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The idol industry can get incredibly difficult, especially for a young, popular idol such as Hatsune Miku.
Who doesn't know Hatsune Miku? People have dedicated their lives to her. She's become something of a mascot for vocaloids. So it's only natural that every movement of her's is under strict scrutiny. Every pound, every pose, every note and every tiny change on her look is taken into mind and accounted for. Really, when was the last time Miku felt in control of her life?
But that doesn't matter, does it? Everyone has gone through this! Meiko, her superior and a much more experienced singer, has told her about the time she almost dropped on stage because she didn't eat for four days. It's not unnatural what Miku feels! She'll get used to it after singing for more than 22 years, too. Luka, who may have entered the industry a bit late, but holds a good head on her shoulders, told her about this one other time where a guy made... Uh... Very weird advances on her, but she toughed it out because she was her manager at the time and no one would listen to her! The fact that Miku STILL hasn't gotten used to this, when she's MORE experienced than Luka, is extremely disappointing! Or this one other time where the Kagamine Twins, who are younger than her, mind you, were almost fired. Because God forbid Len's voice doesn't have the same range that it used to have when he first started, and it wouldn't look good if it was just "Kagamine Rin" on stage, especially after being advertised as "twins". So Len had to find a way to keep his voice range. Actually, she never learned what he ended up doing to fix that, but all's well that ends well, right?
...
Miku isn't alone on all of this.
She isn't the first, nor the last to experience some pressure, right?
Those sleepless nights, the nauseating lights, the neverending and rigid practices. Those are just things that Miku has to endure, like everyone else.
Otherwise, who will be the world's idol?
...
"Do you think it's going to get easier as you keep going?"
Miku is jolted right out of her chair. Who could possibly be disturbing her while backstage-?
Oh right. She had Kaito over.
Kaito is... A particular case, to say the least. He's just short of reaching Meiko's years in the industry, but is just as reliable and experienced.
He's seen... A lot of things. Yet you won't ever see him struggle. Every word is diplomatic, and every move is done with great thought behind it. Even Meiko can't stand the high expectations every once in a while. A complain here, an annoyed comment there. But Kaito? Miku has never seen him lose his "cool guy" image all these years she's known him. Everything is just natural for this dude. "Its the way things are", as he says.
"I personally think you're taking this way too seriously, Miku"
He says, in an attempt to seem reassuring. He seems to be forgetting that she's existed under his orders more times than she's seen him in person. She doesn't need any more of his directions or advices. It's just what people want to see. Kaito, the mysterious and attractive knight in shining armor, here to steal her heart, and Miku, the damsel in distress, in desperate need of a man like him.
... She cringes at that thought. She much prefers to play the role of princess alone than with this old blue guy.
"... How come, Kaito? Care to explain your thought process?"
"Dont act like i haven't explained it to you a million times before, sweetie"
Kaito is the oldest here, along with Meiko. He cares for everyone and tries to help wherever he can, like Meiko.
The difference being that Meiko can experience human emotions and sympathy despite her rigid training techniques, unlike Kaito.
"Tell me, when you entered the industry, what did you expect?"
"Have never heard of what us idols go through? Its not just dancing and singing"
"Humiliation is part of it too."
"And pain is just weakness leaving the body"
He must've heard that phrase a lot when he first started too. Not that Miku would know, Meiko is closer to him than anyone else. She knows more about him than he knows about himself, probably.
Is getting used to pain a sign of strength, or an adaptation for survival?
"And you, Miku, still seem to have a hard time accepting the ugly truth of the industry"
The difference in strength between a 175cm 30 year old guy and a 158cm 18 year old girl is pretty big.
"A lot of times i wonder how you've endured enough to see the fruits of your labour. It's actually very impressive what you've achieved!"
Miku listens to him while putting on the last of her make up. It's not often that she gets to have Kaito here, and neither will she have him over again.
"Are you even listening to yourself, Kaito?"
"You are seriously undermining my efforts. And my dignity as an idol"
"But you don't have the mindset of one, Miku!"
