Chapter Text
The sunlight shines from the window, illuminating the corner of your room, only specks of warmth reaching your eyes. You stir, eyelids fluttering open and adjusting to the light. A yawn escapes your mouth, and you turn over to your alarm clock to check the time.
‘6:15 AM.’
You sigh, lazily pulling the covers off of your body. Despite the sun granting you some warmth, your room is still cold, causing the skin on your legs to raise with goosebumps. You sit up and stare down at your body, mixed emotions swirling inside of you. You look away before it can become something more, something that could swallow you whole as it tends to, and stand up to prepare yourself for school.
Your mind shuts off, body moving in auto-pilot, as if you hardly had any control of it. This was usual, every routine, every mundane action, all of it was performed in a way that made you feel like a puppet – you’re not one, it’s your actions, you choose all of this, but it feels wrong anyway. You remember Ms. Alphys’ worried look when you confided in her about your feelings (or lack thereof). Was it that strange to detach from your own life? You couldn’t believe people cared so much about the day-to-day. You only cared about the new.
Before you know it, you’re snapped back to reality as you find yourself eating breakfast. Specifically, burnt toast. You think to yourself on how it was possible to have no one to depend on for so long, and yet fail so miserably at such a basic task. This was the usual, though. Your cooking skills were far below average, and no matter how much you’d tried to remedy that fact, nothing seemed to work. You resigned yourself to your fate of eating bland and burnt (or, sometimes raw) food.
In spite of your taste buds’ pleas, you finish your food, lest you spend the whole morning cranky from hunger. You gather the dirty dishes, dropping them in the sink for your future self to take care of later. You would do it right now, but all of your daydreaming has put you on a time constraint. In a bit of a rush, you grab your backpack in the living room that you had organized the night before, and head out of your home.
-
The outside air is crisp, cold, but the winds are forgiving. The air turns your hot breath into a tiny cloud of fog, a display that you find silly and entertaining, distracting you from your somber thoughts. As you walk to school, you try to make different shapes with your breath, smiling softly to yourself when you accidentally make a heart. You always loved hearts, though you’re not a romantic. Your life is something truly ironic.
The school building slowly comes into view, the trees around it swaying with the breeze, the path illuminated with rays of sunlight, almost looking golden. This town, regardless of whatever gripes you have with it, is truly beautiful. That is something you cannot deny, no matter how much it may annoy you.
“Hey, punk!” A gruff voice yells, breaking you out of your trance-like state. You feel someone approach you from behind, but before you can turn around, they pull you into a headlock and give you a noogie. You could recognize them anywhere.
You struggle, and eventually, you pull yourself out of their grip, promptly turning to look at them and crossing your arms with a huff. “Susie! I told you not to scare me like that,” You scold your friend, faking an angry expression.
The rough girl clutches her stomach as she lets out a hearty laugh. She calms herself down and looks at you with a smug expression. “Dude, how can I not? You were standing there staring at the school like a total weirdo,” She shrugs. “Not my fault you make yourself an easy target.”
Your lips twitch upwards into a smile you can’t resist, and you uncross your arms, walking to her side as you interlock your arm with hers. Your voice takes on a honey sweet tone, targeting her weak spot. “I’ll forgive you,” You smile up at her, a sickeningly sugary smile. “But it’s only because you’re such a good friend, Susie.”
Her reaction makes the rough treatment worth it, suddenly red in the face and avoiding your gaze. “..Whatever. Don’t start getting sappy.” She puts her hands in her pockets, arm still locked with yours, and begins guiding you to the school. You can hear her whisper something about you being a good friend too, and you’re thankful you paid attention to your surroundings this time, for it warmed your heart to see her reciprocating despite her struggles with affection.
Truly, Susie is a good friend. You weren’t lying when you said it, you meant it whole-heartedly, and you hope she knows that. She was the one who first approached you, both of you bonding over being the new kids in the town. Slowly, your friendship began to blossom, and wherever you went, she was there too. Susie, with her tough exterior but candied heart, became the first and only person that you could call a ‘friend’. You’d even call her your best friend, but you’re a bit too cowardly to do that, so you only hope one day she’ll say it for you.
