Work Text:
06/27/20XX
The Watchtower, EARTH
17:29 EDT
J’onn was staring at Earth through the giant window in the cafeteria, looking defeated while trying to play solitaire. A man who could phase through solid objects and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Batman in a strategic meeting found it impossible to understand the most mindless of humanity’s games.
Oh well, it was still going better than his first attempt at Minesweeper. The inner workings of the human mind truly would forever remain a mystery to him. How could this be considered relaxing? It was at times like these that J’onn really felt just how much of an alien he was, even though the League never made him feel that way.
Behind him, J’onn felt the air shift and caught the very distinct blend of Kevlar, blood, and general Gotham grimness that could only come from Batman. It truly was incredible how this human man, with absolutely no access to telepathy, always seemed to know when one of his friends needed him. J’onn never bothered asking how he did it, already knowing he would surely get some variation of "because I’m Batman" as an answer.
Batman stood beside the table, silently watching J’onn struggle. After what felt like an eternity, he let out a quiet hum and stated, “I hate solitaire.”
Hearing this, Flash, sitting at the adjacent table next to a confused Hawkgirl, burst out laughing. "Of course, Bats! Everyone hates solitaire!" Flash said through his chuckles. "Let’s play something good!"
A strong gust of wind ruffled Shayera’s wings. Before anyone could object, Flash had already snatched all the cards from the table and begun shuffling them, rattling off other game suggestions to teach J’onn at lightning speed.
Not long after, Superman entered the cafeteria, having overheard talk of a group activity from his quarters in the Watchtower. He was eager to feel included in one of the rare acts of camaraderie that Batman actually indulged in. They decided to follow the lead of classic human desktop games and play Hearts.
They all gathered around the table. Flash quickly dealt the cards, and Superman excitedly explained the rules. Shayera, ever the competitive warrior, was already locked in, while J’onn smiled softly at his companions.
The first hand was pretty straightforward.
With Diana away attending an emergency summit with the Amazons on Themyscira, and John Stewart currently light-years away on patrol near the jungle planet Yavin 4, the Watchtower was unusually quiet, save for the chaos at the cafeteria table.
Small but constant gushes of wind made it glaringly obvious that Flash was swooping around trying to sneak a peek at everyone else's cards. Batman immediately noticed and locked him under his patented Batglare™, making Flash squeamish for the rest of the game.
Superman, the sweet southern boy, intentionally tried to take some penalty points from the newbies to encourage them. Again, Batman immediately noticed and took them for himself, mostly out of spite toward Superman’s perceived "cheating", even if it was a roundabout way to lose.
Shayera seemed to be having a blast slamming her cards onto the table. She laughed loudly when, on the final turn she managed to make the World’s Greatest Detective take thirteen points with the Queen of Spades. Still basking in the high of her victory, she didn’t notice Batman’s smirk. He revealed his hand, proving he had managed to get all the penalty points. He won, and everyone else took twenty-six points.
The table barely survived Hawkgirl’s fist after that.
The second hand was just as intense.
Batman never used the same tactic twice, choosing instead to target poor Flash. Flash didn't even try to fight back, he was barely scraping by, his desperation clear and palpable even to the non-Martians at the table. When the Bat played his fifth Spade, Flash responded with a Five of Clubs, visibly anxious. J’onn still baffled by the concept of negative points, struggled to keep up as well.
After a couple of turns where Superman clearly tried to step in and take some of the heat off Flash, the speedster triumphantly slapped down the Queen of Spades while Diamonds were led. For a few seconds, Shayera looked defeated. Then Batman intensified his ominous Batglare™ on Flash.
“Are you sure about that?” Batman murmured. “Didn’t you discard your last Spade three turns ago?”
Shayera instantly started screaming at Flash for cheating, chasing him around the cafeteria and threatening to make him eat the rest of the deck if he didn’t take his card back.
Needless to say, Flash lost.
The final hand ended predictably.
It was going well enough. Flash was losing, Hawkgirl was furious, Batman seemed to be playing 7-D chess, and Superman and Martian Manhunter were having the time of their lives.
Everything stopped abruptly when Flash threw his cards into the air, accusing everyone of cheating.
Shayera got even angrier because she couldn’t win if he forfeits. J’onn defended himself, saying it wasn’t his fault that they all "think so loudly." Superman looked personally wounded by the accusation. As Shayera yelled at Flash to stop with the bullshit, Batman calmly intervened.
"Stop. Superman is too much of a boy scout to even think of using his X-ray vision. Martian Manhunter doesn’t understand the game. Hawkgirl is too focused on wrecking the table when she plays to think about strategy. And me counting the cards isn’t against the rules."
In the background, a sudden alarm blared, signaling they were needed somewhere in the world. Everyone except Flash immediately turned toward the exit. Still bitter, Flash grumbled, "Of course counting cards is cheating! If I did that, I would've won too!"
Batman paused, turning back slightly. "You should try that when you learn to count to fifty-two."
Defeated, Flash followed them into the corridor in silence.