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The white ceiling stared back at him. Though his vision was blurry, everything was dark and smoky before it became a little clearer.
It took him a while to adjust to the bright light. He hadn't seen light for days.
Seungmin looked around with a frown. It was a big room. Only then did he notice that he was lying on a bed-a soft, comfortable bed.
The room was too bright. The walls were painted in soft blue and off-white, with elegant furniture and handmade decorations. Nothing looked luxurious; it felt more like home.
Luxury.
The word sounded bitter sometimes.
He shook off those thoughts, trying to remember how he'd ended up in this bed, in this room, and apparently this house.
The last thing he remembered was the darkness. The basement. The silence.
Seungmin shivered at the memory.
He didn't like being caged.
The door moved slightly, and someone entered. Seungmin saw the man's figure through his blurry vision. As the man came closer, his vision became clearer.
Seungmin backed away quickly, his heart racing with fear.
This man was the one who had thrown him into the darkness-the basement.
Chan.
His eyes glistened with tears.
Why was he here?
Chan's smile faded. He frowned, setting the tray on the table before approaching Seungmin.
"Hey, love. What's wrong?" he asked gently.
Seungmin stared at Chan's face.
There was no way this man could even speak this gently, with this much worry.
He was supposed to be intimidating, scary, and harsh.
But... this wasn't what Seungmin had expected.
His fear faded quietly, though not entirely.
"W-Why... why am I here?" he asked, his voice shaking.
"What's wrong?" Chan asked again, quiet worry filling his voice.
Seungmin shook his head. His eyes filled with tears. He felt like crying.
He didn't know why, but he felt so emotional.
Chan quickly moved beside him and handed him a glass of water. Seungmin gulped it down, his hands shaking so badly he could barely hold the glass.
Chan's hand gently caressed his back.
His touch was so... gentle.
Chan took the glass from him and placed it back on the table before gently pulling Seungmin into an embrace.
Seungmin froze for a moment.
And then he melted into the touch.
He pressed his face against Chan's stomach before wrapping his arms around his waist.
Seungmin felt...
Safe.
Warm.
When was the last time someone had embraced him like this?
He couldn't remember.
And for now, he didn't want to.
It felt like he was breathing for the first time.
"Are you alright now?" Chan asked, gently patting his hair.
"I-I'm okay," Seungmin replied quietly.
Without thinking.
Even Seungmin didn't know why.
His mind relaxed at the sound of Chan's voice.
Chan nodded. "Eat breakfast, then you have to take your meds," he said, pulling away from the embrace.
Seungmin felt a little empty as Chan moved away.
"Meds?" he thought before asking.
"Are you still sleepy or feeling dizzy? Is your head hurting?" Chan asked with concern. "Or maybe it's post-accident trauma?"
"Accident?"
"Seungmin," Chan spoke gently, holding his hand.
"I'm sorry that happened," Chan said quietly.
"It was the night before yesterday. We were coming back from our date when I crashed into the woods."
He lowered his eyes.
"I should've been more attentive."
"It was my fault."
Seungmin felt a pang in his chest. He gently stroked Chan's hand.
But everything Chan had just said was beyond his memories.
Something was wrong.
The first thing was Chan.
This... Chan was... different.
Like the Chan he had met two days ago. Well, it was only a brief meeting before Chan ordered his men to put him in the basement. That's all Seungmin remembered about him.
But this...
The accident, the date, and everything this man had just said...it didn't sit right with him.
"I-I don't... remember that," Seungmin finally spoke, his throat tight.
Chan looked up.
"That's okay. Sometimes our brain forgets traumatic incidents on its own. You don't have to remember something so painful. I just want you to get healed and healthy again," Chan replied, placing a gentle kiss on Seungmin's knuckles.
Seungmin nodded.
Still confused.
He ate breakfast in silence. Then he took his medicine, and Chan tucked him back into bed, telling him he should rest a little more before placing a kiss on his forehead and quietly leaving the room.
But Seungmin couldn't sleep.
His mind was hazy.
Chan's words didn't make any sense to him.
