Chapter Text
The last night in Japan ended louder than Wonyoung expected.
Not because she was surprised by the screams anymore.
After years of stages, flashing lightsticks, fan chants, cameras, and encore songs, she had learned how to stand in the middle of all that noise and smile like her heart was completely steady.
She had learned how to wave until her arms ached, how to laugh into the microphone when the members teased each other, and how to look straight into the sea of DIVE lights as if nothing in the world could touch her.
But that night felt different.
It was the end of their Japan stop before they had three short days off. After that, they would go back to vocal and dance practices, polishing the set then fly out again, this time to North America, where another string of schedules, concerts, interviews, and rehearsals would begin.
Three days.
To most people, it sounded short.
To them, it felt like a gift.
A small pause. A breath. A chance to see family, sleep in a real bed, eat home-cooked food, or simply be quiet without staff calling their names every few minutes.
The moment they returned to the hotel after the concert, everyone moved with tired bodies and happy faces.
Gaeul was already talking about going home to see her family.
Leeseo had been texting her parents with sleepy excitement.
Liz mentioned that her parents were coming up from Jeju to Seoul to visit her.
Rei had been smiling down at her phone for most of the ride back, probably messaging her family to visit since she was home.
Wonyoung had listened to everyone’s plans quietly.
She had plans too.
Well, she almost did.
She only had one real day off before a solo event pulled her back into schedule mode, but she had been thinking about asking Yujin to spend that day with her.
Just the two of them.
Maybe they could eat somewhere quiet.
Maybe they could walk around without cameras for once.
Maybe they could sit in the dorm and do nothing at all.
It sounded simple.
Too simple, maybe.
And still, Wonyoung had spent almost the entire flight to Japan from Auckland and Melbourne, the rehearsals, trying to decide if she should ask.
Because things between her and Yujin had been strange lately.
Not bad. Not exactly. Just distant.
And somehow that felt worse.
Yujin still checked on her during rehearsals. Still watched the members carefully on stage. Still switched into leader mode whenever something went wrong. She still smiled when cameras were around and still gave Wonyoung the same soft, proud look whenever Wonyoung did something well.
But it never lasted.
Not like before.
Before, Yujin used to look for her naturally. Sit beside her without thinking. Touch her arm when she laughed. Lean close to whisper random things only Wonyoung could hear. They used to be attached in a way that everyone accepted because it was just them.
Yujin and Wonyoung.
Leader and maknae line in the old days.
Best friends.
Partners through trainee years, through IZ*ONE memories, through debut pressure, through growing up in front of people who thought they knew everything about them.
But lately, Wonyoung felt like she was standing beside a version of Yujin who knew how to be kind to her, but no longer knew how to reach for her.
And she hated how much that hurt.
She hated it even more when she walked into the hotel room hallway after the concert and heard Rei’s voice from the open door of Yujin’s room.
“Unnie, if we go early, we can probably ride more things before it gets too crowded.”
Yujin laughed. That familiar, bright laugh.
“Early? Rei, we just finished three concerts.”
“But it’s Disneyland.”
“That’s your argument?”
“It’s a good argument.”
Wonyoung stopped walking.
She didn’t mean to. Her body just paused for half a second before she forced herself to move again.
Inside the room, Yujin was sitting on the edge of the bed with her phone in her hand, hair still slightly damp from the shower. Rei stood near her, leaning over to look at the screen as they planned their day together.
Their Disneyland day.
Wonyoung’s fingers tightened around the handle of her luggage.
She had not even asked Yujin yet.
She had spent days thinking about it, turning the idea over and over in her head until it became too heavy. And somehow, while she had been silently preparing herself to be brave, Yujin had already made other plans.
With Rei.
Wonyoung swallowed.
It was not fair to be upset. She knew that. Rei missed her family, missed her home, and had every right to stay behind in Tokyo for a little longer. Yujin had every right to spend time with her.
They were members. Sisters. Friends.
There was nothing wrong with it.
Nothing at all.
So Wonyoung smiled when Yujin glanced up and noticed her.
“Wonyoung-ah,” Yujin said, still smiling. “You’re packing already?”
Wonyoung nodded. “I don’t want to rush tomorrow.”
“Right.” Yujin looked like she wanted to say something more, but Rei pointed at the screen again, excited.
“Unnie, look. This one too.”
Yujin’s attention dropped back to the phone.
Just like that.
Wonyoung’s smile stayed in place.
“Have fun tomorrow,” she said softly.
Yujin looked up again. “Thanks.”
Rei smiled at her too. “We’ll bring back something cute.”
Wonyoung forced out a small laugh. “Don’t spend too much.”
Then she turned away before either of them could see her face change.
In her room, she packed slowly.
Too slowly.
She folded clothes that had already been folded.
She checked her makeup pouch three times.
She arranged her chargers, skincare, and accessories with more attention than necessary.
