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I’m in the middle of eating my me-burger when an Eridian suddenly walked into the examination room. I stared at them, wide-eyed and cheeks bulging.
“Hello, Savior Grace,” they said as they bowed. Their front forearms came together and formed their family crest. “My name is ♩♪♬♪. I understand that your human vocal chords are unable to pronounce my name, so you may refer to me with any name most convenient to you. I will be taking over Dr. ♫♩♩♪’s duties and will be in charge of your health from today onwards,” they continued in a sonorous melody. If I were standing, their carapace, made of grey Slate and speckled with bits of what looked like Garnet, would have reached my neck. They were tall for an Eridian, but so far I haven’t met anyone that could beat Adrian, whose height reached the tips of my brows.
I opened my mouth and immediately shut it after the new doctor’s, I’ll call them Sterling, joints stiffened in shock. I forgot that I was in the middle of chewing. I chewed quickly then swallowed. The moment I felt my Adam’s apple bob as my food slid down my throat, Dr. Sterling’s vents let out a small amount of steam.
“Sorry,” I said in lieu of a greeting. I licked my lips without thinking and a shiver passed through Dr. Sterling’s body. Understandable, I’d be disgusted too If I had to look at half-masticated food inside an alien orifice. “I didn’t hear you knock,” I said as I barely kept the reproach from my voice.
My care team knew that I took my lunch at this time and would leave me to my devices while they worked on other tasks. Hadn’t anyone told them?
“Apologies, I was not aware,” they said, their carapace sunk low to the ground. “I shall ensure that I employ such etiquette in the next visit.”
I nod and wave my hand. “No harm done. Anyway, It’s nice to meet you,” I remain seated so I can be eye-to-eye (eye-to-carapace?) with them. “Can I, uh, ask what happened to Dr. Gold?” I asked, then I knocked on the table twice.
My previous doctor had gold lines running through their carapace. Yes, I know it’s not very creative. Rocky has already teased me about it; he hasn’t stopped teasing me about it, actually.
Dr. Sterling raised their body and tilted their carapace. “I assume you are talking about Dr. ♫♩♩♪. Though premature, their clutch has successfully hatched, and they have taken their parental leave early to focus on raising them with their mate.”
“Wow!” I exclaimed as I grinned. “That’s really good news! I’ll need to send their family my congratulations. How long will their leave be?”
Dr. Sterling trilled a melody that I have associated as an Eridian version of a hum. “Approximately 10 Earth years.”
“10 years?!”
I let out an amazed whistle. I suppose 10 years isn’t really much time compared to an Eridian lifespan. Normally, companies would give you a fancy watch, a pat on the back, and a certificate printed on cheap paper by then (no raise, sadly). Do Eridians do that? Do I need to prepare a watch? I don’t have any paper or a printer, but I could probably have Rocky 3D print some sort of trophy. Maybe I could even advocate for a raise? What would be their equivalent or a 10 year human tenure? 100 years? I’d be long gone by then. More questions to ask Rocky and Adrian later.
As I shifted, my arm bumped onto my plate on the table where my used-to-be-warm-but-is-now-room-temperature me–burger sat. The doctor’s carapace didn't swivel towards the sound, but I could tell that they were looking at it.
“I have interrupted your eating time,” they stated. Yes, I almost say outloud. Get a hold of yourself Ryland, they’re going to be your doctor for 10 friggin years. Be nice.
“I am here to conduct a basic examination.” They reached toward their satchel and pulled out a flat metal with a handle. The Eridian version of a stethoscope. Since they already have great hearing, they only need to tap on the device to ‘see’ my insides. “You may continue eating. Please pay no heed to me.”
“What?” I said, surprised.
“You may continue eating while I examine you,” they repeated.
“Won’t it gross you out?”
“Not to worry. I understand that eating while others are around is the norm for humans. I will not be bothered,” they said firmly.
I hummed doubtfully and recalled what Rocky said years ago on the Hail Mary.
“Is private,” he said. “If Eridian watch Eridian eat, consider weird.”
This new doctor’s either a complete pervert or a complete professional.
I picked up my me-burger and slowly brought it to my mouth. My eyes continued to watch them. They stilled – watching me back. I took a slow bite and chewed. To their credit, they manage to keep their poker face (poker cara-face, ha!) steady even as I swallow.
They raised their stethoscope, asking for permission. I shrugged to myself. Well, whatever. I guess it’s fine. And I skipped breakfast so I’m pretty hungry. I nodded and they came closer.
“Please turn around and raise your upper garments.”
I transferred my me-burger to one hand and used the other to raise my shirt. They pressed the device to my back. I flinched a little. They stepped back immediately.
“Are you hurt, question?” they asked worriedly.
“No, no, no,” I rushed to reassure them. “Just cold.”
That’s one more shared experience between Eridians and humans.
Placated, Dr. Sterling moves back into my space. I can’t see them, but it feels like they’ve moved closer to me than before. They placed the device onto my back again. I took slow and deep breaths as I chewed. I think I hear a constant hiss, but it’s so faint I decided that I’m just hearing things.
“Turn forward, please.”
