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Gabriel threw open the door of one of the many libraries in Crowley’s mansion with a huff. Usually, Gabriel enjoyed Crowley’s little fancy dinners, as much as he enjoyed anything, he supposed. But there was only so long that he could put on a fake face in front of the owner of the circus before he needed a little time to himself. Of course, he knew next to nothing about Crowley’s mansion aside from the dining room, and he was certain that Crowley would not appreciate it if he found out that Gabriel was waltzing about on his own, but eh, those were details that Gabriel found irrelevant. So, Gabriel took it upon himself to wander around until he found someplace that he could take a little breather.
The library seemed to be as good a place as any. Closing the door behind him, Gabriel wandered into the old room, eyeing the various bookshelves aligned along the walls. Many of the books looked old. Actually, old would be an understatement. The majority looked downright ancient, like they would spontaneously fall apart if Gabriel dared to lay a finger on any of them. Which, of course, sounded like a challenge in his mind. He swooped a finger over the wrinkled brown spine of one of the thicker books, which remained quite intact, despite the touch. Interesting.
He would have liked to read some of the books, if he had the time. But more than anything, he wanted to know if these were the same books that Sam spent years of his life toiling over, learning all that he could about magic through written words and symbols. In a way, Gabriel envied Sam’s life. It must have been nice to learn magic in solitude and through academia rather than by an overbearing father who would break Gabriel’s bones and demand that he fix them via magic. But he knew that Sam’s mentor, Mr. Grey Suit Mysterious Face, wasn’t exactly an ideal father figure either, especially given that Sam had been living in an orphanage before that. Cruelty just laid down the foundations of their lives, Gabriel supposed.
The creak of the door diverted his attention, and he found himself staring at the puzzled face of Sam as he closed the door behind him.
“You’re hanging out here?” Sam asked, gaze sweeping over the bookshelves as if to see if anything was out of place.
“Nowhere else to go,” Gabriel said with a shrug. “Thought I’d give myself a tour and see what Crowley keeps in here.”
If Gabriel’s prying curiosity deterred Sam, he did not show it. Instead, he picked a few pieces of fuzz off his coat with a hum. “The dinner party bore you that easily?”
Gabriel snorted. “Nah, not really. Believe me, watching Castiel twist himself into a pretzel never gets old. Just needed a change of scenery.”
And Sam got that glint in his eye when he looked back to Gabriel, the kind that he always seemed to have whenever they were together. But this was the first time that they were truly alone for an extended period of time. Usually, they only saw each other during dinner parties or at the rare occasion that Sam attended the circus. But those moments were brief, fleeting, always conducted with stage personalities and amongst other people. But Gabriel could see beyond that, see the interest in Sam’s eyes and read deeper meanings in his words. Even so, Gabriel hardly dared to really believe that something could manifest from the electric chemistry that brewed between them over the years. The nature of their relationship did not provide room for bonding of any kind, though the way his heart pounded and his dreams ran wild at night would say otherwise.
And then Sam smiled again, and damn if that sweet expression didn’t make something in Gabriel’s stomach flutter. “I can take you away, if you want.”
Gabriel risked a step closer, his brow arching. “Where?”
Sam’s smile only grew wider, and on anyone else’s face, Gabriel would have called it arrogant. On Sam, though, it just looked like a promise. “Anywhere.”
And just like that, the musty bookshelves and old, creaky floor gave away, and Gabriel gasped at the blast of cool air that hit his face. They were outside now, standing in a field of grass that danced in the breeze to a slow, hypnotic beat. A lake stretched out before them, expanding far beyond what Gabriel could see from his place, the water dark and deep. Gabriel stepped forward, and he could feel the tickle of the grass through his slacks, as real as could be, even though that had to be impossible. But lord, the attention to detail made the scene seem so damn real, from the touch of the grass to the song of the wind in his ears.
Gabriel turned to Sam, who stood behind him with a sheepish smile.
“You’re very skilled, Mr. Winchester. But you don’t need me to say that.”
If Gabriel was not mistaken, a flush touched Sam’s face. But perhaps that too was a trick of the light. “It’s nice to hear you say it.”
“Your mentor not compliment you enough?”
The wrong thing to say to a boy who had enough daddy issues to rival his own, but Sam took it in stride, his face coy. “It means more coming from you.”
