Chapter Text
"I can't do this frank, I can't. I'm failing at everything. At music,at drawing… life's a fucking bag of shit. I'm useless. I have achieved none of my goals. You guys, you guys are better off without me. Frank I'm sorry."
Gerard hung the phone up. Thinking frank would understand. How long would it take for frank to get home and check his answering machine?
How long would it take for him to be gone?
how long would it take for the guys to figure he's gone?
Honestly, these things didn’t matter to him… but these were questions that kept repeating in his head.
He didn’t care about anything at that point. Life was like a big white canvas for him now.he couldn’t care about anything even if he wanted to.
He doubted anyone else cared or noticed.
Nothing matters if you're already dead.
Nothing.
He already had his boxes of Xanax and Valium on the messy desk full of sketches.
Everything was ready, and him… he wasn’t even scared. He was emotionless. All Gerard wanted was this big failure he called a life to end.
He felt like dying… he was feeling like this for way too long. It couldn’t get fixed anyother way.
He slowly got up, his entire body feeling numb. He reached the desk and grabbed the boxes.
"it will be over. It will finally be over. No one will notice, no one will care…"
He kept thinking about these as he swallowed the pills. Hands full of them. He had lost count.
He didn’t care.
"Gerard! GERARD…" he heard a voice… from a thousand miles away. It was his imagination. Or maybe it was Nana, maybe he was going… maybe he was finally going.
"Gerard where are you, GERARD where the hell are you." The voice was getting closer.
The loud voice made his head hurt. He couldn’t hold his balance.
"Gerard are you in there… Gerard" the voice was muffled. Whoever it was, they were crying.
Gerard heard a load bang and felt something on him.
"Gerard, gee, don't- don’t die…" frank's tears dropped on Gerard's pale face.
"Gerard- I love you, Don’t you-don’t you fucking dare die on me." Frank was sobbing at this point his shoulders were shaking as he tried to dial 911.
It felt like ages… Frank just sat there holding Gerard's head in his hands. Until he felt people forcing him to let go of Gerard.
If Gerard died, if he died , Frank wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.
"Gerard…" he whispered.
"I care…" was the last thing Frank said before the ambulance's doors were between him and Gerard.