Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Phum's heart surely stopped beating the moment he heard Peem's heart is giving up.

"Dialated Cardiomyopathy" The doctor uttered. Phum doesn't even know what that means. But the words that followed "Genetical" "3rd stage" "Too late to treat" went past through Phum's statically ringing ears and lodged itself in his brain.

What Phum understood is that Peem is dying.

No No that can’t be it....

Peem was sick all week but to be honest Phum started seeing his weakness a couple of months ago. He was always tired, always sleepy, breathy to even climb the stairs. Phum desperately hoped its due to exhaustion, of burning the midnight oil for so long that he's burnt out due to his academic stress. He thought that it can be fixed by rest, probably a trip to the beach like before. Until Peem collapsed in front of the university today, shattering his illusion.

Their friends Tan, Fang and Q rushed to the hospital. Tan was driving the car while Phum had a very unconscious Peem in his arms. Phum saw the way he's Pale, lips turning a little blue. He didn't like it, he liked his lips in the pretty red shade left behind after making out. A voice in his head kept ringing Danger, something is very wrong. He hoped it was all in his head, he hoped his friends' words will be true, but now everything is gone, leaving behind the cruel truth. The doctor's voice faded out. Phum lifted his head from the white hospital tiles to see Tan crying in Fang's arms, Q frantically pacing trying to call someone but Phum couldn't hear anything other than his own breath. And for the first time since Peem fainted, he let out a choked sob, tears flowing dramatically. Thirty minutes...

It took thirty minutes and just 3 words for his world to change completely. 

~♡

Phum was stubbornly perched on the plastic chair besides Peem's bed since god knows when. His friends were waiting outside. Minutes blended into hours and the only thing Phum feels is the faint pulse of Peem under his fingertips which he's holding onto tightly. Phum's mind filled with countless what'ifs. What if he forced Peem to see a doctor before, maybe just maybe there was a chance he could be saved. 

He felt a faint movement in the hands between his, he rose up quickly and saw his Peem's brown boba eyes fluttering open.

Peem was met with the harsh fluorescent light of the hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. His head hurts. He turned sideways to see his lover Phum kneeling besides his bed holding his hands. He noticed his eyes were bloodshot, hair disheveled, lips dry.

​"Peem," Phum whispered, his voice cracking. He reached up, to gently caress Peem's face. "You're awake. Don't move. I'll get the doc-"

"I'm fine" Peem uttered, voice hoarse. He tried getting up but was hindered by a sharp ache in his chest. He fell back into the bed breathy. The monitors started beeping.

​"I said don't move!" Phum’s voice cracked, a flash of his usual temper breaking through, but it was entirely born out of pure terror. He placed a firm, trembling hand on Peem’s shoulder, gently forcing him back against the pillows. "Just... please. Stop arguing me for five seconds, Peem. Just breathe. I'll get the doctor."

Peem just took a look at Phum's face and decided not to fight. He understood Phum knew something about him that he doesn’t. Phum left the room to bring the doctor leaving Peem alone with his thoughts. He knew he's sick and hasn’t been in his element since a while. But what he felt today, the sharp ache in his chest, inability to breath and extreme dizziness causing him to faint... it wasn't something he experienced before

"What is wrong with me" Peem whispered to himself. 

~♡

The doctor was checking on Peem, muttering words that are too foreign for a arts student. Phum stood silently beside him. The metal door of the room swung open. Peem’s parents rushed in, their faces pale, eyes swollen from crying in the hallway. Behind them, Tan, Fang, and Q stood like silent shadows in the doorway, their expressions completely shattered. Peem's heart sunk further seeing their expression.

​The next hour passed in a suffocating blur of clinical explanations. The doctor spoke softly, using terms like congenital predisposition and irreversible muscle thickening. Peem sat perfectly still, his face masking the cold dread pooling in his stomach. His mind refusing to comprehend the bitter truth. He looked at his mother, who was silently weeping into his father's shoulder. He looked at his father, whose hands were shaking as he gripped the test results. 

We're taking you home, Peem," his mother sobbed, reaching over to clutch his hands. "We'll pack,inform your aunt and leave. The university will understand. You need to come back to the hometown, where we can look after you, where it's quiet..."

​"No."

​Peem uttered, speaking for the first time after the revelation that he's dying.

​Peem pulled his hand back slightly, his face with the usual stubborn look that Phum hated.

​"What do you mean, no?" his father asked, his voice strained. "Peem, did you hear what the doctor said? Your heart is-"

​"I heard him," Peem interrupted, his voice steady even though his fingers clutched the sheets tightly for grounding. 

"He said it's advanced. He said treatments will only manage the symptoms, not fix it. He said I have months, maybe a year if I'm lucky." 

​A choked sob came from Tan at the doorway. Phum didn't make a sound. He just stood at the foot of the bed, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the metal railing, staring at Peem with an expression of pain.

And Peem, now that he said it out loud felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes.

​"If I go back home," Peem said, looking directly into his mother's eyes, "I'm just going to spend the end of my life sitting in a bedroom, waiting to die while you both are already grieving. I don't want that." He rubbed a stray tear off his face.

"Peem, be reasonable-"

​"I am being reasonable!" Peem's voice cracked, a sudden, desperate emotion breaking through his calm facade. He took a shallow, breathy gasp, his chest heaving. 

"I want to stay here. I want to finish my education. I want to work on my unfinished paintings. I want to paint until I can't anymore. I want to live like a normal student for as long as I can. Please, Mom dad"

​"You can't stay alone," his father argued

"He won't be alone Uncle."

​Phum stepped forward, his fingers finally letting go of the cold metal railing of the bed. The arrogant, careless boy who usually smirked through the university corridors had completely vanished. His eyes, dark and heavy with unshed tears, fixed directly on Peem's parents.

​"I live in a shared house just ten minutes from the art faculty," Phum explained, his tone deeply respectful but completely unyielding. "Fang live there with me. Tan and Peem basically live there. It’s a huge place, no stairs to worry about, and we all share the responsibilities. Tan and Fang can look after him when I can’t, and I’ll take over the rest. I have a car. I can drive him directly to the faculty. I’ll make sure he takes every single pill on time."

​Phum finally turned his gaze down to Peem, a raw, bleeding vulnerability in his eyes. "I held him when he fainted today, Uncle. I'm not letting him out of my sight anyway. Let him stay with us. Please." Phum uttered this looking at Peem in a way that silently conveyed "Please back me up with this"

​From the doorway, Q finally broke his silence, stepping into the warm light of the room. He placed a gentle, grounding hand on Peem’s father’s shoulder.

​"Uncle, Auntie, Phum is telling the truth," Q said softly, his voice thick with emotion. "The house is safe. Tan and Fang are already there, and the rest of us Matt, Chain, Pun, Toey, we’re always over. Peem won’t be alone for a single second. If he wants to paint, we'll carry his canvas. If he's tired, we'll make sure he rests. Let him stay in the place where he’s happiest."

​Tan let out another quiet, sniffled sob from the back, nodding frantically in agreement while Fang squeezed his arm to keep him steady.

Peem looked at his friends, his chest aching with a completely different kind of pain now. He had spent so long acting all sassy with his friends, bickering with Phum, trying to prove his fierce independence. Yet here they were, ready to build a fortress of love around his fading life.

​He looked back up at Phum. Phum was staring at him with a desperate, pleading look.

​Peem swallowed the lump in his throat, his stubbornness crumbling. He reached out, his pale hand resting over the blanket toward his parents. "Mom, Dad... please. Let me stay at the house. With them."

"You- you can come and stay over at Auntie's place whenever you want, I can’t push you away either. But let me stay with him, my friends" Peem uttered slowly.

​His parents exchanged a long, agonizing look. They could see the exhaustion in their son’s eyes, but more than that, they could see the fierce, unyielding devotion of the boys standing around his bed. They realized that here, surrounded by his friends, Peem wouldn't just be waiting to die. He would actually be living.

“Phum is not just a friend is he?” His mother asked slowly 

Peem hesitated for a moment, this is not the kind of situation he’d want to tell them they’re dating but now he’s not left with much of a choice

“We’re dating mom” His mother and Father sighed finally understanding.

​With a heavy, defeated sigh, his father finally nodded. "Alright. You stay here. We'll see what we can do"

"Thankyou Father" Peem uttered, hugging his parents. There is a lot to be said but the silence already felt heavier than any words.

~♡

His parents moved away to speak with the doctor clearly, leaving Peem with his friends and Phum. Peem let out a sigh resting back in the bed. His eyes landed on his friends and Phum.

"Don't cry tan, I can’t take care of you if you fall sick" Peem tired breaking the silence with his usual sassy remark. It came out hollow. The light joke hit the room, but nobody really laughed. Tan let out a sound that was half-choke, half-sniffle, and immediately looked away, wiping his nose aggressively with the back of his sleeve. He stumbled forward a step, his hand coming out to just roughly squeeze Peem’s ankle over the thick hospital blanket, grounding them.