In your mind, there were no negative outcomes from befriending Susie, only happy and gooey feelings that distracted your mind from your apathetic reality. She was the color to your otherwise grey world, and you couldn’t fathom how you survived so long without her to light your days up. Living by yourself has made you unbelievably lonely.
Even so, others would beg to differ. As you entered the hallways, it was a reality you could not deny, even with your best efforts of deluding yourself with your mushy feelings. People were afraid of Susie, afraid of her strength, her teeth, her appearance. Even if she proved all of them wrong, she just looked scary. You weren’t considered scary at all, much on the contrary, you were simply labeled as unassuming. However, because of your proximity to Susie, people avoided you like the plague. They were afraid of getting on your bad side and having to deal with Susie’s wrath (though, from your experience, the worst she could give them would be a wedgie).
You felt bad for your friend, you truly did. Yet, your feelings were entirely selfish. You were a little glad that you were the only one to give her a chance, so all of her attention could be on you. That way, she wouldn’t leave you. If Susie made other friends, certainly she’d see how boring you are, and quickly abandon you for more interesting people. You shook away those thoughts before the cold guilt settled in your stomach.
Deciding to think of something besides Susie, you pay attention to your surroundings once more. Susie had guided you to the hallway of your classroom, chatting absentmindedly, not even noticing your far away gaze. You didn’t mind – honestly, she was probably talking about food she stole from the cafeteria, as she always did.
You thought to yourself how much longer it would take for class to start, as you only wanted to get on with your day already. School isn’t dreadful for you, but it surely isn’t appealing.
Suddenly, you feel Susie gripping your arm. You glance up at her, curiosity in your expression. You gently squeeze the hand gripping you. “What’s up?” You ask. She looks a bit bashful, eyes darting between you and the floor.
“Uh, I know class is about to start, but I kind of have to.. Uh, you know,” She begins, shyly. “Like.. Bathroom stuff?” She phrases it as more of a question to herself, and you raise an eyebrow at her behavior.
“Sure?” Your voice comes out, hesitant with confusion. “You don’t really need to announce when you’re going to the bathroom, Susie. I’ll wait for you if you want.” You say, but she seems to get agitated at your words.
“No!” She exclaims, then clears her throat. “You go on ahead to class, I’ll be doing.. Bathroom. Going bathroom, I mean,” Susie’s hold on your arm falters, then she completely lets go, waving you a rushed goodbye as she runs to the opposite direction of where the bathroom is.
You wonder why she was acting so strangely, but maybe she really had to go to the bathroom. Either way, it wasn’t your business to wonder, and you were sure she’d tell you if it was something serious.
Moving on from the situation, you make your way toward the classroom, settling down in the back and setting your bag down. You watch the people filter in the room, taking their own respective seats and beginning to chat with their friends. You rest your head on your hand, counting the people around you. Seems only two people are late.
You know one of them is Susie, and you don’t really care to know much more, so you leave that thought be. Ms. Alphys greets everyone happily, though her anxiety never leaves her. Some people are just hardwired a certain way. You focus on what she’s saying.
“Hey, class!” The teacher stutters in the beginning, but regains her composure. “Today, I’ll be, um, assigning you all a group project! Get into groups of two, I’m sure everyone will have a partner, since I counted–” Her words die in her throat as she spots you. “Or, I mean, um, Goner.. You’re fine joining someone’s group, right? I, for some reason, forgot to count you with the class,” Her stutter returns, accompanied by her fiddling her hands together and looking away from you nervously.
You force a polite smile and nod, causing her to sigh in relief and move on to explaining the project. Unfortunately, this is common. No matter what, adults tend to forget about your presence, indirectly excluding you. They don’t forget who you are, it’s a bit more sinister than that – maybe you’ve become so boring you’re invisible now – but they forget you in small ways, small actions, enough to never be a big deal, and enough to make you feel small.
You realize that your self-deprecating internal monologue has caused you to zone out and not catch a single thing of what Ms. Alphys said, cursing under your breath. You sit there ruminating, building courage, before you finally turn to the person seated next to you and ask–
BAM!
You jump a little in surprise, concentration totally broken, and you quickly look over to the source of the noise. Your breath hitches in your throat as you catch sight of the culprit.