I do as they say. Then several things happened at once. Dr. Sterling placed the device on my chest, I swallowed, they released a cut-off honk and exhaled a huge cloud of steam that fogged up the inside of their xenonite suit. Then, they ran out of the room like a bat out of hell. I could hear a murmur of voices outside, wondering what just happened.
I sat in shock for a few moments, before I shook my head.
“I told you so,” I muttered under my breath. I finished eating my food, then took a swig of water.
A week later, I let out a big yawn as I waited for my doctor. I just finished my lunch and now I’m feeling sleepy.
I was fidgeting with a loose thread on my shirt when a knock resounded from the door of the examination room. I wonder if it’s still Dr. Sterling or maybe they resigned immediately and now I have to reintroduce myself.
“Come in!” I called out.
Dr. Sterling slunk into the room. Their whole aura screamed of shame. They came to a stop in front of me, their body sunk so low it’s practically touching the floor.
“Please forgive me, Savior Grace!” They said with a slight warble. “My behavior last week was most unprofessional! If you wish for me to be removed entirely from your care team, I shall do so immediately.”
“Whoa, whoa whoa!” I exclaimed as I stood up. “Hey, come on. Get up. It’s alright.”
“No, it is not, Savior Grace!” They shook their carapace from side to side. It seems like my habits are spreading amongst the care team. “My disgraceful act could have my license removed. It should be removed! I just implore that Savior Grace has enough mercy in his heart to forgive me.”
I mused a little. I suppose it was a breach of professional conduct for a doctor to go “Ew! Gross!” then run away from a patient. However, I am an alien on a foreign planet. As a squishy leaky space blob, I am inherently icky.
“It’s alright, Dr. Sterling. Did I tell you that I’m calling you that? Anyway, I understand that you were grossed out; Eridian taboo and all. Although, I did warn you.” I chuckled to keep things light-hearted.
Dr. Sterling froze. “Grossed… Out… Question…?”
I shrugged. “Well, yeah. Completely understandable. Heck, Rocky’s still disgusted when I eat, and we’ve spent years together on the Hail Mary!”
“Di-disgust…” they said, mystified.
“Yes, disgust,” I confirm.
Suddenly, Dr. Sterling perked up, reinvigorated. “Yes! Disgust! I was – disgusted! Yes, your biological processes repulsed me! Only revulsion!”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Well, geez. I hear ya loud and clear, doc,” I said sarcastically. No need to rub it in. Although, I have no one to blame but myself.
Dr. Sterling almost started bouncing. “And Savior Grace forgives me, question?!”
“Yes, I forgive you,” I said wryly.
“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” this time, they do jump. Then they stopped and resumed a more professional stance. “I apologize. That was unbecoming.” Then, their front claws tapped against their median legs. “Would Savior Grace like another doctor to examine them, question?” they asked nervously.
I shook my head and took a seat. “Nah,” I said as I waved my hand. “Hatchet under the bridge. No, wait. That’s wrong. Bury the hatchet and water under the bridge. Sorry, my memory's still a little funky.” Even after all this time, Stratt’s amnesia potion was still wreaking havoc in my brain. There are still large chunks of my life that I can’t remember. I try to be angry about it, but at this point I just feel despondent.
“You would like me to bury a ‘hatchet’ under a bridge overlooking a body of water, question? What is a ‘hatchet’, question? I shall do this for you’.”
“Nope. No need. It’s just a metaphor. And to answer your earlier question, I don’t mind you still being my doctor.”
“Thank you again, Savior Grace. You truly are a magnanimous being. Worthy of being the Savior of Erid.”
I could feel my face heat up. “Laying it on a bit thick there, doc.”
They tilted their carapace.
“It’s another metaphor,” I cut in before they asked more questions.
I sat back down and this time I removed my shirt entirely. “It’s time go, doc.” I smiled to myself as I said it.
This time, Dr. Sterling proceeded with the examination without more fanfare, except for a faint, constant hiss. I guess they’re still a little grossed out. Maybe they can treat my appointments like exposure therapy?
We manage to get past checking my heart and my lungs. We were able to check my reflexes, my height, my weight, and even draw blood without either of us vomiting. They don’t write anything down. The marvels of Eridian memory.
Now, there’s only one thing they need to check.
I smiled at them. “Ready, doc?” I asked a little teasingly. Was it wrong of me to enjoy a little schadenfreud after being called disgusting?
The doctor ignored me and pulled out a packet. They ripped it open and inside was a sterilized alloy that’s popsicle stick shaped. The arm holding the not-popsicle is shaking.
I grinned reassuringly, then opened my mouth as wide as I could and stuck my tongue out.
The doctor let out what I consider a nonsensical garble, but managed to shut themself up quickly.
They gingerly placed the apparatus on my tongue and then they let out a little puff of steam. One of their hind limbs started tapping rapidly, almost frantic. I feel a little sorry for them. It’s probably the equivalent of sticking a thermometer up someone’s butt. Which reminds me, do my medical team know about prostate exams? Goodness, I hope not. I’m not even at the age where I need that checked yet. I think.