He couldn't understand why he hadn't told Chan the truth. Even though he knew the truth, Chan's story didn't match his own memories, yet Seungmin had nodded as if he understood. He had even felt bad when Chan apologized.
It happened on its own.
Like he didn't have control over his body, his emotions, or even his mind.
Maybe he should really sleep.
Maybe after waking up, he'd be back in his reality, in his world, in his universe.
The thoughts refused to leave his mind.
It felt strange.
Strange in a way he couldn't answer or explain.
Like accepting everything because that's how it was supposed to be.
It confused him even more.
But not more than the man who had left his room a while ago.
Chan was someone he couldn't describe...
Only feel.
The concern in those eyes, the guilt in his voice, the warmth in every gentle touch...
None of it matched the man Seungmin remembered.
Yet somehow...
It was the only thing that felt real.
His eyelids grew heavy again.
Before he could hold onto another thought, sleep pulled him under once more.
───୨ৎ───
The noises from the television didn't reach Seungmin.
His mind was somewhere else.
He was sitting on the couch, hugging a plushie. Chan had left an hour ago, though Seungmin didn't know where he'd gone.
The whole day, he'd spent with Chan, and Seungmin had come to one conclusion.
This Chan was a good person.
Though Seungmin didn't talk much, Chan never stopped talking to him. He told him so many things.
Apparently, they were boyfriends.
In love since high school.
Chan had even shown him pictures of them together. There were so many-especially of him.
Or rather...
His look-alike.
Because Seungmin knew he had never been a part of those memories.
The way Chan's eyes sparkled whenever he talked about "him"...Those eyes weren't meant for Seungmin.
They belonged to someone else.
The person who was actually Chan's boyfriend.
Someone who simply looked like him.
Seungmin groaned, burying his face into the plushie.
Nothing was making sense.
He didn't know what he should do now.
He didn't belong here.
His world was... different.
Nothing like Chan's.
Chan's world was colorful and dreamy, filled with warmth and love.
His own was quiet.
Lonely.
Dark.
Seungmin had never complained, though.
He only knew one thing.
People got what they deserved.
So maybe...
He deserved that.
The thought made his stomach churn.
It might have been the truth, but it was still difficult to admit.
Difficult to accept.
He had accepted it a long time ago.
Yet somehow...
It still made him shiver.
What if he'd always be like this?
The loneliness and darkness would consume him one day...
And Seungmin would probably still tell himself he deserved it.
He shook those thoughts away.
None of that mattered right now.
What mattered was finding a way back.
Back to his own place.
Back to his own universe.
He would have to leave sooner or later.
How long could he keep pretending to be someone else?
His thoughts drifted for a moment.
When exactly had Chan left?
He frowned.
He remembered hearing the front door close...
But couldn't remember watching him leave.
The memory slipped away before he could hold onto it.
The sound of the front door opening made him jump.
Seungmin let out a quiet sigh of relief when he saw Chan.
Another strange thing about this Chan...
His presence alone made Seungmin relax.
But that was something to think about later.
Chan walked toward him, looking unusually pleased.
Seungmin met his eyes before quickly looking away.
"Here. Your favorites," Chan said with a smile, handing him a packet of snacks.
Seungmin's lips curved into a smile as he opened the packet and happily munched on the chips.
How did Chan know what he liked?
Chan's smile only widened at Seungmin's reaction. He gave him a gentle pat on the head before sitting beside him on the couch.
"The doctor told me to only feed you healthy food," Chan chuckled. "But I thought you might be missing these."
His hand remained on Seungmin's head, gently running through his hair.
"I-I like this... It's tasty," Seungmin muttered before offering Chan some.
"I know," Chan smiled.
Then he stood up and walked into the kitchen to put away the groceries he'd bought.
Seungmin finished the snacks far too quickly for his liking.
Still, they had put him in a good mood.
He wanted to do something.
Ever since he'd woken up, all he'd done on his own was take a bath and change his clothes.
Chan refused to let him do any housework.
According to Chan, it wasn't safe yet.
He needed to rest and recover.
