Chapter Text
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You called me again,
Drunk in your Benz...
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I softly listen to the sound of raindrops cutting through the silence. It was as if the sky felt my loneliness and sent its tears down to earth just to shatter the quiet of my solitude.
Closing my eyes, I began to wait for the sleep that never seemed to visit my soul. I tried to ignore the never-ending voices in my mind, but the more I tried to suppress them, the louder they became.
Realizing I wouldn't be able to sleep, I let out an angry sigh and sat up on the couch. I decided to turn on the TV just to drown out the voices of the thoughts crushing my soul. Maybe if I watched the glamorous lives flashing on the screen, I could distract myself and escape the thoughts trying to drag me into the quicksand.
Just as I managed to reach the remote and turn on the TV, the ring of the doorbell echoed through the house. My brows furrowed involuntarily. It was well past midnight, and since I didn't have a roommate I was expecting, who could it possibly be?
Groaning, I got up to find out. Walking to the door with tired steps, I turned the lock and cracked it open without even checking the peephole to see who it was.
As the barrier between us vanished, I froze at the sight of the figure standing there. Though, what was I even surprised about? There was only one person who would disturb me at this hour: Lee Minho...
"What are you doing here?" I asked, keeping my voice expressionless. Hearing my voice, he flinched and looked at my face as if he had just realized the door was open. Even if I hadn't seen the dazed look in his eyes, I could tell he was drunk.
His shoulders, which were far from upright unlike usual, and the heavy scent of alcohol hitting my nose instead of his own signature scent... Nothing about Lee Minho remained normal when he was drunk.
"Go to whoever you were drinking with, Minho," I spoke again, realizing he wasn't going to answer.
"Hyunjin is already wasted, I can't go to him. I can't go home either, just let me stay here." His voice, which came out remarkably steady despite his slouching body, made me let out a frustrated sigh.
"Get in." I knew that no matter how much I tried to kick him out, he wouldn't leave, and even if he did, he’d just come right back. So, to avoid dealing with his nonsense, I stepped aside to let him in.
Without a word, he took off his muddy shoes and stepped inside. The water droplets dripping from his leather jacket made it crystal clear that he had walked all the way here under the pouring rain without a care.
For a moment, I watched his retreating figure heading toward my living room through narrowed eyes beneath my still-furrowed brows. The tight black pants he wore hugged his legs, accentuating every line, and tightly wrapped around his hips, which his leather jacket barely covered. As the focus of my eyes drifted to the wrong places, I instantly pulled my gaze away and cleared my throat to pull myself together.
Get a grip, Lee Felix!
"Don't you dare think about sitting on my couch with those wet clothes!" I said to the figure who was just about to sit down. Hearing my words, he froze in place; although his current posture made me want to laugh, I held it in.
"What should I do then, just stand in the middle of the living room like this?" I stared blankly at his face at the innocent tone of his question. Like I said; a drunk Lee Minho is completely different from his normal self—you would never see him look this innocent when he's sober.
"Wait," I said before heading toward my bedroom, which wasn't too far off. Once inside, I quickly grabbed a clean sweater and sweatpants from my closet and went back out to hand them to the waiting figure. Returning to the living room, when I saw Minho still waiting for me in the exact same spot, I couldn't stop the smile that threatened to escape my lips this time. When Minho realized I was back and turned to face me, I threw the clothes right at his face so he wouldn't see me smiling.
"Watch it, asshole!" His voice came out sharper this time, revealing his true colors.
"Hurry up and change, then pass out. Don't make too much noise, I'm going to sleep," I said, turning off the TV I hadn't even had the chance to watch yet.
Without answering me, Minho sluggishly took off his jacket, followed by his soaked sweater. As he stripped off his pants too, I didn't take my eyes off him for a single second or rather, I couldn't.
I found myself sinking right back into the quicksand I was trying so hard to escape...
Completely ignoring my presence, Minho shed his wet clothes, exposing his pale skin right before my eyes. Then, with that same slow pace, he covered his nudity with the clothes I had given him.
I attributed his sheer comfort around me entirely to habit. After all, we had been together since the days we ran around in diapers. Minho's family and mine had been business partners and close friends for years.
Unlike us...
Like I said, Minho and I had been around each other for 18 years, but we weren't close friends or anything like most people—especially our families—thought. We were just two strangers forced to stand side by side.
"When are you going to stop coming to me every time you get drunk?" I hurled the question at him this time. I didn't actually wonder about this, because as long as he lived with his family, he wouldn't stop coming to me. At the end of the day, he would always come to me to escape his family and every single problem that bothered him. I knew this all too well.
"If my folks see me like this, they'll absolutely destroy me. I don't have anyone else to go to but you." The fact that he had accepted this caused a ridiculous ache in my heart.
"I still don't understand how your parents let you move out into your own place," he added. He said it almost to himself, voicing his wonder as if he truly couldn't comprehend it.
"Tell your parents what your sexual orientation actually is, then you'll understand," I answered his curious question. Since his question involuntarily brought back memories of moving into this house—or rather, being kicked out—I couldn't stop the anger that welled up inside me.
Once he was entirely done getting dressed, he ran a hand through his rain-mussed hair and fixed his eyes on me.
"I'm not gay!" His sharp voice made me want to burst out laughing, but I resisted the urge and settled for a mocking smirk.
"Sure, sure. Whatever you say," I made it blatantly clear that I didn't believe him. No matter how much he kept denying his true self, the truth was as clear as day.
There had been a ridiculous attraction between us since we were kids. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about a connection between our souls, because our souls were far too filthy to fall for an innocent emotion like love. It was a purely physical attraction. I wasn't even that old when I realized that around him, I was no different from a teenager who couldn't rein in his hormones. That was why I always ran from Minho as if he were a cursed entity. That was why I couldn't stop my hatred for him.
I had accepted myself a long time ago. I had been aware that I was gay since I was young, but I hadn't realized that society viewed it as cursed. When I opened up to my mother about it in early high school with completely innocent feelings, they practically made my life a living hell, to say the least. And as a result, here I am.
In a house of my own, far away from my family, giving shelter to the very reason I hated myself.
"Look here, Felix, don't talk nonsense and get on my nerves!" This was the real Lee Minho. He was a disgusting human being who couldn't control his anger even when he wasn't sober.
I leaned even closer to his face, which he had brought right up to mine. I was going to do what I was about to do with the comfort of knowing he wouldn't remember any of this tomorrow. It always went like this anyway; Minho would come to my place drunk, talk nonsense, and remember absolutely nothing in the morning.
Gripping the back of his neck with a far-from-gentle hand, I forced his face even closer to mine. Hard as it was to restrain my mind, which was burning with the urge to take control of his body, I contented myself with merely tracing my tongue along his lower lip.
Even that alone caused my entire body to tremble violently.
"Keep denying that you're attracted to me, let's see how much longer you can keep it up."