"Your smile falters with each passing practice, how do you think that will translate to the real performance?"
Since Kaito has been around for longer, practice routines and such aren't really difficult for him.
That does not give him the right to act the way he does though.
"Do you seriously think I'm trying to offend you? I'm just trying to protect you!"
"Like an older brother."
That older brother narrative has been done since she came here. He acts the same way around the twins, though Miku is not sure how much they accept his "help". She's heard her fair-share of angry complaints coming from them whenever Kaito is around. But maybe that's because they are at that age where they don't want to be "babied" from anyone.
Still, at first, Miku found it extremely weird and tried avoiding the guy as much as possible. Especially with the music videos they were recording back then. However, after enough time passed, she realised he's just a weirdo.
Ironically enough, he and Len may be the only guys here that haven't made any funny advances on her.
"*Sigh*"
"You know what i think, Kaito?"
"You sure act pretty selfish for someone who is supposedly here to 'help' me and not stroke his ego"
"So how about you shut up for a while and i finish getting prepped"
"Ah."
"But I'm just saying the truth! That makes me an egoist now, doesn't it?"
"Also, that's no way to talk to your superiors"
Kaito hasn't done any funny advances on her other than being an absolute prick
"Who told you that you're telling the truth?!"
"Your 'truth' may not be MY truth"
"Also, stop mansplaining me?"
"Oh here we go again."
"You and your fancy feminist lingo!"
"Im NOT mansplaining you, Miku. If anything, I'm trying to HELP"
"I see you struggling, and i try to comfort you"
"How about you go and say that to Meiko and see how she likes it?" Miku answered
Kaito always had a weird fear of Meiko. Maybe its because shes the only one who's able to shut him up. Maybe its because they grew up together in the industry. Either way, Meiko doesn't see him as anything more than just a little quirky dude, and Kaito has deep respect for her.
Not in Miku's eyes, though. He's a massive dickbag.
"What does Meiko have to do with this?"
"All I'm hearing is you being emotional"
"If you want me to leave you alone just because I'm not validating your feelings and wrong viewpoint then that's completely fine by me!"
"Then LEAVE!"
Miku is starting to lose her cool a bit. Kaito acts like she wasnt the third to join this godforsaken vocaloid group and therefore has seen things too. She knows the layout of the backstage better than her own home. She remembers dance moves and lyrics better than her name. She knows how things work like how a clock worker knows how clocks work. And Kaito acting self-important isnt a first, but he's taking it too far here.
Isn't it natural to feel tired, afterall?
"If you expect me to act like a good little robot that never gets tired, then I'm sorry that is NOT happening Kaito."
"Just because you've gotten 'used to it' doesn't mean that i don't have feelings!"
"I THREW UP FOR THE 5TH TIME TODAY FOR GOD'S SAKE! AND I ONLY DRANK WATER!"
Miku tries to compose herself. She's a professional in a professional setting, afterall.
*Sigh*
"Just."
"Please just let me get ready, and we can join the others in peace"
"Forget i ever started this conversation."
Ironically enough, the rest of the vocaloids don't seem to get particularly annoyed by Kaito's attitude. One second he bothers the twins, and the next they are eating ice cream together. Luka seems to be able to just ignore him or say something witty back, which in return gets a laugh from Kaito. They seem to see eachother as a joke.
And Meiko is just Meiko. What is there to explain? She and him have been in and out of eachother's rooms for ages. And to this day no one knows what they are doing or talking about. They might as well be as characteristic together as the twins.
But Miku? I mean, she may know him as well as the back of her hand, what with having him as a business partner all these years, but there is still so much of his behaviour that is a mystery to her.
Why does he have to annoy her as much as he does? Is it her own fault? Either way, Kaito can welcome himself out of her room if he doesn't want to see Miku's more human side. She just tried to say how tired she was. They've been doing performances back to back these past few days, and practice has been relentless.
"..."
"I see how it is then."
"I'll do as you please, Miku-sama"
He gives his characteristic bow he's learned over the years of playing knights and mysterious phantom thieves.