The only other human in this town, Kris, a sensitive spot for you. You always felt this pull towards them, maybe because you two shared a special bond by being the only humans in Hometown, but they seemed to avoid you completely. You didn’t think it was because of Susie, not at all, you knew it was because of you. You remember building the courage to talk to them on the first day of class, hoping to become friends, but they shot you a glare and you cowered. You never spoke to them again, and you wondered what you had done to offend them so greatly.
As such, you held a bit of a grudge against them, mostly out of spite. You knew they didn’t care, but you frequently made it a point to avoid them back, hoping to make them just a little interested in you. In fact, it never worked, and they never even looked your way. You had started to give up on ever becoming close to them, retreating to your usual cowardice. However, today was different.
They were looking at you. Not in the way you had hoped for, with a curious stare, a shy gaze, none of that – their eyes were filled with disdain and irritation. Your stomach coiled with discomfort, and quickly you broke eye contact, grabbing your notebook to pretend to be doing work. You felt a strange feeling in your chest, almost like your heart wanted to come out, but you ignored it. You assumed it was the anxiety from being acknowledged with such malice.
“Oh, um, hello Kris!” Ms. Alphys began. “Um, you’re a little late, huh? Haha, it’s.. Okay. We’re doing group projects. Just, find someone to pair up with, alright?” She stammered, clearly uncomfortable with the change in routine.
You exhaled a small breath of relief, believing that her statement and your attempts to disappear worked to distract the angry human. Unfortunately, you soon heard steps coming your way, and from the corner of your vision you could see two tattered shoes next to your desk.
Your heart beats fast in your chest, hard and heavy, and the same pull from earlier is intensified. You swallow dryly, and attempt to control your anxiety. “..Hey,” Kris says, voice low and stoic, but when you look up at them, their eyes are unforgiving. For a moment, you felt excited, but you shut that thought down as quickly as it came. You brace yourself for whatever they have to say to you. You hope Susie arrives soon. In their glare, you can see a hint of unease. “Do the project with me–”
BAM!
Similarly to their entrance, they’re interrupted by someone entering the classroom roughly. Kris clicks their tongue in irritation. You jump once again, a little more noticeably because of how on edge you were, and turn to see – your friend, Susie! You let out a shaky breath, meeting her eyes and silently pleading for help. Her own eyes narrow, seeing your uncomfortable state and Kris looming over you.
“Ah!” Your teacher yelps, startled once again. “S-Susie! I, uh – Didn’t expect you to.. Well, um–” Ms. Alphys stumbles over her own words, her hands shaking. “Um, just– Group projects, and, you can uh,” Her gaze sweeps the room clumsily, eyes landing on you and Kris. “Join them! Join, um, Kris and Goner! Haha,” A bead of sweat rolls down her forehead, all of the commotion getting to her. You don’t have time to feel bad for her considering your own situation.
Susie strides towards you and Kris, distrust clear on her face. She stops in front of the short human, picking her nose lazily. “Yo,” She flings a booger away. “I know Alphys made us partners, but..” Her expression becomes a display of dominance, sharp teeth on display. “Buzz off, Kris.” She finishes, staring menacingly down at Kris.
They don’t back down from her challenge, indifferent eyes not showing one bit of fear. You can tell this cracks Susie’s confidence a bit, but there’s not much you can do. You’re caught in the middle of the two most intimidating people in the class, and you feel a bit too overwhelmed for your liking. Suddenly, Kris points at the corner of their mouth, as if to signal to Susie that she has something there. When you squint, you can see some white dust gathered around her mouth. A smug grin forms on the human’s face, and you see Susie wipe her face and look at her hands, before rubbing her mouth in a panic.
Before she can even reply to (or threaten) Kris again, they’re walking away to their seat. She quickly looks around to see if anyone else witnessed their exchange, then promptly sits down in the empty seat in front of you, straddling it to face you.
“Um, Susie?” You begin, awkwardly. “What was that about?” You ask, unsure if it’s something you should be meddling in.
Susie whistles and throws her hands behind her head. “What was what about? What are you talking about? You imagining things now, Goner? Haha, anyway,” She avoids your curious stare, and quickly changes the topic. “What was up with you and zombie over there? Were they messing with you? ‘Cause if they were, heh,” Susie says, adopting a menacing look again before you interrupt her.