I can feel the not-popsicle shaking on my tongue. They’re shaking so much, they probably don’t even need to tap on it to hear my throat. Then, I’m filled with anxiety. They’re not gonna accidentally stab my throat with it, will they?
My anxiety doesn’t last long. They pulled the not-popsicle away and we both heaved a sigh of relief.
“Although you remain underweight for an average male human of your height, you seem to be in good health, Savior Grace,” they said. They threw the not-popsicle away and quickly packed up their belongings. They seem to be rushing to leave.
“Goodbye, Savior Grace,” They rubbed their arm quickly in goodbye. “I shall see you next week.”
“Bye– and they’re gone.”
Hopefully our next sessions won’t be as awkward.
Adrian and I laid on a beach blanket by the water. Rocky was nearby, entertaining himself by playing in the waves.
Adrian sat with their limbs tucked in except for two of their front ones, which were framing my body. I was laying down with my eyes closed in front of them and my arms pillowing my head. The dome lights were at an angle that’s simulating the middle of an afternoon. Adrian’s form provided enough shade to cover my upper body from the ‘sunlight’ and I could hear Rocky’s chittering laughter amongst the waves. I took a breath and sighed. I felt utterly content.
I almost fell asleep when Adrian started speaking.
“Dear Grace,” Adrian said.
“Mrrmm,” I answered.
“I heard that your primary doctor has been changed.”
“Mmm.”
“I have heard from some colleagues that an incident had occurred recently.”
I snapped my eyes open and looked at them from below. Their claws clacked together nervously. I still haven’t found out whether Adrian got it from Rocky or vice versa.
“What have you, uh, what have you heard?”
Their claws clacked louder.
“That the doctor ran out in the middle of an appointment and disrupted the peace. That the head supervisor had given them a stern warning. That they had ‘come crawling’ to Dear Grace for forgiveness.”
“That’s a little exaggerated,” I said. I vaguely registered that I didn’t hear Rocky anymore. He must be listening in.
“What I mean to ask is, is Dear Grace okay, question? And if it is alright with you, can you explain what happened, question?”
“Well, it’s a normal reaction really. I’m a gross leaky space blob and they got freaked out and ran. It’s all good now tho-”
“What,” says two angry and melodic overlapping voices.
Uh oh.
Rocky scuttled over, kicking up sand. I sat up. I love the beach but no one wants sand in their eyes.
“What did you just say?! Did that doctor fucking tell you that?!”
I winced. “Language, Rocky. And no, they didn’t.”
He stomped one of his limbs and refused to listen to me. “The damned doctor should be fired!”
“They already apologized!”
“Not enough,” Adrian harrumphed.
I sighed, but my lips kept twitching up into a smile. Gosh, I love them so much.
“Rocky and Adrian will attend Grace’s next appointment,” Rocky declared.
“Seconded,” Adrian added.
I sighed. “Guys, everything’s fine really. We’ve patched things up and the last appointment went really well.” I don’t tell them that Dr. Sterling practically used up all the entries for “disgusting” that can be found in the thesaurus. Or that they watched him eat. It’s not really a big deal.
“Besides, remember what our therapist said about our co-dependency?”
“... To let Grace attend medical appointments by themselves. Reduce co-dependency,” Rocky said mulishly.
Adrian raised one of their limbs. “I do not have this problem. I may attend,” they said with an undertone of smugness.
Grace groaned then grabbed one limb from each of Rocky and Adrian. “I swear that everything's fine.”
“You didn’t tell us that your doctor called you a disgusting blob!”
“Because they didn’t! I just… extrapolated. From context clues.”
Rocky trilled doubtfully.
“ If something happens I’ll tell you both immediately, okay?” I pulled out the big guns. I widened my eyes and stuck my bottom lip out.
“...What the hell are you doing, question?”
“It’s called ‘puppy-dog eyes’! You’re supposed to let it go because you think I’m cute.” I intensified my expression.
Adrian reached over and gently squished my face.
“Dear Grace is always cute,” they said.
I felt my face go bright red. “At least someone agrees.”
“I didn’t say that I disagreed,” Rocky said.
This time, I felt the heat reach my neck. “...You don’t?”
“I didn’t say that either.” I could hear the smirk in Rocky’s voice.
“Alright, come here!” I shouted as I pounced at Rocky. We both started rolling around in the sand. So much for not getting sand in my eyes. Adrian laughed at our antics and I take it that they both let the matter drop. For now.
The next few appointments go much the same, except Dr. Sterling got less and less jittery and more confident when they examined me. I think he might be getting a bit too confident though. Such as now.
Dr. Sterling had one claw holding my chin while the other held the not-popsicle.
“Hold still, Savior Grace,” they said as the depressor touched my tongue.
Rather than holding it still like in previous sessions, this time, the doctor pressed a little harder. The doctor let out a happy trill as my tongue molded accordingly. Next they pushed the depressor to the inside of each of my cheeks, watching my mouth stretch.
I noted that they’re hissing again. It’s a little louder today.
They put the depressor back on my tongue, but this time they slid it in a little deeper. I gagged a little and tears welled up in my eyes. They shivered.
