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“Frederick, are you listening?”
He wasn't. Miriel was being dull, Vaike was being annoying, and Chrom was walking fifteen feet ahead in deep conversation with Robin about who knows what - they couldn't be talking battle strategy, because he'd be included in that, or at least he thought so. That was neither here nor there. The point was, of course he wasn't listening. What was even there to listen to? What could possibly be worth a single thought of his in whatever Miriel and Vaike, of all combinations of people, were talking about?
He allowed himself one last look at Chrom and Robin before forcing himself to raise his gaze up to the clouds. Up above them, keeping an eye on the path ahead, Sumia and her white pegasus drew invisible patterns into the sky. It was hypnotizing, in a way, watching her soar like that. He had no desire to fly himself; heights made him dizzy, and the solid ground beneath his horse gave him a certain level of confidence in battle that helped him do his job well. But still, he found himself looking up.
It was easier than looking at Chrom these days.
…
Frederick was good at keeping watch.
It became a habit, really, past a certain point. He'd travel on horseback and tire less than his walking comrades, and when they'd set up camp for the night, it felt natural to allow them to sleep while he took the first turns of watch. Sully and Stahl caught onto it soon enough and would relieve him of the duty at some point during the night, so that he wouldn't put anyone in danger the next day by being too sleep deprived to battle.
Which meant he was there, at the edge of camp, unable to tear his eyes from Robin and Chrom by the campfire, as they wasted precious hours of sleep talking and smiling and laughing. As much as it pained to admit it, Frederick recognized that the new member of their party was a skilled tactician. Meaning, she had to know that the smart thing to do at this time of night was to retire to her tent and allow Chrom to do the same. She was being willingly stupid at this point, Frederick thought.
He sighed and kicked a pebble on his path, starting to walk around the edge of their campground only to have something else to do. He didn't really mean it, of course, but he had a hard time keeping his thoughts on Robin from going in that kind of direction when he stared at them too long. When he was talking to her, Chrom’s smile came easily to him, the hardness of his expression and the stiffness of his shoulders leaving him for these tiny, precious moments. Frederick could never give him that. He was too stiff himself, too far gone, too much of a soldier and not enough of a person. It was one of the many things he could never provide to the person he devoted his entire life to.
Like an heir.
He shook that thought away. It was inappropriate at the very best, unnatural at worse. Chrom was a prince, and although nothing was really in the way of him finding companionship in a commoner, Frederick was a man. Chrom had an exalted bloodline to continue. Add that to the long list of reasons why the tightness he felt in his chest needed to go away immediately.
He looked up from his path, spotting Sumia also awake for some reason. She sat on a rock near where the horses and her pegasus were tied up for the night, picking at the blades of grass at her feet. Frederick furrowed his brow upon seeing a bottle of wine on the dirt, but realized it was unopened. Good. Maybe he could still talk her out of the hangover she'd have tomorrow.
“Is everything alright?”
She looked up at him.
“Oh! It's you. Yeah, I guess it is.”
He looked back at the bottle.
“Be careful with the drink, is all I ask. We have an early morning tomorrow.
Sumia took the bottle in her hands and stared at it for a few seconds, as if she'd forgotten it was even there. “Don't worry about it. I couldn't figure out how to open it anyway. Just one more thing I failed at.” She put the bottle down on the ground again with a sigh and looked away. Frederick followed her gaze.
Oh.
“He got very close to her very quickly, didn't he?”
Frederick didn't know how to respond to that without showing his hand, so he continued to stand quietly next to her rock.
“And that's fine! Of course, he can befriend whoever he pleases. I just… I don't know. I'm sorry, I'm talking your ear off with nonsense.”
“Not at all.” Frederick looked back at Chrom and Robin by the campfire and decided he could allow himself an evening of not being useful. He could see Stahl on the other side of camp, taking over his duties, so it didn't matter much anyway. He sat on the ground next to Sumia's rock, a safe and measured distance away, and stretched over to grab the bottle. “I think I understand what you're getting at.”
She blinked at him and he knew there was no way she understood what he meant.
“There were people who stood by his side for years and still went unnoticed,” he uncorked the bottle with ease, “but a stranger who just got here is suddenly…” he didn't know how to complete the sentence, so he just raised the bottle to his lips instead.