Anything to keep herself busy.
Anything to stop herself from listening to Yujin and Rei talking through the wall.
It was not even loud. Their voices were muffled, soft, and tired, but Wonyoung still caught pieces of it.
A laugh.
A place name.
A time.
Yujin’s voice saying, “Okay, okay, we’ll go.”
Wonyoung zipped her luggage shut with more force than she meant to.
On the other side of the room, Liz looked up from where she was sitting on her bed.
She had been quiet for a while too.
Too quiet.
Wonyoung noticed the way Liz’s eyes shifted toward the wall, then back to her own half-packed bag.
Liz had been hoping Rei would fly back with them. Wonyoung knew that without needing to ask. Liz never said much about her feelings out loud, but Wonyoung knew her well enough.
She knew the small change in Liz’s expression whenever Rei stood too close to someone else.
Knew the way Liz became a little softer when Rei praised her.
Knew the careful way she loved, as if she was afraid holding too tightly would make the other person run.
They were alike in that way.
Too careful.
Too quiet.
Too willing to pretend.
“You’re done?” Liz asked softly.
Wonyoung nodded. “Almost.”
Liz looked at the luggage. “That looks very done.”
Wonyoung smiled weakly. “Then I’m done.”
Liz stared at her for another second but did not push.
That was what Wonyoung liked about her. Liz noticed things, but she did not force them into the open.
The next morning, the group split apart in pieces.
Gaeul left first, cheerful despite her sleepy eyes.
Leeseo followed soon after, dragging her suitcase while talking excitedly to someone on the phone.
Liz and Wonyoung prepared to fly back to Seoul with staff, while Yujin and Rei stayed behind in Tokyo.
At the airport, Wonyoung kept her sunglasses on.
It made things easier.
Yujin walked beside Rei a few steps ahead, holding a small bag over one shoulder. Rei was showing her something on her phone again, and Yujin bent slightly to look, her smile easy and relaxed.
Wonyoung looked away.
Liz stood beside her.
Neither of them said anything.
When it was time to separate, Rei hugged Liz first.
“I’ll see you at the dorm,” Rei said.
Liz smiled. “Have fun.”
“I will.” Rei paused, then added, “Tell your parents I said hi when they come.”
Liz’s smile became a little more real. “I will.”
Yujin turned to Wonyoung.
For a second, they just looked at each other.
Wonyoung wondered if Yujin could tell.
If she could see the disappointment sitting under Wonyoung’s calm expression.
If she knew Wonyoung had wanted to ask her first.
If she knew Wonyoung had been carrying this strange ache in her chest for months, pretending it was nothing because she did not want to ruin what they already had.
“Text when you land,” Yujin said.
Leader mode.
Caring, responsible, safe.
Wonyoung nodded. “You too. Don’t lose Rei in Disneyland.”
Yujin laughed. “I’ll try not to.”
Rei gasped. “Excuse me, I’m the guide here.”
Yujin looked at Rei and smiled again.
Wonyoung felt something inside her close.
She smiled one last time, then turned toward the gate with Liz.
The flight back to Seoul was quiet.
Liz slept for most of it, or at least pretended to. Wonyoung stared out the window, watching the clouds pass underneath them. Her phone sat in her lap, screen dark. She wanted to check. Wanted to see if Yujin had posted anything, or if Rei had sent anything to the group chat.
She wanted to know and did not want to know at the same time.
So she did nothing.
When they arrived in Seoul that afternoon, Wonyoung went straight to see her parents and Da-ah.
She told herself it would help.
Family usually helped. Her mother’s warm food, her father’s quiet questions, Da-ah’s familiar teasing. Their home had a way of making Wonyoung feel like she was allowed to be someone other than Jang Wonyoung of IVE.
Just Wonyoung.
A daughter. A sister. Someone who could sit at the table and eat slowly without thinking about cameras.
But even there, her mind wandered.
During dinner, her mother asked about the concert. Wonyoung answered politely. Her father asked if she was tired. She said she was fine. Da-ah watched her from across the table with knowing eyes, but she did not say anything.
That almost made Wonyoung feel worse.
Because Da-ah knew. She had known for a long time.
Wonyoung never had to say Yujin’s name for her sister to understand.
Da-ah had seen the way Wonyoung checked her phone whenever Yujin texted.
The way her mood shifted when Yujin praised her.
The way she tried to act unaffected whenever Yujin became close to someone else.
At one point, while their parents were talking in the living room, Da-ah stood beside Wonyoung in the kitchen.
“You’re quiet,” Da-ah said.
“I’m tired.”
“I didn’t ask if you were tired.”
Wonyoung looked down at the glass of water in her hand.
Da-ah leaned against the counter. “You don’t have to talk about it.”
“Good,” Wonyoung whispered.
“But you also don’t have to act like you’re okay all the time.”
Wonyoung smiled, but it barely reached her eyes. “I’m good at it.”