​"Shut up, Peem," Tan muttered, his voice thick. "Seriously. Just shut up. You know how scared we were when you collapsed on the university pavement and- and how are we supposed to take this news"

​Fang moved behind him, putting a heavy, grounding hand on Tan’s shoulder to keep him from crying all over again. Fang’s own eyes were glassy, but he forced a small, reassuring nod toward Peem. "He’s right. You don't get pass sassy remarks when you're the one hooked up to a machine. But... we're glad you're staying here with us The house would've been too silent and we wouldn't have known what to do.."

​Q stood near the edge of the bed, his arms crossed over his chest, his jaw tight as he stared at the sterile white tiles before finally looking up at Peem. He didn't make a big speech. He just reached out and lightly flicked Peem’s forearm.

​"Don't worry about the faculty stuff," Q said quietly, his tone steady but carrying a weight underneath. "I’ll handle the professors. Just focus on- whatever you want to do.... focus on living...We’ve got your back."

​Peem looked at them, the heavy, suffocating knot in his chest loosening just a fraction. They weren't treating him like a fragile glass doll. They were still his boys, awkward and uncomfortable with the sudden gravity of the situation, but entirely sincere.

​"Thanks," Peem whispered, his throat suddenly tight.

​"Alright, let's leave him to rest for a bit," Fang said softly, gently tugging at Tan’s jacket to guide him out. "His parents are probably finishing up with the doctor anyway. We'll head back to the house, clear out some space, and get things ready."

​Tan gave Peem’s ankle one last firm squeeze before turning around, blinking rapidly as Fang led him toward the exit. Q gave Peem a final, lingering look and a brief nod before following them out.

​The heavy metal door clicked shut, isolating the room from the busy hospital corridor and leaving a ringing silence in its wake.

​And then, there was Phum......

He hadn't moved an inch from the head of the bed. He stood there like a statue, his hands still gripping the metal railing, he looked wrecked.

​Peem shifted slightly on the pillows, a soft sigh escaping his dry lips. "Are you just going to stand over there like a statue all night, or are you going to come here?"

​The teasing remark didn't work on Phum. Instead, it seemed to snap whatever string that was holding him together.

​Phum sighed came forward to the side of the bed and instead of the chair, he desperately sinked to his knees, his large frame hunching over as he buried his face into the side of Peem’s mattress, his hands desperately reaching out to clasp Peem’s pale, cold hand between both of his own.

​A ragged, choked breath escaped Phum’s throat, pressing against the white sheets, all his energy and facade vanished...

​"Phum" Peem muttered, his voice dropping all of its defensive armor. He used his free hand to reach out, his fingers sinking into Phum’s messy hair. "Hey baby. Look at me."

​It took a long moment before Phum finally complied. When he lifted his face, Peem’s heart gave a painful, fluttering thud seeing the raw agony etched into his lover's face.

"You're an idiot" Phum choked out, his grip on Peem's hand tightening almost to the point of pain, though Peem didn't care. "You're a stubborn, selfish idiot, Peem. Months? A year? How can you say those numbers out loud like they don't mean anything?"

​"Phum"

Don't talk like that," Phum said, his voice terrifyingly quiet. It was rough, gravelly, and stripped of all its usual smugness.

​"Like what?" Peem asked softly, his stubborn gaze meeting Phum’s.

​"Like you've already accepted it," Phum snapped, his eyes finally lifting. You're nineteen. You don't get to talk about the end of your life like that."

​"Phum, you heard the doctor" Peem uttered, voice wavering.

​"I don't care what the doctor said!" Phum’s voice cracked, rising in volume before he forcefully choked it back down, mindful of the quiet room. He leaned forward, his entire upper body tense. "Doctors make mistakes. We'll find another hospital. We'll find a specialist. I'll pay for whatever treatment exists, Peem, I don't care what it takes. You're not just going to give up."

​"Phum," Peem whispered, his voice cracking on the name. "Look at my hand. Look how much it's shaking,I'm not giving up. I'm just tired of pretending I'm fine. I knew something was wrong with me, now it just has a name to it and a known limit to my mortal life"

​"No, listen to me," Phum interrupted, his voice cracking as a fresh wave of tears spilled over his lashes. He leaned closer, resting his forehead against Peem’s knuckles. "I don't care, I don’t care about the disorder's name which I can't even spell it. I just want you to breathe. I just need your heart to keep beating. Do you understand me? If you think I'm letting you go that easily, you're wrong."

​Peem stared down at the crown of Phum's head, his own vision finally blurring with tears. He had spent months pining over him in silence fighting him over stupid things, trying to deny how deeply he loved this stupid boy. And now his time is running out

​Slowly Peem leaned down as much as he can and Pulled Phum to connect his forehead with him.

​"I'm not going anywhere yet," Peem whispered into the quiet room, his fingers smoothing through Phum's hair."I'm afraid, very very afraid Phum. I don't know what to do" He sniffled "But, I'm staying with you. In our house. Let's just... take it one day at a time, okay?"

​Phum didn't answer with words. He just squeezed Peem's hand tighter, his thumb tracing the pulse at Peem’s wrist. He took a look at his lover's face, tears dripping down for the first time since the revelation. Phum felt a strange understanding in him, he hastily wiped his own tears and reached out to wipe Peem's tears gently, then he lowered his lips to their joined hands and pressed a lingering kiss in his Pulse 

~♡

The shifting was easier considering all of their friends working together. Peem's aunt was informed about his condition, who felt guilty herself not noticing it sooner and pushed him to treatments. Peem consoled her softly and now she's also assisting in moving Peem to his boyfriend's home. His parents already planning when and how to move to his Auntie's house, so they can be both near to Peem and not throw away their lives, just like Peem wanted. Phum, Tan and Fang spoke to the doctor one last time about the things they should follow.

"I can walk Phum" Peem was stubborn on walking on his own feet to the car much to his friends disappointment.

"I know I can't convince you" Phum muttered allowing him to walk but silently hovering very close to him, to catch him just in case. Peem was looking well rested, much better than the day he fainted, but they knew better....

~♡

Peem was back in the art room of their university painting on canvases with the same intensity as before. The only thing changed now is his weaknesses has a name and the constant hovering of at least one of his friends, reminding him to eat, rest and take his medicines. 

"Phum give me five minutes, leave that on the table I'll have it" Peem answered, gaze focused on the painting which he needs to complete today.

"Peem I know you hate this pill, don't try to escape me" Phum argued back.

Peem sighed, shifting his focus to Phum now

"But that pill makes me dizzy, just like the day I passed out, I don’t like it" Peem answered pouting.

"It means the medicine is working baby, you're supposed to rest after that anyways" Peem consoled him softly.

"I know but it's making me weak" Peem answered, voice small. Phum understood what he meant. 

"Peem baby, listen to me. I know you're afraid even I am, our friends your parents everybody is. But you're allowed to be weak Peem. You're allowed to feel tired. Your body is fighting a war right now, and being exhausted doesn't mean you're losing. A little dizziness doesn't define you" Peem looked for a speck of doubt so he can start arguing again but he saw nothing but sincerity in his face. Peem smiled nodding. Then Phum's face curled up in the familiar smirk.

"And nothing will happen if you fall, I, your handsome charming prince will hold you that even the tip of your hair won't touch the ground" Phum said proudly, chest all heaved up.

Peem chuckled at his boyfriend's antics.

"Fine fine give me the Pill Mr Charming prince"

"Right now your Highness"

Their chuckles echoed in the walls of the room overshadowing the ticking clock in the background.

~♡

Peem was literally having zero ideas for the final year art project. Its a very big project and the best one will be awarded in the graduation ceremony. No one will want to miss it and its Peem's dream to win it. 

"So much for winning it" Peem muttered to himself staring at the blank canvas. He sighed and called his boyfriend to meet him near the university cafe.

"I believed I asked you to meet me at the cafe not in my art room Mr Phum" Peem uttered upon noticing Phum wanting for him at the door.

"You need someone to walk with Mr Peem and I took the honors upon my name" Phum uttered stretching his hands for Peem to hold. Peem snarled and held his hands. 

They started walking side to side, their joined hands slightly swaying.

"Sit here I'll get you milk" Phum went away to the cafe to get drinks. Peem is not allowed to drink over sugary drinks or caffeine leaving him with very few options.

Peem sat down his doubts drowning him. A small meow disrupted his thoughts. He looked down at the source and saw a small ginger kitten near his legs. It looked a little dirty and very weak, looking up to him with expectations.

Peem was a goner for cats, he felt the cat tugging at his heartstrings, without hesitation he slowly got down from his chair and Joined the cat on the grass, ignoring the subtle ache in his chest. He held out his palm for the cat to take. The kitten hesitated a bit, sniffing his fingers before climbing up on his hands chasing the warmth of his hands. Peem felt like he accomplished something, gaining the kitten's trust. He started petting it slowly.

Phum was confused seeing Peem sitting on the ground, he was ready to scold him for inviting a cold, but he stopped on his tracks seeing a small kitten in his lap snuggling into him as Peem's hands kept petting his fur. 