You laugh, unnerved, but not by her. “It’s not like that, I swear,” You wave your hands in front of you dismissively. “They just walked in, and..” You trail off, wondering whether you should tell the truth to Susie about how mad Kris looked. You didn’t want to risk them getting in trouble with Susie, even if she wouldn’t do much, so you hide the truth a little. “They just came to ask me to be their group partner. I was surprised, that’s all, that’s why I seemed a little.. Off,” You finish, flashing a reassuring smile at your friend. You hope it’s enough to convince her.
Luckily, it was perfectly enough, and Susie finally relaxes, dropping her head on the back rest of the chair. “Man, that’s a relief!” She states. “Honestly, don’t tell anyone, but they give me the heebie-jeebies,” Susie says in a quieter voice. “I’d defend my buddy, duh, but..” She trails off, unsure how to finish her sentence in a respectful manner.
Your eyebrows furrow, but you agree with her anyway, albeit hesitantly. You certainly knew how weird Kris could be, known for their pranks and morbid interest in violence, but you weren’t really scared of them. Even earlier, when they were threatening you, it didn’t feel sincere. You decide not to think on the happy feelings that emerged from thinking of it.
“Anyway!” Susie exclaims loudly, picking her nose once again, then popping a booger right into her mouth. You grimace at the display, but choose not to comment. “Do we really need to do this project? I totally don’t feel like it, dude,” The pink girl remarks, and you’re not surprised. “But, uh, I’ll help you wherever I can! I can, like, chaperone you while you’re with the corpse over there.” She grins proudly, happy to be of service, even if it doesn’t have much to do with the project.
You laugh at her antics, covering your mouth as you do. “Haha! Don’t be mean, Susie,” You stare at her warmly, causing her cheeks to tinge pink. “It’s okay. I can do most of it, but you owe me free hot dogs.” You wink at the end of your sentence, and Susie snorts.
Suddenly, Ms. Alphys calls everybody’s attention. “Guys! You all know I need chalk for the board! Who stole it, seriously?” The teacher exclaims, frustrated. The classroom stays in silence and her once confident demeanor begins fading. “Guys, seriously.. No one’s going to get in trouble, just tell me where it is,” She pleads, her voice losing power near the end of her sentence.
Still, no one speaks up to take responsibility for the missing chalk. You look at Susie curiously, and she’s pretending to write on your notebook. In fact, all she’s doing is scribbling randomly, wasting your paper. Your eyes twitch in annoyance but you don’t call her out, assuming that right now isn’t a good time. You’ll get her back later, though.
All of a sudden, a certain timid reindeer lifts her hand, gingerly speaking up. “Um, Ms. Alphys? There’s extra chalk in the storage room,” Noelle says. “Maybe, me and Susie can go get it?” Her voice sounded hesitant, yet it had a twinge of excitement. You wonder why she chose Susie specifically, but that thought wanders away. You weren’t really interested in Noelle, just as she wasn’t interested in you.
Your teacher lights up at Noelle’s suggestion. “Ah! Great idea, Noelle! Susie, why don’t you go fetch the chalk for us? Kris, you go with her and help,” Ms. Alphys says, turning to her computer before either of them have a chance to respond. Noelle’s face drops and her lips twitch to say something, but in the end, she accepts her teacher’s decision.
You shoot a sympathetic look towards your friend, her own face twisting in discomfort. She gets up and walks out of the classroom grumbling under her breath, not sparing a second for Kris who trails behind her. They look behind themself and give you a look, yet you’re unsure of what it means. Nonetheless, your heart beats fast once again, and you feel a pull to go after them as they close the classroom door.
The classroom dissolves into mindless chatter, and it helps you sink into your thoughts. You think to yourself what you could have done that would anger Kris so much, but you can’t think of anything. You hadn’t spoken to them ever since that fateful day, and truly, you’ve never seen them express so much emotion, if at all. You bite your lip in distress.
Kris was always a puzzle. Everyone spoke of them as if they were this riddle to figure out – some fondly, some coldly. They seemed to run circles around everyone’s minds and perceptions, as if they came from the gods as a puzzle to solve. A part of you hopes you’re the fated one to solve them, and you push it down.