“That’s what worries me.”
For a moment, Wonyoung wanted to say something.
She wanted to tell her sister that Yujin felt far away.
That she missed her even when they were in the same room.
That she hated being jealous of Rei because Rei had done nothing wrong.
That she hated herself a little for wanting Yujin’s attention so badly when Yujin already carried so much as their leader.
But the words stayed stuck.
So she only said, “I know.”
Da-ah studied her, then reached over and gently squeezed her arm.
Wonyoung looked away before her eyes could burn.
The next day passed quickly.
Too quickly for a day off.
Wonyoung spent time with her family, rested as much as she could, and prepared for her solo event. She smiled when she needed to, spoke when people asked questions, and looked polished in the way everyone expected from her.
Every now and then, her phone lit up.
The group chat.
A photo of Rei holding a snack.
A blurry picture of Yujin wearing a poncho under the rain, laughing.
A message from Rei saying, We’re alive!
A reply from Gaeul saying, Don’t get lost.
A message from Leeseo asking for souvenirs.
Wonyoung reacted with a heart then she put her phone down.
She did not look at the pictures longer than necessary.
On the last day of their break, Wonyoung returned to the dorm earlier than expected.
The dorm was quiet when she opened the door.
Too quiet.
After weeks of hotels, concert venues, vans, airports, and dressing rooms, the silence almost felt strange.
Familiar shoes were missing from the entrance.
The living room lights were off.
The kitchen was clean, except for a few things left near the sink.
Wonyoung dragged her suitcase inside and placed it near her room.
Not long after, the front door opened again.
Liz stepped in, carrying her bag and a small paper bag of snacks her parents had sent with her.
“Wow,” Liz said as she looked around. “This is rare. Us being back in the dorm before Gaeul-unnie?”
Wonyoung came out of her room after placing her coat inside. “She said in our group chat that she’ll arrive later tonight. Leeseo should arrive around the same time.”
Liz nodded and slipped off her shoes. “Right.”
She carried the snacks to the kitchen counter, then glanced at Wonyoung carefully.
“Yujin-unnie and Rei should be back in Seoul later as well,” Liz said. “Looked like they had fun on their Disneyland date.”
Wonyoung knew Liz had chosen that word on purpose.
Date.
Not because Liz was being cruel. She would never be. She was testing the water, gently touching the bruise to see how deep it went.
Wonyoung walked to the fridge and opened it.
The cold air brushed against her face.
“Yeah,” she said, voice calm. “It looked fun.”
She stared at the bottles inside the fridge without really seeing them.
A friendly date, she reminded herself.
A sister date.
Nothing more.
But her chest still tightened.
Because it was not really about Disneyland.
It was not about Rei.
It was not even about Yujin spending one day with someone else.
It was about the fact that Yujin used to choose her.
Without Wonyoung asking nor begging.
Yujin used to notice when she was quiet.
Used to sit beside her in waiting rooms.
Used to ask if she had eaten.
Used to link their arms while walking, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Now Wonyoung had to wonder if asking for one day together would make her seem needy.
She hated that.
“Won?” Liz called softly.
Wonyoung blinked. She realized she had been standing in front of the open fridge for too long.
“You okay?” Liz asked.
“Huh?” Wonyoung turned slightly. “Oh. Yeah. Yeah, just thought of something.”
Her eyes landed on an unopened bottle of soju, then a few cans of beer behind it. They must have been left from the last time the members had eaten together at the dorm.
Before she could think better of it, Wonyoung reached for them.
“Jiwon-ah,” she said, “want to drink with me for a bit?”
Liz’s eyes widened slightly.
Wonyoung did not usually ask that. Especially not when they had schedules again the next day. She liked wine sometimes, or a small drink during gatherings, but soju and beer in the dorm on a quiet night was not her usual style.
Still, Liz understood.
Maybe that was why she did not tease her.
Instead, she smiled softly.
“Sure,” Liz said. “Why not?”
Wonyoung took out two tall glasses and placed them on the dining table. She mixed the drinks carefully, pouring soju first, then beer, watching the bubbles rise as if they were more interesting than her own thoughts.
Liz sat across from her.
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
Then Wonyoung pushed one glass toward Liz.
Liz accepted it.
They tapped their glasses together lightly.
The taste was sharp at first, then strangely comforting. Wonyoung swallowed and felt the warmth spread down her throat, settling in her chest.
It felt good.
Not enough to erase anything.
But enough to make breathing a little easier.
Liz took a smaller sip and watched her.
“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Liz began softly, “but I know why you suddenly asked to drink.”
Wonyoung looked at the glass in her hand.
“We don’t have to talk about it,” Liz continued. “But I just want you to know you can vent to me, Won.”
Wonyoung ran her finger slowly along the side of the glass. A bead of condensation rolled under her touch.
The point of drinking had been to forget.
To stop thinking.