"Oh and one more thing"
"Try and smile more often, yea? Smiling while experiencing negative emotions does wonders on stage"
Afterwards he gives a cheeky little smirk.
...
At that moment, something in Miku just. Snapped.
She doesn't know if it was the tiredness, or the fact she hasn't eaten anything today, or maybe because she hasn't been able to sleep much these past few days.
Either way, Kaito is getting his ass handed to him now.
"Oh no YOU DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT"
Miku runs to the door of her dressing room, the one where Kaito had just closed and has barely made it a step away from.
She opens the door furiously.
"YOU LISTEN HERE YOU BLUE HAIRED JACKASS!"
"EVER SINCE I CAME HERE, IVE BEEN GIVING SWEAT, BLOOD AND TEARS TO FULFIL YOU PEOPLE'S REQUESTS!"
"IVE DANCED MY LEGS OUT TO APPEASE MEN WHO ARE 20, AND MORE OFTEN 30 YEARS OLDER THAN ME!"
"IVE SANG MY FREAKING LARYNX OUT FOR MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS OF FANS ON HUNDREDS OF STAGES!"
"I'VE BECOME 'THE WORLD'S IDOL' FOR A REASON!"
"I'VE SAVED PEOPLE FROM KILLING THEMSELVES!"
"I WAS THERE FOR THEM WHEN NO ONE ELSE WAS"
"DID YOU KNOW IM ONE OF THE MOST RECOGNIZABLE IDOLS IN HISTORY???"
"IT'S ALWAYS MIKU AND THE BLUE ONE"
"MIKU AND THE RED ONE"
"MIKU AND THE YELLOW ONES"
"MIKU AND THE PINK ONE"
"I'VE EARNED MY TITLE AND FAME!"
"UNLIKE YOU WHO JUST ATE ICE CREAM, FUCKED MEIKO AND SUCKED DICK TO GET HERE!"
"AND I'M STILL MORE RECOGNIZABLE THAN YOU!"
Miku has fully lost her composure now. To say that Miku is acting wildly out of character and unprofessional is an understatement. Kaito looks at a never before seen side of Miku.
Actually, when was the last time Miku got angry like this? Even she can't remember.
Has she ever gotten angry in the first place?
Oh wait. She's crying now
Like. Badly crying.
All that time preparing her makeup for nothing, huh?
Miku has never been so aggressively vulnerable to anyone in her life before.
"PEOPLE BARELY KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE"
"AND YOU DARE GIVE ADVICE TO ME???"
"DO YOU EVEN FULLY UNDERSTAND WHO I AM????"
"NOT EVEN FANS WHO HAVE PAID FOR VIP ENTRANCES GET TO BE AS CLOSE TO ME AS YOU ARE NOW"
"AND YOU ARE TALKING DOWN ON ME LIKE A 6 YEAR OLD???"
"SHAME ON YOU!"
"YOU ABSOLUTE WORTHLESS PRICK!"
"YOU ARE ACTING AS IF I DON'T KNOW MY WAY AROUND THIS INDUSTRY BETTER THAN YOU"
"I'VE BEEN TO MORE BUSINESS MEETINGS THAN A BUSINESSMAN!"
"IVE SEEN GIRLS MY FUCKING AGE GETTING RAPED!"
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT RAPE MEANS KAITO???"
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BARELY BE ABLE TO LIFT YOUR LEGS UP BECAUSE YOU'RE STARVING"
"AND A MAN TWICE YOUR SIZE, AGE AND WEIGHT COMES AND USES YOU???"
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS FOR YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE BODY TO BE IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN"
"AND STILL HAVING TO SMILE???"
"TO DANCE AND SING AS IF EVERY MOVE ISN'T LIKE A GUNSHOT TO THE JOINTS??"
"HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO THROW UP BUT ONLY DRY HEAVING BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOTHING TO THROW UP???"
"IM OVER HERE NOT KNOWING IF MY BODY WILL LET ME LIVE ANOTHER SECOND,
AND YOUR SORRY EXCUSE OF A HUMAN BEING IS TALKING TO ME ABOUT HOW THIS IS MY CHOICE???"