But Seungmin thought he'd already rested enough.
Besides...
It was getting boring.
So he walked into the kitchen.
At least he could help Chan.
Chan was cutting vegetables when he noticed Seungmin standing a step away, quietly watching him.
"Dinner will be ready soon," he said.
"C-Can I help you with something?" Seungmin asked hesitantly. "It's boring not doing anything."
Chan smiled.
"Sure. But be careful, and listen to me."
Seungmin nodded eagerly.
"Okay, then help me wash those cabbage leaves."
Chan glanced at the basket before looking back at Seungmin.
Seungmin hummed softly and started washing the leaves one by one.
A moment later, Chan walked up behind him.
"I forgot your apron."
He held it up with a smile.
Seungmin turned around, and Chan helped him put it on.
He was...
Too close.
At least, that's what Seungmin thought as Chan tied the strings behind his back.
His heart did something strange.
A funny feeling fluttered deep inside his stomach.
"Thanks," Seungmin muttered before returning to his task.
They worked together in silence.
Yet somehow...
It was comforting.
Seungmin listened carefully whenever Chan explained something, and Chan filled the quiet with small jokes and casual comments.
Seungmin found himself replying to every one of them.
As though...
They had already fallen into a comfortable rhythm.
───୨ৎ───
The gentle evening breeze brushed against his face.
It felt nice to finally come outside for some fresh air, Seungmin thought as he walked beside Chan.
He had to admit that over the past few days, he had grown a little closer to Chan.
A little more dependent on him, too.
He barely did any housework anymore.
Chan took care of everything.
Most importantly...
He took care of Seungmin.
Whenever Seungmin insisted on helping, Chan never refused.
He simply couldn't.
He never denied Seungmin anything.
Seungmin had noticed that.
This man must love his boyfriend so much.
The market was filled with food stalls and crowded with people.
Everything smelled delicious.
Seungmin was glad he'd insisted on coming here with Chan.
Chan walked beside him, completely unaware of the chaos inside Seungmin's mind, holding his hand firmly so he wouldn't get lost.
Seungmin watched as Chan looked from stall to stall, searching for something.
When they finally stopped in front of one, a small smile appeared on Chan's face.
Seungmin wondered why.
Before he could ask, Chan was already leading him toward the stall.
"Do you want to eat these?" Chan asked, his eyes sparkling.
And who was Seungmin to say no?
They were his favorite.
Spicy chicken popcorn.
He nodded almost immediately.
So...
This was what Chan had been looking for.
His favorite.
Chan quickly ordered a portion for him.
It was piping hot and unbelievably spicy.
Seungmin felt like he could fly after the first bite.
It was genuinely so good.
"Try it. It's good," he offered Chan.
"No thanks," Chan laughed nervously. "It looks too spicy."
"Just one bite."
Seungmin looked at him expectantly.
"Umm... okay," Chan sighed in defeat.
The next second, Chan was emptying an entire bottle of water.
It really had been too spicy.
Chan's expression was so funny that Seungmin couldn't stop himself.
He laughed.
Wholeheartedly.
It was the first time he'd laughed like this in a long while.
It was real.
When Seungmin looked back at Chan, he realized Chan wasn't even paying attention to the popcorn anymore.
He was simply smiling at him.
Watching him laugh.
Seungmin smiled back.
They continued exploring the market, trying different food and buying a few necessities along the way.
At some point, Seungmin couldn't remember which stalls they'd already visited.
Everything blended together into warm lights, cheerful voices, and Chan's hand in his.
The thought disappeared as quickly as it came.
The market had grown even more crowded.
Seungmin noticed it almost immediately.
The noise.
The people.
The constant brushing of shoulders.
It made him uncomfortable.
It suddenly felt harder to breathe.
Every time someone brushed past him, he flinched.
Then people started bumping into him as they hurried by, walking away as if it had been his fault.
Some even stared.
Seungmin felt...
Out of place.
His steps gradually slowed.
His breathing became uneven.
Before he could stop walking altogether, a warm arm slipped gently around his waist.
