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The door slammed with an abrupt thud as fourteen-year-old Akeru huffed and collapsed onto his bed.
“Stupid, Dad…” He uttered, rolling onto his back. He stared at the sea creature stickers on the ceiling of his room. Each of them is glowing very faintly due to age. “Stupid, room…” Akeru angrily muttered. The teen pulled out a piece of paper and glared at it.
‘Detention for vandalizing school property.’ Being written at the top in big letters as if they were taunting him. All the teen did was paint a wall with a spray can- what’s wrong with giving it a little color, he wondered?
“Stupid school.” Akeru slammed the paper on his nightstand and rolled to his side. “Stupid everything…” He hated school; it was boring and mundane to him. Sure, he was good at math, but only because his dad was the math teacher, so of course, Ake had to excel at it. Otherwise, he would never hear the end of it from Aiki. Other than that, Akeru found his classmates rather uninteresting, save for a few of his friends. He would rather be invisible than have to deal with a random love confession every other week. He hated unwanted attention. All eyes were on him; it made him feel so uncomfortable.
‘But you’re so cute, Nakamura-kun’
“Is that all that’s great about me?” Akeru whispered, covering his eye with his arm. Akeru tried to shake the annoying thoughts from his mind, but the earlier argument he had with his dad echoed loudly in his mind.
He came home with the slip of paper in his back pocket, hoping Aiki didn’t notice. But nothing ever slips past his dad; not even someone as sneaky as their family dog, Umi, could get past Aiki’s eyes.
‘So,” Aiki’s tone felt as sharp as a knife as he stared at his tall son. ‘Care to explain what’s going on, Ake?’
‘It’s nothing…’ Ake grumbled.
‘Nothing? You vandalized the school!’
‘It’s not a big deal!’ Akeru’s voice rose: ‘The wall was boring to look at, so I just gave it some personality!’ Akeru averted his gaze from his father, his face red with annoyance. ‘I don’t see what the big deal, it’s not like I hurt anyone or anything.
‘Ake…that’s not the point…’ Aiki crossed his arms and shook his head. ‘It’s still against the rules to do such a thing! Besides, if you do that, what are you going to do next? Stealing? Ake, you have to be smarter about this!’
‘OH, IS THAT WHY YOU’RE FORCING ME TO DO BETTER AT SCHOOL?’ Ake yelled, ‘I’M ALREADY DOING OKAY IN CLASSES, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME, DAD!’
‘Don’t use that tone of voice with me, young man!’ Ake’s voice also began to rise; his body tensed up as he stepped closer to his son. ‘I just don’t want you to get into trouble, okay? I want you to succeed at school without causing any unnecessary stress on us.’
‘So it is about you and Pops, isn’t it…’ Akeru whined, he took a deep breath, and bit his lip to prevent himself from crying at that fact.
‘That’s not what I meant, Ake!’ Aiki’s voice softened slightly as he tried to touch his son’s arm, but Akeru stepped back in defiance and shook his head. ‘Your Papa and I love you very much! He always talks about how great yo-’
‘Then why is it that I don’t see him that often!’ Ake interrupted.
‘You know he works a lot and is barely home! But you know he loves you. I love you, Akeru!
‘You and Pops only care about your image; you don’t care about me at all!’ With that, Akeru ran up the stairs and slammed the door. Leaving Aiki alone with his thoughts.
‘You did it now, Aiki…good going.’ He sighed as Umi walked up to him, holding an empty bowl in her mouth. ‘Hungry, aren’t ya, girl?’ Aiki brushed his hand against the dog's fur and stared at Akeru’s room. ‘What are we going to do with him? Guess I’ll tell Okuto when he gets home.’
Akeru sat up on his bed and walked toward his door, but froze as his hand touched the doorknob. He shook his head, ran to his desk, and turned on his music player. The sweet melody of the guitar filled his room, easing his mind. He closed his eyes and allowed the acoustics to take over his body. Each note eases the tension in his heart. If it’s one thing he loves other than eating food, Akeru loves listening to acoustic covers. Akeru wasn’t sure why he loved the sound of the guitar, but he would always listen to it when he was troubled about stuff.
