Chapter Text
He hated it, he hated how the orphanage looked, how they treated him, how cold was the damn concrete. He hated how he felt all of these even more than a normal human would. His enhanced senses were a curse along side a gift.
He didn't know what he had done to be hated this much. But to be fair, he wasn't sad about that. He prefered being hated more than being loved. Being loved made you weaker, stupider. Like the other kids at the orphanage. The ones that were able to see the light of the day, the ones that were able to feel the trees and listen to the birds singing on the garden. Whereas he was stuck in this god forsaken basement. If you could even call it that. It was more like a torture chamber for kids with behavioral issues.
Atsushi didn't understand why there was even a place like that in an orphanage. In the end weren't they supposed to help the kids grow. They weren't supposed to torture them, bully them. They weren't supposed to abuse them.
He might've been young. Just about 13 years old, or thats what the headmaster (god he hated that man) told him, but even he knew that this wasn't normal. This orphanage was more of a nightmare than what it was supposed to be.
That's what the tiger said too. A white tiger, that glowed when the moonlight hit her at the right angles. Such a pretty creature it was. Atsushi didn't know why the thing could speak or why it choose to speak with him. But he knew one thing, and that was the beast was protecting him. She called herself Byakko which was in a way, kind of funny. The name itself meant white tiger. It was coming from the Japanese mythology.
Byakko also hated that place with her own heart. As she said "They are hurting you, cub. It's my job to protect you, and this place is making it harder for me to do my job. Oh how i wish i could just kill them all for your, for our sake."
She couldnt kill them though. Atsushi wouldn't let her. He was withholding it. Only for himself, he wouldn't let anyone else touch the man. No not even Byakko. He was obsessed with the idea of seeing the man whimpering in his own blood while lying on the floor.
In a way, it was the revenge he wanted more than anything else. That's what the headmaster has done to him, so now he needed to do the same to the man. It wasn't really what a 13 years old child should think about, really. But who cared?
He was already cursed as the adults said, so might as well become the devil in their eyes. That's what they told him anyways. When they still let him study with the other kids.
Even though they taught them how to write and read, the lessons were mostly about religion. Atsushi loved listening to them, perhaps it was because religion reminded him of his parents.
Or parent, because he could only remember a man in the picture. Maybe that's why he left him in a place such as this one. Such a sad life it was for the man, for sure. But anyways, like aforementioned he loved religion, he loved god.
They tried to make him believe that the god would hate him, they told him that was just how cursed he was. But no, no he didn't believe them. God wouldn't hate him without a reason, right? He was merely a child in the end. He didn't even have a name for the longest time. He chose his own name, Atsushi. It was the name of his favorite writer, Atsushi Nakajima. Just like him.
In a way it was laughable, really. Because the surname wasn't really chosen by him. It was the surname of the god awful headmaster he had, his so called "adoptive father". Nakajima. Such a tragic situation it was, having the same name as your favorite writer unintentionally. With a surname he didn't even want. But it is what it is in the end.
But yeah, he didn't believe that the god did hate him, even if he did let's just say. He probably had every right to do so. If he was to take action about to stuff he thought about, he was for sure to be a sinner. A big one at that. But was he really caring about it? Was he in need to give a single fuck for committing sins like it was records? He didn't know. How should he know, he was only a child. Like a little cub.
"You cursed child! How dare you do something like this! And in God's home of all places. I shall punish you, but what should the punishment be like?" The headmasters words echoes through the not so empty room. Almost all the caregivers were present in the church hall. How could you do something so careless like this?
"Let him die outside, Sir. He killed a person! Even more than that, she was our sunshine, she was a child who was going to become someone good for the nation, unlike this cursed brat!" A caregiver said. Rage and hatred evident in her voice. Together with the eyes that seemed like they cried for the last 10 years of their life. How could you lose control?
"Yes, headmaster. Not only did he kill her, but her body parts were missing. There is only one way we can explain this. We shall let go of this child. We shall not have any relation with him." Another caregiver chimed in. How much the way they called him out sounded like a slur to his ears.
How could you just go around, kill someone and eat them. How could you. You worthless child. Going around acting on your cannibalistic tendencies.
"Then let it be like this. I hereby declare before God, due to the sins you have committed, I shall therefore say that you are no longer apart of this orphanage. We can't endanger any more kids." The whay he told kids felt like a snake's hiss.
A shattering sound, deep within his heart was heard, not to outsiders but to him and Byakko. Was there even one? He wasn't sure. But there must be, right? If not, why did it hurt so much? Why did being expelled from the orphanage he hated so much affect him that badly.
