Chapter Text
They didn’t imagine it like this. But at least it will all be done soon. At least it will be how it used to.
They used all their petrified will. For a rock to move on their own, it takes some determination and time.
So their fist goes through their stomach and ribs. They close their eyes and do it, as fast as they can.
At least they are free now.
It’s all in their hands now. THE SOUL. The one thing they agreed to carry with them. One thing that will supposedly fix their past. But all SOUL did for the last three days was make them more miserable.
They didn’t imagine it like this when they agreed to carry this weight. This confused, heavy, unexplainable weight. They hardly imagined it at all.
They put it in its cage. Trapped. That’s what it was. Unable to escape the situation that was forced upon it.
Bleeding should stop soon, for now they could take some breaths on their own. They could breathe alone. On their own. Feel it. Feel the air that they ignored the whole day. Feel their body, weak as it was, moving.
It will be worth it.
They didn’t want to hear SOUL talk again, so like it could feel their numbness it didn’t. It was quiet. Looking at them, maybe… Or looking away, like it sometimes would. It was hard to tell when it looked like a normal heart. It was hard to know regardless. The form it chose didn’t have eyes.
Kris held their breath and slowly moved on their own bed. And lied. Lied. With their eyes closed. Shaky breath. Bloody body, that was somehow healing fester than it normally would, but not fast enough to spear them the pain.
The silence was deadly. They couldn’t recall their life events correctly. They couldn’t put them in the right place. Right order. But it was soft, and it was sharp. Then it was warm, and freezing cold. Loud. Then the silence, that they couldn’t decide if they hated or liked. It was full and empty. It was there. And it was gone. Gone. But it was there.
Time was passing as it was designed to. But it didn’t feel like anything, and it felt like everything. Already midnight… School is soon, with that new dark world adventure. Another preplaned step. Another forced, insincere step. Another day closer to freedom.
Time was passing. As it was designed to. If they could stop it now… Not now. It was wrong. But if they could’ve stopped it before. If they only knew it was the right moment to stop.
“Do you ever feel like… what you are, is not what you should be?” Kris quietly started talking. To SOUL or themselves? It was up to SOUL to decide if it was going to reply or let them talk to soundless air.
“I’m not what I should be.” SOUL replied from its cage. It stopped for a moment, like to think about what to say next. It shape shifted out of the cage into the form it chose to present as. A faceless entity, long dress, half long, half short hair, and big hole inside its chest with a heart inside.
“It feels like… I miss something.” It stoped again to think… “I just don’t know what is missing…”
“Like you are just there, around all these people. Being perceived as something you are just not…”
They weren’t talking to SOUL. They weren’t even listening to it. All they could think about were their… friends? And the situation they pulled them into. Situation they got pulled into.
They continued talking to the air that was now replying. “And you can’t even say anything, you’ll just make it more confusing for them.”
“I don’t even know if I am really me honestly.” The air replied, going through their closet picking up what it would wear tomorrow, on a body that didn’t belong to it. “No matter what I try… Or how truly genuine I am. There will always be something wrong.”
The silence filled the room like before. The kind of silence that allows you to truly feel. Just to feel it and know it. The kind of silence that you didn’t know if you hated or liked.
“Like the extra puzzle piece.” Kris said.
“Like the missing puzzle piece.” Soul said.
In the silence they heard each others voice. Both of them, nothing more than a wrong puzzle.