Chapter Text
If someone were to ask Junior Panachai when he fell in love with Mark Jiruntanin, there would be no definite answer. Perhaps he had already fallen for him from the very beginning. He would simply reply,
"I think I've been in love with him for a long time. I just didn't realize it until this moment."
If time travel were real, what would Junior want to say to his past self?
"Hmm... You're going to fall in love, but it's going to cost you. But if it's him, I'd fall in love again and again..."
XX XX, 2025
The filming set of Perfect 10 Liners was exhausting yet exhilarating as the FaifaWine kissing scene was being filmed.
"How should we kiss? Should I just grab the back of your neck?" Junior asked as he demonstrated the movement.
He stood close to Mark, who had already closed his eyes by the time Junior's hand gently rested on the back of his neck. During those brief seconds, Junior took the opportunity to memorize every feature of Mark's face.
I never realized he was this beautiful... Even though we've kissed, I still want to taste his lips again. I want to keep kissing him until he can't catch his breath anymore.
"-Nior."
"P'Junior."
Junior blinked, snapping out of his thoughts. Embarrassed by the fact that he had just imagined making out with his acting partner, he quickly turned toward the director.
"Would that be okay, Phi? I think it'd work well with the scene," Junior joked as he offered his suggestion.
Then he hesitantly looked at Mark.
"Are you okay if I do it like that? Tell me if you're uncomfortable. I can change the way I hold you."
"I'm okay with it, Phi."
Mark gave him a small smile before lowering his gaze to memorize his script once more.
Same day later that evening
They rode back in silence, both exhausted after a long day of filming. Junior stared out the window until he suddenly felt a weight on his shoulder. Looking down, he found Mark fast asleep, his head resting against him.
Junior's heartbeat, which had been calm only moments before, suddenly became erratic at the sight.
Stay calm... Be calm.
Throughout the ride, he remained perfectly still, letting Mark rest peacefully on his shoulder until they arrived at Mark's apartment.
Junior gently shook Mark's shoulder.
"Mark, wake up... We've arrived."
Mark slowly opened his eyes and rubbed his right eye before noticing the position they were in.
"I'm sorry, Phi. I didn't realize I fell asleep on your shoulder."
Junior shook his head.
"Nah, it's fine. You can sleep on my shoulder anytime."
He flashed a toothy smile.
After dropping Mark off at home, Junior sat behind the wheel for a moment longer. The silence inside the car felt different now. He placed a hand over his chest, only to find his heart still racing, beating wildly as if it refused to calm down whenever Mark was near.
That was the day Junior Panachai realized he had fallen in love with Mark Jiruntanin.
XX XX ,2026
It was a normal day for Junior until, suddenly, it wasn't.
The shooting for Twenty One was going smoothly. Between takes, Junior stood alone against a wall, quietly memorizing his lines. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Great and Mark chatting with each other.
Mark laughed.
It was the same bright, carefree laugh Junior had grown so fond of.
Only this time, someone else was the reason for it.
It didn't feel right.
Without realizing it, Junior's gaze lingered on them. He watched every little movement, every smile, every glance. Then he noticed Mark's hand resting on Great's arm, lingering there just a little too long.
Something twisted painfully inside his chest.
His stomach churned, and a wave of nausea climbed up his throat. It felt as though invisible walls were closing in around him, trapping him inside a tiny box with no air left to breathe. His heartbeat pounded painfully against his ribs, while something deep inside him clawed its way upward, desperate to escape.
He doubled over, coughing violently.
The sound drew Mark's attention immediately.
"P'Junior?"
Concern spread across Mark's face as he hurried toward him, leaving Great in the middle of their conversation.
But before Mark could reach him, Junior turned and ran.
He rushed into the nearest restroom, locked himself inside a stall, and continued coughing until his chest burned.
Another violent cough tore through him.
Something soft brushed against his tongue.
His eyes widened.
He slowly cupped a hand over his mouth and coughed once more.
A delicate flower petal landed in his palm.
Junior stared at it in disbelief.
"...What the..."
His voice came out as nothing more than a whisper.
"A flower?"
He should have realized that was the first sign of his doom. The blood on his hand and the petal of a flower was a sign for him to stop chasing after his love but he didn't know.