Sumia was still staring shamelessly. Frederick guessed it didn't matter anyway, as Chrom was too distracted by whatever it was Robin was saying to notice. A full army of risen could waltz into camp wearing cowbells around their necks and he wasn't sure his lord would even notice. He passed the bottle to Sumia, hoping to break whatever chain of thoughts she had going. He knew firsthand it wouldn't do her any good.
She took a swig, then made a face. “Oh, this tastes awful.”
“It's not very high quality wine.”
Sumia chuckled and tried again, but he could see in her face that she still hated it. “Can you keep a secret?”
“As long as it doesn't put us all in danger, I guess so.” He already was, he thought, and he was already gathering that Sumia's secrets weren't too different from his own.
She slid down from her tiny rocky throne onto the ground next to him and hugged her knees to her chest.
“I feel stupid. I think a part of me really thought I had a chance, even if it wasn't likely.”
“You're not stupid. I might be, though, because I always knew I had none, and yet here I am.” Took the bottle in his hands, unable to look Sumia in the eye. He shouldn't have said that. He really was stupid. He shouldn't have had any wine at all, shouldn't have allowed the drink to loosen his tongue. Sumia didn't need to know about his unnatural… urges.
But she said nothing, and the silence made him nervous, so he looked up from the label-less bottle to find her staring not in judgement, but pity. Which only felt worse.
“I'm so sorry,” she said, “I didn't know.”
He shrugged.
“No one does. It's not something I'm proud of and like to go around telling people.”
They stayed in silence for a moment, then Sumia opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again.
“What is it?”
“It's an untoward question.”
“You can ask,” he said. What did he even have to lose in that conversation anymore anyway. His dignity was long gone.
“Is it…” she interrupted herself, clearly trying to reword the question in her head. She started again, slowly, carefully. “Is it lord Chrom specifically? Or is it that you're… uninterested in women?”
Frederick had to think before answering. “I don't know.” He filled another potentially awkward pause with wine, which he knew was a bad idea, but so was this entire conversation. “I can't recall feeling this intensely about anyone else before him, but I don't think he was the only to ever cause me to have unnatural thoughts. That doesn't mean it's the only kind of thoughts I have.”
“I see.”
Another long pause. The bottle passed around from Frederick’s hand to Sumia's and back, and there was something in that silence that made it feel safe, in a way. He didn't know why, but he was certain Sumia wouldn't tell anyone what he shared. Maybe it was that he also had a secret of hers, but it felt like more than that.
Finally, the bottle was empty. Sumia shoved it into her bag the same way she tended to do with any litter she produced, and Frederick could only imagine how she managed to fly while keeping copious amounts of trash on her at all times.
“Frederick?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you for trusting me.”
He thought for a second about it. Before that night, he wouldn't place Sumia anywhere near the top of his list of most trusted members of the party. She was the clumsiest person he knew, and tended to pick up tasks she had no expertise in to try to make herself useful, which often ended poorly. Something had shifted, though, and he could almost feel it in the air. The Sumia sitting next to him didn't seem like the same person that he watched make a fool of herself over menial tasks. She felt more like the Sumia cutting across the blue of the sky on the back of a white pegasus, or the one he saw on the battlefield. Sumia when she had that air razor sharp focus about her.
“A shared burden is easier to carry,” said Frederick, standing up. “It seems Stahl and Sully will take care of guard duty tonight, so I'll retire for now. You should too. We have a long way to walk tomorrow.”
She pointed at the pegasus tied ten feet away. “Sky horse, remember?”
“Still,” he insisted, “we don't need you falling from that height. Goodnight, Sumia.”
“Goodnight, Frederick.”
…
Sumia buried her spear into the shoulder of one of the bandits, making the man scream in pain. She battlefield was chaotic, as it tended to get when they were caught by surprise and Robin had to come up with a strategy on the fly. Lissa wasn't anywhere near them, leaving Frederick, Sumia and Sully on one side of the small river while the others dealt with the largest group of enemies on the other side. Sully was a capable soldier, but flying low to the ground on her pegasus, Sumia was a beast.
Sumia was also vulnerable to aerial attacks.