"Byakko, what shall I do. How am I supposed to live alone on the streets like this?!" Asked Atsushi, in his mind to Byakko. Maybe the reason for his suffering would have an answer to his questions.
"Just wait a little, my child. Everything will fit into it's place like a completed puzzle in no time. You shall trust me this time." Said the tiger, confidence radiating from her. Like she knew something that nobody did. And maybe she did, who knew.
"Take him outside, [___]. We shall not see him anymore. The more he stays here, the more trouble he will cause. Because that's what he is, a walking trouble. Perhaps the Devil." The headmasters words were cold.
Maybe even colder than the concrete floor of the basement he was usually chained in. Which in itself was ironic, he had heightened senses, that's why it felt cold. But emotions? He could only feel anger and hatred for god knows how long. Stripped from any emotion that made him feel human. So why did his words felt colder, more painful than all the abuse he went through? Was that how he was supposed to feel?
"Yes headmaster, your wish is my command." This place really reminded him of the books he read about the cults when he still had an access to the library. One man to rule them all, no questions asked. If you disobey, you are no better than a trash. But if you don't, and he likes you; you shall be the right hand of the man in charge.
"Come with me, Atsushi-chan. It's time for you to go now." The caregiver said in a tone that was full of faux sweetness. It almost felt like a plea, to be forgived, to not be killed. Like the kid that night, one so innocent. But the adult wasn't innocent. Atsushi has heard things, has seen things. So why was she pleading? Was it just not better to put her out of her sins? Would she not rather that over the wrath of God? In the end, who was he to question her "authority".
He was getting out of this hell hole, anyway. So what's better than to accept the little bit of sweetness, even if it was fake, before being left alone to probably die in a ditch somewhere. Just like how they always wanted him to meet his doom. Maybe that was their plan all this time, who knew? Not Atsushi, that's for sure.
"I do believe you have no personal belongings to your name, Atsushi-chan. So i will be taking you outside right this instant." There was no room for a 'no i have personal belongings to my name'. That would've been a big lie, anyways. Atsushi didn't like lying, that was one thing he was really against. Yet he was forced to doing just that, just for survival. Going against his principles like it didn't matter in anyway.
How beautiful was the moon. How beautiful was the noctiluca. He never imagined moonlight would look this pretty on a river. The way it shined and bathe the young boy that stood infront of her. Atsushi only saw the moon from the gaps between the iron bars when he was in the basement, he didn't even remember what happened before that. But that didn't matter he felt such a hard connection towards the moon in that second that it felt surreal.
Like something in him was eager to break out of his insides and just ascent to the light orb above. It felt like devotion, towards God. But in this case, the God was the Moon and the devotee was someone he knew really well. Byakko it was. No wonder the tiger looked really pretty beneath the moon when they were in the basement. Atsushi however, did wonder how prettier she would look with her full glory now they were outside, in the mercy of the moon.
That also made him realize, Byakko wasn't just a separate being that spoke in his brain. But that they were one. That they were also sharing a body, no wonder Byakko was really persistent with protecting her cub. He really was her cub. That in some way, made him feel better. But in other cases scared him to his core. Was that really proving the point of his headmaster about him being cursed? Or was it a gift from god, for the thing he will have to overcome.
He mustn't care about those things for now though. What he must care about is how the hell he was supposed to stay alive in this place. He didn't have anywhere to go, he didn't have anything to sell for money. If it weren't for the headmaster he hated so much, he wouldn't even have an identity probably.
"Say, cub. Are you feeling hungry? I have a way that can make us feel full for quite some time." Asked Byakko gently. After the realization for some reason, that felt less creepy to him. Perhaps a little comforting, not that he would say this out loud any day.
"I mustn't lie, Byakko. I kinda am hungry. However I am also scared of what you are implying." Atsushi replied. A lot calmer than how he would've answer if he were back at the orphanage. Maybe getting out of there was really a lot healthier for him.
"Thou shall not worry, my child. No matter what happens, it is not you that they will blame. It will be me, so be kind and let me use thy body as i wish until the time comes." It felt like a command more than a request. But Atsushi knew better than dying out because of hunger. So he obliged.
The first night where he was completely all alone at the mercy of the people he didn't know. At a place he didn't recognize. And a world where he was sure, didn't work with the rules he imagined it would have. It was going to be a long night, wasn't it?
But it was okay, at least Byakko was here, ready to protect him from the dangers of this world. No matter what it takes.