Work Text:
A Slight Misunderstanding
As usual, Stark broke the kiss first, which as usual, disappointed Fern. He was breathing in deeply, his right hand resting on her hip without much pressure, his left hand on the wall above Fern’s shoulder. There was a deep blush on his face, as there always was after they kissed.
“H-how… how was that, Fern?” he asked, nervous.
She sighed. “It was nice, Stark-sama.”
“I wasn’t hurting you?”
“No.”
“A-and I was holding your waist too hard-“
“No.”
He looked relieved. “That’s good.”
Fern couldn’t help the customary pout from making an appearance, but this time, it was even deeper than usual. She crossed her arms, still backed up against the wall. To her right side was her room. They were upstairs, in a narrow corridor of an inn in the Northern Lands. It was dark outside and the illumination in the corridor was provided by flickering candles. The summer breeze rushed by outside with a light whistle.
The atmosphere was undoubtedly romantic. Everything from the lowlighting to the summer warmth contributed to that effect. The fact they’d kissed in public, when another guest at the inn could come upstairs any moment and see them (despite the late hour), even added a sense of exhilaration. Indeed, Fern had just been kissed by her boyfriend, which was supposed to be romantic.
Her intense awareness of all those facts only made the situation more frustrating.
Stark took a step back, his hand retreating from her hip, another nervous gesture.
“What’s the matter?”
“Nothing’s the matter.”
“Then why do you look angry-”
“I’m not angry,” Fern muttered. She didn’t say the next words in mind- just disappointed- because it would’ve made her sound like a nagging mother rather than an attractive girlfriend, and that was the opposite of how she wanted to feel in Stark’s presence.
Not that it made much difference. She usually felt like that anyway.
“Then why do you look like you are angry?”
“Stark-sama, we’ve been over this,” she said, arms still crossed. “You don’t need to be so careful with me.”
“But other times, you’ve told me I need to be more gentle,” he objected, mortified.
Not in this context! Fern knew the occasion he was referring to- when Sein had still been a part of their journey. Stark brought it up everytime and still insisted on following her ‘gentle’ advice matter how many times Fern tried to assuage his worries.
It wasn’t that Fern didn’t appreciate his consideration. In fact, at first she’d found it all extremely charming. At first. For a few weeks. But it had been almost six months since they’d officially become boyfriend and girlfriend, and Stark was still being ‘gentle’.
Chivalry could only be romantic for so long. By now, Fern was sick to death of chivalry and wanted Stark to be a little more ignoble. She’d all but forced him to push her against the wall of the inn, just outside the hotel room. She’d all but forced him to put his hand on her waist. She’d held the kiss for as long as possible, in the hope it might awaken some of his evidently dormant romantic instincts.
Fern bit her lip. Didn’t he find her attractive? She’d made sure to wear one of her more flattering dresses that evening, before they went to their meal. It was white, knee-length and didn’t make any attempt to hide the parts that men were supposed to like.
“Stark-sama-“
But before she could chide him again, her boyfriend was already taking further steps back. “Maybe we should leave it for tonight. I can see you’re annoyed with me, and… well, you know…”
Stark’s Plan A when Fern was annoyed was to buy her food. His Plan B was to give her a wide berth. This was Plan B.
Unfortunately, their plans weren’t really in sync.
“You don’t have to leave yet,” Fern insisted, taking a step back towards him. She shuffled her feet, but did her best to remove the pout, to try and look appealing.
“But you seem tired-“
“I’m not tired. I’m wide awake.” She put her hands behind her back, pushed out her chest a little, glancing upwards at his much taller shape.
He scratched his head. “B-but I am feeling pretty drowsy-”
“Then why don’t you come and sleep in my room instead?”
Frieren’s party had managed to stumble themselves into some adequate travelling funds of late. In the last few inns they’d stayed at, Stark had been permitted his own room, rather than bunking with his girlfriend and the elf. Stark had seem pleased about this development, which Fern thought rather backwards for a young, energetic man.
The elf, incidentally, wouldn’t be coming back until much later. Fern had pointed out a magic stall to her the previous day, one that stayed open late, knowing it would keep her master from returning for a good few hours. Knowing it would give them some time if, after their date, Fern managed to spark some energy in her curiously flaccid boyfriend.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?” Fern all but whined.
