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He handed me a pair of pliers and he told me to pull out his teeth
Because as long as he'd had them he'd use them to do bad things
You're cold on the inside
There's a dog in your heart and it tells you to tear everything apart
My body's covered in teeth marks, your bite's worse than your bark
You ruin everything you touch and destroy anyone you love, you're all over me
*****
Dean’s death crushed Sam. Ruby had been to hell and back more than once and she still hadn’t seen anyone so overtaken by such self destructive grief.
She thought that she could use Dean’s death to her gain, the one thing keeping Sam on the straight and narrow was finally out of the picture, it was the perfect opportunity to step in. He was as vulnerable as ever and she could easily take advantage of that.
But then Sam was pushing everyone away, drinking more than even Dean did, refusing food, not sleeping, and still picking fights with demons. Ruby had no doubt that Sam was picking fights with the intention of getting himself killed.
She had to make sure that didn’t happen because if Sam died everything went to hell. She needed him alive. She needed him to kill Lilith. Just… not yet. And he couldn’t die in the process.
After she promised him Lilith’s head, they started working together. At the very least she could keep an eye on him to try and keep him alive. She didn’t even need to convince him to use his psychic abilities, he immediately agreed. After that, after she started trying to train him, he became more willing to listen to her. She tried to think on the bright side, that even if he wasn’t actively doing what she wanted, those suggestions were still taking root in the back of his head. They were seeds being planted.
After all, the last time Sam hadn’t listened to her, Dean died. She made sure to remind him of that.
And then, after weeks of being holed up in an abandoned building just rotting and training and Sam was still drinking, completely unstable, high on painkillers for the massive headaches he got every time he tried to use his abilities, she made her move. He was at his lowest, the perfect time to strike.
He said no at first, he wouldn’t even let her kiss him, he flat out refused, but she knew she could break him down. She knew he was too weak to say no.
And it worked. Sam gave in.
Sam was stubborn, he was smart, but he was also a pushover. He craved connection, and once that connection was made he couldn’t just up and leave. From then on, he was stuck with her.
She knew how to work him. It wasn’t with harsh orders or snide remarks. John and Dean were all wrong, Sam only listened to them when they did that because they were family and therefore felt obligated to love and obey them. Because he had no other choice. Because they were the ones with all the power, Sam knew he was at the bottom of the pecking order. But it wasn’t the way to Sam’s heart.
Ruby knew the way to get him to listen, really listen and not just do what she wanted but to take it in fully and completely. It was to whisper it to him quietly, lovingly. It must’ve reminded him of better times, of some college girl, first love—back when someone loved him unconditionally because of who he was and not conditionally because of what he could do for them or because they felt obligated to— and when she spoke to him like that he always crumbled. It was like he was unable to say no, even if he wanted to. To make it up to her.
Ruby clawed her way into his heart without him even realizing it. Soft hands, loving gestures, gentle touches, kind words, it made him crave more. It made him yearn for her approval, long for her love. At the end of the day, that’s all he ever wanted, to please his person.
It made her feel like he was her pet. Like the people who took their animal to the vet to put it down. Once the bond was there, he’d do anything for her. He’d walk straight into the noose if she asked.
And so once she was already under his skin, convincing him to drink demon blood wasn’t all that hard. It was just like the sex, he would say no and then she’d whisper to him, she’d push and push and he would give in because he was too weak to stand his ground with her. He had no right to say no to her, she’d only ever been good to him.
Besides, the last time he didn’t listen to her, Dean died. She made sure to remind him of that.
She could tell he didn’t want to, she could tell it was only for her approval, because he couldn’t bear to let anyone else down again—he couldn’t bear to let Dean down, even in his grave— but she would just keep whispering to him, how she just wanted to help, how he needed it to get stronger, how all she wanted was what was best for him.
It was pathetic, really. He fell for it every time.
She practically had him licking her shoes by the end. After he got a taste of her blood, he couldn’t resist her. It was like a drug. He was an addict. He was addicted to her, and it felt so good.
After that he would look for her in a crowd, if she was in a different room he would seek her out, if she was in danger he’d do anything to protect her. He’d let her lead, follow her anywhere, incapable of letting her down because he’d always look for her approval in every action he made. A towering mass of man who acted like a dog in a shock collar. Unable to simply exist without asking for her consent first. And the funny part was that he thought he was making his own decisions, even when every decision he made was with her approval in mind.