"Phum come here and see the new friend I made" Peem waved at him excitedly.

"Baby first get of the ground you'll get sick" Peem ignored him.

"I'm going to take care of him" Peem announced 

"Are you sure?" Phum uttered, Peem looked at him with a Puppy eyes and a pout that screamed "Please" Phum sighed unable to resist him.

"Finee we'll take him, who am I to resist you anyways" Phum gave in. Peem nodded smiling big.

"Give me the milk I'll feed this baby with it" He grabbed the cup from his hands and placed it on the ground for his new friend to eat. Peem's heart felt a strange comfort seeing her eat. 

"Get off the ground Peem, you even gave her your milk what are you supposed to eat" Phum held his hands for Peem to take, he grabbed them and stood off the ground, wiping the grass of his pants.

"Well I have you to feed me, so I can feed the cat" Peem giggled. Phum blushed at the comment.

"What are you going to name her" Peem interrogated.

"Milk!!" Peem announced proudly.

"Well welcome to our friend group dear Milk" Phum uttered walking off to get another cup of milk for Peem. The kitty completed the milk and looked upto Peem, meowing. Peem let out a genuine laughter taking the cat in his arms..

Phum looking at this sight from a distance felt his heart warm seeing Peem laugh like a child genuinely since a long time, face devoid of previous worries. He owe that kitten a lot

~♡

The small living room of the shared house felt smaller than usual, crowded with the warmth of 9 people, a mountain of pillows and blankets and the quiet, unyielding tenderness of a group of friends trying to hold the world together for one person.

The movie night was Phum’s idea.

Two days ago, right after they brought the ginger kitten back to the house, Phum had walked into their bedroom to find Peem staring blankly at his sketches. Peem’s knuckles had been white around his charcoal pencil, his breathing shallow and tight. When Phum had gently taken the pencil away, asking what was wrong, Peem had finally broken down, admitting the suffocating pressure of the International Open Competition. He was entirely out of ideas, the deadline was looming, and the stress was immense

So, Phum something what Peem likes,he called in all their friends and arranged a movie night with the entire crew to completely force the art project out of Peem's mind, if only for a few hours.

"I’m telling you Phum has terrible taste in cinema" Tan muttered aggressively shaking a bag of popcorn before setting it down on the table. "An old rom-com? Really? I thought we were watching an action film."

"Shut up Tan. It's a classic," Q argued from his spot on the floor leaning his back against the sofa. He reached over casually pulling a thick, soft duvet higher up on Peem’s lap ensuring his legs were completely shielded from the air conditioner. "You don't have the artistic sense to appreciate a good plot anyway."

Peem let out a soft chuckle, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He was tucked securely into the corner of the sofa, his body slightly, naturally leaning against Phum’s side. Phum’s arm was draped over the back of the couch, his fingers resting lightly against the side of Peem’s neck. Another hand toying with his fingers, occasionally resting on his pulse in a habit.

"I'm fine you guys," Peem murmured, noticing the way Fang was carefully pouring him a cup of warm herbal tea instead of the sugary sodas everyone else was drinking. "You don't have to fuss so much."

"We aren't fussing" Fang lied smoothly offering a gentle smile as he handed over the cup. "We're just making sure you're comfortable. Drink up."

Beside Fang, a tiny ginger head poked out beneath the pillow, Milk who had already claimed the house as her own, let out a soft, high-pitched meow before scrambling across the cushions. She bypassed everyone else and curled right up on Peem’s lap, vibrating with a heavy purr.

Peem’s smile widened, his pale fingers instantly burying into the kitten’s soft fur. The suffocating weight that had been pressing down on his lungs eased a bit

Phum pulled Peem just a little closer against his chest, his chin resting near Peem’s shoulder. "See? Even the cat knows you need to rest."

"I am resting," Peem whispered back, tilting his head up to meet Phum’s eyes. The sincerity and raw devotion in Phum's gaze made a profound wave of gratitude wash over him. He looked around the room,at Tan and Q arguing over the popcorn, at all their friends laughing at something Matt was imitating,at the peaceful safety of their home.

The walls suddenly felt a little too small, not out of suffocation, but out of a sudden, desperate urge to experience the world with the people he loved before his time ran out.

"Hey guys" Peem said, his voice cutting softly through the low hum of the television dialogue.

The guys paused, turning their heads toward him instantly. The collective, immediate attention was a silent testament to how fiercely they were all watching over him.

Peem looked back at Phum, his brown eyes carrying a quiet, beautiful clarity. "Let’s go somewhere. All of us."

"Where do you want to go, Peem?" Q asked gently, shifting on the floor to look up at him.

"The beach" Peem answered, his fingers rhythmically stroking Milk’s fur. "I want to smell the salty air. I want to play in the ocean. Let’s take a trip this weekend. Just to clear our heads."

Phum stared into Peem’s face, reading the unspoken please directed at him. Phum’s grip on Peem’s shoulder tightened, a resolve settling into his jaw.

"We're going," Phum announced, his tone leaving absolutely no room for objection. He looked across the room at the others. "Pack your bags. We leave Saturday morning."

Tan grinned, throwing a piece of popcorn at Q. "Road trip I'm driving."

"Absolutely not, you'll kill us all" Q shot back, but the tension in the room had completely melted away, replaced by the exciting, warm anticipation of the sea.

Peem leaned his head back against Phum’s shoulder, closing his eyes as the laughter of his friends washed over him. For the first time in weeks, his heart felt perfectly light.

~♡

The air inside the hospital corridor always smelled the same for Peem, chemicals and dread.

It had been two months since the world shifted for Phum and Peem. 8 weeks of taking different coloured pills, breathing through every dizziness and pretending the ticking clock in Peem’s chest wasn't real. But today was different. Today was the first official checkup, and Peem wasn't alone.

His parents had packed their suitcases and arrived that morning. It was a surprise to everyone as they didn’t inform anything prior. They simply shown up at their house, announced their applied leave got approved and are temporarily moving to his Auntie's place where Peem used to live before. They also announced they'll be tagging along for the checkup.

Peem sat rigidly on the examination table, his tightly balled fists resting uselessly on his knees. Phum stood unmoving by the door, arms crossed, his knuckles white against his sleeves, observing everything.

Dr. Jimmy kept his eyes on the digital monitor, tapping his pen rhythmically against the desk. "The ECG shows the left ventricle is continuing to dilate Peem. The medication is managing the pressure for now, but You need to avoid any form of emotional or physical stress. Am I making myself clear?"

"Yes, doctor," Peem murmured, his voice sounding small in the vast, white room.

His mother nervously clutched a thick, faded leather file. "Doctor, we brought his complete childhood medical files. Growth charts, childhood illnesses, everything. Would looking through his past help find a different treatment and allow him to stay breathing? "

​Dr. Jimmy offered a sympathetic but firm shake of his head. "Advanced cardiomyopathy at nineteen isn't caused by a childhood illnesses mam. This is a progressive genetic condition. The past records won't change our current diagnosis." 

His mother nodded looking at his father.

“Phum you take Peem and Mom to the car I'll speak something with the doctor and come back” His father said. Phum stepped forward and carefully helped Peem to move.

​As they walked out into the humid parking lot, Peem’s thoughts were getting drifted to the File and the way his father and mother were anxious. He saw his father approaching and decided to enquire.

​"Dad," Peem said, stopping by the car door. "What is that file? what did you talk to the doctor alone? If its my medical enquiry why can't I stay?"

​His father didn't look up, adjusting his glasses quickly. "Just old childhood paperwork, Peem. I had a little doubt about your diet, its nothing serious”. Let’s get to the house first. Your friends are already there helping unpack the heavy things."

​The deflection was quiet, smooth, but Peem didn't feel like letting it go.

Peem looked at Phum. Phum’s eyes were narrowed, his jaw tight, sensing the tension. But Peem just nodded quietly to his father's words, swallowing his questions and climbed into the car.

By the time they arrived, Tan, Q, and Fang were already there, lifting heavy suitcases out of the trunk and carrying boxes up the narrow stairs, trying their best to be helpful.

Peem was strictly forbidden from lifting anything. He was forced to sitting on a wooden chair in the corner of the living room, watching the chaotic blur of his friends unpacking.

His mother was in the kitchen, making herbal tea for the boys, while his father was speaking something with his aunt. Everyone is preoccupied.

Curiosity, sharp and venomous, began to claw at the back of Peem’s mind.

He stood up quietly, his movements slow so that he wouldn't trigger the dizziness. He slipped down the short hallway into the small guest bedroom where his father had placed the bag he bought to the hospital.

The room was dark, the curtains drawn. The bag was inviting him

Peem’s heart gave a heavy thud against his ribs. He reached inside, his fingers brushing against the texture of the leather file. He pulled it out.

The paper was old, yellowed at the edges. But what caught his eye wasn't a growth chart. It was a genetic laboratory report from a hospital in Bangkok, dated twelve years ago.