To make the jealousy feel less ugly inside her.
But Liz was sitting across from her with the same kind of sadness hidden behind her gentle eyes, and Wonyoung knew she was not the only one hurting.
So after a long pause, she asked quietly, “How do you do it, Jiwon-ah?”
Liz tilted her head. “How do I do what?”
“How do you look okay and still manage to like Rei even though she spends most of her time with Yujin?”
Liz froze for half a second.
Then she looked down at her drink with a small, helpless smile.
“Ah,” she said. “That.”
Wonyoung looked up at her.
Liz took another sip before answering.
“Well, you know me. I’m not really a confrontational person.” She gave a soft laugh, but it sounded a little sad. “I don’t want to put Rei in an uncomfortable position, since we’re not really together.”
“But you both like each other.”
Liz’s smile faded a little.
“I know,” she said. “But we can’t really act on that, right?”
Wonyoung did not answer.
Liz continued, quieter this time.
“I’m content with what Rei and I can be. Or at least, I try to be. It doesn’t mean I don’t get jealous. I just learned how to deal with it.”
Wonyoung stared at her.
There was something painful about hearing Liz say it so calmly.
As if jealousy was just another schedule she had learned to manage.
A feeling to fold neatly and place somewhere no one could see.
“Well,” Wonyoung said, voice softer, “at least she likes you back.”
Liz looked at her immediately. “Yujin-unnie likes you too, you know.”
Wonyoung snorted before she could stop herself.
“Yeah, sure.” She lifted her glass. “As her younger sister or friend, maybe.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”
Wonyoung shook her head.
“She can’t even look me in the eye for more than five seconds unless she’s in leader mode.” Her voice stayed calm, but her fingers tightened around the glass. “We haven’t hung out with just the two of us in months. If Yujin felt the same way as I do, I think I would’ve recognized it by now.”
Liz pressed her lips together.
“Fair point,” she admitted. “Maybe she’s just good at hiding her feelings, no?”
“I don’t know.”
Wonyoung leaned back in her chair, staring at the table.
The dorm lights were warm above them. Outside, Seoul moved on like it always did. Cars passed somewhere below. Someone laughed faintly in the hallway. Everything felt normal, and that made the heaviness inside her feel even lonelier.
“I just…” Wonyoung swallowed. “I hate that I feel jealous.”
Liz said nothing.
“I love Rei as my sister,” Wonyoung continued. “I really do. She didn’t do anything wrong. But sometimes I wish I could get the same attention she’s getting from Yujin.”
Her voice cracked slightly at the end, and she hated it.
She looked away.
“I know that sounds pathetic,” she whispered. “I’m trying really hard not to be like this.”
“It’s not pathetic,” Liz said immediately.
Wonyoung looked at her.
Liz’s expression was gentle but firm.
“You love Yujin-unnie,” she said. “And it’s normal to feel that way. It’s just…” She hesitated. “Nothing is really going to change unless you say something to her.”
Wonyoung gave a small, bitter smile.
“And what? Make things weirder than it already is between us?” She shook her head. “Not a chance.”
“Won…”
“I don’t want to be a burden on her,” Wonyoung said, a little faster now, like if she stopped, she might lose courage. “She’s already going through so much pressure being our leader. The least I can do is support her and be there for her when she needs me.”
Liz watched her quietly.
Wonyoung downed the rest of her drink.
The alcohol burned, but she welcomed it.
“I’m taking these feelings with me to the grave,” she said, placing the empty glass down. “And that’s that.”
Liz’s face softened with sadness.
She knew Wonyoung meant it.
That was the worst part.
Wonyoung was the type to endure things quietly.
She would rather let herself hurt than make someone she loved uncomfortable.
She would smile beautifully, do her work perfectly, and convince everyone she was fine until even she started to believe the lie.
“Want another one?” Wonyoung asked.
She started to stand before Liz could answer, but the moment she pushed herself up, the room tilted slightly.
“Oh.”
Her hand grabbed the back of the chair, and she stumbled back into her seat.
Liz chuckled, though her eyes were still worried.
“No, I think we’re good,” Liz said as she stood. “You don’t normally drink soju and beer, so I know you’re tipsy now.”
“I’m not tipsy.”
“Won. It was a tall glass of somaek.”
Wonyoung blinked up at her.
Liz raised an eyebrow.
Wonyoung sighed. “Okay, maybe a little buzzed.”
Liz laughed softly and collected both empty glasses from the table.
“Go to your room and lie down for a bit,” she said. “I’ll bring you some water to sober up.”
Wonyoung nodded slowly.
“Okay.” She stood more carefully this time. “Thanks for drinking with me, Jiwon.”
Liz smiled at her. “Anytime.”
Wonyoung turned and walked toward her room, one hand lightly touching the wall as she went. She was not drunk, not really, but her body felt warmer and heavier than before. Her thoughts were still there, still loud, but they had become softer around the edges.