"Stay close," Chan murmured.
"It's crowded."
He guided Seungmin forward with a gentle but firm touch.
Chan quietly moved even closer.
Almost instinctively shielding him from the crowd.
The market no longer felt quite as overwhelming.
Seungmin realized...
No one had bumped into him since Chan had moved beside him.
It might have been a small gesture for Chan.
But for Seungmin...
It felt like care.
The kind of quiet care that made someone protect you without expecting you to notice.
And somehow...
That's exactly what it felt like.
───୨ৎ───
The hot shower was exactly what Seungmin needed.
His trip to the market had been nice.
Well...
At least the parts with Chan.
Chan had a way of making everything feel so easy.
So simple.
It made Seungmin wonder...
Was the world really as difficult as he'd always believed?
And it wasn't just one thing.
It was everything.
Chan somehow made the world seem simpler.
Which, to Seungmin, was more complicated than anything.
Maybe it was just his imagination.
Or maybe...
He simply liked being around Chan.
It calmed him.
After his long shower, Seungmin changed into his pajamas and immediately flopped onto the bed.
The towel still rested on his damp hair.
He didn't have the energy to dry it.
He was tired.
Exhausted.
All he wanted to do was sleep.
"Done with your shower?" Chan asked as he walked into the bedroom.
Seungmin hummed, turning his head slightly while remaining sprawled across the bed.
Chan had changed into his pajamas too.
"Dry your hair, or you'll catch a cold," Chan said, quickly noticing the towel still sitting on Seungmin's head.
"Too tired," Seungmin mumbled sleepily.
He heard Chan laugh, followed by the sound of drawers opening and closing.
He didn't pay much attention.
But he couldn't help smiling at the sound.
Chan had a sweet laugh.
"Come here."
Chan sat behind him, a hair dryer already in his hand.
Seungmin quietly obeyed, sitting up with his eyes still half closed.
Chan removed the towel first, gently drying the remaining water from his hair before switching on the dryer.
The warm air brushed through his hair.
It felt...
Nice.
Being taken care of like this.
Before Seungmin realized it, he was already dozing off, his head leaning against Chan's shoulder.
He was simply too sleepy.
Chan switched off the dryer and quietly placed it back on the table.
Then he turned off the lights, helped Seungmin lie down comfortably, and tucked the duvet around him.
A moment later, Chan lay down beside him.
Almost instinctively, Seungmin rolled closer and rested a hand against Chan.
Chan let out a quiet chuckle.
It had been days since Seungmin had unknowingly picked up this habit.
Sleeping while holding onto Chan.
At first, he'd been far too embarrassed.
But somehow...
Chan seemed to understand.
He never teased him.
Never even mentioned it.
As though it was the most natural thing in the world.
For that...
Seungmin was grateful.
Every night, he fell asleep on his own side of the bed.
Yet every morning, he woke up tucked safely in Chan's embrace, his head resting against Chan's chest.
He still couldn't remember when he moved during the night.
It simply...
Happened.
Like blinking.
Like breathing.
Maybe tonight would be the last time.
Tomorrow, he'd stop doing it.
That was what he always told himself.
The last thing he remembered was Chan placing a gentle kiss on his forehead, whispering a quiet goodnight before moving closer.
Then sleep quietly carried him away.
Seungmin fell asleep with a smile.
It felt nice... being held like this.
---
The morning sunlight fell gently across his face.
Seungmin woke with a small smile.
He had slept peacefully.
Strangely peacefully.
Almost too peacefully.
He reached beside him out of habit.
The bed was empty.
Chan wasn't there.
Usually, if Chan had already gotten up, Seungmin would hear him moving around the kitchen, making breakfast for both of them.
Today...
The apartment was silent.
A small frown appeared on his face.
He climbed out of bed and walked toward the kitchen.
The silence felt different.
Too quiet.
An odd hollowness settled inside his chest.
The kitchen was empty too.
Breakfast sat neatly covered on the dining table.
Beside it rested a small folded note.
Seungmin pulled out a chair and picked it up.