By now, Stark was very set in his plans for dealing with what he considered ‘mystifying Fern behaviour’, and this very much fell into that category. It would take months of conditioning to change his responses to such situations. So, with some half-hearted excuses, Stark walked away down the corridor back towards his own room.
“Good night, Fern,” he called out.
His girlfriend had to resist the urge to stomp her foot. “You have no idea how to treat a lady, Stark-sama.”
She ducked into her own room first, slamming it behind her, and the two of them found themselves without each other’s presence, much to his relief and her frustration.
Frieren returned to their hotel room as she often did: late, and with her arms full of magical trivialities that were of no interest to anyone but herself. She hadn’t clocked that Fern had been trying to keep her away from the inn by telling her about the magical shop and returned with a smug smile on her face.
The smug smile was quickly wiped when she opened the door and noticed her apprentice’s mood. She was wearing her white night dress and hadn’t fallen asleep despite light hour. The curtains were drawn and candles were providing the light for her to read. Her face was buried in a grimoire, but she didn’t appear to be reading it. Her face was contorted with a scowl.
“Evening,” Frieren said, already walking on egg shells.
The apprentice grunted and said nothing.
Something had grown wrong. Was she annoyed at Frieren spending their money on magical trinkets again? She winced and tiptoed over to her bed, depositing the items on the floor rather than telling her apprentice about them, in case that really was the source of Fern’s irritation. Showing off the items that annoyed her would be a great way of getting on the girl’s bad side.
“Is something wrong?”
“…”
“And if something is wrong, is it my fault-“
“You haven’t done anything wrong.” Fern glanced at the trinkets from over her grimoire. “On second thoughts, how expensive were those?”
“Not very.”
“How much?”
The elf hesitated. “Two gold coins.”
“Are you lying?”
“No,” her master lied.
Fern was an expert at detecting when Frieren-sama was lying; not that one needed to be an expert. The elf was many things, but a convincing fibber was not one of them. Still, Fern couldn’t bring herself to get worked over her master’s hobbyist ways, not when a greater source of frustration was rearing its head.
“Don’t worry Frieren-sama. It’s something else.”
“It’s Stark, isn’t it?” Frieren guessed straight away.
“How did you-“
“You’re either annoyed at me or Stark. It’s one or the other.”
“Wrong. Sometimes I’m annoyed at both.”
Frieren almost smiled at that. Still, she walked over to Fern’s bed and perched on the duvet, trying to helpful. The elf wasn’t very good at picking up on social cues, but even she had noticed the sense of underlying tension between her two companions of late. They had started dating six months ago, which had created a period of noticeable warmth between them, but now that warmth seemed to be cooling off.
“What’s Stark done?”
In the absence of Sein, it fell on her to be the romantic advisor. Not Frieren’s best suited role, but one she would willingly adopt if Fern required.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“If it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t be pouting so hard.”
“I pout at lots of things,” Fern mumbled, in a rare moment of self-awareness.
It was a good point, but not very convincing. “It’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m willing to listen if you are.”
There was a moment of silence where Fern hid behind the cover of her grimoire. Frieren shrugged and went to move back to her side of the bed, only to be stopped.
Her apprentice had reached out and grabbed her by the sleeve.
“Wait, um… okay, Frieren-sama. Let’s talk about it.”
The elf sat back down, her ears twitching. Fern glanced at her, then back at the book. She couldn’t think of anyone less suited to give her advice on this matter than her master. Frieren was, on a good day, incompetent when it came to love. On bad days, which were more common, she was about much use as a bathing suit in a blizzard.
But it wasn’t like there were any preferable alternatives around. The elf would have to do.
“What do you think of mine and Stark’s relationship, Frieren-sama?”
“What do I think about it?” She repeated the question with an air that strongly suggested she had no thoughts on the matter whatsoever.
“Yes.”
“Um… I think you both look very happy-“
“I’ll be more specific,” she interrupted. “Do you think we seem almost the same as before?”
“What do you mean by ‘before’?”
