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Ever since Toya had stepped foot into Vivid Street, it had been him and Miaki–partners with the same dream, chasing after it with the same spirit and resolve no matter who told them to stop or who got in their way.
Miaki was his opposite in every way, from the way they dressed to the things they liked. Even their appearances, too–Toya’s hair fell across his face in neatly divided shades of blue, while Miaki’s was a tangled orange that never grew out past her shoulders. On top of that their personalities were completely different as Toya was more reserved and Miaki tended to be more hot-headed (although she often acted more polite around strangers).
With all of these differences, you’d think the two would be fighting constantly. However, whenever they sang together, it only felt as though a puzzle was clicking into place. All of Miaki’s flaws and strengths complimented Toya’s, and vice versa. They had been partners for a long time now, and they’d never not be.
It was three years of this before Toya realized he saw Miaki as more than a friend–or even a partner.
After all, Miaki had been his safest person to spend his days with ever since he’d quit playing classical music, and singing with her was the best feeling he’d ever experienced. Toya hadn’t even known what he was missing until he’d met her–and left her, his mind always liked to remind him–and joined her again.
That odd balance he felt when they stood beside each onstage in complement to each other felt like something out of a romance novel, and seeing all the different sides of her–her stubbornness when it came to music, her softness when she felt she could lower her guard at last, and even her infuriating lack of conviction when it came to schoolwork–all of them were precious and each one was a treasure to get to behold.
Toya loved Miaki, and one day he decided he wanted her to know it even if she didn’t feel the same way. (It was that or let his feelings stew until they erupted in a painful way like they had before forming Vivid BAD SQUAD.)
He spent the afternoon preparing himself for rejection and failure, telling himself firmly that above all he couldn’t afford to jeopardize their team or their friendship. I can’t be childish or immature over this.
Of course I want to be hopeful, and if Miaki could return my feelings I’d be overjoyed…
But above all, I just want to keep spending time with her.
She’s really so dear to me.
How he loved that cocky smile, and her sharp olive eyes that always seemed to light up when they landed on him…he never, ever wanted to lose that sight again.
So I have to be careful.
I promised she could always rely on me, and she can’t do that if I ruin things between us.
That evening when An and Kohane went home Toya walked through Vivid Street with her, admiring the way the sunlight sunk through her warm hair and dyed her green eyes gold. The sound of her voice was soothing as always no matter the topic–a little rough, but softened in that special way it always seemed to be for him–and as such he could hardly hold back the words he wanted to say any longer.
So he let them slip out, praying quietly for good fortune.
Even he couldn’t have predicted what would happen next, though.
“...What?”
“I like you,” Toya repeated, fighting to keep his fists from clenching. They were shaking quite a bit today. “Please don’t worry, though. I have no intention of pushing you to make a decision tonight or even expecting you to like me back.”
She stared at him, looking incredulous. “Wait,” she managed. “You seriously mean it? You’re not joking?”
“I’m not joking, Miaki. I’m serious.”
“I just–geez, Toya, I don’t know what to say.” Miaki’s eyes darted nervously back and forth. “I mean, I’m really happy, but–”
She was stammering and stumbling over her words, tugging sharply at the strings of her hoodie. Toya had never seen her this anxious before. “I like you too, but–you don’t really want to–”
“Miaki.”
His friend fell silent, still unable to meet his gaze. She was staring at the ground like she expected Toya to scorn her.
Why, he didn’t know.
But I don’t want to see her make that face.
“I’m sorry. I don’t understand why I did, but I didn’t mean to make you panic,” he said gently. “Will you please tell me what’s wrong?”
Miaki hesitated, letting out a nervous little hum. “Do you promise to actually hear me out?”
“Of course,” Toya reassured her. “I’m listening, Miaki.”
“...Alright.”
She rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet for a minute before looking sharply back up at him, mouth set in a firm line. “I don’t want to be a girl.”
Toya blinked, confused. “What?”
“I don’t know,” Miaki muttered, voice wobbling the tiniest bit. “I just–I just hate being a girl.
“I hate my voice, I hate my body, I hate having to wear that stupid uniform every day, and I–I hate having to act a certain way to avoid pissing people off.” She said all this as fast as she could, blinking rapidly as she did. “And I wanted to tell you, but–”
She trailed off, clutching her hoodie strings between her fingers still. “I really, really like you,” she mumbled. “Like…I’ve never liked anyone this much. And I thought–I was worried if you knew…what I’m like, you wouldn’t like me back.”
Toya stood still for a minute to try and process what exactly this meant.
Miaki…hates being a girl.
Does that mean she–that Miaki wants to be a boy instead?
Or maybe not necessarily a boy, either.
…I never noticed.