At her door, she paused.
For a brief second, she looked back at Liz.
Liz was standing by the sink now, rinsing the glasses quietly under the running water. Her shoulders looked a little tired. Her face looked thoughtful.
Wonyoung wondered if Liz was thinking about Rei.
Maybe they really were the same.
Two people loving quietly from the side, pretending friendship was enough because wanting more felt too dangerous.
Wonyoung opened her bedroom door.
“Jiwon-ah,” she called softly.
Liz turned off the water and looked at her. “Hm?”
Wonyoung gave her a small, honest smile.
“I hope Rei comes back with something special for you.”
Liz’s expression changed.
For a second, she looked surprised. Then touched. Then a little shy.
She smiled back.
“I hope Yujin-unnie does too,” Liz said.
Wonyoung’s smile trembled, but she held it.
Then she stepped into her room and closed the door behind her.
Liz stayed in the kitchen.
She dried the glasses, placed them back where they belonged, and reached for a bottle of water from the fridge.
The dorm was quiet again.
For now.
For a moment, she stayed by the sink with both hands resting on the edge of the counter.
She glanced toward Wonyoung’s closed bedroom door, then at the empty glasses.
She knew Wonyoung was not drunk, not badly, but she was definitely tipsy. And if Liz knew anything about Wonyoung, it was that Wonyoung would wake up with a headache if she did not drink enough water before sleeping.
She was about to head toward Wonyoung’s room when she heard the front door open.
The sound made her pause.
She turned toward the entrance, expecting either Gaeul or Leeseo to walk in with their luggage, probably tired and loud in their own ways.
But instead, Yujin and Rei stepped inside.
Both of them had luggage with them, along with tote bags hanging from their arms. The bags had the Disneyland logo printed on the front, and even from where Liz stood, she could see a few cute keychains and wrapped souvenirs peeking out.
“Oh,” Liz said, surprised. She walked toward them with the bottled water still in her hand. “I didn’t expect you guys to be back sooner.”
Rei looked up first, smiling despite how tired she looked.
“Yeah, the weather was terrible yesterday while we were at Disneyland,” she said, carefully pulling her luggage inside. “It was raining nonstop.”
Liz quickly stepped forward to help her with the bag.
“And it was still raining heavily when we left Rei’s parents’ house earlier,” Yujin added as she closed the door behind them. She pushed her damp hair back from her forehead and sighed. “I’m glad our flight wasn’t delayed.”
Rei nodded. “Same. I was already imagining us getting stuck there for hours.”
“At least you had fun before the rain got worse,” Liz said softly.
Rei’s smile became brighter. “We did.”
Liz smiled back.
For a second, the tiredness in her chest loosened.
Then Yujin looked around the dorm.
“Are the members here already?”
“Not yet,” Liz answered. “Just me and Wonyoung.”
Yujin’s expression changed immediately.
“Oh, Wony’s here already?” she asked, her voice becoming more curious.
Liz nodded. “Yeah. She’s in her room. I told her to lie down for a bit.”
Yujin’s brows pulled together.
“Is she not feeling okay?” she asked quickly. “Does she have a fever?”
The worry in her voice came out so naturally that Liz almost stared at her.
Almost.
She quickly waved it off.
“No, nothing like that,” she said. “She’s just, uh…”
Liz stopped.
Her mouth stayed slightly open, but no words came out.
She mentally slapped herself.
She had not meant to reveal anything. She definitely had not meant to let Yujin know that she and Wonyoung had been drinking. Not because it was a huge issue, but because Wonyoung would absolutely know that Liz had said something.
And Wonyoung would kill her.
Yujin’s eyes narrowed slightly.
“She’s what, Jiwon?” she asked.
Liz swallowed.
“Oh God,” she whispered to herself, barely loud enough to hear. “Wonyoung’s going to kill me.”
Yujin was still looking at her, waiting.
Rei glanced between them, her excitement fading into concern.
“What happened, Jiwon-ah?” Rei asked this time.
Liz looked at Rei, then at Yujin, then down at the bottled water in her hand.
“Well, uhm…” She cleared her throat. “We had some drinks. You know, to relieve stress. Not a lot since we have a schedule tomorrow, but…”
“What kind of drinks, Kim Jiwon?” Yujin asked.
Liz froze.
Rei’s eyes widened a little at the full name.
Liz gave Yujin a nervous smile.
“Uhm…” She shifted on her feet. “Somaek.”
Yujin stared at her.
“It wasn’t a lot, unnie, I promise,” Liz quickly added. “Just one glass each. Well, a tall glass, but still not a lot.”
Yujin sighed, running a hand through her hair.
“Wonyoung doesn’t drink well with mixed drinks,” she said. “She gets headaches.”
“I know, I know,” Liz said quickly. “But I couldn’t say no. She needed it.”
Yujin’s expression sharpened.