Chan's handwriting greeted him immediately.
Hey, beautiful. Sorry for leaving you alone. Something urgent came up. I'll be back ASAP. I made you breakfast, so don't forget to eat it. ♡
- Chan ;)
The hollow feeling quietly disappeared.
Something warm settled in its place.
Seungmin ate breakfast in silence.
But it no longer felt lonely.
It felt...
Peaceful.
Chan would come home soon.
The thought appeared so naturally that Seungmin didn't even question it.
He looked down at the note again.
Only then did he realize...
He'd been smiling at it the whole time.
───୨ৎ───
The ticking of the clock wasn't making him anxious.
It was simply...
Annoying.
Seungmin had lost count of how many times he'd looked at it without realizing.
The thing was...
Chan still hadn't come home.
And Seungmin was just...
Bored.
Yeah.
It's not like he was missing him or anything.
Seungmin laughed quietly at the thought before forcing his attention back to the book that had been resting on his lap for hours.
The same page was still open.
He hadn't read a single line.
With a heavy sigh, he closed the book.
Maybe he just wasn't in the mood to read.
He set it aside and grabbed the TV remote instead, hoping a movie would distract him from thinking about one particular person.
He picked one at random.
Was it a comedy?
A romance?
Seungmin wasn't sure.
He hadn't been paying attention.
His eyes kept drifting toward the front door.
The apartment felt strangely empty.
He shook the thought away and stood up
Maybe he should make some tea
Yeah.
That sounded like a good idea.
He glanced at the clock.
Five o'clock.
Then he headed into the kitchen.
The movie continued playing in the background while he made the tea.
Seungmin barely heard any of it.
Without thinking, he placed two mugs on the counter.
His tea was ready.
He poured it into both cups, smiling absentmindedly to himself.
Carrying them toward the living room, he suddenly stopped halfway.
He stared at the extra mug.
Then clicked his tongue and lightly smacked his forehead.
Why had he made two cups..
When he was alone?
He quietly placed the second mug back on the counter and covered it.
The tea tasted nice.
At least...
He thought it did.
A second later, he realized he couldn't remember what it tasted like.
The movie was already halfway through.
He hadn't noticed
The scenes passed by like background noise while his eyes wandered between the clock and the front door.
Then-
The lock clicked.Seungmin heard it immediately. Relief washed over him so naturally that it startled him.
He realized he was already smiling.
Before he'd even seen who it was.
Chan stepped inside.
He looked exhausted
But he was smiling.
"Sorry," Chan said apologetically. "I got held up."
Seungmin shook his head.
"It's alright... I was waiting-"
The words escaped before he could stop them.
He froze.
Even Chan looked slightly surprised.
Seungmin blinked rapidly as he realized what he'd just admitted.
His ears turned bright red.
He quickly looked away.
"...for dinner," he finished with an awkward laugh.
Chan smiled as though he hadn't noticed the blush spreading across Seungmin's face.
"Takeout?" he asked, setting his things aside before sitting down beside him.
"Okay," Seungmin mumbled quietly, still distracted by his own words.
Neither of them moved from the couch.
They ate dinner there together while the movie continued playing on the television.
Seungmin wasn't sure if Chan had been watching it.
He knew he hadn't.
Yet somehow...
That didn't matter.
Just having Chan beside him made everything feel quieter.
Softer.
The silence no longer felt empty.
It felt...
Complete.
Seungmin felt complete.
He glanced at Chan.
Maybe...
Maybe he just liked it when Chan was here.
Not love.
Not yet.
Just...His presence.
───୨ৎ───
The evenings had become quiet.
Seungmin made tea for himself and Chan.
He was glad Chan was here now.
Not like that day.
He placed the mugs on the table before settling onto the couch with his book.
"Thanks," Chan said as he picked up his mug.
He'd been working on his laptop for quite some time.
It looked important.
So Seungmin thought he might need a break.
Tea always helped on cold evenings.
Though...
This home never really felt cold.
Actually...
Now that Seungmin thought about it...
It never had.
Everything here was so comforting that sometimes it felt as though he were living inside a dream.