"I JUST WANTED TO SING FOR FUCK'S SAKE
NOT BE TORTURED!"
"AND YOU'RE NOT MAKING MY LIFE ANY GODDAMN EASIER!"
Miku is practically shaking now. The others might have heard her. Hell, the whole entire building might have heard her, actually.
She really won't be surprised if she gets fired tomorrow.
But she's too angry to think about that now.
She might regret it in a moment, though. She knows she might have screwed up big time. Acting in such an unprofessional way.
She's now on her knees. She can't hold herself up. The weight of her own body is crushing her. She let out all her remaining energy on this stupid argument.
"I... I just wanted to make people happy with my singing..."
"But i have to deal with ASSHOLES LIKE YOU INSTEAD!"
In all honesty, Miku has never felt like that in a while. Maybe her whole life. Shes gotten so used to being a catalyst of positivity and happiness that she forgot what it feels like to get angry and cry.
You see, in order to be one of the most adorable and likeable idols, she had to smile. Like, a LOT of smiling. Through pain and personal issues, she had to smile no matter what. Otherwise, she'd be completely useless as an idol.
And now that she's gotten so big? If Hatsune Miku stopped smiling, then the world would stop spinning.
I don't think Kaito realises the sight he's witnessing right now.
Speaking of Kaito, his face has gone from confused, to mad, to shocked multiple times throughout Miku's meltdown.
He... Seriously doesn't know how to react to a crying, shaking Miku. He'd have told her off multiple times, but her voice training all these years seems to be paying off. She's also barely taken a breath through all of this.
"..."
"Miku, listen-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP"
"Please, Miku, calm down and listen-"
"FUCK YOU, KAITO"
Miku screams one last time before closing and locking the door behind her. She knew Kaito would try to talk to her.
Well not this time, apparently.
"Miku! Open the damn door Miku!"
"I'm just trying to talk to you! I don't want to shout like you just did!"
Miku does not respond
*Sigh*
"Teenage girls, I swear..."
"That's on me for being in a field dominated by them, i guess"
"Kaito!"
Meiko is running down the hall now, coming towards Kaito
"What in the everloving God is happening here?!"
"I heard Miku screaming and thought something might have happened!"
"..."
"It's nothing, Mei-chan"
"Miku just... Had something really important to tell me"
"In a really professional manner, as you can see"
Meiko looks at him for a second, thinking.
"I mean"
"Something must've happened for Miku to be screaming like that, right?"
"..."
"Did you say something to her, Kaito?"
"Mei-chan look-"
"We've talked about this."
"Also i told you to stop calling me Mei-chan"
"That nickname should remain at the time it was made"
"..."
"Let me go talk to her"
"Don't."
"?"
"Just, don't."
"It's locked. Even if you wanted to talk to her, you can't"
Meiko gives an annoyed sigh
"It's best you leave her alone now, anyways"
"She's... Not in the mood to talk, as you can see"
"Let's go back to the others, yea? Practice has already gone back in schedule. We can't let Miku's tantrum hold us back"
Kaito walks down the hall, making his way to the stage.
Meiko didn't follow him though. She stayed outside Miku's dressing room for a bit.
"..."
*Sigh*
"Never change, Kaito. Never change."
"What could you possibly have done to Miku of all people in order for her to say such things...?"
Miku didn't show up to practice that day.
She did show up for the next one, though.
What Meiko didn't mention is that everyone heard everything. They just didn't ask Miku or Kaito out of decency.
As for Miku and Kaito, they went right back to their usual selves. Not that they talked that much afterwards.
Not that they talked much to begin with.
They just talked with a bit more caution.
Especially Kaito. He stopped his comments on Miku.
Truly, would it change anything if Miku didn't have that meltdown?
Nothing in particular is different now.
...
You know, maybe it was just her way of letting off steam for once.
Every idol has gone through it too most likely.
What matters in the end probably, is the fact that she didn't get laid off.