Chapter Text
As I sat down on the chair, my thighs burned, I silently cursed myself for going too deep this time. I opened my computer and opened minecraft.I wanted to see Regect, and moe, especially since I had a bad relapse, and seeing them silences of voices in my head. When I logged on into the world, everything was burning, regect, and moe had somehow accidentally burned everything.I stared at the house everything hurt, and the fucking house was burning. I soon left, leaving Regect and Moe to deal with it. I sighed and walked away from their scrambling avatars as they struggled to get all the fire out. I kept on walking until I found a lake. That wasn't too far from the house, but far enough to be alone for a while till they found me. I sat down at the edge of staring at my face reflecting in the water surface. Everything was muffled around me. Besides, my face's reflection with so many of those fucking creepy eyes. I stared at them, hoping that they would disappear and leave me alone. I was like that for ten minutes, but it felt like hours until- "ze?" "ze?" "ZE?!" Regects voice cut through the uncomfortable silence.I looked up startled "huh- what?" my voice is still shaky.From crying, I tried to hide it, but I could tell that he could tell that I was crying. "You... were spaced out for a bit Moe Was worried-" "HONK!!" A worried honk of Moe's horn in interrupted Regect as moe appeared beside him. "Come on, get up me and Moe Fixed the house." He said, as he pulled me up to my feet weird, he didn't insult me, does he really know that I was crying?I suddenly shifted my leg onto my other one crossing them, but I had completely forgotten about my cuts that were still bandaged there. I hissed in pain and pulled my hands away from the computer which made my character stop moving "Ze? H-hey, what happened?"regects slightly worried voice cut through the pain lingering in my mind. "Yeah, sorry, i'm fine.Don't worry."I said quietly, hoping that Regect and moe wouldn't question further, but I knew that it wouldn't happen. I slowly put my hands back on the keyboard and my character started to move again."Let's just go home...", but they wouldn't follow "dude.Are you okay?" reject asked.He knew that something was wrong.He always knew something that something was wrong. I stayed silent and kept on moving towards the house. I silently prayed that something interesting could happen. So I could finally have something to record and to and have to not talk about my feelings and take my mind off of what happened earlier. When I got back to the house, the hole was still there in front of it. It seems that even if we tried, we couldn't patch it. It would just come back the very next day. I stared at it for a bit before going around it and into the house. I sat on the couch inside, I waited for Regect and moe to comeback. reject, didn't come back, but Moe did and gave me a book and said "Honk honk Honk!!" which translated to "I know you don't wanna talk about it, but please write your feelings in this book. It should help."
That slowly took the book from her. I had wrote my feelings in a book before, and it helped mostly helped. So I decided that I would again and maybe see it would help this time I nodded, yeah, "sure I'll try it again" once she left. I started to write writing how I Cut to cope with the fact that mostly everything I know hates me and leaves me for no reason or just genuinely makes my life worse,I also wrote how many days it took for them to leave. next to each of their name i wrote how many days and how many weeks it took for them to leave or just start making my life worth,What I didn't know was that regect was behind me. Looking over my shoulder, reading all of it, I didn't notice until I went to the kitchen, planning to eat something but rejoiced. Was there sitting at the table, staring at me intently? Seemingly waiting for me to sit down. I soon sat down, reject. "What's wrong?-"He cut me off. "-Where are they the cuts." "What-h-How did you-" "-the book" "Oh" "show me." "how- it's not like you can see me through the screen...right? Oh-" His avatar suddenly went up to mine, and somehow out of all odds. He crawled through my screen and turned 3d. He was fuzzy.He was like an animal, He looked like his avatar, but just more realistic. I took a seat and leaned back further into my chair surprised, his figure came all the way out of the screen and walked to me, seeing how nourished I was, he looked down on my thighs and poked at the fabric letting it fall down my thigh a bit showingmy cuts, staring at them shocked. How fucking deep those cuts were "jesus ze..." He sighed "let's get you some new bandages"
I pointed at my desk where untouched bandages were sitting, he walked over and grabbed them, coming back to bandaged my thighs up. He tried to be gentle. I could tell, but it fucking hurt like hell. Once he has done, he picked me up and bought me to the bed and laid me down. I hugged the pillow to my chest as he went to my mini. Fridge and got to ice packs before he went over it. And replace a pillow with himself, cradling me to his chest, able to rest the ice onto my thighs, he let me lay on top of him listening to his heartbeat "tomorrow. Im making you eat more.You're so skinny" and just like that with me listening to his soft breathing and heart beat i fell asleep and was warm in his imbrace with his arms wrapped around me comforting me.