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“I am home!” Nick exclaims and drops his training bag onto the ground. Usually, when Silas is home, he gets a reply to that. Nick does not hear anything today though, even though Silas' car is in the driveway. Maybe he is taking a nap or something. Nick makes his way to their kitchen to get something cold to drink after practice, when he hears Silas.
He is sitting at their kitchen table with some guy that Nick has never seen before. It is not unusual that someone is over, they almost always have some friends at their house, it is more of a community place by now, but it is usually people Nick knows too. Silas and him basically have all the same friends. The stranger has longish dark curls and deep eyes. Neither he nor Silas seem to notice Nick when he enters the room, instead they seem to be completely focused on each other.
Nick clears his throat to make himself noticed and Silas actually flinches. He turns around and looks at the other. “Nick” He then says. “You are home”
“Uhm, yes” Nick just makes and grits his teeth. He does not like that stranger for some reason, maybe because he is staring at Silas in that intense way or because Silas seems to mind that they got interrupted.
“You are home early” Silas then says.
Nick slowly shrugs his shoulders. “It was pretty hot, we finished early” He says.
A blush creeps over Silas’ face and he wraps his hands tightly around a coffee mug in front of him. Nick feels like he really interrupted something, he just is not sure what. Or, well, he can guess … guess by the way Silas blushes and the way the stranger does not even pay attention to Nick. That is some sort of date. Nick quickly turns around and pulls the fridge door open. He always knew Silas would not stay single forever, one day he would meet someone. Nick had just hoped the day would be further in the distance. It is not that he does not want Silas to be loved and be happy, it is more the fact that over the last few months he has started to develop the urge to be the one to date Silas. They have been friends for years and there were never any feelings involved until about last year. Silas had come out to Nick, who had already suspected that his best friend could be gay. It was the coming out that changed something in Nick though, it had somehow made him painfully aware of the fact that being gay was an option. He obviously knew in theory that being gay was an option and always had, he had just never considered it as an option for himself though. Not until Silas had told him and Nick had realized how much of himself could be explained by considering that he could like men too. His obsession with certain actors, the way his eyes were always stuck on the guy when he watched porn, those dreams he always had ever since he was a teenager and that he had tried to deny. Then he had started to notice how his stomach twisted and tingled in the best way when he was around Silas, how Silas was the only one he could ever think about. Maybe Silas was more than his best friend, but Nick could not say it. Silas had never hinted that he might be interested in Nick and their friendship was too important to ruin it with Nick’s feelings. That does not mean that Nick does not hate seeing Silas with someone else though.
“I guess I will leave then” The stranger says and Nick fights the urge to nod. Yes, please leave and never come back ever. Forget who Silas is while you are at it too.
“You don’t have to!” Silas immediately exclaims and grabs the other’s hand. “You can stay, Nick won’t mind, right?” He looks at Nick.
Nick forces a smile onto his face. “Be our guest” He grits out and does not fail to notice how the other strokes Silas’ hand. Get your dirty hands off of him!
“No, no, I should really get going. But it was great seeing you. Let me know how you liked the movie after you watched it!” The stranger says and gives Silas a last smile before he leaves.
“Who was that?” Nick tries to sound casual while he asks. The fridge door is still open and he quickly closes it without taking anything out.
“Oh, Louis. He was friends with people in my classes back in Germany and now he is actually here on ERASMUS” Silas says. He takes the two coffeecups on the table and puts them both into the dishwasher. “He dmed me recently since he knew I am here too and we started talking.”
“Ah” Nick makes.
“He is studying filmmaking and art history, it is so cool” Silas continues.
“Facinating” Nick mumbles. Who the hell studies that? But Silas seem to be into it, because he goes on and on about Louis’ projects and movies he recommended and how he invited Silas to go the art museum next weekend.
“I thought we were going to watch Bundesliga” Nick points out, it is their Sunday ritual.
Silas gives him an apologising smile. “Another time, okay?” He says.
“Sure” Nick mumbles and fights the urge to roll his eyes. Silas has never been into arts museum or at least Nick thought so until now. He always thought he knew everything about Silas, that they had no secrets and that he knew exactly what the other liked and did not like. Maybe that's wrong. Maybe Silas is secretly into art galleries and everything like that and Nick just never realized.
“Do you want to order something for dinner?” Nick then asks. Neither of them is a good cook and he really does not feel like pasta and pesto right now.
“Actually I already ate” Silas says. “Louis is a fantastic cook and insisted on making me dinner” He adds and smiles.
Perfect, so Louis is a super cultivated student with an interesting degree that also knows how to cock. No wonder Silas never showed any interest in Nick, he is very obviously not his type at all.
“Okay, I will just order myself something then” Nick mumbles and leaves the room.
A few hours later Nick has calmed down again, maybe he is overreacting. Louis could really just be a friend and Silas is obviously allowed to have friends that are not also friends with Nick. Nick actually feels a little bad for how cold he has treated Silas before, so he decides he should probably apologise. Silas is still his best friend after all and does not deserve any bullshit
Silas is sitting on their sofa when Nick leaves his bedroom to find him. “Do you want to play cards?” He asks. They have both tried to cut down their screentime and have started to play board games in the evening.