Or maybe...
He was.
The silence stretched between them.
Seungmin returned to his book.
It was surprisingly interesting-the same one he'd tried to read yesterday but couldn't.
The thing that amazed him every time wasn't the silence itself.
It was how comfortable it felt with Chan.
It was always...
Warm.
Comforting.
Safe.
Without realizing it, Seungmin found himself stealing glances at Chan every now and then before returning to his book.
Time drifted by quietly.
Chan was still working on his laptop.
Seungmin was nearly at the end of his book.
A small shiver ran through him.
Night had settled in.
The air had grown colder.
He rubbed his arms absentmindedly.
The thought of getting up for a blanket crossed his mind...
Only to disappear just as quickly.
Not because he didn't want one.
But because he'd have to stop reading.
And he was at the best part.
There was no way he was leaving now.
Almost out of habit, his eyes wandered toward the place where Chan had been sitting.
The chair was empty.
He blinked.
When had Chan gotten up?
He couldn't remember hearing the chair move.
The thought slipped away before he could dwell on it.
A cool breeze drifted through the open window, making him wrap his arms around himself.
The room had become colder.
A moment later, soft footsteps approached from behind.
Without a word, Chan unfolded a blanket and gently draped it over Seungmin's shoulders.
Then he quietly closed the window.
And returned to his work.
He didn't say anything.
It was such a simple gesture.
Yet somehow...
It said more than words ever could.
Seungmin looked down at the blanket.
Then over at Chan.
He pulled it a little closer around himself.
A small smile found its way onto his lips.
Not a polite smile.
Not one he forced out of habit.
A real one.
Perhaps...
The first truly genuine smile he'd worn in years.
───୨ৎ───
When Seungmin's eyes slowly opened in the middle of the night, the first thing he noticed was the cold side of the bed.
Chan wasn't there.
Earlier, Chan had still been working on his laptop when Seungmin had left the living room because he was too sleepy to stay awake.
He'd tried to keep Chan company by starting another book.
But somewhere between the pages, he'd begun to doze off.
Chan had smiled and told him to go to bed.
"I won't stay up too late."
Seungmin had nodded before quietly heading to the bedroom.
Now, half asleep, he reached toward the bedside table.
He was thirsty.
Chan usually kept a jug of water there.
Just in case.
Tonight...
It was empty.
Still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Seungmin climbed out of bed and padded quietly toward the living room.
The apartment was almost dark.
Only the small lamp beside the couch remained on.
Chan must still be working.
Somewhere along the way, Seungmin forgot about the water.
His feet carried him somewhere else.
Toward Chan.
When he reached the couch, he stopped.
Chan had fallen asleep.
The laptop rested forgotten beside him.
His face looked peaceful beneath the soft glow of the lamp, the dim light making his features appear softer somehow.
Sharper...
Yet gentler.
He wasn't covered with a blanket.
Seungmin looked around until his eyes landed on the same blanket Chan had wrapped around his shoulders earlier that evening.
He picked it up and carefully draped it over Chan.
As he adjusted it, his fingers accidentally brushed through Chan's hair.
Seungmin froze.
He should have walked away.
Instead...
He quietly sat down on the floor beside the couch.
His fingers gently brushed a few loose strands away from Chan's forehead.
He simply...
Looked at him.
Chan looked nothing like the man Seungmin had imagined the first time they'd met.
If Seungmin had to describe Chan in one word...
It would be home.
Warm.
Gentle.
Safe.
Everything home was supposed to be.
Seungmin didn't know whether he should be feeling this way.
But it was impossible not to.
Chan was everything.
Everything Seungmin had once wished for.
He cared for him as though he were something precious.
Something fragile.
His kindness reminded Seungmin of the cool breeze on quiet summer nights.
Soft.
Comforting.
Like an embrace that promised safety.
He'd never truly felt safe in anyone's arms before.
Maybe...
If he'd had someone like Chan...
He would have.
The way Chan smiled.
The way he looked at him.
It always made something inside Seungmin quietly settle.