Peem’s name was printed at the top.

Patient Name: Peem Age: 7.

Genetic Panel Result: Positive for Familial Dilated Cardiomyopathy (TTN gene mutation).

Clinical Note: Patient exhibits high hereditary risk. Strict avoidance of competitive sports, heavy cardiovascular strain, and severe fatigue recommended. Bi-annual cardiac screenings advised.

Peem couldn't breathe. The text blurred before his eyes. He flipped the page, his hands shaking so violently the paper rattled. Behind his own report were two death certificates. Two infant boys. One from nineteen years ago, one from twenty-one years ago. Both listed the same cause of death: Congenital heart failure.

His brothers. The siblings his parents hid from him, always lying to him that he was a only child.

They had known. They had known since he was seven years old that his heart was defective. They had known he was carrying a ticking bomb in his chest. Yet, they had stayed silent. They had let him run around, let him pull grueling all-nighters in the art studio, let him exhaust his body, all while hiding the truth that could have saved his life if he had just known to take care of it.

"Peem? What are you doing in here?"

His father’s voice shattered the silence. The old man stood in the doorway, his eyes dropping to the papers gripped in Peem's trembling hands. The color instantly drained from his face.

"You knew," Peem whispered rhetorically. The words felt like broken glass in his throat. He looked up, his brown eyes wide with a horrific betrayal. "You knew since I was seven years old."

His mother came rushing down the hallway, holding a tray of tea, but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the scene."Peem... put that away. You shouldn't be reading that, it's bad for your heart"

"Bad for my heart?!" Peem roared, his voice echoing through the quiet house

In the living room, the rustling of boxes instantly stopped. Phum, Tan, Q, Fang and Toey froze, their heads turning sharply toward the direction of the sound. Phum didn't even hesitate,he dropped the box he was holding and moved down the hallway, his expression terrified.

"Peem, listen to me," his father pleaded, stepping into the room, his hands raised in a desperate gesture. "We did it to protect you! You don't understand-"

"Protect me from what?!" Hot Tears finally spilled over Peem's cheeks. "From living? From surviving? The doctor said that if we caught this early, if we managed it for years, it wouldn't have reached the final stage so fast! I am nineteen, Dad! I am dying because you hid the truth inside a file!"

His mother broke down, dropping to her knees by the bed, burying her face in her hands. "We lost two children before you Peem! Two babies! Their hearts just stopped... we buried them both before they could even walk. Do you have any idea what that does to a mother? What that does to a family?"

His father’s eyes were glassy, his voice cracking with a decade's worth of suppressed trauma. "When the doctors told us you had the same gene, our world stopped. But you were so healthy Peem. You were nothing like your brothers as a infant. Even as a kid You were running around, you were smiling, you were very active. We couldn't bear the thought of raising you like a patient. We wanted you to have a normal childhood. We prayed,we literally went to every temple in the country, praying that the gene wouldn't aggravate and stay silent. We thought if we just treated you like a normal child, you would continue to be normal"

"But I’m not normal!, Just because you wanted me to be normal kid, you took away years of my life instead. Just to fit into your frame of a perfect child, you hid this, now I'm paying the prize, I'm dying at nineteen!!" Peem screamed, his chest tightening painfully, a sharp gasp catching in his throat. He gripped the front of his shirt, his body shaking. "You didn't give me a normal life, you just let me die, by not minding the disorder slowly capturing my heart" 

"Peem, please" his mother sobbed, reaching for him.

"Don't touch me!" Peem yelled, backing away until his spine hit the windowpane.

Phum burst into the room, his eyes scanning the scene before instantly locking onto Peem’s pale, gasping form. He didn't say a word to Peem’s parents. He stepped right between them, his massive frame completely shielding Peem from their gaze. His hands went straight to Peem's shoulders, anchoring him. "Peem. Look at me. Breathe. Breathe for me, baby, come on."

Tan, Q, and Fang were crowding the doorway now, their faces pale, shock and horror written across their features as they looked at the medical papers scattered on the floor.

"Phum- Phum take me out of here," Peem choked out, his vision fading at the edges, the air in the room completely suffocating him. He couldn't look at his parents' tear-stained faces for another second without feeling like his heart was going to burst. "Take me home. Please."

"We're leaving," Phum announced, his arm wrapping securely around Peem’s waist to take half of his weight.

"No! You can't take him!" his father shouted, trying to step forward to grab Peem’s arm. "He’s our son! We are his family!"

Phum stopped, turning his head just enough to glare at his father, "Peem wants space now uncle, Please understand" He uttered sternly.

He didn't waste another breath. He guided Peem out of the room, through the hallway, and out the front door into the cool evening air. Toey and Q instantly moved ahead opening the car doors, Tan took the wheels while Fang stayed back just long enough to glare at his parents with a unexplainable took before slamming the front door shut behind them.

Peem collapsed into the passenger seat of Phum's car, burying his face in his hands as they drove away. He didn't look back at the house. He just let the tears fall, feeling the coldness of his family's lies.

~♡

The drive back from the house was a suffocating dead silence.

The moment they stepped through the front door of the shared house, Tan, Fang, Q and Toey didn’t try to force a conversation. They saw the ghostly look on Peem’s face and the dangerous tension in Phum. Without a word, Fang quietly went to the kitchen to fix a simple supper for them, with Tan helping him. Q went ahead to inform their friends about this new issue. Toey who stayed silent, went ahead to feed Milk. They stayed downstairs,close enough to be there if needed, They knew the couple needed silent support, not more noise.

Phum practically carried Peem up the stairs and let him down only when they're inside their shared bedroom, locking the door behind them.

The room was dark, lit only by the mixed glow of the streetlights and the moonlight shining through the sheer blinds. 

For the past months Peem had been the strong one. He hadn’t locked himself away, he hadn't cried, he stubbornly painted, ignoring his body's cries,putting up a flawless defiant front. But as the door clicked shut, the weight of the truth,the realization that his entire life had been a countdown his parents hid from him,finally crashed through him.

His knees gave out due to the weight of the realization.

Phum caught him before he hit the floor, sinking down with him onto the cold hardwood tiles. He pulled Peem into his lap, wrapping his large arms around him, pulling him so tight, physically wanting to shield him from anymore pain.

For a long time, Peem didn't cry, didn't utter a word. He just stared blankly at the wall, his chest heaving in shallow, ragged gaps, his fingers clutching desperately at the fabric of Phum’s shirt. His entire body was trembling. His silence broke Phum’s heart into a million pieces.

"Peem," Phum choked out, his voice cracking. He buried his face in the crook of Peem’s neck, his own tears finally spilling over uncontrolled. "Peem, please. Talk to me. Say something. Scream at me, break something, just- don't do this."

"I don't want to die yet Phum."

The words were tiny. They didn't sound like the stubborn Peem who argued about his medicine or fought with Phum over every trivial thing. It sounded like a terrified child.

"You're not going to" Phum lied, his voice breaking as he squeezed his arms. "I'm here. We're going to fight it. I'll find another doctor, I'll-"

"Stop lying!" Peem suddenly gasped, his voice breaking into a raw sob as he finally pulled back, forcing Phum to look at him. Peem's eyes were bloodshot, it held absolute terror. "Stop pretending Phum! You check my pulse every five minutes! You look at me like I’m already a ghost! I read the files. I have the exact same heart that killed two of my siblings before. It’s inside me right now, and it’s stopping my heart, its taking away my life. You know it. Just because I don’t cry about it doesn’t mean I’ve accepted it."

Phum couldn't fathom hearing the words directly from his mouth. His shoulders slumped, his head dropping as a ugly sob tore from his chest. He reached up, his large, trembling hands cupping Peem’s face, his thumbs trying to wipe away the stream of tears, while his own fell endlessly.

"I’m scared" Peem wept his forehead dropping against Phum’s chest. He gripped Phum's arm, his fingernails digging into the skin. "Phum, I am so terrified. Every time I close my eyes at night, I’m scared I won’t wake up to see the morning light. Every time my chest gets tight, I think, Is this it? Is this the last breath I get?"

"Don't say that" Phum pleaded, his voice a broken whisper, "Please, Peem, don't say that. I can't... I can't lose you. I won't survive it."

"It's just not fair" Peem cried out, the raw anger finally bleeding through the fear. "I spent my whole life wondering why I got tired faster than other kids. I thought I was just lazy. I thought if I pushed harder, if I stayed up later in the studio, I could match everyone else. I did this to myself. I accelerated it because I didn't know” Peem sobbed. “I just started living. I just started painting. I just found you. Why do I have to leave everything behind? I have so many things I haven't done yet. I haven't traveled around countries, painting their scenery. I didn't start a life with you! 

I haven't done anything!"

"I regret so much," Peem choked out, his voice shrinking into a breathless whisper. "I regret every single night I stayed up late painting, thinking I had time. I regret every argument. I regret that I'm going to ruin your life, Phum. I’m going to die, and I’m going to leave you here alone. I spent so much time being stubborn, being stupid, when I should have just... I should have just loved you harder, now the time is running out. I regret it soo much.”