It was pure luck that Frederick saw the archer docking his arrow. It was luck, also, that he happened to be close enough to Sumia at the moment it happened. Without thinking, he rushed in her direction, in an attempt to get her mount out of the course of the arrow.
It sunk deep into his thigh, thankfully missing his horse, even if only barely. He grunted and held onto the reigns to stop himself from falling from his saddle. If they had had the time to fully don armor before they were attacked when taking down their tents, that injury would never happen. He had grown used to his metal shell and unused to these sorts of scrapes. He was seeing stars.
He saw flashes of Sully cutting the archer's throat from behind as he tried to will himself not to lose consciousness. Had he become soft? A fragile thing, unable to sustain a wound without falling from his horse?
Something, someone, he didn't know anymore, held him as he was slipping from the saddle. “Lissa!,” the voice yelled, and then cursed under her breath. Lissa was on the other side of the shallow river.
“Take him, I'll finish it!” Another voice. Sully? “I'll take his horse when I'm done.”
Sumia - it was her, he realized - tried to pull him onto her pegasus with her, which bumped the arrow on something, which made him scream.
“Yes, I know!,” she hissed, and tried again. Frederick was too large for her to carry, which she had to know. Still, she attempted a third time, finally getting him off of the horse and across her lap. The pegasus whinnied, complaining about the added weight. There was a good reason why pegasus knights tended to be lithe women, he thought distantly.
“I'm gonna need you to hold onto me. Can you do that?”
Frederick wasn't sure that he could, but he nodded anyway. He managed to get his arms around Sumia's shoulders, putting maybe too much on his weight on her torso, but she didn't seem to notice. She just grabbed the reigns and flew.
…
“I'm a shit knight.”
Chrom crossed his arms in front of him. Robin was also in the tent. Robin seemed to be everywhere Chrom went these days.
“No you're not. You were unarmored, barely armed, taken by surprise and protecting a fellow soldier.”
Frederick chuckled bitterly. “I was taken out by a single arrow.”
Chrom's patience for his self pity seemed to be wearing thin, though, because he sighed deeply and raised his eyes to the fabric above. “Frederick, that arrow would've killed Sumia's pegasus without a doubt. And instead it went so deep into your leg that it took Lissa a full hour to manage to heal.”
“It hit a vein, or artery, or whatever it was that Lissa said.” Robin interjected, and Frederick had to bite his tongue not to tell her to stay out of the conversation. “That ‘single arrow’ would've killed you if we didn't have magic.”
A heavy silence fell onto the tent. Frederick's cot was now padded with everyone's bags and extra clothes as makeshift pillows. His trousers were gone, though he didn't quite remember them being taken off, so on top of everything he was having that pleasant conversation wearing only his shirt and briefs. It felt slightly inappropriate to be so undressed in front of an unmarried woman, but at the same time, Robin was so far into everyone's business, it seemed only natural she’d see him half naked eventually. It didn't make the situation any more comfortable, though,
Chrom and Robin looked at each other, communicating telepathically in that secret language they now seemed to share.
“You did well today.” Chrom insisted. “But please try to protect the group without killing yourself in the process next time?”
And there it was. The little flutter in Frederick's chest, repeating he cares he cares he cares. But then Robin took Chrom’s hand, and Frederick felt it die a painful death inside him for the thousandth time.
He nodded and they left the tent.
Frederick was alone for all but thirty sad, pathetic seconds before Sumia entered the tent.
“Have you gone insane?”
The question seemed valid enough to him, as he was now feeling more hurt about Chrom and Robin’s public display of affection than the bandaged, half healed wound in his leg. He didn't think that's what she was talking about though.
“Why would you do that?,” she insisted.
“He was gonna kill the pegasus,” he answered plainly “and you weren't flying at that point, but falling from a horse with all four hooves on the ground is already dangerous enough.”
“So you decided that you should die instead?”
“I was trying to get you out of the way. Getting myself in the way was a… miscalculation.”
Sumia's anger seemed to die down at that. She wasn't very good at being angry anyway, Frederick thought. They had spent some time together in the last few weeks, putting up and taking down tents, fighting close to each other. Sumia even had her pegasus walk on land sometimes, riding next to him in comfortable silence. It was strange, since he’d known her for years before their conversation that one night, but he realized there was some sort of friendship growing there. His decision in battle was emotional, not rational, and it had almost gotten him killed.