“Sorry,” they muttered. Then they caressed my tongue with the not-popsicle. I jolted and my tongue pushed back accidentally. It scraped gently across the roof of my mouth.
“Ngh!”
That tickles! I accidentally bit the tongue depressor and they let go of both it and my chin.
Dr. Sterling let out a huge puff of steam. I noticed a thin layer of condensation from inside their suit. That’s got to be uncomfortable. They really need to get over their compunctions over my fleshy human body soon.
“T-that’s enough for today,” Dr. Sterling stammered.
I pulled out the tongue depressor from my mouth and attempted to shoot it into the trash can from across the room. I miss.
“All good, doc?” I asked.
“Y-yes.” They let out a long sound that sounded like someone stepped on a bag pipe. I think it might be the Eridian version of clearing their throat. “I am good.”
I smiled. “I meant me, doc.”
“Oh! Yes, yes. You’ve gained weight as well. Soon you will reach a normal, healthy human weight.”
“That is good.” I nodded. “Thanks, doc.” I watched as they scrambled to pack their things as quickly as they could. We said our goodbyes and Dr. Sterling left me alone in the room.
I waited a few minutes, making sure that they were far enough away before I raised a hand to touch my mouth.
That was weird. They were being very weird. But maybe they were also just curious? I know that I would take the chance to examine an alien as close and as extensive as I can if I were given the chance.
Since then, Dr. Sterling had been a lot more touchy. They held my chin when they examined my mouth and my hips as they listened for my heart beat. When I gain weight, they squeezed various parts of my body to confirm that my fat or muscle has increased: my arms, my thighs, my chest, and one time, my butt. I was quick to tell them off for that. They seemed sorry enough, though disappointed. Why would they be disappointed?
At least they seemed to be getting over my grossness.
I took a sip of soup as I mused about my new doctor. The soup was a little too salty and the texture wasn’t exactly desirable, but it’s difficult to even complain. It’s a miracle I’m even eating anything other than Taumeoba right now.
I was currently eating in the lab. Specifically, the lab for food science. The scientists handed me the bowl and told me to note down my opinions and left. They’d be back in about an hour.
There’s a knock on the door. It couldn’t be the scientists, they just left. It definitely wasn’t Rocky; he knocked like I took all his tools and smelted it in a fire. Maybe it’s Adrian.
They knocked again, more insistent. I got up and walked towards the door. It opened and Dr. Sterling was on the other side, their satchel slung across their carapace.
“Doc?” I said with confusion. “Did I miss an appointment?”
“No, no,” their front claws tapped at their median legs. They seemed nervous. “May I come in, question? I have a favor to ask of Savior Grace.”
I raised one brow and stepped back to let them in.
They scuttled towards the table that I was eating at and made note of the bowl of soup.
“You are eating, question?”
“Yeah.”
“Good, good. Part of the favor I would like to ask of you.”
Well, now I was definitely intrigued. “Go on. How can I help?”
Their claws tapped harder and faster. “I would like to observe as Savior Grace eats.”
Now, both my eyebrows were raised. “You want to watch me eat.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“...For science.”
My ears pricked up like a dog hearing its favorite word. I’m not a dog though, so I won’t be falling for that trick.
“You’ve already seen me eat, doc,” I pointed out.
They shook their carapace from side to side. “No, that was a different situation.”
“What would be different if you watched now?”
“For– For–” they stammered.
I’m a little amazed. Who knew the eloquent doctor would struggle to find the words they needed.
“Exposure therapy?” I guessed.
They perked up. “Yes, exactly!”
I put my finger on my cheek and thought. It’s a weird ask, but if it’s to help someone…
“Alright.” I walked over to the table and sat down.
“Thank you, Savior Grace!” They moved closer to me while rummaging around their satchel. They brought out their stethoscope.
“Huh? Why are you bringing that out?”
“To hear you better,” they replied.
“Are-are you sure you can handle that?”
“Yes, I’m sure. It’s no problem.”
I’m hit with a sense of deja vu. “If you say so…”
I rolled up my shirt and bunched it up under my arm pits. Instead of my back or on my stomach like I expected, Dr. Sterling slid their arm under my shirt and placed the stethoscope at the base of my throat.
I stiffened. My throat felt a little dry and I tried to swallow. Their hind limb started tapping. No hissing yet, though.
“Do you really need to put that there? What about my stomach? All the good digestion happens there.”
They pressed the stethoscope a little harder on my throat and I tensed.
“The mastication process is the important part,” they said.
I supposed, to an Eridian, it might be the grossest part of the whole digestion process. Except for the defecation part.
It’s a little uncomfortab– scratch that – I was very uncomfortable. I shifted a little in my seat and took hold of my spoon. Dr. Sterling watched me with rapt attention.
I scooped up some soup, making sure that I get at least one chunk of meat that’s floating around. I brought the spoon up to my mouth and made a small slurping sound as I sipped. The doctor tapped faster and I could hear a faint hissing sound now. I opened my mouth wider and scraped the chunk of meat off of my spoon. I chewed carefully and for a long time. I spared a brief glance at the doctor and noticed his suit fogging up.