The only one who could confidently say they understood Kris was Noelle – but even then, the human ran circles around her as well, from rumors you heard of their dissipating friendship. Sometimes, you’d see Noelle with a yearning look on her face, staring directly at Kris. Your eyebrows furrow. The closest person to them couldn’t keep them around for long enough, but no one can take loneliness for too long. Atleast, that’s what you believed.
You were the opposite of them, so you couldn’t possibly understand their choices, but you wished to. You yearned for – no, you craved people. You needed them, needed them to see you, to hear you, to want you, to need you as well. That’s why you always stuck around Susie. You knew she needed it too, and you’d give it to her, you’d always give it to her, as long as she gave her presence to you. In a way, you were possessive of the people around you. Yet, you could never find the courage to act on such a feeling. You felt guilty, shameful, but it never went away. Nevertheless, you were always discarded. Dismissed, forgotten – not out of malice, but simply because you were forgettable. It was a sad reality, and you frequently found yourself wishing for bad things to happen to you, so someone would care. You wondered if Susie would care.
Now, Kris – they seemed to hate people. As if the mere act of being around someone would taint them, the presence of others shocking their skin and leaving a nasty stain. It was entirely uncalled for, such disdain for their family and friends who cared for them so deeply. Such a warm, loving home, sweet and dedicated classmates, yet they were ungrateful. They didn’t care for it at all. Atleast, that’s how you saw them. It was a deduction you made from months of careful watching. Though, it could be a facade. You would never know, especially not you, when they despise you so openly. They always had the decency to hide their disgust of others, but not with you. It was as if you were the bane of their existence.
For you, it was an interesting contrast, even if it left you with a bitter taste in your mouth. You, who needed to be loved, like a clingy dog – and nobody to give it to you. Entirely alone in the cold of your small apartment, as you cling to your sheets and shut your eyes tight, trying your best to pretend the fabric around your hands is a real person. Then, Kris, who needed to be alone, like an indifferent cat – everyone to give it to them. Always warm, in their home, with their friends, their family, their Noelle. Have they had sleepovers? Did Kris ever embrace her the way you embrace your comforter? Did they ever run their fingers across her back, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, promising to love her–
A sharp pain floods your chest, and you cough, clutching your shirt. It knocks your spiraling thoughts out of you, and your eyes snap open to your teacher nervously looking around. It reminds you of your dear friend, Susie. You start to worry about her absence, questioning if Kris and her had gotten into a scuffle due to earlier.
Almost a bit too quickly, you spring out of your seat and offer to check up on them, which Ms. Alphys gladly accepts. You try to be nonchalant, but your hurried steps give you away as you walk out of the classroom.
Immediately, you’re greeted with the sight of Susie holding Kris by their collar up against the wall, their crooked smile, scuffled hair, her mouth wide open, teeth baring. Confusion floods you, and your pulse quickens. You find the courage to speak up, and open your mouth to say something.
“Susie..?” Your voice cracks as it comes out, shaky, but not fearful. You’re not afraid of Susie, you know she wouldn’t hurt Kris. She wouldn’t hurt anyone, not truthfully, she’s not like this. She’s the sweetest girl you know, you repeat that to yourself, in an attempt to convince yourself despite the scene unfolding in front of you.
It doesn’t seem like she heard you, but Kris did. Their expression, mocking you, grinning like they caught you in a trap – as if they knew you would walk in on your friend like this, as if they wanted you to.
“..Nah,” Susie closes her mouth, suddenly dropping Kris. “I won’t do that to you. You have a nice, loving mom at home. I wouldn’t want to make her mourn her only kid.” She turns to go to the storage room, and sees you, staring at her with those wide eyes, shaking. She steps back in surprise, opening her mouth to say something, but then turning her gaze away from you. “I guess you know the real me now, huh?” Your hands reach up, as if to comfort her, as if to say it doesn’t matter, but your voice doesn’t work. Your body doesn’t work. All you do is stare at her.