As previously stated, shit knight. But he'd have time for self loathing later, when he was alone with his thoughts and the dull ache in his leg. Lissa did the best she could, but even literal miracles didn't manage to fully heal him, so they were gonna have to spend a few days stationary while he finished recovering.
Sumia sat next to his cot.
“Thank you. For saving her.”
It took a few seconds for Frederick to realize she was talking about the pegasus. He nodded.
Sumia looked down at his leg and he realized he was once again partially nude next to an unmarried woman. He pulled one of the coats from under his head and covered his lap, which made her look at him with an amused expression.
“I hardly think either of us were thinking untoward thoughts in the current context, Frederick, but thank you for protecting my honor with that jacket.”
“It's still improper.”
“Yes, but you're injured and I'm on babysitting duty tonight, so I don't think it counts.”
“I… Babysitting duty?”
Sumia shrugged, but the amused smile didn't leave her face.
“I was tasked with making sure you don't decide to keep watch, or cut lumber, or sharpen weapons, or do anything but lie down and get better. I guess they were trying to keep me from trying to help with those things too. Two birds, one stone.”
He opened his mouth to say that was unnecessary, but truth was, he would probably have done what she was there to prevent had he had the time to think about it first.
Sumia tended to him for a few hours, bringing him food from outside and getting him to drink whatever tonic Lissa had insisted on him taking. Finally, as the conversation outside of their tent died down, she took off her coat, folded it, and laid on the ground with it under her head.
“Now this is a new level of impropriety.”
“What?”
He looked at her as if asking if she was being intentionally dense.
“Us sharing a tent overnight.”
“Oh. Yes, I guess it is. Designated babysitter, though. Also, the tent isn't very private. I'm sure everyone would hear were you to attempt to take advantage of me. Also, I can fight.”
That made Frederick laugh, which surprised him.
“Ah yes, Sumia. You've discovered my plan. It was all a ruse to deflower you in my tent tonight.”
“Frederick!” He couldn't quite tell if she was faking her horror for comedic effect or if being crass actually caused it. Either way, it made him continue laughing for a few more seconds.
A pause. Silence between them had stopped being awkward a couple weeks before, but the idea that she was dwelling on his unnatural tendencies now that the subject veered in that direction made him uncomfortable. He cleared his throat.
“Do you not think less of me? Knowing it?”
“No.” Her answer was immediate and definitive. “Do you?”
“Do I… do I what?”
“Think less of yourself.”
It caught him off guard. He wished it didnt, but… “Of course I do. How could I not?”
She shrugged. “There are plenty of men who lie with men.”
"They don't marry and have children with them, though." Frederick sighed. “Look, being frank, I don't wish to discuss it.”
She ignored him.
“Do you wish that? Having children, I mean.”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
Another pause.
“Then it's not just the fact that he doesn't feel the same?”
“Yes, Sumia, there's layers to my self-hatred. Now can you please drop it?”
She did, for all but ten seconds.
“Would you marry a woman, then? Even if your heart is his?”
“Why, are you proposing?” His tone came off bitter instead of joking like he intended, and he realized that that conversation had to end before he started actually mistreating her. “I'm going to sleep. Goodnight, Sumia.”
He turned his back to where she was on the ground, and neither of them managed to fall asleep for a good while.
…
“I'm not interested in you like that.”
Frederick raised his gaze from the spear he was sharpening. The convoy was nearling Ylisstol, and their pace was beginning to slow as they entered safe and familiar territory. His leg was nearly fully healed, but the others still insisted in taking a day off from walking and letting him rest every few days. He still found his ways to make himself useful.
“I'm sorry, what?”
Sumia seemed as comfortable as if she was pulling her own teeth.
“You've been acting strange and distant since that night, and I thought it might be because of the last question I asked. I wanted to make sure you knew it wasn't like that.”
Frederick looked around to make sure, but he and Sumia were alone. Everyone seemed to have found a task to take care of, and they were far enough away from the fire pit at the center of camp for that conversation to be private. Frederick put the spear to the side.
“I never thought it was, Sumia. I'm aware you have your sights set somewhere else.” He looked down at his hands. “The conversation just made me think too much about things I try to avoid thinking about, is all.”
Sumia nodded.