“For what?” she asked. “Did something happen?”
Liz opened her mouth. Then closed it.
You and Rei went on a Disneyland date, that’s what happened.
The words sat right on her tongue.
She wanted to say it.
Not to hurt Yujin.
Not to accuse her.
But because part of Liz wanted their leader to understand that Wonyoung had been hurting, that the distance between them had been obvious to everyone except maybe the two people standing inside it.
But Wonyoung had trusted her.
They both carried secrets that were too delicate to hand over to someone else, even if that someone else was the reason for the pain.
Liz could not betray that.
So she looked away and forced herself to answer carefully.
“Oh, uhm, nothing like that,” she said. “I think she was just tired and wanted to let loose. She’s okay. I was just about to give her this bottled water before you guys came in.”
Yujin glanced at the bottle. Then she held her hand out.
Liz looked at her hand, already knowing what she wanted.
“I can give it to her,” Yujin said. “I want to check on her anyway.”
Liz hesitated for half a second.
Yujin noticed.
Their leader’s face softened a little.
“Jiwon-ah,” Yujin said, quieter this time. “I’m not upset.”
Liz let out a small breath.
She handed her the bottled water.
Yujin took it, fingers wrapping around the cold plastic.
Liz watched her closely.
There was no annoyance on Yujin’s face. No judgment. No leader-like disappointment.
Just worry.
Real worry.
The kind that made Liz’s chest feel strange, because if Yujin cared this much, then why was it so hard for her to show it properly when Wonyoung was awake and waiting for it?
They moved into the living room, leaving their luggage near the side for now.
Rei tugged lightly on Liz’s sleeve.
“Come with me to my room, Jiwon-ah,” Rei said, her voice brightening again. “I bought some cute souvenirs for you, and I want to show you now.”
Liz’s face lit up before she could stop it.
“For me?”
Rei nodded excitedly. “Of course. I got you something really nice, I especially picked it for you.”
Liz smiled, suddenly looking much less tired.
“Okay,” she said, nodding quickly.
Rei grinned and began pulling Liz gently toward her room.
Yujin watched them for a second, then spoke before they could disappear down the hallway.
“Keep the noise down so Wonyoung can rest,” she said.
Rei stopped and turned back with a small pout. “We will.”
Yujin looked at Liz next.
“I have some stuff for you too, Jiwon, and the members,” she added. “I’ll give them to you later after I check on Wony.”
Liz smiled gratefully.
“Okay. Thank you, unnie.”
Then she paused.
Her eyes moved to the bottled water in Yujin’s hand.
“And…” Liz hesitated. “Take care of Wonyoung. Please don’t scold her for drinking. Just take it out on me. It’s my fault too for not stopping her.”
Yujin shook her head immediately.
“I’m not scolding anyone,” she said. “It’s okay. I know you can handle your alcohol, and I’ll make sure Wonyoung is taken care of.”
Liz still looked guilty.
Yujin’s voice softened again.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “Go on, you two.”
Rei smiled and gently pulled Liz again.
“Come on.”
Liz finally nodded and followed her.
The two of them entered Rei’s room, closing the door softly behind them.
The dorm fell quiet again.
Yujin stood alone in the living room.
The bottled water was cold in her hand.
Her luggage sat near the entrance. The Disneyland tote bags rested beside it, filled with souvenirs she had carefully picked out for the members. There was one item in particular, wrapped neatly at the bottom of her bag, that she had chosen for Wonyoung after thinking about it for too long.
She looked toward Wonyoung’s closed bedroom door.
A small frown settled on her face.
Wonyoung had been drinking.
Wonyoung, who always tried to keep herself composed.
Wonyoung, who rarely let herself look weak in front of anyone.
Wonyoung, who smiled beautifully even when Yujin knew she was exhausted.
Yujin tightened her grip slightly around the bottle.
Something must have happened.
Maybe Liz was telling the truth.
Maybe Wonyoung was just tired and wanted to let loose after the the last three concerts.
Maybe it was nothing serious.
But Yujin knew Wonyoung.
At least, she used to think she did.
And lately, that thought had been bothering her more than she wanted to admit.
Because Wonyoung had felt farther away too.
Not cold. Not exactly.
Just careful.
Like she was always measuring the space between them before stepping closer.
Yujin exhaled slowly.
She did not like it.
She did not like not knowing what Wonyoung was thinking. She did not like realizing that Wonyoung had come back to the dorm, had drinks with Liz, had gone to her room feeling unwell, and Yujin had not been there to notice any of it.
Leader mode, she told herself.
That was all this was.
She was worried because she was the leader.
Because Wonyoung was her member.
Her friend.
Her Wonyoung.
Yujin’s eyes stayed on the bedroom door.
The dorm remained still around her.
Then, with the bottled water in hand, she took one quiet step toward Wonyoung’s room and stood in front of the door for a few quiet seconds.
