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Sukuna had always watched the slow deterioration of his relationships.
How Wasuke had looked at him after seeing his new tattoos and piercings.
How Jin had refused to let him see Yuji as much as he would like to due to his wariness of the effects frat culture had on Sukuna.
How whilst his frat brothers were kind to him, they seemed to never be comfortable around him – too scared to get on the bad side of the guy who was pure brawn.
How girls were simply too frightened to approach him – not that he liked indulging in one night stands anyways, he found them to be boring after a few.
And then he met you – sunshine personified, a soft smile on your lips as you’d attempt to engulf his biceps with your fingers whilst you’d whisk him away to whichever small stall you wanted to visit.
It was perfect. Perfect in a way he’d never felt or witnessed. Perfect in a way that was always ripped from his hands before he could bask in it. So why was this perfection here now? Was it so the universe could show him that he was allowed something that didn’t shatter, even in a fragile grasp?
Eventually, he came to the conclusion that that couldn’t be a possibility. Maybe instead of the universe showing him he was allowed this, the relationship was eventually going to crash and burn, just to show him that he couldn’t have anything good in life.
Yes, you guys had been going steady for the past couple of months. Yes, he’d been getting you flowers whilst you dried them so you could keep them for as you possibly could. Yes, he’d taken you to fancy restaurants – but also to that spot on the field where he stargazed when he was high and lonely, because now he didn’t need to be lonely anymore.
But what use what that at the relationship’s inevitable end?
And so he determined that he would have to save you the pain and torture of the hideous finality that was soon to come. Surely it would hurt less for you if he did it first.
Right?
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He asked you to meet at that spot on the field after dark. He purposefully chose that time because then there was a chance that if you cried, he might not be able to see it – but he’d never tell anyone. You sat down and rested your head on his shoulder, flashing him a tender smile which just made it even worse, because how could he do this to the sweetest girl he knew? The girl who hated parties but would happily show up sometimes for him. The girl who helped him study so he could stay on the football team. The girl who left sticky sweet lip gloss marks on his cheek that he was always reluctant to wipe away.
But he had to, for you, for the future, to allow you a chance to have true happiness.
“Hey [name]?”
He hated the way you perked up as he spoke your name, as if you didn’t know the pain, he was about to bring you.
“I’ve been thinking, y’know? About us.”
You shifted to place your head in a more comfortable position, “Me too! Was thinking that we could go to that café I saw before sometime soon.”
God, his heart fucking hurt. It felt like it was being wrenched out of his chest, drained of all it had.
“No angel,” fuck, he hadn’t meant to call you that, “Meant that maybe we should…fuck…that we should break up.”
The words came out small, smaller than he expected, and panicked. He was trembling slightly, sure that you could feel it, so he shrugged you off as you simply looked up at him with a confused expression before your eyebrows furrowed and your features twisted into something akin to anger.
“Where did this even come from? Literally last week I was talking about our future and…and you just hummed! Was that meant to be some sort of hint?”
He was making you analyse your relationship for any sign of something that went wrong and he felt disgusting, but he knew he would just hurt you more if he stayed.
So instead of cradling you to his chest and kissing away the tears now falling down your cheeks as you continued your rambling, he shoved his hands in his pockets and stood around awkwardly before offering a ride – because what else was he meant to do?
Well apparently, you shouldn’t offer someone a ride after breaking up with them and not offering any words of comfort, because it earned him a slap to the face and an annoyed tone whilst you told him you would call Shoko instead.
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He’d sorely underestimated the pain he’d feel after the breakup. He’d done nothing but mope around in his room smoking weed to search for the same buzz only you could’ve given him, and he knew that you knew. He knew that because Satoru had told Shoko about his mood, meaning Shoko would’ve told you – so why did he want you to feel bad and comfort him?
He’d really ruined the best thing to ever happen to him because he was a stupid prick who thought he knew you better than yourself.
Surely you wouldn’t mourn a relationship he ruined, surely, you’d stow away your reassurances and avoid him, but he couldn’t even imagine that happening without feeling the need to punch a hole in his wall bubble up deep in his veins.
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The first time he’d escaped his room after the breakup was to head downstairs but since he didn’t turn up to the frat meetings, he’d clearly missed the memo about the party that was happening that night. Instead of getting a drink he was bombarded with couples grinding on each other, sticky floors and some sorority girl who was too drunk to harbour her usual fear for him attempting to clutch his bicep and flirt. She clearly thought she had a chance now the campus hadn’t seen him walking you to and from your classes or to and from your dorm.
“Hey Sukuna…heard you’re single,” she slurred as her fingers attempted to wrap around his bicep.
But all that was running through his mind was that they weren’t your fingers struggling to envelop the mass of muscle, he couldn’t feel the charms you’d sometimes get on your nails, it wasn’t your voice in his ear rambling about the fact you’d seen a ladybird that day.
Nothing was you but it all reminded him of you, and it was starting to piss him off.
He shrugged her hand off and mumbled an awfully frustrated, “None of your fuckin’ business,” before shoving past the rest of the party goers to grab a six pack of beer (which came with some unamused groans from the guys nearby) before storming back to his room.
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Back in his room however, the pain just got worse. It forced him to sit alone and think about how every time a relationship soured it turned into more for him to let go – not that he ever did.
It didn’t help that his room was a memorial to a girl he couldn’t deserve in any lifetime. His hoodies still smelt of you, there was a random stuffed rabbit he’d won in an arcade for you that you’d left here for ‘safekeeping,’ and a couple of your makeup products still took space up on his dresser.
Was he really this pathetic?