Fern sighed. “Do we act the same around each as friends now that we’re together?”
Frieren-sama considered this proposition. She considered the way her travelling companions acted now in comparison to a year ago, let’s say. They still argued quite a lot. They still blushed a lot in each other’s presence. Fern still accused Stark of being a pervert and Stark still ended up apologising.
If there was supposed to be a difference, the elf couldn’t detect it. Was this a trick question?
“I would say that you do,” Frieren agreed.
“Right?! Don’t you think so?!” Fern aggressively agreed, leaning forward until their faces were almost pressed together.
“Alright. So what’s your point?”
“My point, Frieren-sama, is that it’s been six months. Our relationship should’ve changed by now, but Stark still acts the same way towards me.”
A head tilt. “Is that bad? Doesn’t Stark treat you well?”
“Well… yes, but… the issue isn’t how he’s treating me in terms of…” The words were hard to come by. “I suppose I just wish he was more enthusiastic.”
The elf looked at blankly.
“Yes. You know.” She trailed off, red appearing on her cheeks. “Enthusiastic in the bedroom.”
“That’s quite the pickle.”
“You don’t know what I’m talking about, do you Frieren-sama?”
“Not really, no.”
She threw her hands in the air. When her master was being useless, sometimes the only solution was to be blunt. “I’m talking about physical stuff, Frieren-sama. Stark is too scared to do anything with me. I’m starting to wonder if he doesn’t find me attractive.”
“Oh.” Frieren realised what her apprentice was talking about, her mouth opening into a slight ‘o’ shape. “That is quite the pickle, and I mean it this time.”
Fern was doubtful, giving her another rueful glare. “Really? Then explain what I’m talking about.”
“You want him to have sex with you-“
“Frieren-sama!”
The girl practically jumped out from under her covers, her purple hair bouncing up and then back down against her back. She hadn’t expected her master to actually understand.
“Why do you look surprised?”
“Well, I-“ She spluttered. “You just took me by surprise.”
“But sex is what you were talking about-“
“I know that, but… Frieren-sama, I…” The apprentice sat back down, holding her hands against her chest, a little self-conscious. “To be honest, I was beginning to doubt if you even knew what sex was.”
Frieren’s expression turned a little sour. “Fern, I’m over a thousand years old. That might not be long for an elf, but it’s more than enough time for me to learn what sex is.”
“Oh. I suppose so.”
Once Fern had recovered from the shock, she tried to return to the original topic. Having said that, she couldn’t stop stealing looks at Frieren, who seemed unabashed by the whole matter.
Perhaps her non-plussed attitude towards sex would make the conversation easier. Fern could only hope as much.
“So what’s your opinion?”
“On sex?”
“No. On Stark’s… lack of enthusiasm.”
Frieren puzzled over her thoughts for a moment or two. “I’m surprised that Stark wouldn’t be interested in having sex with you. You’re together, so he’s probably interested.”
“Do you have any idea why that might be?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he’s nervous?”
Of course, the idea had occurred to Fern too. In fact, it seemed the most likely explanation. She’d hoped that the desire for progress in their physical relationship, however, would be mutual, and eventually overpower his misgivings.
Stark was a young man. Young men were supposed to be ‘virile’- that was a word Fern had learnt in a book. She constantly noticed young men leering at her in the street. If they visited a tavern and Fern happened to have a moment alone, men would often come up and ask her out. Fern knew that she wasn’t bad looking, at least.
And Stark was her boyfriend! He was supposed to find her attractive!
“I’ve thought about that, but-“ She shook her head, resting it on her knees. “It just makes me doubt myself, that’s all.”
Frieren kept trying to be supportive. “Have you told him about any of this?”
That was often Sein’s advice when Stark and Fern were having issues, the elf remembered. Communication.
“Not really, no.”
A slight look of confusion passed over the elf’s face. “Then why not just ask him to have sex with you?”
More spluttering. “Frieren-sama, that’s not how this is supposed to work. It would be wrong if I had to ask him to do it.”
“Why?”
“Because that wouldn’t be right. I want him to want me, not to feel like it’s forced.” She fiddled with her fingers. “Also, that would be embarrassing.”
