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Gabriel’s list of favorite things has changed a lot over his time on earth. It used to be filled with things like “The screams of a deserving victim” or “Watching the other God’s scramble after a well-placed prank” but that was a long time ago, back when he was still taking his anger at Heaven out on the world. That was before he met Sam Winchester. Even then, it took him forever to realize what was happening and by the time he had, he’d already pitted Sam against his brother, tortured Sam to the brink of his sanity, and thrown them into an alternate reality in order to prove a point. He’d tried to redeem himself by facing off against his once beloved older brother, who then killed him point-blank. He wasn’t sure he was forgiven then, especially because when he woke up again he was back in Heaven, and on Earth, Sam Winchester was fighting death against the Trials, trying to close the gates of Hell. Gabriel would have given anything to be able to go down there and shake some sense into Sam, to tell him completing them meant more time in Hell, but he couldn’t. Whenever he got too close to the Gates he was stopped, like someone had put a force field around the entirety of Heaven just for him. The other angels could come and go as they pleased, but Gabriel was on lock down. He had no choice but to sit back and watch the man he’d come to admire kill himself. He’d already heard the stories of Sam’s sacrifices, throwing himself into the Pit to lock away both Michael and Lucifer (which left Gabriel the most powerful angel in Heaven, or it should have, but Gabriel was useless where he was), and these trials, and he’d heard of Sam’s soulless times on Earth, saw the way memories from the pit drove him insane through the eyes of other angels. He wished he could go back then too, to tell him that what he saw down there wasn’t Lucifer at all, Michael maybe, but mostly the cruelty that is Hell itself. Gabriel wanted to fix Sam Winchester, but he couldn’t.
In Heaven Gabriel’s list of favorite things revolved completely around Sam. It included things like “When Sam is honest about how much he’s hurting” and “The way Sam keeps fighting.” It was significantly shorter than any other lists before it.
That was years ago, before the fall. Gabriel had been one of the first to feel it coming, as he had been watching the Winchesters and Castiel. He felt his little brother’s pain as he lost his grace and Gabriel knew what was coming. The rumors that Metatron was back had been confirmed and Gabriel knew exactly what that meant, he had been there as The Word was being written, had been there as his Father dictated what needed to be written and hadn’t thought what those instructions would bring. Gabriel tried to reach out the Winchesters again at that moment, his last moments as an angel focused on the way Sam tried to fight off the effects of the Trials and how weak his favorite human was. Gabriel landed close to the Men of Letters bunker, not that he knew it at the time, but didn’t find the Winchesters until a few weeks after he fell.
Sam was the one to convince Dean that Gabriel wasn’t a threat to them anymore and was just as human as Castiel and all the other fallen angels they found. For the first few months living with the Winchesters was awkward, though Gabriel still watched Sam when he thought the hunter wasn’t paying any attention to him. His updated list then said things like “The way Sam’s hair looks when he stumbles out of his room in the morning after researching all night” and “How Sam includes me in things even though I’m useless now.” It was during those months of living in close quarters with Sam that Gabriel fell in love with him.
It was months after that that Gabriel noticed Sam was watching him too. He would smile when he noticed Gabriel enjoying himself. Almost like he was happy Gabriel was adjusting so well to human life, and Gabriel was, he preferred it over his previous lock down in Heaven and even though he missed his archangel abilities he would choose the human life over being trapped any day.