It felt so obvious in hindsight. Ever since he’d known her she’d been wearing those thick hoodies and baggy jackets, and even though it was unhealthy she’d spent all the years they’d sung together forcing her voice to be lower than it naturally was–more like his was.
Even at school she was always getting in trouble for wearing her track pants under her skirt, and…
There’s so much that makes sense now.
How did I not notice?
Miaki was struggling like this the whole time, and I…
“Do you think I’m gross?” Miaki asked quietly.
“What? No, never,” Toya said hastily, dragging himself back to reality. “I’m sorry. I was just thinking.”
After a moment of further thought he offered her…(him? them?) a hug and Miaki willingly accepted, burying her face in his shirt. “Thank you,” she mumbled. “Sorry to steal your moment, Toya.”
"It's alright. Thank you for telling me.”
They stayed like that a little longer before Toya released her at last, giving her a moment to pretend she wasn’t wiping her eyes before speaking again. “Is there anything you’d like me to change?”
Olive eyes surveyed him warily. “You mean it?”
“Yes. I don’t fully understand what you’re feeling, but I’d hate to accidentally make you uncomfortable,” Toya explained, easing down on the nearby bench. “So please, tell me what to do.”
Miaki fiddled with her jacket zipper, eventually dropping down on the bench beside him with a sigh. “Well, I went ahead and told you, so there’s no point in keeping it from An and Kohane. I might as well try and change some stuff now,” she said at last. “I still look like a girl, I guess, but…well…”
She swallowed as though the thought repulsed her, and Toya felt a wave of sympathy wash over him.
However, his friend shook her head with a huff, her expression easing into something more calm. “Whatever. Can you–ugh. Can you just…think of me as a guy?”
“If that’s what you want, then that’s what I’ll do,” Toya reassured him. “Anything else?”
His friend thought for a moment, his brow slightly furrowed.
It felt strangely natural to think of Miaki as a boy, and distantly he thought that perhaps he’d been one all along and he just hadn’t noticed.
Miaki took a deep breath. “Okay. I know this is gonna sound lame. And really stupid.”
“I’m listening,” Toya reminded him. “I did ask.”
That got a snort out of the other boy. “I know, I know. Anyways, I, uh…I came up with a new name.”
“What is it?”
Miaki muttered something too quiet to hear.
Toya bit back a smile. “I’m sorry. What was that?”
“I said it was Akito,” his friend repeated a little louder. His face was as scarlet as his hair. “I just took the ‘clear’ character and put it by ‘person.’ I’ve never really cared for the one I have now, anyway.”
“Mm,” Toya agreed, thinking of the characters in that name. “I can see why.”
“I know the name’s lame. It’s obvious why I’ve picked it.” The other boy fidgeted a little. “But I really like it, y’know?”
“It’s not lame,” Toya promised, setting his hand over Akito’s. “I really like it.”
“...Thanks.”
They sat there together and watched the sun dip towards the horizon, enjoying the quiet for a little bit.”
“Akito.”
After a moment the other boy glanced self-consciously up at him. “Yeah?”
This time Toya let himself smile. “Just trying it out. I think it sounds nice.”
“Geez,” Akito groaned, covering his face. “I guess I’m glad, but–come on. You’re too much sometimes, Toya.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah! I mean, just now, and when Touno got in my head–ugh. It’s so weird.”
“It’s because you’re my partner,” Toya said quietly, glancing back at the other boy. “You mean so much to me, I promise.”
Akito dropped his head against his shoulder with a sigh. “I should be sayin’ the same. It just feels weird to get used to.”
“Mm. I know the feeling.”
It was odd to sit up one day and realize that somewhere down the road, Akito had become his most treasured person on the planet.
But it had made sense almost immediately. Of course it was Akito–it could only be Akito.
It’s only Akito.
It’s because of him that I…
“I didn’t mean to reject you or anything earlier,” Akito said abruptly. “In case you were wondering.”
“...Oh, right.”
Toya had completely forgotten about the confession, honestly. Akito coming out to him had totally blown it from his mind.
He didn’t really say no.
But he didn’t really say yes, either.
What does that mean for us?
“I do really like you. I mean that,” his friend continued, pointedly staring at the sign ahead as though his ears weren’t red for all the world to see. “But I don’t like…the way I am right now.”
At last he looked back at Toya, mouth set in a steady line. “So can you wait for a little bit longer?”
…Ah.
“Of course,” Toya promised him. “I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to be happy, I swear.”
Akito grinned at him for the first time that evening, pulling his arm out and wrapping it around his shoulders. “Thanks, Toya,” he murmured, voice soft and warm against his ears. “You’re the best partner I could ever have.”
Toya felt his own mouth curve into a little smile. “I could say the same for you, Akito.”