I continued eating my soup one spoonful at a time. Each bite made the tapping sound louder and faster and for each swallow, Dr. Sterling billowed out a puff of steam. When I got to the last spoonful, Dr. Sterling shook so hard, I missed my mouth entirely.
“Argh!”
The spoon hit the corner of my mouth and dripped down over my lips and down to my shirt. I swiped my thumb over my chin and lips. My tongue darted out to lick the residue.
I felt some kind of pressure in my ears and brought my hands up to cover them. It’s almost like there’s a high pitched frequen–
I whipped my head towards Dr. Sterling. I hadn’t noticed they removed the stethoscope from my throat. They collapsed on the floor, their limbs twitching. I couldn’t see their carapace. Steam has filled up the xenonite suit, but I can make out some sort of silvery liquid pooling at the bottom.
Oh shit!
I rushed towards them and fell to my knees. I reached out to shake them, but the moment my hand touched the surface of their suit, I pulled my hand back with a hiss. Their suit was burning hot!
“Oh my gosh, I need to call someone,” I muttered in horror.
“N-no, I am alright Savior Grace…” Dr. Sterling said weakly.
They slowly stood up. They wobbled and I stupidly reached my arms out to catch them. Luckily they didn’t fall or else I would have injured myself.
“Are you okay?” I asked worriedly.
“Yes, I am fine, Savior Grace.” They spoke with a dazed and soft voice, which disinclined me to believe them. “I was just overwhelmed.”
I sighed with irritation. “I told you not to push yourself.”
Dr. Sterling shook themselves out of their daze and spoke with a clear voice. “Thank you, Savior Grace. That was perfect.”
Something about that sentence struck me as odd and I felt uncomfortable. I couldn’t put my finger on why.
“I have to go and rest now, Savior Grace. Thank you once again for entertaining my request.” As they left, I noticed their mood had greatly improved. They looked so relaxed and happy.
A memory jogged in my head. My college roommate came home the next morning, hickeys all over their neck. The moment they saw me they gave me a thumbs up and a dopey smile.
I wonder why I remembered that.
I was in my living room, watching a raunchy romance movie with Rocky and Adrian.
Adrian sat to my left, and I leaned on them with a quilt over my lap. Rocky is small enough that he’s able to sit comfortably on top of Adrian’s carapace. We’ve pulled out a second screen. This one produces texture so that Eridians can ‘watch’ whatever’s on TV. It was a little difficult for me to see at first, but Rocky adjusted the TV by adding colored sand and now I can watch without having to squint my eyes.
The movie was about an Eridian spy who saved various ‘damsels-in-distress’ and pretty much gathered a harem while stopping an evil villain who planned to monopolize all of Erid. Basically like James Bond. I think. Surprisingly, I’ve never watched a single movie even in the four years travelling to Erid. I made a mental note to watch it with Rocky and Adrian sometime soon.
We’re at the scene where the protagonist got caught in the middle of breaking into a highly secure room in the middle of a party. They’re pretending that they were intoxicated and got lost.
The protagonist was big. Maybe as big as Adrian? They straightened their limbs and began towering over the unsuspecting guard. They wobbled and placed their claw on the wall above the guard’s head, effectively caging them in. I felt Adrian and Rocky shift as the movie captured their full attention.
“Shorry…” The protagonist said. There was a slight slur in their voice. “I think ‘m lossstt…” By the end of their barely audible sentence, their voice turned into a deep purr. The guard let out a small puff of steam.
I stiffen.
“Woof,” I heard Rocky say. Adrian hit one of Rocky’s limbs playfully.
“W’ll you h’lp me, queshoon?” the spy asked as they caressed their claw over one of the guard’s limbs. The guard’s hind legs started tapping on the floor rapidly. Something twisted in my stomach.
“Of course, Of course, I-I will assist you,” the guard said as they grasped two of the spy’s limbs.
They walked part way back to the party when the spy suddenly stumbled. The guard caught them and steadied them.
“Oh dear, ‘m not feelin’ too w’ll,” the spy mumbled.
“Shall l take you to the infirmary?”
“No need. ’s just…”
“Just?”
“It's been a wh’le since I last ate...”
The guard’s joints locked as steam puffed out of their vents. “Oh,” they said.
“I’m too dr’nk to proper-properly m’sh my food… I m'ght need s'me help...”
“Ohhh! They’re going there?!” Rocky exclaimed giddily. Adrian let out an embarrassed cough.
“I-I,” the guard stammered for a while. “I will watch you eat!” Their hind legs tapped rapidly and a thick billow of steam escaped their vents.
Flashes of memories with Dr. Sterling ran through my head. My heart started pounding. It’s so loud it almost drowned the movie out.
I could feel Adrian focusing on me as the spy knocked the guard out and dragged them to an unused closet.
“Dear Grace, your heart rate increased,” Adrian said worriedly.
I placed my hand on my chest and clutched at my shirt. I don’t reply.
“Grace, question?” Rocky called.
I took a deep breath and counted to ten. By the time I released it, my heart rate was down to something just slightly above normal.
“Sorry,” I muttered. “Just memories.”
