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“I DIDN’T ASK TO BE MADE! I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOU! I DIDN’T WANT TO BE ALONE!”
No one made a move or a sound as Caine’s voice bellowed in the main tent area. It felt so much louder and harsher than when he’d previously lost control of himself, so much more visceral because of everything they’d gone through since then.
It was only supposed to be a joke. And with Caine disappearing after becoming this genuinely upset, they all recognized too late that they had taken it too far.
For a long while, the five of them sat in silence. Gangle’s comedy mask fell to the floor and shattered in half, leaving her with tears on her face. Both Zooble & Kinger stared at the floor, and Pomni and Ragatha both looked at one another sadly.
“I guess we still have a lot to learn about him,” Pomni at last murmured, breaking the heavy stillness in the air left in Caine’s wake.
“Yeah. I didn’t realize he was still holding onto all that,” Ragatha commented.
Zooble sighed. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
Gangle laid a gentle hand on Zooble’s in a comforting gesture as if to say, “It’s not your fault.”
“I think we should give him some time to chill out,” Pomni offered. “Maybe by tomorrow, he’ll be okay.”
****
When two days had passed with no sighting of Caine and no answer at his room, they all began to deeply worry.
“Hey, Kinger?” Pomni asked as she approached him on the couch. “Do you think Caine’s office came back with everything else?”
“I don’t see why not. You suppose he’s been hiding out in there?”
“I’m not sure, but seeing as how we can’t find him anywhere else, I think it could be a safe bet.”
“I see. I think you may be right.”
She fiddled with her hands and continued, “I’m not the best at conjuring, so I could really use your help.”
****
The spiral staircase leading up to the hot air balloon basket was complete. Giving a thumbs up and additional “thank you” to Kinger, Pomni began the trek upward. She hopped into the basket, down the slide, and –
The red and blue doors loomed ahead of her, just like they had when they’d all been so hopeful of escaping through this very office. Knowing now that wasn’t a possibility, she felt a pang of grief hit her unexpectedly.
Closing her eyes and shaking her head resolutely, she approached the doors and knocked.
“Caine? You in there?” She waited a moment before prodding, “Can I come in?”
She had no concrete evidence that he was actually inside until the doors opened on their own.
From the doorway, she spotted him in his chair behind the desk with his head down and mouth closed. While there was no clear expression to be had, she could feel his overall demeanor, and it was one of utter dejection, remorse, and embarrassment. For her, it was worse than having him outright glitch or shout at them all.
“Caine?” she dared to voice quietly while venturing forward until she stood in front of the desk. Just as she said the words “I’m sorry,” he lifted his head and said the exact same thing.
Caine glanced away, clearly ashamed, and pressed on, “I shouldn’t have yelled like that.”
“It was a really bad joke,” Pomni replied regretfully. “We’re all really sorry.”
Caine sighed. “I just….really don’t like hearing about how I was,” he admitted reluctantly. “I was terrible and everything I never wanted to be.”
“I know. We all do. That’s not who you are.”
She got the sense that there was something lingering underneath the surface that he yearned to talk about but was highly guarded over it. Rather than fill the silence, she let it breathe and waited for him to determine what happened next. She was very glad when he chose to open up.
“I….I still have nightmares….moments where I remember The Void,” he confessed softly. He shifted uneasily in his chair and looked away.
Noticing his despondency and discomfort, Pomni wanted to keep him sharing to help alleviate the obvious burden. “I didn’t realize it affected you that much.”
“Yeah,” Caine agreed. “I didn’t either….until it did. It was….lonely. Just nothingness stretching out in all directions around you, and you’re the only person you can talk to. There’s nothing to do but try and sleep to pass the time. I couldn’t create. I couldn’t make things right with you all. I couldn’t do anything but….hate myself.”
The last two words spoken so earnestly and sorrowfully, they struck Pomni right in the heart. Caine was bearing his soul, a part of him they’d only caught a glimpse of when he’d first returned and apologized.
“Caine,” she murmured tenderly, his name the only thing she could manage to think of saying.
He wiped a tear away and revealed, “I even said goodbye to someone very close to me. A dear part of me that I'd wronged….I’m just a failure, Pomni,” he declared in a whisper. “A failure who couldn’t even realize it until I was dead. I mean….I hurt you badly enough for you to kill me.”
“It was an accident,” Pomni corrected in desperation, her stomach churning from how heartbreaking this was to hear.
Caine gave a short laugh, shrugged, and mumbled, “Sure. It doesn’t matter.”
He closed his mouth to hide his eyes, his head tilted towards the floor, and Pomni knew this was her moment.
Silently, she padded behind the desk and threw her arms around him. Caine’s head immediately snapped up, his mouth opening to reveal his enlarged eyes, and he went stiff. Her own eyes were closed, her expression conveying her determination to show him someone cared.
After what felt like an entire minute to Pomni (which was really only several seconds), Caine placed his own arms around her and returned the hug. He started to cry, and Pomni simply squeezed him as if to say, “It’s okay. I’m here.”
“I’m so sorry, Pomni,” he choked out. “I never wanted to hurt anyone. Can you truly ever forgive me?”
Pomni smiled and giggled. “I already have.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“But-”
“Because I’m sorry too. I’m sorry that I pushed you over the edge.”
It was his turn to squeeze her lightly to acknowledge his appreciation for the generous apology.
There was a pause before he admitted quietly, “I’m scared of it, Pomni. I don’t want to be alone again.”
“You won’t be. You’ve got us. You’ve got Moon.” Daring to make it even more deeply personal, she practically whispered, “You have me…..I like you…a lot.”
Caine blushed profusely and briefly tightened his hold on her again. “I really like you too….a lot,” he replied just as faintly.
“I don’t think I could ever hate you, so I don’t want you to hate yourself.”
“You mean that?”
“Of course.”
Eventually, when the timing felt right, they pulled away from one another, smiled, and Caine gently wiped the surprise tears from her eyes.
“Thank you, Pomni. You really have been the perfect fit for this place.”
Pomni laughed. “Like I told Kinger, I was so nervous and scared.”
“Are you sure you aren’t scared now? What if….”
The way he trailed off told Pomni everything he wasn’t saying. “It won’t happen again,” she stated firmly. “We’ve all grown. Plus, Kinger doesn’t have reason to mess with your code again.”
“I suppose you’re right….”
“Will you start going on adventures with us again? We’ve missed you.”
Caine nodded. “I’d love to. I’ve missed you, too.”
****
With a content smile on her face, Pomni watched as Caine slept beside her in her bed. It’d been almost a month since their heart to heart, and they had grown close – very close.
She ran her fingers deftly over his bare chest, and Caine stirred briefly before falling still once more. Snuggling close to him, she kissed the side of his jaw and whispered, “I’m glad I’m not alone, too.”