"No," Phum immediately opposed, grabbing Peem's hands "Look at me Peem."

Peem forced his eyes up, his vision blurred, his breath coming in short, erratic hitches.

Phum’s face was completely ruined by the pain shared, his nose red, his eyes swollen, entirely different from his golden boy persona. There was nothing left but a nineteen-year-old boy begging the universe for a miracle.

"Loving you is the only good thing I have ever done in my life" Phum whispered, his voice shaking so violently he could barely form the words. He leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together, their tears mixing on their skin. "If I ever had to wish something to the gods I'll always wish for us to stay together, it doesn't matter if I'm hurt when I'm allowed to hold you like this forever Peem,I will always choose you. I would choose this pain a thousand times over just to have these months with you because if you leave me behind, there’s nothing left for me here. You found me at my lowest Peem! You put the life in me again. Now I don't know- I really don't know how to exist in a world without you"

​"You have to" Peem sobbed, his hand moving up to gently cup Phum’s jaw, his thumb brushing away a tear even as his own fell faster. "You have live your life. You have to take care of Milk. You have to stay with the guys. Don't let my existence ruin your life, Phum. Please. Don't let me die knowing I've ruined the life of the person I love the most with my worthless existence” Peem cried harder.

​"You're not breaking me," Phum wept openly, their tears mingling."I’m already broken baby. I've been broken since the day you fainted. But I would choose this specific heartbreak a million times over just to be the to hold you right now. Don't apologize for your heart. It's the only thing I've ever truly loved, it's the only thing that saw me and loved me back"

​Peem let out a shuddering, broken sigh, his strength completely spent. The emotional storm had taken a toll, his chest felt tight, a dull ache settling deep behind his ribs. He didn't have the energy to speak anymore. He just let his body go entirely limp, trusting Phum to hold him. The illusion of their strength was completely gone. They were just two fragile, terrified boys sitting on a dark floor, holding onto each other as their walls crumbled around them, exposed to the ticking reality.

"I don't want to leave you," Peem whispered into the dark. "I'm so sorry Phum I'm so sorry my heart is like this."

"Shh, don't apologize" Phum murmured, his voice thick and entirely hollowed out. He carefully lifted Peem into his arms, shifting them until they were lying on the bed, curled into each other under the heavy duvet. Phum held Peem by his waist, shielding him. He placed a long gentle kiss to Peem’s forehead."Just sleep now Peem, we’ll be ok"

Peem didn't answer. He just buried his face deep into Phum's hoodie, inhaling the familiar scent of their detergent, crying quietly into the fabric until he passed out from the exhaustion.

Phum stayed awake in the dark, staring at the boy beside him, dried tears on his cheek. His hand never leaving Peem's waist. He prayed into the void, for any miracle that could allow him to hold him for the rest of his life, the only response he got was the loud sound of the ticking clock behind him.

Outside their room Fang sat with his back pressed against the door, his own tears falling. He didn't bother to wipe them. Beside him a tray of dinner for two people sat forgotten. He decided its better not to disturb them.

“God why are you so cruel for them” He whispered into the air. His own heart weeping for their pain.

~♡

The sun hasn’t even risen completely, the saturday morning which they planned to drive to the Beach. All 11 people boarded into 3 different cars. Phum loaded the bags in the trunk while Peem sat in the passenger’s seat, hands absentmindedly treading into milk’s fur. Phum drove the entire way to the sea with his eyes glued to road, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles remained white. They didn’t speak much, the previous night scenario still occupied the space between them, Their swollen eyes were the testament that the previous night was not a nightmare, which they desperately hoped to be. Phum checked the rearview mirror every now and then, constantly watching over the boy.

By afternoon, the suffocating atmosphere of the city felt far away.

The beach was vast, the horizon stretching out endlessly into a brilliant, hazy blue. The water reflected the sunlight, shining into a beautiful sea of diamonds

Tan and Q had gone ahead to set up a massive perimeter of the beach with umbrellas, ensuring that not a single ray of direct sunlight could hit Peem.

"If anyone touches this umbrella and let the sun hit Peem, I’ll bury you in the sand" Fang warned, adjusting the angle of the shade for the third time before handing Peem a small, clear cup. "Here. It’s chilled coconut water. The doctor said it’s fine."

Peem took the cup, his lips curving into a soft, genuine smile that hadn't been seen since the night after the revelation. "Fang, I’m sitting under the shade. I’m completely fine. You guys can go swim."

"We don't want to swim," Tan said, cooly sipping a can of soda,sitting flat on the sand right next to Peem’s chair. He reached out, carefully picking up a slice of watermelon, and meticulously pick out every single black seed before placing it on a small plate in front of Peem. "Swimming is overrated. The salt gets in your eyes. I’d rather sit here and keep you company"

"Just say you're afraid of getting dizzy after playing in the sun too much like the last time!!!" Q shouted from a few feet away, offering Peem a reassuring wink. "Don't listen to him, Peem. You eat the fruit and enjoy the show we're about to put up for you"

He came forward with Matt and Toey to snatch Tan and throw him into the ocean 

“Teerak save mee!!” Tan pleaded desperately to Fang, but Fang just shook his head laughing at the silliness of the boys.

Peem watched them, a deep, aching warmth settling into his chest. A month ago, Tan would have wrestled him for the last piece of watermelon. Today, his friends were moving around him with an unspoken tenderness,their voices softer, their movements slower completely changing their lives with ease just to keep him safe. They were carrying the weight of his fading life on their shoulders, yet they were smiling in the sand just because he wished for this.

Beside him, Phum sat on a beach chair He hadn't changed into swim trunks,he was still wearing the beach shirt. His eyes were locked on the rising waves of the sea, thoughts distant.

"Phum," Peem murmured, his voice cutting through the sound of the waves.

"Yeah?" Phum turned instantly, his brow furrowing as his eyes scanned Peem’s face. "Is everything ok? Is the wind too cold? We can go back to the car right now"

"Phum, stop" Peem interrupted softly, reaching over with his free hand to cup Phum’s cheek, forcing him to quiet down. Peem smiled, his brown eyes reflecting the blue of the ocean. "Look at them. Look at us."

Phum blinked, turning his gaze toward the beach. A few yards away, Tan had tried to throw a handful of sand at Q, which missed entirely, and tripped over a stray piece of wood, crashing into the tide. Fang was bent over, laughing so hard he had to hold his knees, while Chain and Matt were loudly cheering from the dry sand.

On the blanket near Peem's feet, Milk poked her little ginger head out of the canvas bag, letting out a sharp, tiny meow before settling down near Peem’s leg

The sight was so painfully beautiful it made Phum’s chest ache. In that single, quiet moment, the horror of the previous days and the terrifying fear of the dark nights completely vanished. There was only the sun, the sand, and the people who loved him enough to rearrange the universe for him.

"They're idiots," Phum whispered, though his own eyes grew glassy as a soft smile finally broke across his face. He turned back to Peem his large hand wrapping over Peem’s fingers squeezing tightly. "But they’re our idiots."

“Go join them Phum I'm fine” Peem reassured seeing the look on his lovers face.

He stood up smiling, dusting his pants and Joined a laughing Fang few centimeters away.

A sudden, spark ignited in Peem’s eyes. The artistic block that he felt for weeks were replaced completely by this new inspiration.

He didn't want to paint a landscape for the International Exhibition. He didn't want to submit a portrait or an abstract piece. He looked at the way the golden ocean light hit the edges of his friends' silhouettes, the way the winds danced around them and the comfort he felt here. This was it

"Phum," Peem said, his voice ringing with a sudden, beautiful intensity. 

"What is it, baby?" He immediately turned back to tend to his request 

"My canvas bag," Peem ordered, his fingers tightening around Phum's sleeve, pulling him close. "Get my sketchbook and pencils out of the back seat. Right now."

Phum stared at him, stunned by the sudden energy radiating from Peem's fragile frame. "Peem, you're supposed to be resting-"

"I am resting," Peem laughed, a genuine, beautiful sound that made Q and Tan stop their wrestling on the shore to look back at the tent. Peem pointed a trembling finger toward his friends, his heart beating with a sudden, joyful rhythm. "I know exactly what we're submitting for the competition Phum. I'm going to paint all of us. Right here. The place where I get the most comfort from, I'm going to paint us and the sea!!"

Phum looked from Peem's glowing face to the boys on the beach, the weight of the realization hitting him. This painting wouldn't just be an simple project, would be Peem's legacy.It would be proof of their friendship and love.

"Okay," Phum whispered, his voice thick, leaning down to press a soft, lingering kiss against Peem’s forehead.

“I'll get your things, Your Highness. Paint them however you want.”

~♡

Its been three weeks since their beach trip, and things surely changed, not in a complete 180 degree way, but in small parts of their everyday life. And it suffocated the boys more.

Peem stopped going to the university…..