Adrian and Rocky eased a little. Rocky reached over to run his claws through my hair.
“Would you like to talk about it, question?” he asked.
“Not– not right now. No.”
“Alright,” Rocky said easily. But I knew that he would ask again eventually.
“What was that?” I gestured at the textured screen where the spy was now running for their life and dodging projectiles.
“Which part, question?” Adrian asked. I knew that they both knew I was trying to change the topic. They let me. They really are too kind.
“The steam. The tapping.”
“♫♩♬ was flirting with the guard. The guard is... receptive.”
“Uh, yeah, I got that. But what was, ” I waved my hand nebulously. “All that?”
“Rocky can answer," Adrian suddenly said. Adrian was easily embarrassed.
Rocky laughed at them. “Means they’re horny!”
I felt like I was outside of my own body, like I was some foreign thing piloting a flesh suit.
“Oh,” I heard myself say distantly.
I don’t remember much of what happened after, but I vaguely recalled saying goodbye and getting ready for bed. My hair was still damp as it lay over my pillows. I’ve taken a bath somehow.
My skin felt tight over my body. With each memory flashing through my head, everywhere that Dr. Sterling touched started burning. I scratched at them but the feeling never went away.
I don’t fall asleep.
I pick at my food. The closer I am to my appointment date, the less appetite I have.
I was starting to lose weight again, and both Rocky and Adrian have noticed.
“Grace,” Rocky pleaded.
A plate of me-burger sat in front of me. It’s my favorite.
It’s only Rocky and I today. Adrian was at work. I felt Rocky’s eyes on me, which was impossible because he didn’t have any. Either way, nausea filled my stomach and threatened to rise up and spill out of my throat. Even with all that, my stomach gurgled.
“I’m not hungry,” I said. “I’ll eat later.”
Rocky clacked his claws nervously. “You have skipped five meals already. Is Grace sick, question? I’ll call your doc-”
“No!” I shouted.
We both reeled back with surprise.
“I don’t need a doctor,” I said softly. I felt my heart pounding. I might be heading towards a panic attack.
Rocky knew this and asked carefully, “What does Grace need, question?”
I closed my eyes tightly. “I need to be alone.”
Rocky trilled worriedly. I thought he might protest, but he ended up scuttling towards the door.
“Rocky visit tomorrow,” he said. “Rocky hope Grace eat while Rocky gone.”
Rocky has reverted to his Hail Mary pidgin speech. I must really be stressing him out.
“Okay,” I said.
Rocky made his way towards the front door. He lingered there, waiting for me to take back what I said.
I don’t.
He left. I don’t have any sonar abilities, but I know that he constantly paused on his way out, waiting for me to call his name until he reached the airlock.
I took my plate and dumped out its content into the trash can.
There are three days left before my next appointment with Dr. Sterling.
God, when have I started treating my days like a countdown? I have to tell someone. I need to tell someone. I tried, once, to tell Rocky, but my tongue felt too heavy.
I felt ashamed.
Which was strange because nothing even really happened. I ate. I always ate. I used to do it in front of Rocky and Adrian. The doctor’s touches weren’t even that bad. They were places other Eridians have touched me too, especially my medical team in my early days of near death. I don’t know why it’s bothering me so badly.
Gosh, I feel so stupid. I’m a grown man. I should be able to handle this.
I should talk to Dr. Sterling first. It’s probably just a misunderstanding. I’m a human for cripe’s sake! Eridians don’t get hot and bothered for humans. That’s impossible!
Yes. This was all just a misunderstanding. I’ll talk to Dr. Sterling. They're professional, so I’m sure they’ll listen to me if I enforced my boundaries. Then, I won’t have to tell anyone what happened.
Bury the hatchet. Water under the bridge.
One day left before my appointment with Dr. Sterling.
Tomorrow. It’s tomorrow. I can’t stop thinking about tomorrow. I wish there was a skip button in real life. I just want this all to be over with.
“Savior Grace, question?”
I looked up and came back to myself. I was in my therapist’s office. I was in my own custom xenonite suit and I was breathing so hard my breath was fogging up the front panel of my suit.
“Is there something bothering you?” Dr. Cyan asked. Guess what color their carapace was.
“I just remembered something,” I lied. “I’m not actually okay with Cilantro. I just said I was because the guy making my sandwich already added it in and I didn’t want to bother him by making me a new one.” This part was true.
Dr. Cyan hummed neutrally. “Anything else?”
I reached my hand up to fiddle with my glasses. My hand collided with my xenonite helmet. I felt myself begin to sweat.
“Do you think I’m attractive?” I blurted out.
They paused – caught off guard. They remained quiet for a few more moments.
“Sorry,” I said frantically. “That was a stupid question. I-”
“Do you want me to be?”
“Huh?” I asked dumbly.
“Do you want me to be attracted to you?” They don’t say it flirtatiously or with any hint of disgust. They sounded perfectly neutral – curious.
“Well, normally people would want to be called attractive.”
“And do you consider yourself as part of the norm?”
I don’t speak for a long while.
“I’m fine with being called cute. Adrian and Rocky call me that all the time.” I started to ramble. “Sometimes- sometimes other people even call me beautiful. Handsome. Pretty. I feel very flattered when they do.”
