" Sirius nodds slightly "that'll be nice" Sirius whisper, "yeah?" Remus ask leaving another kiss on Sirius lips and Sirius humm in response not wanting to break the kiss. Remus pulls back, whipping the last tears from Sirius beautiful face "I love you so much you know that baby?" He whispere, Sirius smile a genuine small smile "I love you too Lune so fucking much." 

They stayed like that for a little while just holding each other, and Remus kept whispering sweet nothings to Sirius ear. Sirius started to fall asleep after some time, Remus really wanted to wake him and tell him to change into something more comfortable and go to sleep in their bed. But Sirius looked so peaceful with his head on Remus chest, that Remus didnt have the heart to wake the man. He just pulled a blanket over the both of them and played with Sirius hair until he fall asleep too.

Remus knows it'll take a while for Sirius to get back to being himself. But Remus also know that no matter what happens he will always love Sirius, and no matter how long it'll take they will be okay. 

Notes:

Hello hope you liked the fic and happy pride month:)
( I know its the end of the month but we're not talking about that)