Chapter Text
(takes place in late-ish 2000s during the In Rainbows era cus the game came out then, so why not?)
If you were to ask any of the mercs what Ms. Pauling’s favorite music artist is, the last thing you would expect them to say, or even Ms. Pauling to say
…is Radiohead.
It’s a beautiful day in glorious Tuefort. The birds are getting burnt alive by Pyro, Heavy eats his sandvich, and Scout is admiring his non-existent biceps. But, today is special. Ms. Pauling won 10 tickets to a Radiohead concert from a sweepstakes that she may have given her social security number to, but hey! It was worth it! And since she somehow convinced the Administrator to give her and the Mercs time off, it was time for them to pack their bags in the next 3 hours or else they will be late!
But… where..? (You may say…)
I knew you would ask that! Of course, they are taking a one-way ticket to Oxford! The very hometown of Radiohead! Now, all she has to do is break the news to them, and they will all start packing! Right..?
The first question came quick, coming from Spy. “Who is this… Radiohead you speak of?” Followed up by Scout saying “It’s a band you dumbass! It’s not just one person!” More and more questions get thrown around, until Soldier finally says the big question, or at least, in his mind. “Is Radiohead an army of true American patriots?”
“Actually, no. They’re British.” The look on Soldier’s face turned from one of curiousity to one of despair and doom. A loud yell could be heard throughout the state-town thing, which should tell you how mad Soldier was when he heard those words being uttered. The others decided to start packing before they get something thrown at them or a rocket in their face.
After Soldier finally calmed down albeit two hours later, he started packing his only needs, his bucket and a soup can that he found while in mid-air blowing an enemy Spy up. He then went to line up next to the other mercenaries who for some reason are riding in a bus that Engineer somehow built in two days. “Alright, time to get supplies!” The Medic sounded as he sat down in the seat right next to Heavy, who was busy eating another sandvich. Sniper got in the driver’s seat and started driving the fairly-comfortable bus to the nearest store.