Dr. Cyan hummed and gestured for me to go on.
Flashes of uncomfortable memory passed by of my time on earth.
‘Hey there, sexy,’ a faceless woman said.
A man with bright green eyes brushed my hair behind my ear. ‘I like you’, they said and his eyes lingered on my lips. I’ve known them for years now. Objectively, I know that he’s handsome and that we get along well together. My stomach still twisted painfully.
Someone smacked my ass and I squeaked with surprise and shame.
Linda’s hands drifted slowly from my knee to my inner thigh. I held her hand down, hoping that if I kissed her well enough, she’d forget about-
‘Do you even like me?!’ someone screamed at me. I don’t remember much about them, except that their hair color changes every week. ‘You never touch me, and you never make time for me. Why don’t you just go and marry your fucking thesis!’
“...I think I don’t like it when someone likes me like- like that.” It’s a childish way of putting things, and I'm being too vague, but Dr. Cyan seems to get the gist of it.
“You dislike being the object of sexual desire.”
I nodded slowly.
“And how does that make you feel?”
I buried my head in my hands. “I don’t want to be attractive. I just want to be me. I just want to be Grace.”
It’s D-day.
I paced around in the examination room. I wore my red flight suit. It’s zipped fully up to my neck.
Someone knocked. I froze, feeling like my heart was in my throat. I stiffly walked over to the door and opened it.
Dr. Sterling walked into the room without any preamble. He wheeled in a cart with something covered on top. I wanted to ask what it was but my mouth was glued shut.
“Hello, Savior Grace,” Dr. Sterling greeted.
I nodded and waved. Thankfully, Dr. Sterling didn’t find my silence strange.
They walked over to the only chair in the room. They patted the cushions. “Come and sit, Savior Grace.”
I walked over. No, my body walked over. I was somewhere floating in space. ‘You’re dissociating,’ I heard my therapist say.
I sat down and Dr. Sterling brought out his stethoscope.
“Please remove your garments,” he said as he tugged on my flight suit. I flinched and leaned away.
“I- I don’t- I ra-rather-” Why was it so gosh darn hard to speak?! My heart’s beating a mile a minute. I was sweating and I was one unwanted touch away from full-blown crying. “I want t-to keep my suit on. Please.”
Dr. Sterling seemed a little frustrated, but he acquiesced. I breathed a sigh of relief.
They proceeded with checking my heart and lungs.
I don’t hear any hissing.
They brought out a tongue depressor, and before they could open it, I shouted. “No!”
“..No?”
“Could we skip this step?”
Dr. Sterling stomped once. “This is part of the check up, Savior Grace.”
“Just this once.” I said. I don’t mean it. I don’t want to do it ever again.
They stomped harder. I flinched. They looked at the cart they'd brought in and seemed to relax. “Alright, Savior Grace.”
We proceed with the rest of the check up. No unwanted touches. No hissing. I was starting to relax. Maybe it really was just a misunderstanding and I don’t have to bring anything up. Dr. Sterling measured my weight and made a clicking sound.
“You’ve lost weight,” they said. “Too much weight.”
I winced. “Yeah, I haven't had much of an appetite lately.”
No thanks to you, I thought. I kept that to myself.
They shifted their carapace up and down like a nod. “I’ve been informed.”
They wheeled the cart they brought closer and removed the lid on the object placed on top. I could feel the blood leaving my face. It was a plate of food.
“Please eat,” they said.
“I-I’m not hungry.” I was shaking. I think I might vomit.
“Eat,” they repeated. Commanding.
“Can you leave the room?” I said, barely above a whisper.
They stiffened.
“I just don’t feel comfortable with anyone watch-”
“No,” they cut me off. They sounded almost angry. I vaguely noted that they weren’t acting like themself. Or maybe they were always like this and I just didn’t notice. “I will stay here and watch. I will make sure you eat.”
Suddenly, I became angry. “I won’t eat. You can’t make me!” I shouted. Who were they to tell me what I can and can’t do with my own body?
“I can,” Dr. Sterling said, low and serious. They picked up the plate and a spoon with two of their limbs. “I will.”
Suddenly they were on top of me. One of their claws grabbed both of my arms and held it behind the chair. Two claws held my mouth open. They were too close. I struggled as much as I could, but they were heavier and stronger. I started sobbing.
“Eh oh e!” Get off me!
“Shh Savior Grace,” they said gently as the spoon hovered menacingly in front of my mouth. “Let me feed you.” The hissing was back. Their vent puffed out a constant stream of hot air and started to heat up the suit. The claws holding my mouth open were starting to burn.
I shouted as loud as I could. Dr. Sterling tried to shush me, but I kept screaming. Why wasn’t anyone coming?
As if my prayers were answered, there was a loud bang and Dr. Sterling was pushed off of me. They crashed to the floor with a loud crack and they groaned.
Adrian stood over them. I’ve never seen them be so menacing. Adrian released a puff of steam like a bull snorting. There was a constant low tone reverberating around the room that made Dr. Sterling shake with fear but filled me with a sense of safety.