The feeling of someone having that kind of adoration for her, the kind of self loathing, self destructive, all consuming love… all for her. It was intoxicating.
Red rimmed puppy eyes, his warm lips, the hair in his eyes, the naivety in him. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. He could find a way to excuse her of any sin she could ever commit. It filled a void in her that she didn’t even know existed, and she wondered if Dean felt the same way. If Dean looked at Sam and knew that everything would always be forgiven, no matter how bad the sin was. Yeah there’d be a show of disapproval sometimes but there was truly nothing you could do to let him down because he’d already let himself down more. And because more than anything, more than morals, he just wanted to be loved. It didn’t matter how much they violated him and his trust, he’d always hold them on that pedestal. His opinion of himself was so far down in the dumps that practically everyone seemed to be held in higher regard. They could beat him to a pulp, yank his chain around, treat him like an animal, and at the end of the day he’d still thank them. Still think that he was lesser, that he deserved it.
It was perfect.
With every drop of blood he drained, the more control over him she had. It was destroying him from the inside out and he didn’t even care. He just wanted her.
Ruby watched for months as she taught him how to pull demons, how to kill them, and how much she loved him when he listened to her, when he complied.
And it was tearing him up on the inside. She could tell everything she asked of him went against his morals, went against what he truly wanted, and yet he still did it.
Eventually it almost became a game, to see how far she could push him before he squirmed, before he refused—and he never refused. That look on his face, the fear of losing the only person he had left, of going through his grief alone, of not having her blood to numb the agony he was in, was enough to get him to do anything she could possibly ask of him.
She just wanted to see that look. The way his lips trembled and his eyes were lined with tears and resignation. She wanted to see that face, she needed to see that face and to push him and to hurt him because damn if that look didn’t make her feel like an addict of her own. It made her feel like his goddess.
And to see her blood smeared across his face, a physical reminder of how she’d corrupted him, of how pitiful she’d made him, it was everything she could’ve ever wanted. And he couldn’t stop because it helped him forget. Then, while he was in that numb state of forgetting he would do more things that he couldn’t bear to face, and so he would just dig himself into a deeper hole than before. It came to the point where she didn’t even feel like she needed to do anything, just exist and he would continue to spiral.
She would let him drain every drop of blood she had in her body just so she could see the devastation on his face afterwards when he’d finally realized what he’d done.
Every night he would cry until she offered him peace, and her peace was cold and bloody and numb. Effective. Better than any liquor.
She thought he felt things entirely too deeply, but that was what made it so appealing to watch, what made their whole relationship work.
She’d wake up the next morning with bite marks all over her arms and Sam passed out beside her, his eyelashes still damp with tears.
He was miserable.
And then when she got out of bed and began getting dressed he’d wake up and stare at her. She wouldn’t be able to place the expression he was wearing, so she’d crack a joke but then it becomes a little more clear. He wasn’t looking at her body like he thought she was beautiful, he was looking at each place he’d dug his teeth into her skin, horrified.
To him, she was a victim. He was the one doing things to her that he thought no one should ever do, hurting her, taking advantage of her, using her. She could see it in his eyes and the way they brimmed with tears and the disgust he had for himself.
“I did that to you.” He’d say, resting his head on her lap as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Pitiful. His tears soaking through the too tight pair of low rise jeans that she’d stolen from the mall. And she’d just play with his hair and let him sob, muttering apologies into her thighs.
She couldn’t help but smile, closing her eyes to listen to him. It was nice to hear someone apologize to her for once.
And then after he’d cried enough to get on her nerves, she’d sigh and get down on his level, explaining that she was willing to make these sacrifices for the greater good. For him. For his chance at revenge.
He was poisonous. He was a ratted nest of evil and impurity all sludged together to form something new and abominable. Since his birth, his existence ruined the lives of so many, killed so many. She explained this to him in great detail, and then reminded him that she was different. She was the same. She was also impure, people called her evil, they called her unholy, just like him. They were two sides of the same coin. He couldn’t ruin her because she was already ruined. He couldn’t be allowed near God’s beautiful creation because he would contaminate it, but he could be with her because they were both equally cursed. They were both equally unholy, and could he feel that? How right he felt with her?
And then again, he was under her spell.
They spent the day exorcising demons, saving one helpless soul after another, ridding them of darkness. By the end of it Sam could barely stand, pressing his palm into the curve of his eye to try and relieve the pain in his head. His legs were shaking, heartbeat racing, sweat clinging to his hair, and she could tell that he was desperately trying to blink her into focus but it wasn’t working.