She could hear faint movement from inside, maybe the soft rustle of blankets, maybe nothing at all. The dorm around her stayed silent, except for the muffled sound of Rei’s excited voice from her room and Liz’s softer laugh answering her.
Yujin looked down at the water bottle, then back at Wonyoung’s door.
She lifted her hand and knocked softly.
No answer.
She waited a few seconds, then knocked again, just as gentle.
This time, she heard Wonyoung’s voice.
“Come in.”
It sounded soft.
Tired.
A little lower than usual.
Yujin’s chest tightened before she even opened the door.
She turned the handle carefully and stepped inside.
Wonyoung’s room was dim, lit only by the small lamp near her bed. Her suitcase was pushed near the wall, half-opened but mostly unpacked. A jacket hung over the chair. Her phone rested facedown on the side table.
And Wonyoung was lying on the bed, turned sideways with her back facing the door.
She was curled slightly under the blanket, hair spread messily over her pillow, one hand tucked under her cheek. She looked smaller like this.
Softer. Far from the perfect image everyone always saw.
Yujin quietly closed the door behind her.
Before she could say anything, Wonyoung spoke first.
“Just place the water on the side table, Jiwon-ah,” she mumbled. “Thank you.”
Yujin froze.
Wonyoung thought she was Liz.
For a second, Yujin opened her mouth to correct her.
But Wonyoung continued before she could.
“My head hurts already,” Wonyoung said with a small, tired chuckle. “It’s so annoying I’m like this when it comes to drinking.”
Yujin looked at the water bottle in her hand, then at Wonyoung’s back.
Slowly, she walked closer and placed the bottle on the side table.
Wonyoung did not turn around.
“But we both needed it, right?” Wonyoung continued, voice sleepy and loose in a way Yujin had rarely heard before. “But what was I thinking?”
She let out a soft breath.
“Thinking drinking would make me forget about how jealous I am.”
Yujin’s entire body stilled.
Jealous?
Her hand stayed near the water bottle.
Of what?
Of who?
Yujin did not move. She could not.
Her mind started racing, but her feet stayed glued to the floor.
Wonyoung shifted slightly under the blanket, still facing away from her.
“The worst part is, Yujin doesn’t even know,” she whispered.
Yujin’s heart dropped.
“And Rei doesn’t even know you’re jealous of them too.”
Wonyoung let out a small, bitter laugh.
“What’s wrong with us, really? We’re mastering this pretending in front of them very well.” She paused, then added in a quieter voice, “I’m lowkey proud of us.”
Yujin stopped breathing for a second.
The room suddenly felt too small.
Too warm.
Too quiet.
She stared at Wonyoung’s back, shocked by every word leaving her mouth.
Wonyoung was jealous.
Of her and Rei.
Liz was jealous too.
And neither of them had said anything.
Yujin’s mind flashed back to earlier.
Liz standing in the living room, nervous, holding the bottled water like she had been caught doing something wrong.
Liz saying Wonyoung had needed to drink.
Liz refusing to explain why.
Now Yujin knew. Or at least, she was starting to.
And it hurt more than she expected.
Wonyoung’s voice came again, softer this time.
“I just miss her so much, Jiwon-ah.”
Yujin’s throat tightened.
“Miss how we used to be.”
The words landed heavily in Yujin’s chest.
She had missed it too.
She had missed Wonyoung sitting too close to her in waiting rooms.
Missed Wonyoung leaning on her shoulder during long car rides.
Missed the way Wonyoung used to look for her without hesitation, as if Yujin was someone she could always come back to.
But Yujin had been afraid.
At first, it was small.
A glance that lasted too long.
A touch that made her heart beat too fast.
A smile from Wonyoung that made everything else around them blur for half a second.
Then it became worse.
Wonyoung grew up beautifully. Not just in the way everyone noticed, but in quieter ways too.
She became stronger, sharper, softer in private, more careful with her words but still so warm when she allowed herself to be.
She became someone Yujin could not look at without feeling something she was not supposed to feel.
Something more than friendship.
Something more than being members.
Something more than leader and younger member.
And because Yujin did not know what to do with that feeling, she had stepped back.
A little at first.
Then more.
She told herself it was for Wonyoung’s sake.
That she was protecting their friendship.
That she was making sure Wonyoung would never feel uncomfortable around her.
But hearing Wonyoung now, hearing how much that distance had hurt her, made Yujin feel like she had done the exact opposite.
“You’re lucky Rei still clings to you,” Wonyoung mumbled, her voice trembling a little. “But the only skin-ship I get from Yujin nowadays is when we hold each other’s hand in choreography and bowing after our concert.”
Yujin shut her eyes.
Wonyoung gave another quiet, sad laugh.
“And not because she wants to. We have to. They’re part of the script.”
Her voice dropped.
“I get scripted touches from Yujin, and it’s ridiculous how much I always look forward to them.”