“Dad’s always on my ass about everything…I swear he acts like a teacher more than a Dad!” Ake huffed in annoyance. “Then again…having me as his son would be annoying too…” Akeru thought about his dad and how he would often look tired or annoyed after work, but still managed to smile at Ake and his Papa.
“Pops…” Akeru thought about his other dad and how he would be working constantly. Barely having any chance to spend time with his family. Aiki constantly tells Akeru that Okuto loves them very much. But to Ake it didn’t feel like it… “You were always around when I was little, Papa…” Akeru’s voice faltered to a near quiver. “It’s like you don’t even love me anymore…”
Ake shook his head and played with his pen. “Ugh whatever…I don’t care.” Those last few words strained out of his mouth as he sank his face into the desk, his cheek pressing against the cold, hard wood. He felt his eyelids grow heavy as the music slowly lulled him to sleep.
‘Akeru…’ Aiki’s voice echoed in Akeru’s mind. ‘Your father and I decided it would be best for you to be shipped off so you could be a more helpful person in society!’
‘What?!’ Akeru cried out. He tried running toward his dads but his feet felt heavy as if it was filled with concrete. ‘Don’t I get a say in this, Dad?’
‘Nope, sorry, it was already decided! You should’ve been a better son.’
‘No! Dad- Pops, say something!’ Akeru looked to Okuto, who turned his face away from his son. ‘Papa?’
Akeru felt his legs sink into the ground as darkness covered the images of his dads. ‘DAD, PAPA, DON’T DO THIS! DON’T LEAVE ME, PLEASE…I love you…’
“GAH! NO!” Akeru sat up from his desk, causing papers, books, and pens to fall to the ground. “Crap!” Akeru picked up his things and sighed as he shook that earlier nightmare from his head. “Stupid, stupid nightmare…the hell was that?” He grumbled. He picked up his books and spotted a small black one that had slipped out of the pages. “What’s this?” He picked it up and studied it. It was worn, tattered, and a bit old—definitely something he’d never had before.
He opened the first page and spotted the name “Nakamura Okuto” written at the top.
“Papa?” Akeru’s eyes wandered down as he realized this was his father’s diary. He started reading the contents, but most were illegible due to age.
Date: xxxx
Today I saw the cutest boy at school ever!!! He had such beautiful skin, beautiful hair! He even waved at me!! Well, he waved at the person behind me, but I THINK I’M IN LOVE!
“Is that Pops talking about Dad?” Ake wondered as he skipped a few pages.
Date: xxxx
Today was the Yokohama school trip, and I had so much fun! I even gave Hirose a keychain! And we took a picture together! HE EVEN CALLED ME HIS FRIEND. I’M SO HAPPY!
Date: xxxx
I…don’t want to talk about it…everything hurts…why can’t I be happy when Hirose is happy with-
“Huh, the rest of the stuff is smudged for some reason…” Akeru paid no mind to that entry and continued onward.
Date: xxxx
I finally did it, I went for it! I proposed to Aiki! AND HE SAID YES! I can’t believe it…I’m marrying the love of my life!”
“Papa is still as mushy as ever…” Akeru stuck his tongue out and turned the page. “Oh, is this when I was born?”
Date: xxxx
Akeru came home from the hospital today, and Aiki and I could not be any happier! I can’t take my eyes off of him! Aiki tells me I could melt Akeru’s face off if I kept staring, but have you seen our beautiful baby boy? He’s perfect!
Ake has been crying nonstop for the past few days; it’s making my ears ring… It’s hard to get any good sleep nowadays… he’s always hungry, or his diaper needs changing, or he can’t sleep. I’m so tired. He wants so much attention from us…I don’t even know how to handle it. And poor Aiki cried in my arms because he was so stressed. My sister warned me that raising a newborn was tough, but we didn’t think it would be this tough?!