“Do you want more to help your headache?” She asked calmly, letting him sit on the fraying ripped floral couch. Someone had left it in the abandoned home they’d been squatting in.
He just let out a noise that might be considered a laugh. A single note song of misery.
She ignored him. Sam stood up instead, standing over by the table of tools they’d used to interrogate a demon to try and find Lilith’s location. Only after they’d confirmed the host was dead, of course. His legs were shaking.
“You know, you can have more, it’s okay.” Ruby continued. “I just don’t like to see you in pain like this for no reason.”
“I don’t want to keep hurting you.” Sam muttered, still facing away from her.
“You mean this?” She walked over to him and pulled up her sleeve, revealing the bite marks scattered across her arm that had broken the skin. Some of them still bleeding slightly. “Because Sam, it’s worth it to me. We’ve talked about this.”
He turned and looked her in the eye then, and there was something so frantic and feral in his face that it almost made her take a step back. “I need you to do something for me.” His whole body was so tense that he was practically vibrating. He was holding a pair of pliers.
“What?” She asked breathlessly.
“I don’t want to hurt you. I-I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I can’t stop myself. So I need you to do this for me, please.”
And she had a sinking feeling she knew what he wanted her to do. He was her dog, after all. She’d made that comparison one too many times. If a dog bites, muzzle it. Or maybe in a more extreme case… take away its ability to bite.
As she took the pliers from him, he sank to his knees. “Are- are you sure?” She hadn’t been this hesitant since before she’d become a demon.
“Do it.” His eyes had bags under them, they were red and irritated.
And so she did. She couldn’t explain how strangely satisfying it was to gain that much more control over him. To be the one declawing the beast was a very specific and intense thrill that she never would’ve imagined could’ve felt so powerful.
She took the rusty pliers and got a good grip on a tooth in the back and then pulled. Good and bloody. It didn’t come out without some resistance and by the time it actually came out, slow and painfully, Sam’s face was completely soaked in tears. His mouth was bleeding freely, both back into his throat and dripping down his chin, mixing with his tears as she gripped his jaw and dripped to the floor.
As she held the slick red tooth in the palm of her hand, Sam kneeling in front of her with his shoulders shaking, mumbling comforting miserable words to himself, she felt powerful. More intoxicating than anything she’d ever felt.
In the back of her mind she recalled an old spell she’d learned back when she’d been a witch. The one that made people’s teeth fall out. But there was another one, another layer to add to it. There was also one that made the teeth grow back, out of thin air, that way whoever you cursed would forever be spewing their teeth out.
She bet that she could figure out a way to only do the second half, having Sam’s teeth back so that she wasn’t seen in public with a bum.
And it could be infinite. This cycle. She could feel powerful whenever she wanted.
With no hesitation, she leaned over and straightened Sam back up so that she could get a good grip on his head. Then again, she shoved the pliers into the back of Sam’s throat until he gagged, forcing the next tooth out with more ease than the time before.
“I’m sorry Sam.” She whispered to him after she’d pulled out the third tooth, by then he was making pitiful noises. She knelt down next to him, shushing him and pushing his hair out of his eyes, holding his face in her hands as she traced her thumbs through the blood he was spitting, smearing it all over his face. “It’ll all be okay, I promise.”
His only response was another sob, and she tried not to be disappointed.
She stood up again, pulling out another and another, taking a minute to put her hands all over his face in between every one, bloodshot eyes staring at her like she was everything, but not in the way that she wanted to be everything.
It was her hands, the punishment that they were inflicting, that he loved.
The moment she realized that, she couldn’t help but let bitterness start to creep in. He could never love her as much as he loved his brother. Her existence and everything she could possibly do to him was his sick and twisted version of repentance.
Well she could never let him have it. In an attempt to atone, she would make him so blighted, so stained with sin that the angels themselves would offer no forgiveness. And then he’d be condemned, just like her.
In working towards penance, he would be actively damning his own soul.
She dug the pliers deeper, grabbing hold and letting him choke on his own blood for a moment before pulling out another.
He didn’t cry for mercy, because he knew he deserved none.
Ruby wondered if next time it would be his eyes.
*****
You're cold on the inside
There's a dog in your heart and it tells you to tear everything apart
You draw blood just to taste it, you hold bones just to break them
You ruin everything you touch and destroy anyone you love, you're all over me