That, Frieren truly could not comprehend. “But why would it be embarrassing?”
“I don’t know. It just is.”
She shrugged. “It wasn’t embarrassing at all when I had sex.”
Fern snorted, without really hearing her. “But that’s different. You’re an elf, and we both know painfully well that elves see things-“
The apprentice stopped dead.
Her master’s words were finally settling in.
“Frieren-sama. Did you just say what I thought you just said?”
The elf repeated herself, and for the second time that conversation, Fern leapt up from the bed like a salmon.
This time, her head came dangerously close to hitting the short ceiling of the inn.
She covered her mouth her hands, the blush on her face all-consuming. “Wait… really?! You’ve had sex?!”
“Yes,” Frieren said.
“With who?”
“Himmel,” she said, as if it were mindbogglingly obvious.
Hearing her master talk about so sex so openly was like hearing a toddler discuss advanced mathematics. It just didn’t seem right or appropriate. She’d gone from assuming that the elf didn’t even know what sex was to finding out she had experience. A shock for any apprentice, let alone Fern.
“Did this happen during your journey with the Hero Party?”
Frieren nodded. “It did.”
Fern breathed out. “That’s a lot to process, Frieren-sama.”
The elf didn’t understand why but gave her all the time required.
“Do you mind me asking questions about it?” Fern whispered.
“Go ahead. I don’t mind. Sex isn’t something to make a big fuss over, I don’t think. It’s a normal part of life.”
Fern hated having to acknowledge wisdom from Frieren. Here, it felt very wrong indeed. Why was she suddenly sounding like a responsible adult? Frieren was anything but!
“When did it happen?”
Frieren thought back in her time. “I would say it was about six or seven years into our journey.”
“So you and Himmel were in a relationship, this whole time?”
“A relationship? Like you and Stark?”
“Yes.”
The elf shook her head. “I wouldn’t say it was quite the same, no. Himmel and I never really discussed whether it was a relationship or not. It never occurred to me.”
“And Himmel never insisted that you were?”
“Not really, no.”
“Did Eisen and Heiter know about this?”
“As far as I’m aware, Himmel didn’t tell them it happened. I didn’t either.”
“But why not?!” Fern was shaking her head in disbelief. “Wouldn’t it be important, that you two were together?”
Frieren blinked. What happened between her and Himmel happened between her and Himmel alone. She never felt a need to put a label on it or talk about it with anyone but Himmel. Perhaps he’d just been following her lead? That, in itself, was a sudden realisation.
The apprentice could tell she was stumping her master a little, with all these new questions. Elves weren’t the same as humans: that much was obvious. They didn’t have ‘relationships’ in the same way. She tried to bring the conversation back towards something more comprehensible.
“Um… who was it who asked?”
“Neither of us really asked to have sex. It just happened in the moment.”
Fern was blushing again. “S-spontaneous?”
“Yes.”
“Was it nice?”
For the first time, the hint of a smile appeared on Frieren’s face, as the memory of the time she had sex with Himmel returned. It was a fond memory- one of the fondest of her life.
“It was lovely. I enjoyed it a lot.”
The apprentice giggled, unable to help herself. “Really?”
“Yes. You’ll enjoy it too, I’m sure. There’s no reason why you wouldn’t.”
“But Stark’s so uninterested…”
“I don’t think he would be if you just asked him,” Frieren objected. “The first time it happened with Himmel was spontaneous, but afterwards, both of us asked each other to have sex without any issue.”
“R-really?! You… you did it with him a lot?”
“Yes. Why, there was a time when we were doing it almost every day.”
“Frieren-sama!” she gasped. “That’s so lewd!”
She shrugged. “If you say so.”
Fern shuffled closer to her master, looking intently at this new, undiscovered trove of sexual expertise. “Where was your first time?”
“Hmm?”
“As in, where did you do it? Was it just in an inn, like this?”
“No, actually. It was on the beach.”
“Excuse me?!” Fern practically shrieked. “It was in public?”
“No, it wasn’t a beach with lots of people around. We were quite far up the coast, well away from the nearest settlement.”