“I was actually about to watch a movie” Silas says. “But you can join”
“Sure, sounds good. What are we watching?” Nick asks and lets himself fall down onto the sofa next to his best friend.
“It is actually that indie film which Louis has recommended to me” Silas says with a smile and has already opened YouTube on their TV. “It is on YouTube for free. It is french though, but with subtitles”
Nick glares at Silas when he is busy typing in the title. Never in the ten years of knowing Silas has he ever been into french movies or indie movies or watching movies with subtitles. Still, Nick wanted to make up for his behaviour earlier, so he is not going to let his confusion show. “Sounds amazing” He lies.
Silas clicks on something that is supposed to be 4.5 hours long and Nick almost wants to groan. 4.5 hours?! No story needs to be that long.
“How is Louis liking it here?” He manages to asks, because friends are interested in each other’s life.
“He loves it” Silas answers.
“Mmh” Nick makes. “Must be hard to be away from home for so long, not seeing your family, your friends or your … girlfriend?” Nick then adds. There is that tiny bit of hope inside of him that maybe Louis is straight.
“He is single” Silas says, his eyes focused on the TV. “And he is gay” And there goes Nick’s last hope, of course the guy is gay.
“Ha” Nick just makes, but Silas does not react or replies. So that was definitely a date earlier and Nick ran into it. It makes his stomach turn and anger pool at the bottom of his stomach. He does not even know what he is angry at; obviously not at Silas. Maybe he is angry at Louis, because he managed to do what Nick had not dared to - asking Silas out, or because Louis is the reason Nick has to waste 4.5 hours of his life watching the worst movie ever made. Perhaps both. He falls asleep halfway through though and only wakes up again when the credits roll. Silas has his nose buried in his phone. “I am texting Louis what I think about the movie” He explains when he sees that Nick has woken up again. “Ah” Nick makes and nods. He does not try to point out how much the movie sucked ass, because Silas is not even paying attention to him.
“I will go to sleep” Nick just mumbles and gets up. Once he is back in his bedroom he buries his face into the pillows so Silas does not hear him crying. God, he has been such an idiot. Such a huge, fucking idiot. Why did he have to fall in love with his best friend?!
Why did he have to watch him start dating someone else?
Why?!
It is not fair, not at all. In a fair world Silas would like him back and Nick would be man enough to ask him out and they would live their happy ever after in England…
Nick tries to keep his jealousy under control, because Silas did nothing wrong and deserves better, but it is pretty hard when Louis is there the next day too and his hand is way too high up on Silas’ thigh and everything just sucks in general. Nick does not even mumble a hello and just pushes past the both of them, heading straight to his room.
He wants to lock his bedroom door and never come out again. Maybe then he will just die and his feelings won’t bother him anymore. Until then he has to hear Silas and Louis laughing downstairs though and then they seem to head to Silas’ bedroom soon afterwards. Nick presses a pillow over his ears as well when he hears how Silas locks the door. God, he does not want to know what they are doing in there, but his mind is cruel and keeps providing him with images. Silas is going to kiss that guy and then they are going to start to touch. Silas is going to like it, there is going to be desire in his eyes and he will let Louis see him and have his body in ways Nick secretly longs for. God, he wants to be the one to bring Silas pleasure and to kiss every part of his body. He never will though and it is fucking hurts.
Nick grabs his headphones from the bedside table to make sure he does not have to hear Silas wanting someone that is not him and starts his go to playlist. That is only partly helping though, because Nick’s go to playlist is one he shares with Silas and so every second song makes him think about the other one.
Tears gather in his eyes and Nick does not have it in him to fight them anymore. He knows he never had a shot with Silas anyways, because to Silas he is just his best friend, but being proven that hurts. It hurts so much. Silas probably deserves better anyways, he does deserve someone as interesting as Louis, who has all these new things to show him and who understands Silas struggles with uni and who can just be an interesting match to him. Nick obviously has none of that, but … well, Silas still finds him interesting enough to be his best friend, right?
Nick does not take his headphones out for over an hour because he is too scared he will hear something. Maybe Louis is some sort of sex god and rocking Silas’ world non stop. He only takes it out when there is a loud knock at his door.
“What?” Nick exclaims, without asking Silas in.
“Do you want to have dinner? Louis made truffle pasta” Silas asks.
“I am not hungry” Nick lies and turns around to face the door with his back. “I just want to sleep, I have a headache” He adds.
“Oh, okay” Silas answers. “Let me know if you need anything”
“Mmh” Nick just makes. I need you to break up with Louis.
It is sunday and Nick is rotting on the sofa watching Bundesliga, BVB is playing Leverkusen and on the screen Julian Brandt just scored. Nick glares at the blond on the screen, stupid Julian Brandt was not too scared to ask his best friend out; no, he got a fucking football career and a boyfriend who plays for Arsenal and just everything else that you could want in life - even his bleaching job looks better. It sucks to see other people living your dream, really.
Silas comes into the living room in jeans and a baggy shirt; a shirt that Nick got him for christmas last year! “I am meeting Louis at the museum” He says.