“Guess I was a real handful for you both.” Akeru couldn’t help but laugh.
But despite all that…We love Akeru so much; he’s my everything, my world, my sky, my sea, my baby boy who I will always love no matter what. I can’t wait to watch you grow up, Akeru. From your first words, your first steps, your first day of school. The first time you fall in love and maybe get married. It doesn’t matter. Aiki and I will always love and protect you. You are always our baby boy.
Tears began to fall onto the pages as Akeru’s hands shook while holding the diary. At the end of the diary, there were a few pages of Akeru growing up from a baby right through to high school. And one thing he noticed was that his dads were happy around him.
“I’m such an idiot… They do love me” Akeru smiled. Suddenly, he heard a knock on the door and quickly hid the diary in his desk as he heard Okuto’s voice.
“Ake? Can I come in?”
“Uh, yeah, go ahead.”
Okuto opened the door; he was still in his business suit from work. He smiled and walked inside as Akeru wiped his face. “You okay, son?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine…just had a moment, that’s all.”
“Come, sit; we should talk.” Okuto sat on Akeru’s bed and gestured for him to sit down. Akeru nodded, sat next to his father, and sighed.
“I guess Dad told you about what happened earlier?”
“He did, yeah. Now, can you tell me why you did it?” Okuto’s voice was firm but not loud or demanding. That’s something Akeru liked about Okuto. He was very easy to talk to.
“I, I honestly don’t know-” Akeru sank his hands in his lap in defeat.
“Did you feel angry or annoyed about something?”
“I- maybe…”
“Was it because of school? Your friends? Us?”
Akeru froze at the last question, catching the attention of Okuto.
“Ah, I see…Akeru, you know we both love you a lot and just want you to succeed.”
“Yeah, I know…I’m sorry…” Akeru’s heart sank as the realization hit him hard. He didn’t mean to act out like that, especially toward his dad. “I didn’t mean-”
“I know, son. I know you’re a great kid with a good heart after all.”
“Really?” Akeru questioned.
“Yeah, I mean, we are your dads after all!” Okuto let out a smile as he ruffled Akeru’s hair. “You mean so much to us. I’m sorry that we’ve been terrible parents to you.”
“THAT’S NOT TRUE!” Akeru shouted, causing Okuto to stumble back a little. “You guys are amazing dads…I was just an idiot for thinking otherwise…I’m sorry, Papa…can you forgive me?”
“I mean, I can, but I shouldn’t be the one needs it.” Okuto pointed at Akeru’s door, where Aiki was standing, arms crossed with a smug look on his face.
“Dad…I uh…” Akeru began to turn red as he walked toward Aiki. “I…I’m sorry for yelling at you and saying you both don’t love me.”
“Don’t worry about it, Ake!” Aiki laughed as he pinched Akeru’s cheeks. “It was my fault for being a teacher before your dad. But it did hurt my feelings a little.” He huffed.
“Right, I’m sorry, Dad…” Akeru hugged Aiki tightly and buried his face into Aiki’s shoulder. “I love you.”
“I love you, Akeru…you mean a lot to me, to us; don’t forget it.”
“Yeah…” Akeru pulled away and hugged Okuto tightly. “I’m sorry, guys.” Aiki shook his head and chuckled.
“If anyone is sorry, it should be your Papa…I mean, he’s the one who is working so much we barely see him.”
“HUH?” Okuto jumped up in surprise. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ME?”
“OH, I MEAN EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, HONEY!” Aiki snickered. “You’re out so late and barely home, leaving me to take care of Akeru and Umi and leaving me alone in bed.” Aiki mused as he walked out of the room.
“Aiki!! I’m sorry!! Let me make it up to you, please!!” Okuto pleaded as he ran out.
Akeru laughed, looked to his desk, and pulled out the diary again. He took his pen and began to write.
Date: xxxx
Never forget that I love you guys so much, too!