It happened on Thursday morning. Initially, Peem still tried to maintain a facade of normalcy. He would wake up early, put on his uniform shirt and let Phum pack his bag. Each day he felt himself getting more and more exhausted. On that tuesday Peem felt that struggle right after waking up, He sat on the edge of the mattress, and reached for his Shirt but he just stopped on his tracks. He remained seated there with his head lowered, his hands resting limp on his knees, his shoulders slumping under the weight of an overwhelming, bone-deep exhaustion

Phum was by the closet, buttoning his engineering shirt when he heard the quiet, shaky exhale from the bed. He turned around and immediately sensed Peem’s discomfort.

"Peem" Phum murmured, walking over to kneel flat on the floor directly in front of him. "Hey baby Look at me." Peem didn't look up. He just looked at his own bare feet on the rug. "My legs feel like jelly Phum. I haven't even stood up yet and my chest already feels tight." "We’re staying home," Phum said, his voice flat and steady. "I can’t skip today’s class" Peem muttered, his eyes fixed on Phum's hands on his."If I drop below eighty percent attendance, the department automatically disqualifies me. It won't matter if the painting is finished or not. They won't let me submit it"

"They will," Phum replied, tugging the stiff uniform shirt off Peem's hands and replacing it with a soft, gray t-shirt that smelled like laundry detergent.

"Go back to sleep baby. I'll take care of it."

~♡

Being the oldest in the house, Fang understood how to talk to adults without letting his emotions controlling him, unlike Phum. The next afternoon, while the other boys were in class, Fang drove down to the administration building with Phum. He laid out Dr. Jimmy's medical statements and Peem’s ECG’s

“I don’t want to speak negative professor but I hope you understand the situation here. The competition is Peem’s dream, please allow him to submit it” Fang asked in desperation. Phum sat grimly next to him. 

The professor permitted Peem’s absence.

Peem’s entire world narrowed down to their house. He stopped checking the class group chats. He stopped looking at the exam syllabus. His campus life, the notorious art student like the cafeteria barista knows him, the sassy classmate who threw insults sharper than abstract lines was completely gone, replaced by a broken boy who’s living on borrowed breath. 

He started using oxygen tanks, a thin transparent cannula now pumping oxygen into him for survival.

He wasn't a university student anymore. He was just a boy trapped in a room occupied with the mechanical sound of the oxygen and the chemical smell of his medicine.

~♡

Phum sat on the floor by Peem’s canvas stand, watching him squeeze a tube of blue paint onto the heavy wooden palette resting on his forearm. Peem’s breathing was already shallow, his shoulders rising and falling too fast. He picked up the palette knife to blend the pigment, but after three strokes, his hand slowed down. He didn't drop the knife. He just lowered his arm until the edge of the wooden palette rested heavily against his thigh, he tilted his head back against the wall, eyes closed as a single tear fell from his eyes. Peem was starting to get frustrated with himself.

"Peem," Phum said, his voice flat, stripped of any forced optimism. "Give it here."

Peem didn't argue. That was the part that chilled Phum to the bone,the lack of fight. Usually Peem would snap tell Phum to mind his own business, make a remark and keep painting. Now, he just let out a heavy raspy breath and let Phum take the palette.

"The titanium white" Peem muttered, his eyes still closed, his skin looking dangerously translucent under the living room light. "Mix it into the blue until it looks like the morning sky at the beach.

Phum picked up the knife. He was an engineering student, paints and brushes unfamiliar to him. He scraped the paint clumsily, the metallic clicking against the wood sounding incredibly loud in the quiet house.

"Like this?" Phum asked, holding it up.

Peem cracked his eyes open, glanced at the slate-blue mixture, and let out a faint, dry chuckle. "It looks like dirty concrete Phum. Add more white. Don't ruin my painting."

Phum didn't smile. He just went back to work, his jaw clenched so hard focusing,while Peem sat there, waiting for his heart to calm down.

By the end of the month the stairs were out of the question.

Peem reached the bottom stair one morning with his lips completely blue, his fingers ice-cold, and his pulse racing at a speed that had Phum frantically rushing him to the hospital. That afternoon, while Peem was sleeping off the exhaustion in their bedroom, the house shifted.

Tan and Q took the legs off the heavy wooden canvas stand, shifting it upstairs. Their friends carried all the other necessary things. The loud, messy energy of their house had been completely swallowed by a heavy silence.

When Peem woke up, his world had officially shrunk to the four walls of his room. The heavy chemical stench of acrylics and oil pigments hung thick in the air, competing with the sterile mechanical hum of the oxygen tank standing by the nightstand.

The guys didn't stay downstairs anymore. They couldn't. 

Peem adjusted the clear plastic tubes hooked around his ears, his fingers tracing the plastic line down to his cheek. He looked at the massive canvas looming over the foot of his bed. The painting was beautiful a vast, golden stretch of sand with their friends' silhouettes breaking through waves sat there unfinished.

"You guys don't have to suffocate up here," Peem whispered. His voice was different now raspy carrying a hollow quality that made Phum’s stomach turn every time he heard it. 

Tan didn't look up from his textbook. He just reached out, idly tapping his pen against the floor. “I like it better here anyways”.

Fang didn't say anything. He just walked over, setting a small plate of orange slices on the nightstand right next to the plastic medication bottles. He patted Peem's leg through the duvet.

Downstairs, the house was dark and completely dead. But upstairs wrapped in the smell of paint and medicines the mechanical hum of the oxygen and the quiet heavy presence of the people who refused to leave him alone, the clock didn’t stop running.

~♡

The stop from constant calls from Peem’s parents didn't happen through a dramatic shouting standoff on the door. It happened through a series of uncomfortable, quiet interactions handled by Fang.

 When Peem’s mother began sending expensive organic foods, herbal supplements, and thick envelopes of cash to the house, Phum wanted to throw them in the trash. It was Fang who quietly intercepted the boxes sorting through what Peem could actually use and keeping the cash locked in a drawer downstairs to help pay the bills.

By the second month, the phone calls stopped coming to Peem’s phone altogether. Fang had sat down with Peem's father in a quiet coffee shop near the campus away from Phum’s anger and Peem’s fragile health.

"Sir, he isn't angry anymore" Fang had explained to the older man his voice calm but firm. "He’s just too tired to carry your guilt. Every time his phone rings and he sees your name, his chest gets tight. He doesn't have the breath to give you closure right now."

His father hadn't yelled or threatened lawsuits. He was a broken man who realized, too late, that his silence had cost him his son's trust and life. "We just want to make sure he has the best doctors," his father had muttered, staring into his coffee. "Whatever Phum needs for him... just tell me. I’ll transfer the money."

"We have Dr. Jimmy We have friends to take care of him" Fang replied softly. "Just give him space to finish his painting. That’s all he wants right now. I can understand your guilt and fears uncle, But trust me we’ll take care of your son."

After that meeting, the parents stopped trying to force their way into the house. They didn't show up they didn't create a ruckus. They stayed in their aunt’s house sending money through Fang to cover the medical costs. They were waiting for the final phone call, completely aware that their presence would only shorten the life by the truth they refused to give to Peem.

Upstairs, Peem never asked about them and Phum never brought them up.

~♡

Phum went back to the clinic alone one day. He didn't bring Peem. He just brought the digital readings from the home monitor.

Dr. Jimmy looked at Phum’s bloodshot eyes, the dark circles, and the way the boy’s fingers were tapping in anxiety against the edge of the desk.

"Phum," Dr. Jimmy said softly, leaning back in his chair. "You need to stop trying to increase his dosage. I told you can take extra doses if he’s too tired but It’s not going to bring back his old energy."

"He’s getting tired earlier in the afternoon," Phum said, his voice raw and hollow"

Dr. Jimmy let out a long sigh and closed the laptop on his desk.

"The muscle walls are too thin, Phum. The ventricle is too dilated which is why he feels that sudden, crushing fatigue. The medication isn't a cure it’s just a stabilizer"

Phum’s jaw clenched, his eyes burning as he stared at his own knuckles. "So what do we do? We just sit there and watch him?"

"You keep him comfortable" Dr. Jimmy said plainly. "Every simple action of him requires energy. He is operating on a strict deficit now. He has a few months left, Phum. Maybe less. Don't waste those months turning him into a patient. Let him finish his painting. Take breaks. If he’s tired let him rest don’t try to push him with those medicines. Let him stay with his friends. And when he starts having trouble you call me, and we'll manage the pain. That is all we can do."

Phum didn't cry then. He just took the files, stood up, and walked out into the humid afternoon air, the doctor’s words settling into his chest like lead

The breaking point didn't happen under then. It happened at three in the morning.

Peem woke up, his lungs feeling full. The mechanical thud-thud-thud of the oxygen concentrator was the only sound in the dark room. He reached out to touch Phum’s side of the bed, but it was Empty.

Then, through the thin wooden door of the bathroom, he heard it. He walked slowly.

