Chapter Text
Teetee winced, shifting side to side in his seat to try and find a position comfortable enough to be able to stand the long hours of travel that awaited. He leaned slightly to the left side, giving his right a moment of relief.
If it was going to hurt this much, I would’ve considered taking the flight more seriously.
At the beginning, the seats seemed comfortable enough. Rows of seats covered in a soft fabric with a generous amount of leg space and small tables attached. One could say that they were even a bit too plush. However, that quickly became false as the pain started to creep up his spine after taking root in his tailbone.
Realistically, he really could’ve taken the flight. The money his mother had sent him for any travel expenses would’ve been more than enough, but it wouldn’t be right to waste more than he should just to ensure his comfort. Especially not with the money of someone who was close to having the label of a stranger.
It would be almost seven years straight with minimal contact with his mother and brother. Only seeing them briefly about three years ago when his older brother, Yim, had graduated college. His dad had only allowed them to attend the actual ceremony, skipping any after parties with the excuse that Teetee had important exams he still had to prepare for. Not only did he have no exams, but school had been cancelled for a few days due to some maintenance issues that were deemed dangerous enough to not have students and faculty present. But Teetee had known better than to contradict his father’s words. He could only play along, ignoring the voice in his head that begged him to open his mouth and use his actual voice for once.
At the sight of his mother, his heart had clenched with a longing he hadn’t known he was capable of feeling. Still, he had only been able to muster up a polite smile in contrast to the wide grin on her face that faltered for just a second the moment her eyes landed on the man behind him.
The whole ceremony had been a blur. The loud music and chatter had quickly become more overwhelming than he had expected. Teetee vaguely remembered speaking short phrases in response to his mother’s questions, aware of his father looming over his shoulder. The next thing he knew, he was being pushed out of the building after saying a quick congratulations to Yim and that had been the end of their encounter.
Teetee shook his head slightly, trying to physically erase the memories.
If I keep thinking about how long it has been, I’ll only get even more nervous.
Instead, he tried to focus on the scenery out the window. The vast greenery that seemed endless, and the way the grass swayed with the wind that he was all too familiar with after years of feeling its gentle caress across his face. All of the colors were so vibrant almost as if they had been enhanced with the rainfall from the day prior. The view would be something he was going to miss for sure.
Or more like the only thing I have to miss.
Even if it made him sound pathetic, the truth was that he had no friends. When he had first arrived in Chiang Mai with his father, everyone had been eager to meet the new kid. He had been crowded with questions and invites to hangouts with friendly smiles. Every time he brought it up to his dad, it was quickly shut down, only leaving him with the option to reject all of his peers. Eventually, he stopped asking for permission and people stopped inviting him, already aware of his answer. As he got older, people knew it was pointless to talk to him. He was never allowed to go anywhere, wasn’t allowed to have a phone and never was willing to talk about himself.
It had only been about a year that he had finally been allowed a phone. Although, it was mostly because the school had started to require many things online that his dad didn’t want to be bothered at the idea of having to let him constantly borrow his.
Throughout all these years, his only form of contact with his mother had been through his father. The excuse always being about something legal from the divorce.
Til this day, he wasn’t too sure exactly what had happened between them. All he knew was that at ten years old, the yelling had started. At eleven, his dad stopped coming home most nights. At twelve, he had been told he would have to leave with his father while Yim was old enough to stay with their mother. There wasn’t much else to know and even if he asked he wouldn’t get any answers anyway.
The voice through the intercom brought Teetee out of his thoughts.
1 more hour left.
The familiar churn in his stomach returned at the reminder. After seven years, Teetee would finally return to Bangkok with his mother and Yim for his second year of college. He had originally thought about staying in Chiang Mai for college for veterinary. However, one of his professors had called him into his office, trying to convince him to transfer colleges with the claim that there was a better program in Bangkok where he had multiple talented colleagues that could be of good use to him. It had been a conflicting decision that had taken months and months of weighing the pros and cons. In the end, he realized not much was holding him down anymore. He wasn’t a twelve year old boy that couldn’t go anywhere without a guardian anymore.
With clammy hands balled into fists at his side and an ache in his stomach, he had brought up the idea to his father by throwing his professor under the bus, stating that he had been very convincing and insistent. His father had sighed, a clear sign of annoyance, and gave him a long look.
“Do whatever you want,” had been the only response he had gotten. Why he had suddenly decided to step back after years of control? Who knows.