“O-okay… so it was private.”
“Yes.” Frieren thought back to the moment itself. “Well, Eisen and Heiter were there too, but otherwise it was private.”
“Huh?!”
The elf was tilting her head again. “Why is that so surprising?”
All of a sudden, a wave of doubt came crashing over Fern’s head. Her purple eyes narrowed down to slits as she took in the sight of her master, looking at her with all the emotional empathy of a stunted rock formation.
Was any of this really true? Was she really supposed to believe that, despite all of the evidence to the contrary, Frieren had an active sex life? One that had never resulted in an official relationship? One which had never been questioned by Eisen and Heiter, who also, apparently, had witnessed their first time?
Something was wrong here. Yet it didn’t seem like Frieren was lying…
“Frieren-sama,” she began, very slowly, “would you mind explaining what sex is to me?”
“Hmm? You don’t know? But I thought-“
“It’s not about that. Just explain it to me. Please.”
She raised an eyebrow. It seemed odd that her apprentice would need an explanation after the long conversation they’d had about this exact topic. Still, she was the master and Fern was the apprentice. It was quite literally her job to explain things to Fern.
“Sex is a special hug between two people who like each other very much,” she said, quoting her master Flamme verbatim.
A long, long silence fell over the room. The elf watched, curious, as Fern began to pinch the bridge of her nose with fingers, before moving to massaging her temples, only to then move on to long, disappointed sighs.
It seemed her worst suspicions had been proven true.
“While that may be true, Frieren-sama, I would appreciate a little more detail.”
“Detail? How so?”
“Could you give me a more…” She sighed again. “A more anatomical explanation.”
“I could demonstrate it to you, if you’d like.”
Her purple eyes widened. “Excuse me?”
“I could demonstrate having sex with you-“
She stood up, moving away from her master, covering her chest with her arms. “T-that won’t be necessary, Frieren-sama,” she forced out. This was the final, unassailable piece of evidence that confirmed her worst suspicions.
“Are you sure? It won’t take long,” Frieren continued, opening her arms-
“I don’t want to have sex with you!” she snapped, only to start blushing all over again when she realised what she’d said.
The elf pouted. “That’s a little rude, isn’t it? There’s nothing wrong with-“
“Forget it! Just… just try to explain how you did it with Himmel.”
“I put my arms around him,” Frieren explained, with upmost poise. She mimed a regular hug. “Like this.”
More pinching of the bridge of her nose. More elongated sighs of disappointment.
“Frieren-sama. That’s not what sex is.”
She frowned. “But that was the explanation Flamme gave me. I don’t see why she would lie.”
“It’s not so much that Flamme was lying and more so that she didn’t tell you everything,” Fern mumbled, holding her arm awkwardly. Their roles of master and apprentice had been reversed, to her dismay.
“And what would ‘everything’ be?”
There was some shuffling and prevarication before Fern plonked herself down on the bed again, right next to her master. She brushed some hair away and, red in the face, leaned over to whisper in her master’s ear.
“Sex isn’t just a ‘special hug between two people who like each other very much’. It’s…”
She went on to provide the full explanation.
Frieren took a moment to absorb the information. Fern watched her reaction carefully. The elf didn’t seem very shocked or surprised, which was in itself a shock. There was a slight upturn of her mouth, almost like she’d remembered a forgotten detail- misplaced a grimoire, or something to that effect. Not much else.
“Hmm…” Frieren glanced up at the ceiling, still absorbing. “So when humans are talking about ‘sex’, you mean what elves would call ‘mating’.”
“Huh?”
The elf nodded. “I’ve read about ‘mating’ in some old elven scripts. What you just described, when the penis goes in the-“
“-you don’t have to say it out loud-“
“-that’s what elves would call ‘mating’, but what humans would call ‘sex’.” She scratched her chin like a repressed philosopher. “Intriguing.”
“Whatever you say.” Fern coughed. “So when you say that you and Himmel had sex on the beach, I assume you mean that you only hugged. You didn’t really have sex.”
Frieren was non-plussed. “Well, we also mated too.”
“Exactly. So this has all been a big misunderstanding… wait, WHAT?!”
