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The door swung shut behind them as Dax, laughing, led Xolos towards the bed.
The cabin was small but well appointed, airships not being dissimilar to their seagoing counterparts with regard to space being at a premium. Despite the small area allotted him, Dax had made it very much his own. Velvet drapes softened the lines of the wooden hull, the smell of hemp and tar muted with incense. Trinkets and tchotchkes from a hundred ports crowded the shelves, vying for space with maps and charts. A stained glass lantern swung perilously low from the beams, but Dax dodged it with a deftness born of familiarity. Xolos, being a halfling, had no problem avoiding the low hanging lamp, grabbing Dax’s hand and planting a kiss on it with a chuckle as the half-elf dragged him towards the narrow berth.
“Feels like an age since I saw you last ” Xolos grinned, wine and pleasure in equal measure flushing his cheeks red. Dax smiled in return, his eyes sparkling.
“I intend to make up for lost time.” Dax let himself fall to sit on the edge of the bunk. Even with a few cups of wine in his belly his elven grace showed through as he swept Xolos towards him and into a deep kiss.
“Ha!” Xolos came up for air after a moment, his breath caught between a gasp and a laugh, “You missed me, then? Whatshisname not keeping you busy enough?”
“Well, you know things are different in the sky,” Dax rolled his eyes as he dragged Xolos’ shirt off over his head, “and Onyx is stuck in port...”
“Just don’t want any jealous partners after me right now,” Xolos crowded forward, pushing Dax back onto the sheets, “I’ve got enough to worry about.”
“Hmm,” Dax tipped his head back, baring his neck in invitation, “Don’t concern yourself, he’s not the jealous type, as you should know.”
Xolos took the bait, scrambling onto the bunk to suck a bruising bite into the half-elf’s neck. Dax hummed in appreciation, grabbing Xolos’ belt to haul him bodily onto his chest, fingers already fumbling for the halfling’s belt buckle and trew ties.
“Fuck, you’re eager,” Xolos kissed his way down Dax’s throat, dragging the half-elf’s shirt open with calloused fingers, nails raking pink lines into the pale flesh.
“Well, we had such fun when you were here last,” Dax succeeded in undoing Xolos’ belt and set to work on his britches, “and I was so hoping I would get another chance to spend some quality time with the hero of New Theterre.”
“Hero,” Xolos paused, his eyes going distant as his hands slowed their fussing at the lacing of Dax’s shirt, “is that what they’re calling me?”
“Of course,” Dax stilled in response to the sudden shift in mood, his hands coming to rest on the halfling’s hips, “what else would they call you? You’re the one who brokered peace and helped to secure their trade routes. They’re… they speak very highly of you there. And on New Port Spectre.” Dax quirked his head to try to catch Xolos’ eye, “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yh… Yeah. Yeah, of course,” Xolos cracked a grin, but it seemed somehow brittle, fragile. Dax frowned and raised his hand, brushing his long fingers across the halfling’s stubbled jaw.
“What’s wrong? You can talk to me. I know we’re not close, but…”
“Sure. Yeah,” Xolos sighed and dropped his head to rest it on Dax’s chest. “Sorry. Not how I wanted this to go.”
“That’s okay,” Dax lifted his arms to smooth his hands over Xolos’ shoulders.
“Would it be cliché to say ‘it’s not you, it’s me?” Xolos lifted his head, tried to grin. It was lopsided and awkward, affected. Dax smiled sympathetically.
“It’s fine, really. Tell me what’s going on.”
Xolos sighed heavily and rolled over, thudding heavily onto the thin mattress.
“I’m gonna be honest with you, everything’s fucked.”
“Oh?” Dax shuffled sideways, making enough room on the narrow berth for him to lay sideways, propped up on one elbow. “How so?”
“Well… you know Nix isn’t here.” Xolos was staring at the planks above them, arms folded behind his head, face inscrutable.
“Yes,” Dax kept his voice carefully neutral.
“I just… I feel like I fucked up,” Xolos’ face crumpled, “and I know it’s not my fault but somehow I feel like it is, and that makes no fucking sense. I’m supposed to be a hero, people think I’m a leader, but I’m not! I’m a fuckup!” he heaved a breath and huffed a harsh laugh, tears welling at the corners of his eyes, “I couldn’t even keep us together! I tried to go after her but she… I couldn’t…”
He stifled a sob and turned his face away. Dax frowned in sympathy, reached out across the scant space to trace his fingers down Xolos’ arm.
“It’s okay,” he murmured, “Just tell me what’s going on.”
“I…” Xolos turned his head to look at Dax, brow furrowed, “I can’t tell you. There’s… there’s shit going down, like, world ending stuff. Like, cults and demons and… and I can’t…” he drew in a shuddering breath, “and I want to be the hero! I wanted so bad to be the one to save the day but I don’t know how!”
He sniffed and scrubbed his hand viciously across his face, as if in defiance of his emotion, dashing his unshed tears away.
“I never bargained on this! I thought I’d be fighting monsters and saving maidens, I didn’t think I’d have to save the whole world…” he trailed off, chest heaving.
“This isn’t what I thought it would be,” he whispered, his eyes welling with unshed tears, “I’m not a hero. I’m just some asshole.”
Dax sighed, his fingers tracing absently up and down Xolos’ arm, “I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through right now, but I can tell you what I know.”