It wasn’t a loud sound. It was a muffled, suffocating sound. Phum was sitting on the bathroom floor tiles, his knees pulled to his chest, his face buried deep into a bath towel to block the noise. His entire body was shaking, a low guttural wheeze escaping his throat as he tried to literally keep his own grief down so he won’t wake Peem up. Peem felt his heart sink. He went back to their bed lying down perfectly still. Tears fell uncontrollably when he heard Phum retching followed by the sound of water. The door opened and he quickly wiped his tears and pretend to be asleep. He felt the bed besides him sink as Phum laid down with a heavy sigh and bought his arms to Peem’s waist, nuzzling his head sideways to Peem’s neck. He could feel his hot laboured breath against his pulse. Peem didn’t sleep that night. 

A cold, vicious wave of clarity washed over him. I am doing this to him. My condition is also eating him alive.

That day,He noticed everything.

He saw the way Tan’s loud laugh had become forced and hollow, how Q’s fingers would hover over his sketchbook, The boy who’s been perfect in submitting his works is now chasing deadlines. He saw how Fang looked years older, silently anchoring everybody.

But it was Phum who was completely destroying him.

The sharp teasing spark that Peem had fallen in love with had evaporated from Phum’s eyes, replaced by a bloodshot, glassy stare. He had stopped eating properly, stopped sleeping properly, always on high alert. His mind drifted to what he saw yesterday night.Phum was literally evaporating with him.

Phum was by his side trying to mix paints for him. He had enough

"Stop" Peem said.

His voice wasn't a weak whisper. It was sharp, thin, and brittle like dry glass.

Phum didn't stop. He wiped his bloodshot eyes with the back of his sleeve and picked up a palette knife. "We need to finish the highlights today Peem. Its gonna get dark soon"

"I said stop Phum!" Peem screamed.

The sudden exertion tore through his chest, sending him into a violent, hacking coughing fit that rattled his ribs. The oxygen machine clicked loudly, struggling to keep up. Phum dropped the knife, his face instantly pale with terror as he lunged forward to hold Peem’s shoulders. "Peem, don't yell look at me and breathe through your nose, goddamn it look at me"

"Get your hands off me!" Peem shrieked, violently pushing Phum’s away. His face was a flushed shade of red, eyes wide with rage. "Get out! Get out of this room, get out of this house, just get away from me!"

Phum froze, his hands hovering in the air, his chest heaving. "What are you talking about? Peem, you’re worked up, You’re heart is beating frantically I- "

"I don't care about my fucking heart" Peem roared, his voice cracking, tears finally spilling over, hot and furious. He grabbed the clear plastic oxygen tubes hooked around his ears and ripped them off his face, throwing them across the bed. The machine began to let out a high-pitched warning sound. "Look at yourself Phum! Look at your fucking face! You look like a corpse! You think I don't hear you? I heard you in the bathroom last night, I see everyone here loosing their spark”

"Peem, put the tubes back" Phum pleaded, his voice dropping into a desperate plea. He reached for tube, but Peem grabbed the wooden palette off the nightstand and hurled it across the room.

It hit the closet door with a loud splintering crash, paint smudging across the walls.

Downstairs, the heavy, panicked footsteps of Tan,Fang, Q and Toey was heard. The bedroom door burst open.

"What the hell is happening" Tan gasped, stopping dead in his tracks as he saw the paint on the wall, the whistling machine, and Peem shaking with rage.

"Get out!" Peem screamed at them, his finger pointing wildly at the door. "All of you! Pack your shit and leave! Go back to your own faculties go back to your lives! Stop sitting on my floor like you’re waiting for me to die! Don't ruin your lives for me I am dying anyways so I want you out of my sight!"

"Peem, shut up," Q muttered, his voice cracking as he stepped forward. eyes filling with tears. "You don't mean that."

"I mean every word!" Peem yelled, his breath catching as his vision began to blur from the lack of oxygen. He turned his gaze back to Phum, his expression twisting into something cold, deliberate. He knew exactly where to hit to make him go away. 

"We’re breaking up Phum."

The bedroom went completely silent. The only sound left was the shrill mechanical noise of the machine.

Phum didn't move. He stayed kneeling on the floor, he slowly looked up to Peem. He looked devastated. "What did you just say?"

"I said we’re done" Peem breathed, his chest collapsing as he fought for air, but he kept his jaw locked. "I'm calling my father tonight. I’m going back to them. I’m going to spend my last months with them. They are the reason for this anyway. I want them to watch me die, not you."

"You're lying" Phum whispered. He stood up slowly, his massive frame shaking. "You’re doing this because you think you’re a burden. You think you’re being smart Peem"

"I am a burden!" Peem shrieked, his voice dropping into a raw, bleeding sob. "Look at Tan! Look at Q! They haven't been to university properly in months. And you... you don't even look at me anymore Phum! You just look at the numbers on the machine. You cry every night, you think I don't know that.I don't want you like that I don't want to look into the eyes of the person I love and see nothing but my own fucking pity state! Let me go.If you love me even a little bit, just let me go back to my parents and let me die in peace!"

Phum stood up and lunged forward, his hands slamming down onto the mattress on either side of Peem’s hips pinning him there. He leaned down until his face was inches from Peem's his breath hot, his tears finally breaking free and dropping onto Peem’s pale cheeks.

"No," Phum growled, a broken sound tearing from his throat. "No-You don't get to do that. You don't get to use your love for me as an excuse to run away from here to a house that took away your chance to live."

"Phum, please"

"Listen to me!" Phum roared, his voice shaking the room. He grabbed the discarded oxygen tube from the bed, his hands trembling violently as he forced the plastic back around Peem’s ears his fingers digging into Peem’s hair to keep him still. "I look like a that because I am terrified! I cry in the bathroom because I love you so much my chest feels like it’s going to explode! It is okay for me to be hurt Peem! It is okay for us to suffer Did you think this was going to be easy? Did you think we were going to live a pretty picture perfect life and then you’d just drift away while we smiled?"

Phum’s forehead dropped against Peem’s shoulder, his large frame collapsing over the smaller boy as he began to weep openly, his chest heaving against Peem’s weak collarbone.

"Don't send me away" Phum sobbed into the gray t-shirt, his voice completely wrecked"Don't go away… Let me stay. Let me look like hell. Let me cry for you, Peem. Just don't make me give you away."

By the door, Tan had his face buried in Fang's shoulder, his back shaking as he wept silently. Q had his hands over his mouth holding toey in support, the sheer weight of the room crushing them all.

Peem lay flat against the pillows, the cool air from the oxygen tubes finally flowing back into his lungs. He looked up at the ceiling, his hands slowly rising from the sheets until his weak, paint-stained fingers tangled into Phum’s hair. He closed his eyes, letting out a shuddering breath.

"It hurts, Phum" Peem whispered into the brown hair, his voice breaking into a thousand pieces. "It hurts so much."

"I know," Phum muffled against his skin, his arms wrapping tighter around Peem’s waist, locking them together on the mattress.

"I know. We're right here. We're not going anywhere."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

Phum pulled back just enough to look at Peem. Peem smiled his thumb gently swiping a trail of tears from Phum's cheek. The storm of his anger had subsided, leaving only a hollow, aching regret in his eyes.

“I’m sorry” Peem murmured, his voice barely audible over the hum of the oxygen concentrator. “I didn't mean to scream at you. I didn't mean to… to force you to listen to all that Phum. I’m just so scared. That’s no excuse, but… I’m so sorry baby. For everything I said.”

“Sorry guys, I’m really sorry”

Phum let out a staggered breath “It’s okay' he whispered though it wasn't really. 'Just don't leave us Please don't leave”

The room eventually emptied to give them privacy.

~♡

The days that followed fell into a quiet rhythm. The yelling was replaced by a mutual understanding. They didn't talk about the 'breakup' again and they didn't talk about the end. Instead they focused on their life. Tan Q and Toey understood Peem and started going university frequently again. They stopped hovering. Phum on the other hand started being open about his worries to Peem. They communicated and Peem’s top priority was now ensuring Phum slept well at night. One night Fang went into their room to check them, only to see Phum sleeping soundly on Peem’s chest, his hand slowly lulling the boy to sleep. He didn’t disturb them.

Peem also took the painting seriously, getting help to do strenuous work and doing hands on work on the painting mostly by himself. He wanted something in his legacy before leaving the world. He mostly sat in the balcony with Milk by his legs painting and painting till he can’t anymore.

One afternoon while Peem was sleeping, Phum started working. He decorated their balcony with fairy lights and silk. Prepared a fine dining with how much he can considering Peem’s diet replacing the wine with grape juice.

A date night

Its been so long since they’ve been on a proper date

So when Peem woke up to this surprise, he was so excited, a true one after all those months. He insisted on getting ready, put on a beautiful outfit, even applied makeup, bringing some colour to his pale lips.

Phum and Peem talked, shared jokes and laughed, really laughed, forgetting about the ticking clock, and Phum for a moment desperately hoped everything will be ok. Maybe the heavens were busy because his prayers definitely didn’t reach there……….