Within the next few days, Teetee had managed to get a hold of his mother's phone number. For the first time in years, they had held an hour-long call consisting of careful planning and discussing any details. Before he knew it, the transfer had been accepted and the ride home booked. His father had not bothered to see him off, but he expected that much.
Teetee could only hope he wouldn't come to regret this or else it would only mark another failure into his record.
I just need to hold on a little longer.
—--------------------------
The moment his feet touched the concrete outside of the train, the uneasy feeling multiplied.
There's no going back now.
He glanced at the signs, trying to find his way out. Before he could take a step, a familiar voice stood out from the crowd, calling his name.
“Tee!”
He looked side to side, his eyes unable to focus on a single face. The overwhelming feeling he had once felt at Yim's graduation ceremony returning.
He stayed still a couple more seconds until he felt a touch on his sleeve. His head snapped to the opposite side, his eyes immediately landing on his mother's face, even if it took him a second to completely register it. He took a moment to take her in, making sure it was actually her. His chest tightened at the realization that she had gained a few lines around the corner of her eyes, a true sign of how much had truly passed by.
“Mom?” His voice came out softer than he meant, unwillingly letting vulnerability shine through.
“Look at you,” she sounded a bit breathless, “you're so grown up now.”
Her hand stayed clenched at her side, as if she was resisting the urge to touch him in the slightest and scare him away.
Teetee pursed his lips, shifting on his feet feeling unsure of how to react. He had become so conditioned to have no reactions to anything, he wasn’t sure how a regular person would respond.
His mother cleared her throat, “Come, you must be tired. Yim and the others are waiting at home. I just didn’t want you to feel crowded as soon as you arrived,” she smiled.
Others?
She made a move to reach out for his bag.
Teetee’s grip on the handle tightened, “It’s okay, I can handle it myself.”
Her smile dimmed slightly, but nodded regardless, retreating her hand.
“Let’s go then.”
—----------
The car ride had been awkward. The only noise being the low rumbling of the engine and soft music playing from the radio. Teetee had felt the occasional side glance, but he stayed committed to keeping his eyes focused in front of him.
Despite it being such a long time, the streets began to become increasingly familiar. The same convenience store on the corner, the building more worn down now.
Eventually, he sees it. The same house he had grown up in. It looked almost the same except for a few new decorative additions. A windchime hanging near the front porch with multiple pots of flowers decorating the area. Somehow the house looked a lot more lively than it ever had when he was present.
As soon as the car started to pull into the driveway, multiple figures burst through the front door. Teetee’s fist stayed clenched, his nails digging into the palm of his hands in an attempt to ground himself. He could feel his heart start to pump faster against his chest, the thumping ringing in his ears.
Taking a deep breath, he opened the car door and stepped foot outside.
“Teetee!”
His name was followed by loud footsteps across the pavement. He didn’t even have time to react when he was thrown off balance, strong arms wrapping around him.
“Kong! Be careful, you’re going to knock him down,” someone behind him called.
Kong loosened his grip but his hands remained on his shoulders. Teetee could see a clear view of his face now. Features grown up now, still soft but now with a sharp edge to them. His hair was a soft dark brown, tousled as it was a longer length than he used to keep it at. Big eyes shined as they moved around his face, trying to take him in as fast as possible.
“Sorry, I got too excited,” His voice was deeper now and a bit out of breath, “Here let me.”
Unlike his mother, Kong grabbed his bag before he had any chance to protest. His free hand settled on his back, giving him a small push forward.
Teetee moved forward and his eyes settled on the rest of the crowd that had accumulated around the porch. He recognized Yim immediately. His older brother that he had once been so close with. All those times the yelling got loud, he would make sure to distract Teetee with a game or a story, always trying his best to shield him. His heart swelled, but he remained expressionless.
“Welcome home,” Yim took a step forward and offered him a smile. He reached up slightly, patting his shoulder somehow aware of how overwhelmed Teetee must be. Teetee gave him one of his classic polite smiles and a small nod of acknowledgement.
His aunt, Kong’s mother, gave him a quick hug with the usual comments of how much he had grown and how handsome he was now.
His mother was now the one pushing him forward, which he was grateful for. If no one had been, he might’ve just stayed taken root in one spot.
Inside the home, it was familiar and not at the same time. Certain pieces of furniture were still there, but others had been replaced. Just like the outside, the inside was now a lot more decorated. Little knick-knacks and paintings with vibrant colors adorned the room.
Teetee was so engrossed in taking in the environment that he almost jumped when his eyes landed on two new faces standing by the doorway of the kitchen.
Sensing the small surprise in his face, Kong quickly put the bag down and gestured at the two boys over.