“I'm sorry.”
“It's okay.”
She stood there for a few moments, and it was clear both of them were attempting to circumvent the elephant in the room. Predictably, Sumia was the first to break.
“Do you think he'll actually marry her?”
“I don't see why he wouldn't.”
“He’s a prince and she's someone he found in a field.”
Frederick had to try very hard not to smile at the venom in her voice. “That was a great attempt. I wish she was easier to hate too. Unfortunately for us, it turns out she's actually a good person.”
Chrom didn't make a public announcement of his engagement, but everyone noticed the improvised ring, and everyone noticed that they started sharing a tent. And unlike Sumia, Robin wasn't on babysitter duty. No one there was stupid (except maybe Vaike). They caught on. That announcement was sure to happen when they reached Ylisstol.
Frederick knew it would happen eventually, but it hurt all the same.
He stood up. That spear wouldn't get any sharper, he might as well just put it away already. He couldn't get something out of his head, however. Hadn't been able to for days.
“I would.”
It was Sumia's turn to be confused.
“You would what?”
“Marry a woman and have children. It'd be unfair to her, to be stuck with a husband who loved someone else. But I would. And maybe that makes me a detestable man, but even if I never manage to stop loving him, I don't think I have it in me to die alone.”
Frederick blinked quickly, hoping Sumia didn't notice that she had made him emotional. The whole ordeal was embarrassing enough. He felt awful as he left Sumia standing alone at the edge of the campsite, knowing she was heartbroken and no one else but him knew. But he did it all the same, feeling her gaze burn a hole in his back the whole way. But hell, didn't he get to be heartbroken too?
…
Robin’s office was tidy and well ventilated, the open window perfectly framing the Ylisstol landscape. One hand on her temple, one resting on her round belly, she stared at the blue sky.
Frederick placed the teacup on her desk.
“I'm sorry, Frederick,”
“Nonsense,” he insisted. “I don't mind helping.”
“I truly thought the vomiting phase of this whole thing had already passed.”
Of course Robin would refer to pregnancy as ‘this whole thing,’ Frederick thought. She had been frustrated about how much her situation affected her job as grandmaster and head of Chrom’s council for a while, but now she was starting to let it show how fed up she truly was with it. Frederick didn't mind having to clean up and care for her instead of having the meeting they scheduled, but she seemed like she wanted to die.
He pushed the teacup a few inches closer to her, then straightened his back again.
“Do you not wish to take the day off?”
She sighed. “I don't know if I have any other option, in the state I'm in.” She frowned. “If I'm being quite honest with you, Frederick, I wish this thing would just come out already.”
“This thing… your child.”
“Yes.”
Frederick made sure Robin was alright before exiting the office. Chrom was out of town resolving some diplomatic matter in Regna Ferrox that simply couldn't wait, which meant a bunch of Robin’s friends had stepped up in an attempt to fill the husband role in his absence. Despite Robin's wishes, Frederick hoped the child would wait a bit longer to “come out,” as his friend put it, otherwise Chrom was sure to miss the birth.
His thoughts were interrupted by Sumia walking straight into him with a loud metal clanging sound and immediately falling to the floor.
“Oh Frederick, I'm so sorry!” She took the hand he offered to help her stand back up. Despite being both in, essentially, babysitter duty once again, both Frederick and Sumia were fully armored. Chrom took many others with him, but he made it clear to Frederick and Sumia specifically that they were to protect Robin. She could, of course, handle herself in battle in normal conditions, but not as pregnant as she was. Thus, armored babysitters, sounding like a full cupboard of pots and pans falling to the ground as they ran into each other.
“How is she?,” Sumia asked, turning around to walk with him, away from the office instead of towards it.
“Angry and nauseous,” he said “but fine.”
“Poor thing.”
“Indeed.” He sighed. “How are you?”
She shrugged. “Have been better, have been worse.”
They reached the courtyard, where the gardener quickly bowed and left. The staff tended to treat members of Chrom's inner circle with the same reverence they would the exalted family, which felt a bit ridiculous at times, because although Frederick and Sumia were his friends, they were also his employees, which put them much closer to the gardener than they could ever be to Lissa and Robin. Still, the privacy was nice.
“Is it still difficult?,” Frederick asked.