This time, Fern really did hit her head on the low ceiling. She was not only jumping like a salmon but had managed to turn a similar shade of pink.
“Y-you… you actually did have sex with Himmel?”
“If sex is really the same as mating, then yes.”
“Not just a special hug?”
“No, although now that I think about it, sometimes we did both at the same time.”
“H-how? Why?!”
Frieren thought back to the first time she ‘mated’ with Himmel. In truth, the memory wasn’t anywhere near as fond to her as when she had a ‘special hug’ with Himmel on the beach. That had felt much more intimate, much more personal. She’d felt her heart beat faster from the way his arms wrapped around her. She’d assumed that was why humans cared so much about having ‘sex’.
It had been nice in a way that was difficult for her to describe.
The first time she ‘mated’ with Himmel had none of the same effect. They’d been drunk after a tavern visit and stumbled back to the inn well beyond midnight. Eisen and Heiter had already retired. Frieren and Himmel returned together, laughing through the drunkenness.
By then, they’d acquired enough fame and fortune to afford personal rooms. Himmel had accompanied Frieren to her room, playing the role of the gentleman to perfection. They’d stumbled through the door and lost their footing.
All of a sudden, Himmel had been lying on top of her. She remembered the feel of his body pressed up against, his deep blue eyes staring into her own, the colour bright and clear even through her blurry vision. She remembered the way he shifted awkwardly on top of her, as if their closeness were painful to him. She remembered his hollow breathing, warm on her cheek. In, out, in, out.
It just so happened to be a mere week after Frieren had read that elven tome on ‘mating’, which they discovered in a dungeon. The particulars of ‘mating’ had been fresh in her mind. She’d been somewhat curious about it.
She knew that, when elven or human men wanted to mate, they started to show conspicuous signs of desire.
The most important of those conspicuous signs of desire had suddenly started pressing up against her thigh. By the time Himmel was scrambling to stand up, to put some distance between them, Frieren had already noticed.
It all spiralled from there. Curiosity killed the cat, and indeed Himmel’s dignity and self-restraint.
The elf recounted all this to her apprentice, who listened with bated breath, hanging on her every word. She sat back down next to her master, still pink in the face, still struggling to get to grips with all the details.
“Did this ever happen again, Frieren-sama?” she whispered.
“Sometimes. Not often though.”
“Why not?”
Frieren scratched her head, a little sheepish. “Looking back, I think I can see why. You see, Himmel didn’t bring up the first time we mated- had sex, I should say- for a good few months after it happened. So I assumed it was a one-off incident and let things carry on as if it never happened.”
“You don’t sound very enthusiastic about it, even now.”
“That’s because it wasn’t very enjoyable the first time. From what I’ve read and felt myself, elves don’t get as much pleasure from sex as humans do. It’s more of a practicality for us.”
“Perhaps Himmel thought you regretted it…?”
“You might be right. But that all changed after our time on the beach. We were just lying there on the sand, looking out at the waves. Eisen and Heiter were messing around a little way off. Himmel was making jokes, talking about our journey. The usual. And…”
For the very first time in the conversation, Frieren seemed a little embarrassed. “For whatever reason, I started thinking about ‘sex’. Flamme told me it was a special hug between two people who liked each other very much. And while we were sitting there, I suddenly got this urge to try it with Himmel. I’m not sure why. He was smiling, and we were having fun, and… I suppose I got curious again. So I reached out and hugged him.”
Fern gasped, now wholeheartedly invested. “How did he react?”
“He seemed surprised, at first, but returned it. We hugged each other for quite a while. I don’t remember how long, but it was nice and warm. I enjoyed it a lot more than the ‘mating’. I wouldn’t have minded if he kept on hugging me for the rest of the evening. But eventually, he pulled away.”
The memory was as sweet as ever in her mind. The sun falling below the distant horizon line on the ocean. The golden sun reflecting off the water, almost as golden as the sand on which they lay. Himmel looking at with an expression she couldn’t describe, having just let her go, and looking as if doing so had been one of the worst decisions of his life.
She’d smiled at him and told her the truth.
“I really enjoyed having sex with you, Himmel. In fact, I wouldn’t mind doing it again.”