“Sounds exciting” Nick mumbles and glances at Silas. “Have a good time!” He adds in an attempt to sounds unbothered and happy. He hates the idea of Silas wearing that shirt on a date with someone else.
“We can have dinner together when I come back” Silas offers.
“Are you not eating with Louis?” Nick asks. He would have bet that Louis is going to take Silas to some underground scene restaurant or whatever.
“Well, I said I am busy in the evening, sundays are usually our days” Silas says quietly.
Nick gets up to get himself a drink from the kitchen. “Well, I don’t want to stand in the way of your date, so don’t worry” He just says and walks past Silas.
“You don’t care?” Silas asks.
“Why the hell would I?!” Nick snaps. God, he never wants to think about that Louis or Silas with any fucking guy again. The TV is showing Kai Havertz in the WAGs box, because of course he is there and Nick almost wants to throw something at the screen. He bets Kai never had to watch his best friend date someone else, because his stupid best friend is his boyfriend. “And even if I cared, why would you care about that?!”
Silas gives him a disappointed look. “Do you seriously think I would not care about you?” He asks.
Nick stares at his best friend for a moment, then he shakes his head. “Forget it” He mumbles. “Enjoy your day!”
“You know what? No. I won’t go. This was all useless” Silas mumbles and drops his head. “That was so dumb.” He whispers and his voice breaks at the edges.
“What was dumb?” Nick asks. Did Louis do something?! Fuck, Nick is going to break his fucking face if he did!
“Nothing” Silas says and shakes his head. “Nothing at all”
Nick licks his lips, considering whether or not he should let it slip. “Come on, tell me” He then says. He is too scared that Louis did something that hurted Silas or that the other did not want.
A blush creeps over Silas’ face and he looks away. “It is dumb” He still mumbles again.
“Okay” Nick just says and crosses his arms in front of his chest. Silas always folds eventually.
“I cannot tell you” Silas says next.
“Why not?” Nick wants to know.
“Because it did not work and you will be … you won’t … it will change everything” Silas stammers.
“I have actually no idea what this means” Nick just says.
“Louis was supposed to make you jealous, okay?” Silas snaps and tears fill his eyes.
“Make me jealous?” Nick repeats confused.
Silas nods and sinks onto the sofa. “Yes” He whispers and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I … look, I might … maybe I … I like you, Nick … and Louis … he is a distant friend from uni and he really is here on ERASMUS, but that is all … we just … Louis had this idea that you could like me too and we came up with this dumb plan … Louis would pretend to be interested in me and I would pretend to be super into him … we thought it would get you jealous and … I don’t know. Like I said, it is stupid” Silas explains.
Nick stares at him in disbelief. “That was fake?” He whispers. It cannot be; they were so close, Silas was talking about how great Louis was so much too.
Silas just nods. “I know it is dumb” He whispers. “I am sorry” He then mumbles.
“Silas” Nick says quietly. He cannot believe Silas has been playing that stupid game and he cannot believe that it worked. God, he has been so fucking jealous and it had been exactly what Silas had been trying to achieve.
“Just forget it, okay? I was so stupid and I just … God, I don-””Silas!” Nick interrupts loudly and shakes his head. The other one flinches in surprise but slowly raises his head. “I was jealous” Nick then quietly says.
Silas’ eyes widen and he nervously twists his fingers. “You were?” He repeats.
“Why did you think I was being an ass the whole time?” He asks.
“I thought you just did not like Louis” Sila smumbles.
“Well, yes, I did not like him” Nick answers. “Why do you think I did not?” He then asks and raises his eyebrows.
Silas stares at Nick. “You” He starts, then clears his throat. “You were jealous? Because you thought I was dating Louis?”
Nick blushes, but he nods. “I thought you were not interested in me anyways and that I was not really what I wanted … so I tried to be cool with it, but God, I hated seeing you with him”
“So you … you were jealous of me dating someone else because you … because you like me?” Silas whispers.
“Yes” Nick just says he takes a step in the direction of his best friend. “I … yes” He just repeats.
Silas glances up at him and so Nick leans down slightly, like he always has to do to be on eyelevel with his friend. Nick places his hand on Silas’ cheek and smiles unsure. “I like you a lot” He then whispers.
Silas smiles shyly too, his hand touching Nick’s on his face. “I like you so much” He whispers back.
Nick glances down at Silas’ mouth, which is way too tempting. “Could I … kiss you?” He eventually asks. It is something he has wanted for ages.
Silas gaps, but nods. “Yes, please” He whispers.
Nick licks his lips one last time, before he closes the distance between them. He has had some first kisses before, but none had ever felt as important as this one. It feels like he needs to give his best kiss ever. Silas’ mouth is soft and warm against his and all thoughts of having to perform are forgotten. Nick just sinks into the kiss and can focus on nothing else but Silas. Silas grabs the hem of his shirt and pulls him closer until Nick just falls onto the sofa and on top of him. Neither of them cares nor does either of them end the kiss. It is only when they are both gasping for air that they pull apart. Silas gives Nick a lovesick smile before he leans in for another kiss.