“Not in the same way it used to be,” she answered. “She's my friend and I care deeply for her.”
“But?”
Sumia sighed.
“But it's everyone else too.”
They sat on a stone bench near the center of the small garden, and Frederick looked up at the squard of sky framed by the walls of the castle. Their friends all seemed to be pairing up in the last two years or so. Hell, even Henry, as creepy as he was, managed to find someone willing to marry him. They all still worked together, but the dynamic of the group had changed and Sumia and Frederick were being hit the hardest by it.
Still, he could tell there was something more bothering her. He wouldn't pressure her to say it, because he didn't have to. He'd give her a minute and she'd spill the beans, as she always did.
“I don't know,” she declared. “It's not just Chrom. It's this feeling of something missing.”
“What, you wish to be a mother? Because Robin is making pregnancy sound like a horrible experience.”
Sumia made a face at him. “No. I mean sure, someday, but that's not my point.”
She stood up suddenly, paced around in front of the bench for a few seconds, like she was talking herself into something. Frederick watched her anxious movement for a few minutes, knowing she had to get to her point in her head before telling him. She sighed heavily, and then turned back to look at him.
“Marry me.”
He frowned. “Excuse me?”
“Marry me. I'll give you a child, if that's something you wish for.”
Frederick didn't say anything at first, in part because he didn't want to say anything that'd make things worse, in part because the direction that the conversation had gone in was frankly confusing to him. He wasn't sure how, of all the things, she could've possibly said, she arrived at 'I'll give you a child' as the best possible option.
“Why?,” was what he managed to settle on.
Sumia knelt in front of the bench where he sat.
“Because a shared burden is easier to carry, and this one has gotten too heavy for me to carry alone. But I know you share in my pain, Frederick. I see the way you look at him. We might never love anyone else, but we can survive it together.”
She searched his face for any reaction, but Frederick was hard to read. They stayed like that for a good few minutes while he sorted out his thoughts.
Finally: “I don't want you to have a child if that's not something you want.”
“I just said I did. Five minutes ago.”
“Yes, but then you said it again as if it was a toll to pay. You don't have to give me anything, Sumia, you're my friend.”
Sumia stood up. “Is that a no?”
“It's a maybe,” he said. “It's a give me a few days. It's a let's both breathe for a moment here, okay?”
She bit her lower lip, then nodded. “You know where to find me.”
“I do.”
Frederick watched her leave the courtyard, now alone with the bushes and flowers and thoughts. He'd never thought about Sumia as a practical person, but that seemed like a practical solution to their problem. One that was fair to everyone involved, where they could both find companionship and understanding and a family, even if they couldn't find love. He just didn't know if that's how Sumia was seeing it. What if she was simply missing the forest for the trees, so blinded by her grief she couldn't see a future where she one day would come to resent him for saying yes?
He wished he had someone to discuss the situation with. He didn't. So he stayed in the garden, stared at the flowers, and thought.
…
Sumia opened the door, still in armor, grabbing for the spear resting against the wall. She wasn't expecting him with an answer, she was expecting him with a summons. Robin. It swiftly put Frederick back in his place. Whatever ailed them was secondary to their duty, and would always be. Him and Sumia were stuck together on that same boat, probably for the rest of their lives.
“She's fine,” he said. “She's taking a nap. Libra is with her.”
Sumia breathed out and relaxed, putting the spear back. She let Frederick into her quarters, the same she'd been living in since she joined the Shepherds. Most of the others had moved out at this point, but the two of them had no reason to leave, which is why Chrom had requested for the two of them specifically to take care of Robin. Sumia's living room was clean and tidy, the doors to the washroom and the bedroom closed. Besides the furniture being arranged a bit differently, it looked pretty much identical to Frederick's own. He supposed him and Sumia did have a bit in common besides the obvious heartbreak of it all.
They stood there, in front of the door, staring at each other for what felt like an eternity.
“I promise to be your companion, if you promise to be mine,” he said. “There's much I cannot promise. I cannot promise you my love, or that I will never love another, but neither can you. I can't promise to put always put you first in my priorities, but neither can you. But there's one thing that I can promise which is to be your friend and partner in whatever you may need me for.”
“It's all I want.”
“Someone to share the burden?”
She nodded.
“Yes. I reckon I can do that.”