His hands found their way to his face in an attempt to hide from everything that surrounded him, scolding him, berating him but he couldn’t allow himself to crawl back to you – he’d just end up bringing harm to you again and he wouldn’t want that.
Yet he couldn’t help but admit that he would do anything to hear the sweet supernal tone of your voice saying his name again, couldn’t help but admit that he’d probably die without it.
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By the time morning had come, he’d awoken with an awful hangover, blinking his eyes open to see the empty beer bottles littering the floor and feeling the jostle of someone shaking his shoulders.
He’d turned to find Satoru giving him a sympathetic smile, as if he couldn’t feel any worse.
Okay, yes, he’d said that no one from his frat really approached him, but Satoru could see the good in anything, meaning he was the only one who approached him because he genuinely believed that he would have some sort of positive impact on the man.
Once Satoru noticed that Sukuna was beginning to stir his smile widened slightly, “C’mon big guy, let’s get you up.”
“Don’t call me that shit…weirdo.”
As Sukuna sat up, he buried his head in his hands and Satoru moved to sit next to him, sighing before turning towards Sukuna, “I know you haven’t talked to anyone. You really need to cause you can tell that it’s eating you up and there’s no point in one of you being slightly more miserable than the other.”
He was right after all. He knew that doing nothing about his feelings was just going to make him rot sooner.
“I’m stupid Satoru.”
Satoru perked up once he actually started to open up – he had to admit that he’d expected the cold shoulder, but he was glad his… acquaintance was allowing himself to be a bit more transparent.
“Only reason I broke up with her was because every good relationship has gone to shit and I didn’t want her to be even more upset when the same happened to us. Didn’t even tell her.”
“Surely she deserves to know?” Satoru spoke as he grimaced slightly.
“Let’s say she does – how am I able to tell her now I’ve hurt her? She’ll avoid me now.”
Satoru paused before shooting him an incredulous look, “You say that, but you haven’t been out for the past few days, and you’ve refused to hear anything about her.”
Satoru looked away one moment and looked back the next to see Sukuna with the heels of his hands dug into his eyes, a small sniffle escaping him before he disguised it as a cough, mumbling, “Do you think she hates me now? I mean she slapped me and I don’t think I could do anything to get her back after this-”
“From what Shoko’s told me she’s still somewhat okay with you, however I hate to say it, but she slapped you because it was sprung upon her. One week you’re talking to her about your future and the next you’re done. Even you can see something’s up there, so she’s suspicious.”
“Shoko told you this?”
“Yeah…said that she still loves you cause obviously it’s hard to just get rid of those feelings.”
“…So if I told her about everything, I might still have a chance?”
“Well I don’t know Sukuna-”
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After getting more sober with Satoru’s help, he completely undid his work by taking two shots for ‘courage’ and heading to the flower shop to get you the perfect bouquet and then heading to the stall you got your favourite trinkets from to see if there was anything he thought you’d like there.
The sky was darkening once he’d arrived at your apartment, purples and pinks entwined as they made their slow voyage across the sky – unlike him who instead of knocking on your door was standing outside with shaking hands.
Once he’d taken a deep breath, he’d moved the small box with the bracelet he’d bought from the kind vendor – who’d recognised him from your outings to your favourite quaint place – into his other hand that grasped the flowers before knocking on the door.
“Who is i- Oh. Kuna?”
There it was.
That silly nickname he cradled close to his soul spilling from your lips, not to mention how angelic you looked under the dim light with the gloss mostly gone from your lips and your bare skin on show since you’d most likely just finished your routine.
How did he just remember that the only person who could break down his walls and make him soft was you?
You cleared your throat and he realised he’d been staring at you for the past minute with goo goo eyes instead of actually doing what he was here to do.
Holding the bouquet and bracelet out with shaky hands he begins to… ramble? That wasn’t what was meant to happen!
“I know you probably don’t want to see me right now, but I wanted to apologise and I got you the bouquet, and the bracelet is from that stall – y’know the one with the nice owner, told me to say hi to you-”
“Well…thanks for the flowers n all but why are you here?”
If the trembling wasn’t enough, as soon as you’d accepted the flowers and bracelet and gently placed them on the small table you kept near your door, he slowly knelt before you before looking up at you with tearful eyes.
“I know I’m a complete bastard, but I’m a bastard who misses you. You can slap me and I deserve it, cause I shouldn’t have left. I didn’t want to hurt you even worse cause everyone I’ve ever loved just ups and leaves and they all end up hating my guts…I thought you wouldn’t be any different baby. You’re so different, so so different and you’re the sweetest girl, don’t fucking deserve anything you give me.”
And it was when you decided to cup his cheek that the waterworks really started, with sniffles and sobs escaping him before he eventually chose to feebly attempt to hide them by resting his face in the soft plush of your stomach.
“You really shouldn’t stick around sweets, all I’ll do is let you down…but I’m too selfish to let you go and I’m so sorry for that.”
When you carded your fingers through his hair to try and get him to lift his head, he simply shook it against you, still feeling too pathetic to face the girl who must be the love of his life.
“C’mon Kuna let me see you.”
After a sharp exhale from his nose, he looked up at you with red rimmed eyes, expecting rejection, but instead you gave him a sheepish smile.
“You should’ve confided in me before heading straight to breaking up, so I’m still mad and it will take you a lot more than flowers and a trinket to get back to where we were before, but it’s a good start.”
And the way his eyes lit up was indescribable, easily being tugged up by his collar so he could give you a proper hug and cry into your shoulder before meekly asking if he could come inside.
And maybe for once he felt that he deserved you, even barely.
And maybe this time he confided that in you too.