Whenever Chan looked at him with those eyes...
Seungmin felt...
Loved.
His whole life, he'd only wanted one thing.
To be wanted.
To be loved.
And Chan loved him as though he were someone worth cherishing.
But...
Was that love really meant for him?
The guilt settled heavily inside his chest.
Seungmin slowly pulled his hand away.
Every smile.
Every embrace.
Every gentle touch.
They belonged to the person Chan truly loved.
His boyfriend.
And no matter how desperately Seungmin wished otherwise...
He wasn't that person.
He didn't belong here.
He never had.
He didn't belong in Chan's world.
None of this had ever been meant for him.
And somehow...
Wanting just a little more made him feel unbearably greedy.
He closed his eyes.
Yet his thumb moved on its own, gently caressing Chan's cheek one last time.
"I know I don't belong here," he whispered.
"I know this isn't mine."
A long silence settled between them.
"But..."
His voice broke.
"Let me stay..."
"...just a little longer."
───୨ৎ───
Seungmin woke up while the sun was still rising.
It had become a habit-waking up either too early or in the middle of the night.
Most of the time, he would fall back asleep.
But not today.
He didn't feel like going back to sleep.
It was still early, but not early enough to justify staying in bed.
So he quietly got up, careful not to make a sound.
Chan was a light sleeper.
Unless he was extremely tired, even the smallest noise would wake him.
Seungmin had noticed that.
He didn't know why he had noticed it.
But he had.
He stepped out onto the balcony.
The view was beautiful.
The sky was painted in soft shades of grey and pale yellow, like the world hadn't fully decided to wake up yet.
Inside the room...
Chan woke up.
Something felt off immediately.
The space beside him was empty.
The weight he'd gotten used to was gone.
His heart dropped.
He checked the bathroom.
Empty.
The kitchen.
Empty.
The living room.
Empty.
He called Seungmin's name once.
No answer.
Then again.
Silence.
Until his eyes landed on the figure standing on the balcony.
Seungmin.
Chan rushed toward him.
Seungmin turned, startled, before he could even speak-
Chan pulled him into a tight embrace.
His hands were trembling.
"Don't... don't scare me like that," he whispered.
Almost desperately.
Gradually, Chan's panic began to settle.
Seungmin could feel it in the way his grip loosened, the way his breathing steadied.
But he still didn't let go.
Seungmin stood frozen for a moment.
Then slowly...
He wrapped his arms around Chan too.
Pressed his face into his chest.
It was the first time someone had been afraid of losing him.
And somehow...
That realization made something inside him twist.
Because now...
He was even more afraid of losing Chan.
Than Chan could ever be of losing him.
---
Seungmin stood in front of the table, carefully placing the last dish.
He glanced at the clock.
There was still time before Chan would get home.
Chan had been running late recently.
And every time he was late, they ended up ordering takeout or going out.
But today...
Seungmin wanted to do something different.
He wanted to take care of Chan too.
Just like Chan always took care of him.
So he had cooked dinner.
A simple plan.
But one that felt important.
The door opened quietly.
Seungmin's face lit up instantly as he rushed over.
Chan stepped inside, smiling as he looked at him.
"Were you cooking?" Chan asked a moment later, still standing in the doorway, one hand hidden behind his back.
Seungmin flushed immediately.
"H... how did you know?" he asked, startled.
"You're wearing an apron," Chan said simply.
"Oh no..." Seungmin groaned, embarrassed, his ears turning red.
Chan laughed softly.
"I thought you'd be hungry," Seungmin said quickly, "and I wanted to do something for you."
Chan's expression softened.
"Here."
He revealed a small bouquet of red tulips.
"For me?" Seungmin blinked, momentarily frozen.
"They reminded me of you," Chan admitted quietly.
Seungmin looked down at the flowers.
They were beautiful.
"...Thanks," he whispered.
Then, before he could overthink it, he leaned forward and placed a small kiss on Chan's cheek.
Both of them froze.
For a second, neither moved.
Then Seungmin quickly turned away, hiding his face as he walked back toward the table, a small smile forming on his lips.
