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Getting back to the hotel is a sweet relief to Neil as he stands in the elevator, key to the hotel door in his pocket feeling all to much like a key Andrew had given Neil.
Neil's been full of anxiety, Andrew hadn't responded to a single text he had sent so Neil had actually reached out to Nicky who guessed Andrew was having a bad week since it was Thanksgiving coming up.
Even whilst knowing Andrew was probably safe Neil felt like he was gonna explode everytime his phone pinged with a message from the upperclassmen, Neil loved the upperclassmen he really does but he wanted the texts to be from Andrew.
Neil got the phone call from Aaron when he had just gotten to his hotel room door, when he answered the speaker filled with Aaron's shaky voice and the sound of crying in the background and Neil's stomach twisted into a knot.
"Aaron? Aaron what's going on?"
"Neil.. Neil he's.." Aaron gasps over the phone and Neil's ears ring loudly.
'Someone hurt Andrew again'
'Andrews hurt which means the others are too'
'Someone's hurt'
The thoughts are endless as Neil's hands shake, he forces himself to speak.
"What happened Aaron!?" He asks already moving to his computer, planning to book a flight back to palmetto no matter the price of the flight.
"It's Andrew, Neil he-..he tried to kill himself" Aaron's voice wobbles like he composed himself to make this call but the act is quickly falling like it wasn't there to begin with.
Neil feels his world cave inwards the words Aaron has just said circle his head, he's pretty sure Aaron's still talking over the phone but Neil can't hear it, can't hear one word of it because suddenly he's back to his first day meeting Riko and Kevin.
Back watching his Father butcher a man and Kevin puking.
Back to being on the run and Mary beating him half to death for kissing a girl.
Back in Millport when that racquet almost shattered a rib.
Back to thanksgiving and Andrews on a bed laughing manically.
Then he's in evermore, holding a bleeding Jean after Neil taunted Riko to much.
Back in fucking baltimore with a butchers knife swinging for him.
Then he's pulled back by the sound of Aaron still talking whilst sobbing.
"-were in the hospital and Andrews still in surgery" Aaron hiccups, there's a rustle as the phone is handed to somone else.
Neil couldn't care less who it is, Andrews in surgery which means he isn't dead yet.
"Kid. Neil listen to me" Wymacks voice comes through the speaker, Neil trembles as he sets the phone down and presses speaker so he can look for flights to palmetto.
"I'm here" Neil says weakly, managing to speak whilst shakily continuing his search.
"Good, Andrews gonna be okay. He's a tough kid, are you gonna book a flight?" Wymack sounds relived that Neil actually responded.
"Yeah, I am" Neil mutters rubbing his eyes with his hand then pauses feeling that theyr wet, his eyes and hands are wet with..tears? Neil hasn't cried in years, he's not allowed to cry, Mary would be screaming If she saw him like this, crying with his defense down over somone.
Wymacks still talking but Neil isn't listening anymore, his fingers move across his keyboard and attempt to book a flight to Mexico. He needs to run, leave forever and never think of coming back.
"Neil are you there?, Neil?" Wymack asks sounding slightly alarmed but Neil doesn't pick up on it, just reaches over and with a scarred finger presses the red button to hang up.
He's not sure what he's doing anymore. His skin is prickly in an uncomfortable way, it's tempting to book a flight and run but that would mean leaving Andrew and leaving Andrew is something Neil hasn't thought about doing in ages.
His phone buzzes with calls and texts trying to reach him, Neil finds himself laying on the hotel bed, staring at the fancy ceiling, Andrew had helped Neil book the hotel knowing Neil would book a shitty one if left to do it alone.
The ceiling swirls on itself, Neil's mind making patterns on the ceiling, he's still crying, he hasn't stopped and he can't stop and for some cruel sick reason he can't move. Andrews in palmetto having surgery so close to death and Neil just can't move, stuck like a brick placed with cement.
Neil comes back to himself a while, breathing evening out, forcing himself to actually take a minute to process the phone still buzzing beside his computer which is open on a flight to somewhere in Mexico, no, he can't go.
He wastes no time packing his stuff up, he'd barley even unpacked his stuff even after being there a few days, something in his gut had told him not to on the first day when Andrew stopped responding to texts.
Silence was usually something Neil and Andrew spent most their time together in, calming silence that was actually enjoyable but when Andrews texts tapered off to a stop Neil wanted nothing more then a response just one and got nothing.
Neil let's his mind drift as soon as he's got everything packed and he's in a taxi on the way to the airport which thankfully isn't far away, the whole time Neil holds his clip of keys, more specifically the key to the house in columbia tracing the outlines like he had on the way to baltimore last year, but this felt more terrifying.
Moving through the airport was easy for Neil he could read everything and understand how long some security lines took compared to others, he didn't stop for a snack or drink, just headed to where he would board after going through security. (Idk how airports work I've never been to one)
The entire flight Neil holds the key tight in one fist, letting the ridges of it draw him back to reality when it pressed against his palm to hard.
There's a screaming child on the plane and a chatty woman in the seat infront of his talking loudly to just about anyone who will listen, which isn't Neil that's for sure.
Getting off the plane after landing feels like a wave of relief, except it doest last long because Neil's thoughts go straight back to Andrew and his fear of heights.
Shaking his head Neil leaves the airport with his duffel and a backpack, he feels 18 again, leaving the airport and meeting Andrew, Neil's so far in his own head he almost believes Andrews gonna be there to pick him up.
Instead of blond hair and black clothes it's a badly dressed Wymack leaning against his car looking exhausted, when wymacks gaze lands on Neil the tension in the older man's shoulders visibly disappears.
"He's still in surgery" Wymack greets with knowing Neil will probably ignore being asked if he's okay.
"When does he get out?" Neil asks trying to keep the vulnerability out his voice, it clearly doesn't work since wymacks face softens.
"Not sure yet, the doctors have hope" the older man responds with a soft sighs then gets his car keys out and unlocks the car, which Neil doesn't hesitate to get into.
"Straight to the hospital, no questions" Neil mutters as wymack gets in the drivers seat, Neil twists in the passenger seat to put his bags in the back seat then puts his seat belt on.
"Heard" Wymack huffs a awkward laugh as he starts the car with a rumble.
Neil's mind never strays from Andrew once, remembering everything about him and memorising it then thunks his head onto the cold window and focuses on the cold sensations instead.
It'll be okay, but Neil doesn't know If he's thinking about Andrew or himself.