He should have realized it was the first sign of his doom.
The blood staining his palm and the delicate flower petal resting beside it were a warning. A cruel omen telling him to stop chasing a love that would never be his.
But he didn't know.
Not yet.
He was so lost in his thoughts that the sound of someone knocking on the stall door startled him.
"P'Junior, are you all right?"
Shit.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I must've eaten something bad earlier."
"Do you want me to get you some medicine?"
"No need, Mark. Just give me a few minutes to clean myself up, okay?"
"Okay, Phi. I'll wait outside."
Junior quickly washed away the blood and the flower petals, making sure no trace of them remained. After splashing water on his face and taking a deep breath, he stepped out of the restroom.
True to his word, Mark was waiting outside.
The moment he saw Junior, he hurried over. His hands hovered uncertainly, as if he wanted to help but didn't know where to touch without overstepping.
"Are you really okay, Phi?"
Mark looked at him with so much concern in those beautiful brown eyes that Junior found himself frozen. They were standing so close that he could feel Mark's warmth, hear the softness in his voice.
Junior hated himself for how much he loved having Mark's attention on him.
A part of me wishes I were sick more often...
The thought disgusted him.
At this rate, I probably will be.
Junior gently took Mark's hands in his own and met his gaze. His heartbeat shot straight through the roof.
Stay calm. Be cool.
"I'm really okay. Don't worry so much, okay?"
He tilted his head and gave Mark the same warm smile he always wore whenever he spoke to his Nong.
Only this time, the smile never reached his eyes.
The moment was shattered by the sound of someone calling out to them.
"Junior! Mark! Are you guys okay?" Great's voice echoed down the hallway as he approached. "The director wants you both on set. We're filming the next scene."
Of all the times...
Junior let out a quiet sigh and reluctantly released Mark's hands.
"Okay, P'Great," Mark answered with an apologetic smile before turning back to Junior. "Can you walk?"
Junior chuckled softly, trying to lighten the mood.
"I only had a stomachache, Mark. It's not like I broke my legs."
"I know." Mark frowned, clearly unconvinced. "But you were coughing really badly."
"I'm fine."
"You don't look fine."
Junior almost laughed.
If only Mark knew how right he was.
The concern written across Mark's face made something inside Junior ache. He wanted to tell him the truth. He wanted to confess that his chest hurt for an entirely different reason. That the blood wasn't from food poisoning. That flower petals had somehow bloomed inside his lungs.
Instead, he swallowed every word.
"I'm okay," he repeated, softer this time.
Mark stared at him for another second before finally letting out a small sigh.
"...Promise?"
"I promise."
Only then did Mark seem willing to move.
As they started walking back toward the set, Junior felt Mark's fingers brush against his own.
He thought it was accidental.
Then, without a word, Mark slipped his hand into Junior's and intertwined their fingers.
Junior's breath caught.
His eyes widened ever so slightly as he looked down at their joined hands.
"Mark..."
"I'm not letting you go."
Mark didn't even look at him as he spoke. His attention remained fixed on the path ahead, as though holding Junior's hand was the most natural thing in the world.
"Not until I see with my own eyes that you're really okay."
Before Junior could respond, Mark gently tugged him forward.
The warmth of Mark's hand seeped into his own, soft and comforting.
It should have eased the pain in his chest.
Instead...
His heart hammered harder.
Each beat echoed painfully against his ribs.
Calm down.
Please... calm down.
He stole a glance at Mark's side profile. The younger man was talking to Great now, answering questions about the next scene. Every now and then, Mark tightened his grip slightly, as if checking that Junior was still following beside him.
The tiny gesture made Junior's chest tighten.
Don't do this.
Don't be so kind to me.
You're making it impossible for me to stop loving you.
By the time they reached the set, Junior had managed to compose himself. His usual bright smile returned, convincing everyone that he had recovered.
Everyone except himself.
No one noticed how he discreetly pressed a fist against his chest.
No one heard the painful crackle hidden beneath each breath.
No one knew that with every smile Mark gave him...
With every touch...
With every moment of hope he allowed himself to have...
The flowers rooted deeper inside his lungs, quietly blooming where his heart had once been enough.