Yujin’s heart twisted painfully.
She wanted to say something.
She wanted to sit beside Wonyoung and tell her that none of it was because she stopped caring.
That she had never stopped wanting to be close to her.
That every time she pulled away, it hurt her too.
That every hand-hold in choreography, every bow, every accidental brush of their shoulders, every moment she allowed herself to stand near Wonyoung felt like both a relief and a punishment.
But Wonyoung still thought she was Liz.
And Yujin knew that if she spoke now, Wonyoung would panic.
So she stayed silent.
Wonyoung sighed into her pillow.
“Anyway, I know you’ve heard enough of my venting. That’s why you’re quiet.”
Yujin swallowed hard.
“I’m just gonna nap really quick,” Wonyoung continued. “Wake me up when the others get here, okay?”
There was a small pause.
“I hope we don’t get in trouble with Yujin for drinking,” she added with one last sleepy chuckle. “But she doesn’t have to know.”
Yujin almost laughed.
Almost.
But it came out as nothing more than a shaky breath.
Wonyoung shifted again, pulling the blanket closer to herself.
A few seconds passed.
Then a minute.
Her breathing slowly evened out, soft and steady. The tension in her shoulders disappeared little by little, until she finally drifted into sleep.
Yujin remained standing beside the bed.
She looked at Wonyoung for a long time.
The water bottle sat untouched on the side table. Wonyoung’s hair covered part of her face. Her hand was curled near her cheek, relaxed now that sleep had taken over.
Yujin’s chest ached.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Wonyoung did not move.
Yujin sat carefully on the edge of the bed.
The mattress dipped slightly under her weight, but Wonyoung stayed asleep. Yujin reached out slowly, hesitating for a second before gently brushing Wonyoung’s hair away from her face.
Her fingers were light.
Careful.
Wonyoung looked peaceful now, but Yujin could not stop hearing her voice.
I just miss her so much.
Miss how we used to be.
Yujin pressed her lips together.
She missed it too.
More than Wonyoung knew.
She missed being brave enough to reach for her without overthinking every move.
Missed holding her hand just because she wanted to.
Missed being the first person Wonyoung looked for after a hard schedule.
She had thought distance would make things safer.
Instead, it had made both of them lonely.
Yujin’s hand moved softly through Wonyoung’s hair, smoothing it down with slow, gentle strokes.
“It wasn’t because I didn’t want to,” she whispered, though Wonyoung could not hear her. “I wanted to too much.”
The confession disappeared into the quiet room.
It did not feel like enough.
Touching Wonyoung’s hair did not feel like enough.
Sitting at the edge of her bed like a visitor did not feel like enough.
Not after months of making Wonyoung feel like she had to wait for scripted touches and stolen seconds.
Yujin looked down at her.
Then, carefully, she shifted onto the bed.
She moved slowly, giving Wonyoung every chance to wake up, but Wonyoung only sighed softly in her sleep. Yujin lay down behind her, close enough to feel the warmth of her body but careful not to crowd her.
For a moment, Yujin hesitated.
Then she wrapped one arm around Wonyoung’s waist.
Gently.
Protectively.
Like she was holding something precious.
Wonyoung stirred.
Yujin immediately froze.
But instead of pulling away, Wonyoung’s body relaxed.
Even asleep, she leaned back into Yujin’s warmth, fitting herself closer as if her body recognized who was behind her before her mind could.
Yujin’s heart softened so much it hurt.
A small smile touched her lips.
“Still know me, huh?” she whispered.
Wonyoung only breathed quietly in response.
Yujin tightened her arm around her just a little, then leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Wonyoung’s temple.
It was barely there.
A quiet apology.
A promise.
Tomorrow, Wonyoung would wake up and probably panic.
She would wonder how Yujin ended up in her bed.
She would overthink every word she remembered saying.
She might get embarrassed, maybe even try to avoid the conversation completely.
Yujin knew Wonyoung too well.
And Yujin would have to explain herself.
Properly this time.
She would have to tell Wonyoung why she had pulled away.
She would have to admit that the distance had never been because
Wonyoung mattered less, but because she mattered too much.
She would have to be honest, even if her voice shook. Even if it changed everything.
But not tonight.
Tonight, Wonyoung had a headache.
Tonight, she was tired.
Tonight, she had finally let out the feelings she had been hiding for too long.
So tonight, Yujin would simply stay.
She would make sure Wonyoung drank water when she woke up.
She would make sure she rested.
She would make sure she did not feel alone, even if she did not know it yet.
Yujin rested her cheek lightly against the back of Wonyoung’s head and closed her eyes.
“I missed you too,” she whispered.
Wonyoung shifted closer in her sleep.
Yujin smiled again, softer this time.
Outside the room, the dorm stayed quiet.
And for the first time in months, Yujin let herself hold Wonyoung like she had wanted to all along.
— — —