“You know what’s going on?” Xolos sniffed, his eyes focusing in on the half-elf. Dax smiled ruefully.
“I don’t know about monsters and demons, or world-ending calamities. But I know that I’m lying next to someone who’s more capable than he thinks.”
“Pfft,” Xolos sneered and rolled his eyes, “I’m a fuck-up. I like to drink, and fight, and… and fall into bed with dashing sailors.”
Dax huffed a laugh, “Well, that might be true, but I think you’re more than that.”
“Let’s be realistic,” Xolos propped himself up on one elbow to look at Dax with a frown, “I’m not the smartest, I’m not the fastest, I’m not the strongest... at this point I don’t even know why they keep me around.”
Dax narrowed his eyes, “Now I think you’re just fishing for compliments.”
“I’m fucking serious!” Xolos fell back onto the bunk with a thump, “We’ve got someone who can shank you from half a mile away, a kid who can nail a head-shot in the blink of an eye, some big bitch with a lightning sword, and a buff lesbian that can literally fly! And then there’s me. Just a short cunt that hits things. At this point I’m not sure why they keep me around apart from pity.”
“I think they see the same thing that I see,” Dax reached out his hand to cup Xolos’ cheek and turn his face to meet his eyes, “I think they see someone brave, someone courageous, someone with a big…”
Xolos quirked an eyebrow and Dax rolled his eyes with a heavy sigh. “… Heart! Xolos, the most important thing about you is that you care! People listen to you because you listen to them. You actually give a shit about them. Yes, the others might be smarter, or faster, but I…” Dax leaned across the scant space between them to press a kiss to Xolos’ forehead, “am very glad to know someone who cares about ordinary people. And occasionally falls into bed with dashing sailors.”
“Heh,” Xolos leaned into Dax, pressed a calloused hand to the half-elf’s narrow waist, “Ordinary people. It’s weird, I keep thinking about my folks back home. I used to think they were boring. Now, I see what they have and I think, maybe it’s not such a bad idea. Bit of land to grow veg, nice view…” he sniffed and sighed, looked at Dax with a wry smile, “and if we can’t sort shit out, it’s all over.”
“If anyone can fix this, it’s you and your friends. You are the most capable bunch I’ve ever met.” Dax squeezed Xolos’ shoulder, but the halfling just shook his head.
“I nearly stayed,” it was nearly a whisper, “I nearly stayed in the sky. I worked so hard, and they showed up and everything got fucked so fast, and… and now I feel like we’re falling apart.”
“You could stay, if you wanted,” Dax slid his hand to Xolos’ back, drawing him in, “you know you’d be welcome.”
“I won’t lie, it’s tempting,” Xolos pressed closer, “I just want to be useful somewhere. I guess… I guess I’m scared,” he pressed into Dax’s chest to hide his face, “I’m not scared of getting hurt, I’m scared they… they’ll work out they don’t really need me.”
Dax sighed, smoothing his hand between Xolos’ shoulder-blades. “I think if they didn’t need you, you wouldn’t be here right now. They care about you, you do know that, right?”
“I know,” Xolos huffed into Dax’s skin, “I do know. I’m just… I’m just some guy. I’m not a hero.”
“A hero isn’t a thing you are. It’s about what you do. You save people. No-one is born a hero, with a birthmark shaped like a crown, and a magic sword and three wishes. You earn it. If people call you a hero, it’s because they’ve seen what you do,” Dax pressed a kiss to the top of Xolos’ head, lips brushing the short curls, “I know who you are. Even if you don’t right now.”
Xolos made a sound into his chest, somewhere between a laugh and a sob, “Thanks. Fuck, I can’t tell if I’m too drunk for this kinda talk, or not drunk enough.”
“Well, there’s wine, or there’s water, take your pick,” Dax leaned back to look down at Xolos, “and you’re welcome to spend the night here regardless.”
“Thanks,” Xolos scrubbed his face with the heel of his hand, “One more drink, maybe. Catch me up on the gossip. And then we should probably sleep.”
“Sure,” Dax rolled over and stood in one smooth move to make his way to a decanter set on a side table. He looked around for glasses for a moment before shrugging and pulling the stopper out, leaving it on the table as he stepped back to the berth. Xolos had dragged himself up to sit leaning against the wooden wall behind the bed. He closed his eyes for a moment to focus on the small creaks and groans of the airship at his back, distant footfalls vibrating through the planks.
Dax flopped back onto the mattress and took a long swig from the decanter before passing it across, Xolos accepting it with a grin.
“So, Onyx?” he quirked an eyebrow as he put the lip of the carafe to his mouth. Dax chuckled.
“Yes, we’re still a thing. I’m sure he’d be glad to see you, if you wanted to. And before you ask, yes he knows I see other people. What we have is… different.”
“Oh?” Xolos handed the decanter back, and Dax took his turn at the wine.
“He and I have an understanding. I will always come back to him, and he to me. It’s a comfort to know there’s someone waiting for me at the end of a journey, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy other company in the meantime.”
“Sure,” Xolos sighed and folded his hands behind his head, “I get that. There’s someone I’m hoping to go back to, when all this is over. If they’ll have me.”
“Oh?” Dax raised an eyebrow and proffered the decanter, “Well now you need to drink more and tell me everything!”
Xolos laughed, bright and high and genuine, as he took the bottle.
“His name is Zinlen…”