“They were helping with some last minute things. But let me introduce you,” Kong said before pointing to the taller one, “This is Thomas, my boyfriend and Thomas, this is Teetee my favorite cousin.”
Thomas blushed at the introduction before quickly regaining his composure, “Nice to meet you, Teetee. I have heard a lot about you from Kong.”
Teetee slightly raised an eyebrow at the idea of being a subject of one Kong’s conversations because there was not much to say about him in the first place. Regardless he politely smiled, “Likewise.”
Kong turned to the one next to him, “And this is Por, his brother and one of my best friends.”
Por gave him a big smile that showed his gums, while his eyes stayed locked on Teetee’s.
“Hi. I hope we can get along,” Por’s voice was smooth and a bit deeper than he had expected with the way he appeared to have soft, almost cute-like features. His eyes were big and his skin was flawless, looking soft to the touch. The messy black hair contrasting his fair skin. Teetee took in his response that seemed like he was the one arriving at a new place and not Teetee.
Is he introducing himself to the classroom or what?
Teetee glanced at Kong and then again at Por whose eyes had not moved in the slightest, “Nice to meet you.”
He quickly looked away, feeling unsettled by the way his eyes were locked onto him.
It feels like he’s trying to stare into my soul.
Instead he turned to his mother who gently grabbed his sleeve, “I cleaned your room. Everything is just like you left it. You must be tired so get some rest and come down whenever you’re ready.”
As he followed his mother up the stairs, he couldn’t help but still feel a pair of eyes on him. In curiosity, he glanced back only to be met with Por’s gaze.
Okay, weird.
Teetee looked away and if he went up the stairs just a bit faster, that was no one’s business.
—--------------------------------
Teetee sighed in relief as the door to the room closed and he was finally left alone. He scanned the room and what his mother had said was true. Everything was just like how it used to be, except the one who used to sleep there.
Honestly, there wasn’t much in the room in the first place. Afterall, he had only been twelve so there wasn’t much he had been able to accumulate. The only decorations being old drawings, books scattered around, and a few photo frames. The walls were still the same shade of purple he had once chosen. His bed seemed to be the only difference as it was no longer the small bed, but a double-bed now fit enough for his height.
He threw the bag down and plopped onto the bed. He couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty as he remembered everyone’s expressions at the sight of him. Everyone had seemed so excited and he could not even respond with a fourth of that same enthusiasm. He could only imagine how they must be talking about him downstairs. Probably making comments on his thin appearance, his sunken eyes, his lack of affection.
Teetee ran his hands through his hair out of frustration. He knew this was going to be hard. He had repeated that to himself countless times when making this decision, but he couldn’t help but start feeling trapped. He was now in a place that had been his, but now it wasn’t. He was a stranger to this house and to the people in it. It felt like going on leave from your job and returning weeks later to twenty new employees that you didn't know if your position still existed.
Teetee couldn’t help but want to return with his father. Not because he missed him, but because of the familiarity. Teetee knew what every expression of his father meant. Every minuscule twitch was tied to an emotion that Teetee could easily identify and adjust himself too. These people though, he didn’t have a clue. How was he supposed to know how to act around them if he couldn’t decipher them?
Before his thoughts could get any louder, there was a soft knock on the door followed by Kong’s voice, “Can I come in?”
Teetee took a breath in, trying to stabilize his shaky voice, “Yeah.”
The door opened and Kong reappeared. His expression was a lot softer than it was a few moments ago as if he was now aware of something.
“I know you probably want to rest but we were thinking of going to get some ice cream, if you want to come with?” Kong asked softly, “If not we can bring you something. No pressure.”
Teetee froze at the question.
How long had it been since someone had asked for his company? Or that someone had been considerate enough to think about him at all.
Teetee looked away unsure of how to answer as Kong waited patiently.
I shouldn’t intrude. This is probably something they would do on their own and now feel obligated to ask me.
Reaching his decision, Teetee looked at him again, “I’m okay, thank you. And you don’t have to bother, I am not a big fan of sweets anyway.”
He sighed quietly in relief at his answer.
Rejected the offer kindly and also made sure he doesn’t bother bringing me anything. Perfect answer.
That idea faltered as he watched Kong’s expression droop just a bit.
“Are you sure? You used to lo–,” Kong began but cut himself off. He sighed and nodded, “Sure. We’ll be back soon.”
Teetee nodded and watched as his door shut once again.
I can’t be greedy. I only take what I have to.
And if his decision had left a certain someone disappointed, Teetee wouldn’t know just yet.