Susie clicks her tongue. “Figures. Funny, I thought you actually liked me,” Her voice drops low, and she turns to look at you. A threatening glare, but behind it, you see her. You see how hurt she is. You want to tell her you do, you like her, she’s your best friend, but your body won’t move. Why won’t you move? “Don’t bother following me unless you want your face bitten off, too.” She says, full of contempt. You can only watch her back as she rushes away towards the storage room.
You look down at your hands, numb and unmoving. Your lips are formed tight in a straight line, and you struggle to get out of this detached state. Slowly, you regain control of your body, and you glance behind your back, seeing Kris standing and staring at you. There’s no malice in their eyes anymore, they just seem perplexed, and perhaps a bit regretful.
You know it’s not their fault, but your feelings are messy, you feel so guilty, and you hate them so much. Your chest starts hurting at these thoughts, as if thinking negatively of them harms you physically – but you can’t help yourself. It’s because of them you lost your only friend. Do you believe that?
You turn your back to them, steeling your mind and your expression. There’s no point in showing them how much they got to you. They may have succeeded in hurting you, but you wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you in pain.
“Let’s just go before Ms. Alphys gets mad at us,” You say, voice cold and restrained. You don’t spare a glance at Kris anymore, and speed walk towards the storage closet. Strangely enough, you see Susie standing there. Your throat tightens and you reach a hand out to her, but she senses you there and steps away from you. Shamefully, you bring your hand back to your side.
When you move towards the door, you notice something strange. The door’s already been opened, yet it’s completely dark inside. Pitch black darkness, similarly to a void. Something lulls you to it, and your body takes a step forward without your input. Your mind starts rushing, the dark invading it, filling it and contorting your deepest thoughts.
You’re broken out of your hypnosis by a familiar voice. “Uh, it’s like, totally dark in there.” Susie comments awkwardly. “Why don’t one of you dweebs go in there and look for the light switch?” She sweats. You know she’s afraid of the dark, so you begin to offer yourself, but Kris beats you to it.
“..I’ll go,” They mumble, walking inside with a cold indifference that gives you goosebumps. In that moment you have with Susie alone, you look at her with an apologetic stare, but she just looks away from you, pretending you’re not there. You ignore the discomfort and decide to give her time. Hopefully, she knows you’d always be her friend. You shuffle your feet, feeling entirely too out of place. All you want to do is get the chalk and leave as quickly as you can.
You notice Kris is taking too long to find a simple light switch, and you feel irritation bubble inside of you. Are they still trying to provoke you?
With newfound courage, you step into the darkness, seeing the human scouring the walls. You raise an eyebrow. Even in the dark, you can navigate yourself well with touch, and it shouldn’t take too long to find a light switch, of all things. You advance into the room after Kris, gently touching the wall next to you, but you don’t find anything. You hear Susie coming in after you, hesitant steps causing her to sound quieter than usual. You consider offering her your hand, but you’re afraid of the rejection that might follow, so you don’t.
As the three of you advance in the room, an uneasy feeling starts blossoming, and the darkness sounds louder. You feel like someone’s trying to pull your heart out of you, and you clutch it, wincing in pain. You breathe wearily, and push down the pain.
“Hey, uh, is it just me or does this feel bigger than the actual storage room?” Susie asks hesitantly, stopping in place. Both you and Kris turn to look at her, and when you do, the door behind her slams closed, leaving the three of you in total darkness.
The pink girl jumps in surprise, and instinctively rushes to your side in fear. You don’t have time to register it as the pain starts becoming overwhelming, and your breathing quickens. Soon, you’re sweating cold, and hissing through your teeth.
“Hey, Kris? Goner? The door just closed on its own,” Susie starts. “I didn’t imagine that, right?” She asks, clearly scared out of her mind. She doesn’t notice the state you’re in, and when she rushes to pound on the door and ask for help, you collapse onto your knees, gasping for air.
You can hardly notice Kris’ legs enter your field of vision, but it hurts too much, it’s too dark and it’s suffocating – tears prick your eyes and threaten to spill out, the room spinning in your view.
You feel a cold hand touch your head, granting you some emotional relief, but in your state you can’t process who did it, or if there is a who, if it’s a figment of your imagination.
Suddenly, the floor collapses beneath all of you, and you’re plunged into the void. Right before you fall into unconsciousness, you can make out a faint red light around you.
Then, there is nothing.