Phum felt something different in his bones at the start of the week. Peem was different. He smiled more, his energy was comparatively higher. He insisted on going downstairs and completed his painting that day. To celebrate the completion and submission of his painting he invited all his friends to a dinner and movie night. Everyone was so happy, sharing stories, playing games and teasing each other. Peem laughed out loud for everything. It felt too…… normal. 

The next day when Phum collected the readings and went out to visit Dr. Jimmy,Peem took it as a sign to complete the secret painting he’s been working on, The one which he wanted to be his actual last painting. He wrapped it up and gave it to Fang to give it to Phum after he’s gone. Peem is now done….

That night a silent serene peace wrapped around them like a fluffy blanket

“Phum you know I love you right” Peem uttered, slowly stroking the hair of the boy laying on his chest. 

“Yes baby and I love you too” Phum replied slowly, pushing away all his worries and anxiety about the recent behaviour of Peem to the back of his mind.

“Good, now go to sleep” He uttered closing his own eyes.

The next morning Phum woke up first, carefully getting off the bed. He tried to wake Peem up slowly

“Peem Baby wake up darling” 

No response……. Phum felt the chills, he checked the heartbeat in the monitor frantically,it was So slow

Phum felt the blood rush to his ears

‘Peem don’t scare me wake up please’ He tried shaking him, After a few seconds Peem woke up coughing hard

“I can’t Phum- I-it hurts” he whispered between breaths

“TAN FANG WAKE UP PREPARE THE CAR WE’RE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL” Phum yelled

The car ride was agonizing. Tan drove past the speed limit while Fang handled calling their friends. They knew. They all knew the fact that this might be Peem’s last day.

The doctor confirmed the fact that Peem’s heart is indeed in a very critical stage now and he has only limited hours to his life. Fang called up Peem’s parents.

After a few hours, Peem woke up still groggy. He spoke to his parents for the first time since the incident. He forgave them.

“I don’t want you to carry the weight Mom and Dad. Take care of yourself” Peem smiled.

He even spoke to their friends individually even tho his breathing is still laboured

He's saying goodbyes 

Phum understood that.

The room eventually cleared out for Peem to rest, his parents and TanFang waited outside while Phum stayed with him in the room, a thousand thoughts racing in his mind. Peem who’s now wide awake from his nap was slowly caressing his lover’s hand in his. 

Phum didn’t sleep, afraid that the man he loves will disappear when he blinks.

That's when he got the idea. He thought of doing something for Peem this weekend but deep down he knew he’s loosing his baby soon so he decides this is the time.

“Peem look at me” Phum called out softly. Peem directed his attention towards the boy in front of him. 

He stood up from his chair and knelt down

“Peem my baby I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, I don’t want to run out of time”

“You’re the best person I’ve ever met, the first person who loved me for who I am, even more than my parents. I’ve been the happiest person when I’m with you baby I love you soo much that my heart feels like bursting when I see you” He was crying, hands still enclosed in Peems when his own tears fell down continuously

“Will you commit your life with me forever? Will you marry me Peem?”

Peem froze, He wanted to shout yes, he wanted to marry him but he’ll be gone soon and Phum has a life ahead of him

“Phum, Baby I love you, B-But you have a life you can’t do this”

“You’re my life- The boy who put the life in me, Please say yes”

“Only if you promise to move on and live your life well” Phum cried harder

“Baby-”

“Promise me Phum- I can’t leave in peace if you’re gonna suffer like this”

“Don’t speak like you’re already dead!” Peem didn’t answer that instead he held out his pinky finger 

“Promise me you’ll live well- well enough for both of us” 

Phum held his pinky out to promise him, just for the sake of Peem’s peace.

“You’ve promised me so.. YES PHUM I’LL MARRY YOU” Peem smiled and reached out to wipe the boy’s tears as he let out a watery chuckle

He shuffled from the ground on his feet and reached inside his bag kept in the nightstand to take out a red velvet box which housed 2 silver bands. Their rings were carved with each other's name with an infinity beside it. It was beautiful.

Phum took out one ring and carefully slipped it into Peem’s hand. Peem did the same with Phum’s

“So we’re now fiance Hmmm” Peem whispered

“No you’re my husband I don’t care about the priest or vows, I carry your heart and you carry mine, Isn’t that enough?” Phum whispered back

“Its more than enough dear husband, come here” Peem scooted aside to make space in his bed for Phum. They hugged each other tightly not wanting to let go, they didn’t even bother wiping their tears. Phum pulled away

“Can I kiss you baby” Peem didn’t answer instead he pulled him down to crash their lips together in a longing kiss, The kiss was gentle, lips moving in a rhythm, pouring in the love

It was perfect in every way Peem would want for their first kiss as Husbands, And their last kiss.

They pulled away all breathy and connected their forehead together breathing in mingled air

“I love you Phum- love you soo much” Peem whispered Phum just smiled knowingly

After a while they both laid down on the bed, with Phum head gently resting on Peem’s chest

“Go to sleep Phum” Peem whispered “I’m tired and I can only sleep after you go to sleep”

“Only if you promise me to come back home and have breakfast together tomorrow” Phum asked innocently even though deep down he knew, Peem didn’t reply, he just smiled sweetly, gently caressing Phum’s hair lulling him to sleep. Phum slept listening to Peem’s slow irregular heartbeat.

Peem just laid there, all he wanted is to be like this, holding his lover forever and live a happy life as husbands. But he knew their fate has already been written…. Its too late to be sad, cry and curse the heavens out

He’s happy

Happy that the last scene he’ll see that his now husband sleeping soundly

Happy that the last breath he’ll take will be filled with the earthy scent of Phum

Happy that his defective heart was swollen full with love

Happy that is last is filled with the man he loves….. Phum

Peem removed the ECG leads from his body so that the warning sounds will not wake his sleeping baby, He slowly removed the oxygen cannula so that the last breath he’ll take will be a real one

He closed his eyes, a small smile on his face, his thoughts filled with Phum…….

Something felt off….

Phum woke up with this weird feeling, He glazed at the clock 1.43 am June 1 

He took a glace at Peem, he looked so beautiful, so peaceful with a little smile on his face….. But something felt off he was too still. Phum’s eyes widened, his chest is not moving he noticed the detached oxygen cannula and ecg leads….

“PEEM BABY WAKE UP- NURSE!!!! DOCTOR SOMEBODY HELP!!!” His yelling alerted his Parents and TanFang. They rushed in, his mom taking Peem’s unresponsive body in her arms, shaking him while crying.Phum ran like a madman to find the doctor. When the doctor arrived they transferred him to a stretcher and wheeled him into the ICU, Phum ran with them, hands never leaving Peem’s, their rings clinging together. Phum watched, feeling lifeless as they stopped him outside and took his Husband inside the room. 

All their friends arrived, not minding the odd timing upon Fang’s call. After a agonizing hour Dr. Jimmy emerged out, no signs of happiness in his face

“We did everything we can”

Those words echoed repeatedly in his head as if its getting tattooed in his brain. He could hear Peem’s parents crying in the background, his friend’s sobbing, Tan shouting something, but nothing registers in his head.

The funeral was a blur

 Phum didn’t speak, didn’t sleep, didn’t eat or drink water unless he’s forced by any one of his friends and most importantly he did not cry.

He was stubbornly seated besides Peem’s coffin refusing to even move for the visitors. 

Phum felt nothing but emptiness. Sad is a very small word to describe the static emptiness inside him. 

Finally after a days came the time to bury him 

A hole was dug, priests were summoned and no one waited, the world only stopped for Phum it seems. Their friend’s sorrow mixed with concern for Phum.

When they lowered Peem’s open coffin to the ground, he heard people crying, priest murmuring something in the background. Everyone threw white roses on top of the coffin as their final goodbye to the once lively boy. Now all eyes were on Phum to say his final goodbye. He held a red rose like the one he gave Peem on that night when he was drunk, different from others.

Glancing down he tried to drink in every detail he saw

His Black locks styled perfectly like the way he likes, his white polo shirt and white cargos face a little pale but still handsome, his beautiful boba eyes closed, the lips in a pale shade that Phum doesn’t like. He finally glanced down to his right hand with a visible ring in it

Their promise Phum’s ring 

He’s not dead his heart belongs to me and its beating safe, the one who’s dead is me. I died the day his heart flatlined.

Everything looked so final about it

Phum burst in to tears not the poetic ones, ugly fat tears rolled down as his legs gave out unable to bear his body weight anymore.

Can’t he spend one more day looking at his face, can’t he sleep one more night listening to his heartbeat, can’t he kiss him one more time. Why was their first kiss as husbands their last one?

“Peem Peem you can’t leave me here, What about our life, what about the dream of travelling the world together why do you have to leave me” Phum sobbed. His friends tried consoling him, more like crying with him.

Composing himself, he kissed the flower and gently tossed it on top of the grave,he took one last look and turned around not wanting to watch them close the coffin and throw sand over it like he’s nothing. But the moment he turned around, the invisible string carrying him around snapped as the world around him went black.

~♡~