The first time Sam kissed Gabriel was after a long hunt in which Gabriel had gotten himself thrown hard against a tree by an angry werewolf and landed on his wrist, fracturing it. Dean and Castiel were out on the other side of town chasing down the werewolf’s friend. Once Sam had been able to kill the wolf he came to Gabriel’s side and showed him how to hold his wrist so it had the most support but the ex-angel wouldn’t stop whimpering. Sam tried his best to soothe him, wiping away his tears and shushing his cries softly; even as Gabriel’s tears slowed he looked like he was ready to burst out crying again. It was strange to Gabriel, he’d never cried like that before in his life. Even after the fall the tears he cried were for his fallen brothers, and before that he hadn’t had the ability to cry but at that moment he was crying because he was in pain. Sam understood that this type of pain was new to him and even though it hurt less than when he had fallen Gabriel couldn’t stop the tears. Sam helped Gabriel to his feet, wrapping an arm around the smaller man and pressing a soothing kiss to his forehead. Gabriel had made a questioning sound even through his whimpering and Sam had smiled and told him it was alright while smoothing his hair back. Gabriel pressed closer to Sam after that looking for more comfort and Sam had wiped the last of his tears away. It was later sitting in a hospital room after Gabriel had gotten a cast on his wrist that Sam kissed him on the lips, and Gabriel still chased after his comfort.
After that their relationship developed as normally as it could between a fallen angel and a human. Sam would hunt with Dean, Gabriel would help out around the bunker while Castiel trained to hunt with the Winchesters, and Gabriel did not want to hunt. Gabriel said his killing days were over and that he didn’t want to get back to that. Gabriel cherished his moments with Sam and the way Sam seemed to be happier than Gabriel had ever seen him. His list of favorite things still revolved around Sam but it was much longer now with things like “How Sam smiles sleepily at me in the mornings when we wake up together” and “How Sam will throw his head back in laughter when I embarrass myself in public.” Gabriel even gave up his chance at becoming an angel again once Metatron was defeated, because he would rather have a life with Sam.
When Sam first brought up children Gabriel laughed it off, thinking Sam had to be kidding because how could they possibly be parents? Sam’s face had fallen and he’d dropped the conversation. Gabriel still hadn’t thought he was serious until he started noticing how Sam would smile at parents with their children and the fact he caught Sam staring longingly at a baby blanket that Gabriel realized Sam had been serious. Sam avoided the conversation whenever Gabriel brought it up for a long time; Gabriel was convinced it was because he had blown off the conversation at first. It took over a year to work out everything and it was thanks to years of experience on all of their accounts, Sam and Dean with their ability to forge paperwork and Gabriel’s persuasiveness, that Sam and Gabriel were able to adopt a baby boy. That was the year Gabriel’s list started to revolve around more than just Sam.
Robert Dean Winchester’s first words were “Dada,” “Papa,” and “Dean.” Sam had nearly cried when his son said his brother’s name for the first time, and Dean did cry. Gabriel thought his family was perfect, dysfunctional and dangerous, but perfect. His little boy had bright hazel eyes and a pout that challenged his father’s. If he had to pick a quality about his son he wished would change it would have been the fact that Robert wanted to be just like Uncle Dean, but even that was the most adorable thing he had ever seen.
When Robert turned fourteen he decided he wanted to be a hunter (they had never tried to keep their lifestyle a secret from him.) Sam fought with him on it for a while but eventually caved because he knew Robert was stubborn enough to go out and hunt anyway and if Sam approved of it at least Robert could be properly trained by all of them. Still, Gabriel found Sam sobbing in their bedroom because his son had joined the lifestyle he never wanted him to be a part of. Gabriel would hold Sam through the night on days like that. And when Robert went out on his first hunt without him while he was still in training, Gabriel tried his best to soothe his hunter.
Gabriel’s list was filled to the brim with things about his family he never wanted to forget. Even as they aged Gabriel would add things. With his hand in Sam’s as they watched their son practice shooting with Dean, Gabriel was the happiest he’d ever been in all of his existence.
Things from Gabriel’s favorite’s list:
- The way Sam steals the covers at night
- The way Sam gets mad when I wrap Robert’s presents wrong
- The way Sam makes coffee in the morning
- The way Sam’s shirts fit
- The way Robert looks at me when he’s aggravated with his father
- The way Sam gives Robert the world
- The way Sam can pick me up and carry me
- The way he still smiles at me
- My son, Robert Dean Winchester
- The bunker we made our home
- The way Sam’s proud of Robert
- The way Sam’s proud of me
- Sam