“Grace!” Rocky shouted at me worriedly.
I looked down. Oh, he’s in front of me. When’d he get here? I felt light headed. Black spots filled my vision.
“Grace! Grace breathe too hard!” he reached a claw out and I flinched away. He immediately took their claw back as if he were burnt.
It takes a moment for the words to start to make sense in my head. I’m hyperventilating.
“Grace follow Rocky beat,” he said firmly. He tapped a steady rhythm near my feet. I could feel the vibrations. I took a struggling breath and released it. In and out. I followed the beat. It felt almost nostalgic, like we were back in the Hail Mary. This was our routine whenever I had a nightmare about the launch.
There was a commotion near the door and security started filing in. They approached Dr. Sterling and put them in cuffs.
“Savior Grace! Savior Grace!” Dr. Sterling called after me.
I closed my eyes and looked away.
“Please, Savior Grace. This was all a misunderstanding! I was just worried for your health-”
There was a loud bang and everyone jumped in surprise. I looked toward Adrian as they lifted the limb they had stomped through the floor. The indention was probably 6 inches deep.
“You will not speak to Dear Grace,” they said. It was said so low my hearing barely picked up on it.
Dr. Sterling whimpered and shut up. They meekly let the security team lead him away.
The farther away the doctor was, the easier I was able to breathe. When my breathing returned to normal, Rocky reached out to touch my knee, but took his limb back immediately. He’s so considerate. Why couldn’t everyone just be like Rocky? I felt myself tear up.
I could see Rocky hesitate. He came to a decision.
“Grace wait for Rocky. Rocky back soon.” As soon as he was finished speaking, he was sprinting out and into the hallway. It only took a few moments before I heard a pained shout and several voices raised in alarm. A shrill voice stood out among them.
“Take that you piece of shit pervert!”
Rocky’s enraged shout echoed through the hallway and I could hear the scuffle of multiple personnel attempting to respectfully restrain the Savior of Erid from ripping apart someone else.
As Rocky’s curses got more and more creative, I sat straight and looked at Adrian worriedly. I expected them to run out immediately and chase after their mate, but Adrian stood where they were. They seemed almost smug about it too.
They came closer and stopped about three feet away from me. They sunk low to the ground, posture full of remorse and supplication.
“We’re sorry, Dear Grace,” they said with a warbly voice.
“What?” I asked, mystified. “What are you sorry for?”
“We had suspected something was wrong with Dear Grace, but did not pry. We should have tried harder. You were almost..” they trailed off.
“It’s not your fault,” I assured them. “I should have just told you. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I should have known better, I should have been able to fight them off, I-”
“No, No, No!” they rose up off the ground. “Not Dear Grace. It was never and will never be Dear Grace’s fault. All blame should fall to that nasty perverted doctor!”
Rocky came in just then. “Seconded,” he says. There was dust all over his suit and a hint of anger remained in his voice. He sidled up to Adrian and leaned on them for support.
“Grace okay, question?” they asked worriedly.
I gave them a wry smile. “Grace will be okay.”
“Grace Rocky Adrian go home, question?”
My eyes welled up with tears. I wanted to cry, but I will do so in the safety of the biodome.
“Yeah, buddy, let’s all go home,” I said while sniffling.
They crooned at me. It was this melody they sang whenever I was sad. It was calming, relaxing, and never failed to lift my mood. I gave them a watery smile.
I wanted to go and hug them.
I don’t.
It will probably be a long time before I do.
Dr. Cyan wrote something down on their tablet before refocusing on me.
“How have you been, Savior Grace, question?”
“I’ve been better.” I gave them a smile.
It’s been about five months since ‘the incident’. I could touch Rocky and Adrian again, but I get freaked out if someone else got within 3 feet of me. This made my medical check ups difficult for everyone else involved.
My previous doctor, Dr. Gold, returned early from leave. I felt so sorry towards them; they should be raising their kids! They assured me though that it was no problem. That they wouldn’t have even had kids if it weren’t for me and Rocky. Secretly, I felt relieved. There was no one else the three of us would have trusted to replace Dr. Sterling.
I still had some hang-ups about eating. I couldn't eat or drink if I felt like someone’s watching, else I would get nauseous. I suppose I conform to Eridian societal norms now, huh?
Gosh, Rocky and Adrian have been so sweet throughout all this mess. I’ve learned to just tell them about anything that bothered me: from minor inconveniences to intrusive thoughts that leave me shaking until morning.
Gosh, I love them so much.
I fiddled with the ring on my finger. It’s a gold band inlaid with turquoise and emerald green gems.
‘No pressure,’ Rocky said nervously. ‘We will still love you even if you don’t feel the same.’
I tell them I have no desire to become physical in any non-platonic way.
‘That’s alright,’ Adrian said. ‘It will just be more of this. Just with a different label.’
We were on the beach. The fog was pleasantly cool on my skin. Rocky sat between my legs and I leaned on Adrian who was behind me.
‘I’d love that.’ Then, I burst out crying.
I looked up at Dr. Cyan and asked, “Hey, doc. How do you feel about a summer wedding?”