Gabriel considered that, considered all the implications and conclusions that he could draw. He could see the hope in Sam’s eyes, the years of stolen glances and secret smiles when they thought the other wasn’t looking. Gabriel saw the way that Sam looked at him when he performed, as if Gabriel was the single most important and amazing thing he had ever laid eyes on. And all of those years, Gabriel had been watching too.
“I’ll say it all you want if it means you keep looking at me like that,” Gabriel replied, his tone not sounding as confident as he would have liked.
“Like what?”
Gabriel released a shaky breath, though his eyes never tore away from Sam’s. “Like I’m worth looking at.”
The heavy admission led to a round of stunned silence as Sam’s eyes narrowed in confusion, sadness replacing the admiration. He approached slowly, and it took all of Gabriel’s self-control not to turn away and demand that the illusion be shattered and that they part ways, though he did drop his gaze, unwilling to face Sam at the moment. He shouldn’t have said anything; it would have been better to stay in a world of ignorance, where they could pretend that they felt nothing for each other.
But his gaze drew upwards again when he felt Sam’s hands upon his face, his touch reverent and reassuring. When Gabriel looked up, he saw nothing but raw adoration in his competitor’s eyes, and god, if that wasn’t enough to break Gabriel’s heart.
“I’ll never stop looking,” Sam said, and when their lips met in a kiss, it sounded like a vow.
Sam tasted like the cranberry dessert they had for dinner, soft and sweet and so Sam-like that it hurt. Gabriel melted into the touch, because nothing he had imagined had been as good as this, not even in the late night dreams that left Gabriel waking up trembling and aching. He sighed into the kiss and dared to place a hand on Sam’s neck, keeping him close so he could revel in the feel of his soft lips and warm body for as long as he could.
When they eventually broke the kiss for air, Gabriel leaned back just a fraction, dizzy from the charged contact. Sam made a quiet sound in disbelief, an aborted chuckle, as if he could not believe that they had stopped dancing around each other after all of these years. Gabriel could not believe it either, tempted to believe that this was all just part of the grand illusion around them.
“All the tents I’ve made, they’ve all been for you. Everything has always been for you, Gabriel,” Sam said, the words spilling from his lip as the weight from his shoulders finally lifted.
Gabriel smiled in response, because yes, this had always been about him and Sam, and not in the way that their mentors had in mind. A competition of the two schools of magic, natural talent and academic learning, had lost its meaning for its competitors, turning into tents that represented heartfelt declarations to their other half.
“I love it. I love all that you’ve done,” Gabriel admitted, and he distantly wondered if that’s all that he was admitting to loving.
With a breathless laugh, Sam leaned down to press a kiss to Gabriel’s forehead. Gabriel preened under the touch, leaning into it as an affection-starved cat would. When Sam pulled back, Gabriel offered him a pointed look.
“It’s a little dark here, don’t you think?”
Before Sam could respond, Gabriel gave a wave of his hand. Above the lake, the clouds broke apart to reveal a full moon, its luminous light spilling down to caress the dark waters below until they positively glowed. The water swirled, blurring the reflection of the moon and creating an image that was as unique as it was beautiful.
“A nice addition,” Sam said. Gabriel grinned and stepped closer, curling himself into Sam’s waiting embrace as they watched the water glow before them. They were each other’s moon, reflecting the beauty within each other and creating something wonderful, even in the face of this bizarre, magical war that bound them together as competitors.
But as lovely and warm as Sam was, Gabriel could not ignore the elephant in the room. Because they were competitors; their scarred fingers where their bindings rings once were proved as such. They were supposed to prove their superiority over the other, not develop actual feelings for each other during the midst of it! Gabriel could practically hear his father’s venomous words, calling him a failure and a disgrace.
“Sam,” he breathed into Sam’s dress shirt. “We can’t do this.”
Sam’s grip around him tightened. “I know. I know.” The last word came out breathless, like it pained him to release those words.
Developing a relationship with his competitor could only end in pain and heartbreak. There could only be one winner at the end of this sordid competition, with the loser damned with some disastrous consequence. Gabriel knew that, and surely Sam did as well, but underneath that beautiful, pale moon, neither broke away from the tender, fleeting embrace, basking in the warmth and love between them for as long as they could.
The war would continue on, but it could wait a little while longer.