Fern was beginning to understand the full scale of the misunderstanding by now. She looked at Frieren, blown away by the sheer force of her idiocy.
“And Himmel didn’t think you were talking about the hug. He thought you were talking about the time you actually had sex.”
Frieren pulled an awkward face. “In hindsight, that may be true.”
“How in the name of the Goddess didn’t you realise?” she uttered, barely holding it together.
“Well, I did think it was weird how, whenever we had special hugs after that, we also ended up mating-“
“And you never thought to mention it?!” the apprentice shouted.
The elf pressed her fingers together. “It didn’t seem like much of a problem. Besides, after awhile, the mating wasn’t so bad either-“
“Frieren-sama, I can’t believe this! After all this time, I find out that you’re a massive pervert!”
Fern feared she would never recover from these revelations. It had been something of a comfort that, no matter how hard it became to encourage Stark’s virility, there would always be someone with less experience than her. Frieren was supposed to be that person. But now, she couldn’t even fall back on such a cruel comfort.
Even Frieren had a more active sex life than her, who hadn’t even realised she was having sex at the time.
This was the lowest of the low.
Frieren, who was somewhat reeling from the centuries-late revelations herself, put her arm around the mortified Fern.
“If it helps, this should make things easier for you.”
“Oh really? How?” Her voice was sarcastic.
“Sex or mating or whatever you want to call it isn’t something you should overthink. I certainly didn’t.“
“That’s the understatement of the century, Frieren-sama.”
“But it’s true. I was curious about what Flamme told me, so I reached out and hugged Himmel. You’ve made it clear that you’re also curious about having sex with Stark. I still don’t see why he wouldn’t be curious too. So just ask him. It will be fine.”
Fern lay back against her pillow once Frieren had finally drifted off beside her, the elf's breathing slow and even, utterly unbothered by the conversation that had just upended several months of Fern's self-image.
Don't overthink it.
It would appear that the worst possible source of romantic wisdom in the world- her very own Frieren-sama- had stumbled onto something resembling a point. Fern stared at the ceiling, replaying the conversation, picking it apart, desperate not to give her master credit.
The elf shouldn’t have been rewarded for such cluelessness in her own love life. And yet she was.
Unfortunately, it was hard to argue with the logic.
She thought about marching down the corridor right then and dragging Stark out of bed. Preferably into her own. She decided against it. Frieren made it sound so easy, but Frieren had also spent a good few years failing to notice she was sleeping with someone, so her judgment on what counted as "easy" was rather suspect.
Still. Tomorrow, maybe. Or the day after…
Fern fell asleep feeling rather more excited than before. Or as her master described it, ‘curious’.
One week later, Frieren sat bolt upright in bed, glaring at the wall between her room and Stark's. Or rather, what had become Stark and Fern’s room.
Through the wall came another thump, followed by Fern's voice, too muffled to make out words, but not the tone of someone in danger. Quite the opposite. The thump was followed by Stark's voice, itself followed by entirely too much laughter for this late hour.
By now, it was every night. Frieren was getting very, very tired of Stark and Fern never getting tired.
How did they have so much energy? Were they using a spell? It had to be a spell. That was the only explanation.
The elf pulled her pillow over her head. It didn't help. Stark, who couldn't even drink orange juice without Fern’s permission, had developed an assertive gene of late. And Fern didn’t appear to be complaining.
Another thump. More laughter.
Frieren reached for her staff and considered casting something through the wall just loud enough to make a point, then remembered how cranky Fern could get and thought better of it.
Instead, she got up, walked to the door, and knocked with as much weary, ancient dignity as she could muster.
The noise stopped immediately. There was a long, guilty silence.
"Some of us," Frieren said flatly, to the closed door, "are trying to sleep."
A pause. Then Stark's voice, mortified: "S-sorry! We’ll try to keep it down!”
Fern's voice, considerably less apologetic: "This is your fault, Frieren-sama."
Frieren stood there a moment longer, then turned and walked back to her own room. There was a singular thought running through her mind, with mounting regret, that would continue to run through her mind for a long time.
I should have let her keep overthinking.