Dinner that night felt perfect.
Chan didn't stop praising the food.
They ate together, sitting close, talking about their day.
Chan listened carefully to every word Seungmin said.
Smiling when he spoke.
Responding when he needed to.
It felt ordinary.
Comfortable.
Like something that had always existed.
And yet...
Seungmin couldn't stop thinking that it felt like a dream.
───୨ৎ───
The day wasn't like any other.
Seungmin felt a little out of it. The guilt of accepting a love he didn't deserve was beginning to weigh on him.
But not more than his own greed.
It wasn't simple for him to feel worthy, because he knew he wasn't. Not of any of this.
He wasn't worthy of love. He wasn't the Seungmin Chan knew, cared for, or loved.
The thought made his heart ache.
His mind was a mess, and by evening he
felt like he might break down at any moment.
He was holding himself together with the last of his strength.
He wanted to tell Chan the truth.
But he was afraid.
Or more accurately-he was greedy.
Afraid Chan would leave him.
Afraid Chan would never look at him the same way again.
And greedy... because he didn't want to lose the feeling of being loved for the first time.
But wasn't it always like this?
The weight of his guilt and the fear of speaking the truth kept eating at him.
Seungmin thought it might be easier to disappear without telling Chan anything.
But he wasn't brave enough for even that.
His gaze drifted to the couch where Chan was watching a movie. He looked beautiful from afar, almost like a dream.
He quickly shook the thought away, or he really would start crying.
He picked up some fruit and began cutting it.
He hadn't eaten anything since morning.
He didn't feel like it. Luckily, Chan believed his excuse about a stomach
ache-but even then, he didn't look fully convinced.
So he decided to eat something small, before Chan could notice and scold him for skipping meals again.
Lost in thought, he didn't notice the knife slip.
Seungmin flinched at the sharp pain and dropped it instantly.
Chan noticed immediately.
He rushed over and grabbed his wrist, guiding his finger under running water. Seungmin winced.
Once the blood was washed away, Chan led him to the living room, sat him on the couch, and quickly went to get the first aid kit.
Seungmin stared at the small cut.
It wasn't much.
But the expression on Chan's face-at the sight of even a little blood-looked almost terrified.
How was he supposed to tell him the truth when Chan looked at him like this?
Chan returned quickly, cotton bud in hand, dipped in antiseptic.
"Tell me if it hurts," he said softly before cleaning the wound and wrapping it carefully in a bandage.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Chan asked gently.
"I didn't want to bother you," Seungmin replied quietly.
Chan looked at him for a long moment.
"You never bother me," he said.
"If you need me... tell me."
He smiled faintly.
"Always."
Something inside Seungmin cracked.
The guilt he had been holding onto so tightly finally broke.
Before he could stop himself, he was crying-hard, broken sobs-gripping Chan's hand tightly.
Chan froze.
"What happened?" he asked, panicked.
"I... I'm sorry," Seungmin choked out.
"But I'm not your Seungmin... I'm not the one you care for, the one you smile for, the one you love."
"I hate it... but I'm still greedy for all of it.
I feel guilty... for accepting your love... for feeling worthy of it. I'm sorry... I'm sorry for everything."
His voice broke between sobs.
Chan stared at him for a moment before gently cupping his face.
He looked straight into his eyes, thumbs wiping away his tears.
"Do you know why I care for you?" Chan asked softly.
"Why I wait for you? Why I make dinner for you?"
A small, shaky smile formed through his own tears.
Seungmin shook his head.
"Not because you're someone else," Chan said.
A pause.
"You deserve all the love in every world simply because you're Seungmin."
"You're worthy of love more than you can imagine. And loving you in every world is all that matters to me."
Seungmin let out a broken breath as Chan pulled him into a tight hug.
"No matter what world it is... you'll always be my Seungmin," Chan whispered.
Seungmin nodded weakly and buried his face into Chan's chest, closing his eyes.
It felt like a dream.
A sweet dream he never wanted to wake from.
The sound of the world faded slowly as the universe shifted once again.